Barnard began shaking his head. “That can’t be.”
Tanya understood his denial and felt a twinge of pity for him. “But it is. I know it is. I don’t know how long it’s been going on, but I know for a fact they’ve had and are probably still having a sexual relationship.”
She watched as his confusion turned to fear. “You’re wrong,” he said. “It’s impossible. Not Serena. Not Preacher. I don’t believe it.”
She reached over and covered his hand with hers. “I felt the same way when I first heard, but it’s true.”
Barnard snatched his hand away from hers, as if he’d been burned. “I’m not going to believe these lies,” he said. “I know you don’t like that Preacher has become a Christian, Tanya, but you’re going too far with this lie.”
She leaned close to him. “I overheard Serena and Preacher’s sister arguing about it yesterday at the cookout.”
“I don’t believe you. Why didn’t you say something then?”
Tanya went in for the kill. “Because, like you, I was in denial. I didn’t want to believe Preacher was cheating on me. Not after all that garbage he’d given me about becoming a Christian and wanting to make a family with me and the boys. I overheard it, but I couldn’t believe it.”
“So why do you believe it now?”
“Because I asked Preacher.”
Barnard looked as though he’d been punched in the gut. “And he told you he was having an affair with my wife?”
Tanya thought about lying here, but in her opinion the truth was damning enough. “Of course he didn’t. I asked him and he lied.”
“Maybe he was telling the truth.”
Tanya knew Barnard was reaching for any excuse to keep from accepting what he already believed on some level. “I know Preacher. Can’t you tell when your wife is lying to you?” When he didn’t correct her by saying he and Serena didn’t lie to each other, Tanya knew she had him. “Think about it, Barnard,” she said, pressing her advantage. “They say there are always signs when your partner is cheating. Can you honestly say there haven’t been signs?”
Barnard didn’t answer immediately, so Tanya waited. She could imagine the thoughts going through his mind. Thoughts about his wife with Preacher, and all he’d done for the man. “I know you’re probably wondering if this is partly your fault for bringing Preacher into your lives, but I don’t blame you and you shouldn’t blame yourself. Serena and Preacher are adults. They decided to cheat on us and they have to decide to stop cheating. I’ve told Preacher I won’t put up with it. Now I need you to do the same with Serena.” Tanya looked away again. “I know you must think I’m a pathetic woman coming here begging you to keep your wife away from my husband, but you have to understand. I have children to think about, children who need a father who’s committed to their family. Believe me, if it weren’t for the boys, I wouldn’t be here fighting for my marriage.”
“You’ve spoken to Preacher about all of this?” Barnard asked, as if coming out of a daze.
Tanya nodded. “Yesterday and this morning. I’m willing to forgive him and try to go on, but this thing between him and Serena has to stop if we have any chance of making our relationship work. I know you probably hate me for coming here, but I didn’t see any other way of getting this done. I thought about going to Serena, but I don’t think I can have a rational conversation with her. I know you don’t understand this, being a good Christian and all, but right now all I want to do is scratch out her eyes.” She paused for effect. Then she reached for his hand again, this time holding on tight. “Please, Barnard, you have to help me.”
Barnard didn’t answer. He sat there, a beaten man, the huge smile he’d worn earlier long gone. All that Tanya saw now was sorrow—deep, deep sorrow.
“I’ll talk to Serena,” he said. “That’s all I can promise.”
Tanya squeezed his hand and then released it. “Thanks, Barnard. I’m so sorry that Preacher has brought all this trouble to your doorstep.”
She took his slight nod as evidence he’d heard her.
“There’s more,” she said.
“How can there be more?” Barnard murmured. “What can you possibly add to what you’ve already told me?”
Tanya sighed. “I know you want me to get out of your face, but I feel I owe you this.” She took a deep breath, stretching out the moment. “Preacher’s sister, Loretta, was his partner in the drug business. She took over for him when he got locked up.”
Barnard looked up at her, meeting her eyes. “What are you trying to tell me, Tanya?”
She shrugged. “If this thing with Barnard and Serena hadn’t come up, I never would have thought anything about this because I believed Preacher’s conversion. Now that I’m unsure about that, I can’t help but wonder what else he’s lying about.”
“You think Preacher is still in business with his sister?”
She bit her lip. “I hope not, for my sake and the sake of the boys, but I’m not sure. I just thought you should know, since Loretta is dating your sister’s boyfriend’s partner.”
“Are you saying Andre’s involved with Loretta’s business?”
She lifted her shoulders in a half shrug. “I don’t know the answer to that. It would make my life easier if I did. I just wanted you to know so you and your sister could be careful.”
Barnard rubbed his hands down his face. “All of this is too much. It’s too outrageous.”
Feeling her work here was done, Tanya stood. “I’m sorry to bring all this to you, Barnard, but I figured you’d rather know than be in the dark. I wanted you to have the chance to take care of your family the way I’m trying to take care of mine.”
Barnard pressed his palms on the table to push himself out of his chair. It was as though the news she’d given him had weakened him. Instead of reaching out to comfort him, she murmured “I’m sorry” and left the room. Once in the hallway, she smiled broadly. If I can’t find a man to take care of me, she thought, I should give acting a try. There was big money in Hollywood, and given her performance a few minutes ago, she definitely had talent.
When Barnard heard the garage door go up, he knew Serena had arrived home. He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting here on the bed he shared with her, thinking but unable to make sense of anything. He’d left the church soon after Tanya had, and he’d been sitting here since. It had been light outside when he first entered the room, and now it was dark, as dark in the room as it was in his soul. He knew this was the darkest moment of the darkest day of his life. How many times did a man question his life’s work and his marriage on the same day? Wasn’t there some rule somewhere that said when one went bad, you were supposed to rest on the other? Well, he had no rest. He couldn’t even pray. He didn’t know where to start.
“Barnard,” he heard Serena call from the floor below. He wanted to answer her, but he couldn’t force his mouth to open. He continued sitting in the dark. He heard her footfalls up the stairs and then down the hallway to their bedroom. He squinted when she switched on the bedroom light.
“I didn’t know you were up here,” she said, coming fully into the room. “Why didn’t you answer when I called you?”
He watched as she slipped out of her shoes and then walked over to him in her stockinged feet. She pressed a kiss against his