The Way Back

by Stephanie Doyle

  He pulled her close, his hand cupping her ass and hauling her against his body, his erection not bound by any briefs pressed against her belly. He turned them then and pressed her against the front of the truck needing to cover her, needing to surround her.

  Her hands clutched his back, her fingers grasping through the fabric of his sweatshirt and he instantly wanted it off so he could feel her touch him. Her skin on his skin. He pushed the material away and then flung the shirt over his head, letting the rain cover him the way he was covering her.

  So good the way her hands stroked up and down his back. So good the feel of her tongue pushing inside his mouth as he pushed his tongue against hers. So good the way they breathed together.

  “Damn,” he said as he backed off, bracing his arms against the hood, trapping her so she couldn’t escape. “I’m losing it. And if I don’t stop, I’m going take you right here.”

  “Yes,” she said. Her eyes were glassy and her lips were puffy and red. He watched her run her hand along his chest now she had access to it, now it wasn’t plastered against her body.

  Her thumbs brushed over his hard nipples. He groaned and dropped his head so he could feel her touch him and watch her touch him at the same time.

  “Lower,” he whispered.

  She obeyed and dropped her hands down so her fingers teased the elastic edge of the sweats slowly dipping inside, but not yet taking him where he wanted to go.

  “Lower.” The word came out on a growl. He wasn’t in control anymore. He was going to take her hand and make her stroke him, make her feel what she was doing to him, make her make him come.

  But he didn’t have to because she was right there, her hand circling him and then tightening in a way that made him want to tilt his head back and shout to the world.

  “Yes, damn yes.”

  But then her touch was gone and he was about to shout again, until he felt her drop to her knees. Before he could blink she pulled the elastic down over his hips and his erection sprang free. Her hand was replaced by the heat of her mouth swallowing the head and he saw stars and wondered if it was possible to faint from pleasure.

  It was too much. This was too crazy. They were outside in the middle of the storm in his driveway and he was about to explode. This wasn’t how he wanted it. In a bed. Covering her body. That’s what he wanted.

  With a force of will he didn’t know existed within him he pulled himself away from her. Tugging the sweats up, he bent and lifted her to her feet, then in a single motion slung her over his shoulder.

  She squeaked and then let out a whoosh of air as her midsection hit his shoulder, but he was beyond caring at this point. He cupped her bottom to hold her steady and made his way into the house. He thought about taking her on his couch because it was closer, but he didn’t want anything restricting his movements. And he wanted her on his bed. On his bed sandwiched between it and him. He’d imagined it for long enough. Time to see the real deal.

  He started up the stairs and thought she was saying something as she was bent over his back but he didn’t want to listen and he certainly wasn’t going to stop.

  He reached his bedroom and dropped her on her back on the bed so she was sprawled across it. Her wet dark hair streaming against the white duvet nearly crippled him. That hair, he was going to do things with that hair. But not now. Later. Now, it was too late. She had pushed him too far.

  Quickly he stripped her of the pants then took a little more time to pull off those hip-hugging panties. He knew she was sensitive about her weight but he had no time for it. All he saw were lush hips and a slightly rounded belly that would make his ride more enjoyable.

  “Take off the top,” he ordered as he was once again pushing down his sweatpants and kicking them out of the way. He walked over to his nightstand and opened a drawer extracting a condom he was in the habit of keeping there even though he hadn’t needed them in a very long time.

  On board with the plan apparently, Gabby had already taken off the sweatshirt and undid her bra clasp. As she wiggled out of the garment he started counting the seconds until he could see her breasts.

  One, two, three… Ah. There they were. Round and white with hard little pink nipples he was going to suck on at some point. At this moment, however, he could only think of one thing. He climbed on the bed and pushed his hips between her legs.

  “Ready?” he asked as he moved himself so his erection was starting to press inside her. He could see her eyes widen, he heard her breath catch but it was too late to give her more time. She needed to be ready.

  She nodded her head and held on to him, but he waited another beat. He could see she was nervous, not practiced or smooth like a woman who did this on a frequent basis. So he took another breath and slowly pushed himself inside instead of thrusting hard and taking himself deep the way he wanted to.

  Her body fought him, but only for a fraction of second and then he was inside and on top of her and his world was suddenly right in a way it hadn’t been since he’d been flying.

  She wrapped her legs around his hips and he bent his head so it rested on her forehead. He had this crazy urge to thank her for letting him inside, but his body taken over and it had its own plan. Slow and easy he started to ride her, listening for the catch of her breath and for the tightening in her body letting him know this felt good to her. Once she was there with him, he moved faster letting his body dictate the rhythm.

  “Jamie, oh, please. Yes…yes.”

  There it was. That special sound a woman made when she was close. He thought about tricks he might do to prolong the pleasure. Pull out and turn her on her stomach so he could take her from behind. Make her climb on top of him and ride him until she reached her peak.

  But this wasn’t the game of sex. This wasn’t teasing and pleasure and fun. This was serious. What he was doing now felt serious. Like a mission or a quest to transport them to some other place. Besides, his body wouldn’t let him leave her. So he plunged forward harder and with more urgency, and he felt her fingernails dig into his shoulders, and he felt her mouth on his neck. And then he felt her whole body tense and she let out the sweetest sound he’d ever heard.

  He’d done it. He’d succeeded in his mission and now it was time for his reward. In seconds he was plunging inside her so hard and deep he was sure he would be lost forever. When the pleasure hit, she held him. When he collapsed against her body, she held him. And when he finally separated their bodies and turned on his side, she followed along and held him.

  She held him as though she would never let go.

  Despite the lethargy, the lingering pleasure and his giddy happiness, he knew eventually, when she came back to herself, she would.

  Whether he could handle it or not.

  * * *

  SHE’D JUST HAD SEX with Jamison Hunter. Jamison Hunter had had sex with her. She and Jamison Hunter had made love. Gabby wasn’t sure how to process that.

  Her body had no problem with it. Her body was fluid and relaxed and…right in a way it hadn’t been right in a very long time. But her brain kept circling what she’d done. What she’d asked him to do.

  She rolled over on her side. Half his face was pressed into the pillow but the one eye she could see opened. She knew as a general fact about him that his eyes were brown but had never really considered the color in any detail. With the afternoon light filtering through the windows she could see hits of bronze and gold in the chocolate depths.

  He was so beautiful to her. She should tell him.

  “You’re going to leave now, aren’t you?”

  Leave? No, that was not what she’d been thinking. But the vulnerability in his question startled her and made her feel self-conscious.

  “Do you want me to go?”

  “No.” He sat up and she felt a thrill go through her body as she admired the smattering of salt and pepper hair on his chest. “I want to go downstairs and make us some food then I want to spend the rest of the day and night making love.”

 
; That sounded like a plan to her.

  “But you’re going to start thinking any minute and remembering who I am and what I did. Then you’ll be upset with yourself for allowing yourself to do it. You’ll leave.”

  “Sounds like you have experience in this sort of thing.”

  “I do. But it’s been a while. A long while since I let myself be with anyone who didn’t know the score.”

  “Ah, I see. Jaded women only for you.”

  “It’s worked out pretty well. Then you had to show up.”

  This was fascinating. This was definitely not what she expected. Smiling, Gabby turned even more on her stomach and rested her weight on her elbows for some reason completely unashamed he was getting a full view of her ass. “Wow, you really like me.”

  “Of course I like you. What the hell do you just think happened?”

  “Well, I knew you wanted me. And I knew you respected me enough to want to seduce me, but I didn’t think you liked me, liked me.”

  “Look, Sally Field, for the record, up until the scandal I only ever slept with women I liked. After, it became too much of an ordeal.”

  “Because the women didn’t trust you.”

  “Why would they? In order to trust me, they would have to think I had changed. Most people don’t think others are capable of change.”

  “Yet you made an exception for me. So either you do think I can believe you’ve changed or—”

  “Or I wanted you that badly. Let’s keep it simple for now, okay?”

  Gabby shrugged. “Okay. But here is the thing I think makes me very different from the women in your past. I don’t need to believe you’ve changed. I’ll take the man who is in this bed right now.”

  His eyebrows lifted and she could see the skepticism. Her Jamie, her hero, was a wounded man. Go figure.

  “Yes, I’m quite happy with the man you are. The person I’ve seen you be. The man who helped Susan when she needed it or saved an abused housewife or rescued a boy in freezing water—”

  “Jeez, will you stop? Those are things any decent human being should do. There is nothing heroic in any of it. Don’t turn me into something I’m not.”

  Gabby disagreed but she wasn’t going to argue the point. Jamie was something special. His actions since the time he’d been a kid shouted it to the world. Which is why she knew she didn’t need to forgive him, or believe he was different than he was.

  Everything had become crystal clear. “Tell me what happened that day at the motel.”

  As if she’d poked him with a cattle prod his whole body reacted. He spun out of bed and she was graced with a beautiful back-end view before he reached for the sweats he’d kicked off earlier.

  “What the hell are you getting at, Gabby?”

  “I want to know what really happened. I remember the story. I saw the pictures, but now I want the truth.”

  “You think it’s not the truth because you want to believe I’m someone I’m not.”

  “I know it’s not the truth, because I know you.”

  Gabby also stood and for a moment she didn’t reach for the sweats or try to cover herself with a blanket. She stood in front of him naked, with all her insecurities and all her faults. He looked at her then, and even though she could tell he was annoyed, his eyes still took in all of her. If the tent forming in his sweatpants was any indication, he liked what he saw.

  “You’re reaching because you can’t accept who I am.”

  “You’re hiding something you don’t want the world to know.”

  “Oh, it’s the world, is it? And what are you going to do, Gabby? Hunt down the truth, expose my secrets and write a tell-all biography? Will that make you feel better about your life? Like you’re not quite the failure you think you are?”

  That hurt. He’d done it deliberately and no doubt to push her off her course. She wasn’t going to let herself be swayed though. She knew she was on to something.

  “Why can’t you tell me the truth? What are you afraid of?”

  “Gabby, the truth is I’m not a perfect man. The truth is I made mistakes. The truth is if you want to stick around for a while, we can probably have a good time for a couple of weeks. But that’s all I’m good for when it comes to relationships.”

  That hurt worse. The thought of leaving him. That she could be this happy but only for a few weeks didn’t seem fair.

  “Is that what you want?” She had a hard time asking the question. “A couple of weeks of sex and good times and that’s it?”

  He ran his hand through his short hair and paced like a man on the defensive. “No,” he snapped. “No, I think— Damn it— I think I might want something more. But I know what it means. It means forgiveness and acceptance and I don’t know if you have it in you.”

  “You want me to forgive and accept something I know you didn’t do.”

  He shook his head and she knew he was done arguing. “Do you still want some food or something?”

  “No.” She didn’t want to waste another minute standing here when the truth was something she needed to learn. She would call Melissa and tell her what her thoughts were. She was going to need a little leeway and maybe a bigger expense budget to handle airfare, but she was on to something big.

  “Then I guess we’re done.” He bent to pick up the oversize top and bottoms along with her underwear. “You should leave.”

  “Leave. You make it sound so final.” Which made her hands shake and made stepping into her panties much more challenging.

  “It has to be. I can’t do this, Gabby. I can’t have a fling with you and call it a nice time. What happened here was…intense. So let’s end it. Now. Before anyone gets hurt.”

  Yeah. As if having him for the brief time she’d had then walking away wasn’t going to hurt. “I don’t understand why you’re doing this. Maybe it’s because no one before ever did what I’m about to do. Maybe you don’t believe anyone can. I’m standing here telling you I believe in you.”

  He stepped toward her as she finished putting on the sweatshirt. He cupped her face and when she had the courage to look into his bronze eyes she could see sadness and defeat.

  She knew he wanted to say something. When he opened his mouth no words came out. Instead he kissed her on the forehead. “I’ll walk you out.”

  Numb she paddled barefoot down the stairs, out the door and got into the rental car she’d parked in his driveway before they’d gone for their run.

  It was as though she’d been hypnotized because she didn’t struggle. Didn’t say a word as he opened the door and waited for her to get inside. But once the door was closed he motioned to her to roll the window down.

  She hit the button and the electronic buzz of the window sliding down echoed in the car, because she still couldn’t say anything.

  Leaning in he rocked a few times on his heels. “I’m sorry this couldn’t work out.”

  “I don’t know what’s happening.” It was the truth. She’d made this great discovery in realizing he was innocent of whatever scandal people thought he committed. They had made love and everything was going to be great, because she didn’t have to worry he would break her heart by cheating on her.

  Except he was breaking her heart anyway by making her go.

  “You need to go back to New York or wherever your life is going to take you. And you need to forget this. Forget me.”

  So not going to happen.

  “Remember this though, Gabriella. You’re no damn failure.”

  She looked at him then. “I’m failing at this.”

  “No. No, you’re not. I failed you first.”

  Pushing away from the car, he turned and walked to his house. She watched him until she couldn’t see him anymore and then she continued to sit there. For how long, she couldn’t say.

  The sun set and darkness started to fall and she wondered if she was going to spend another night in her car simply because she found herself immobilized. Not able to go back inside and fight him, not able to leave him, e
ither.

  She still didn’t understand what happened. Why weren’t they celebrating? Why wasn’t he telling her the truth about what happened that day?

  Finally she thought of the ferry, the one that would take her off the island, the one that would lead her to the people who would tell her the truth if Jamie wasn’t going to do it. She knew if she hurried, she might catch the last one for the night.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  “TELL ME AGAIN why I shouldn’t fire you?”

  Gabby smiled at Melissa with what she hoped was confidence, but what she feared was actually desperation. “Because I think I might have a new angle on the Jamison Hunter scandal that, once exposed, will make for an immediate nationwide bestseller.”

  Sitting on the edge of the chair in her boss’s office, Gabby contemplated the questionable ethics involved with her plan. True, she did believe there was more to the story than anyone—than Jamie—was admitting. If she was right, and the truth about what happened that day wasn’t what the world believed, then absolutely the story would sell millions of books.

  People remembered the scandal of Jamison Hunter the way they did the stories about Monica Lewinsky and Tiger Woods. As much as everyone wanted to celebrate heroes in all forms, watching those same people fall from grace was even better. It was good entertainment. And even better entertainment? The redemption. To find out there was more to the story, of course people would want to read it.

  The question was whether she would feel comfortable giving away Jamie’s secrets once she knew them. She had this crazy idea that once the truth, whatever it was, was finally uncovered, he would see the light and recognize that a book chronicling his life and releasing him from his secrets was the best thing for everyone.

  Maybe a follow-up interview on 20/20 with his biographer at his side wouldn’t hurt, either.

  As desperate as she was, even she didn’t believe it would ever happen. As angry as she was at him for kicking her out of his bed and out of his house, she would never knowingly betray him, either. Any book that came out of these events would have to be Jamie’s idea.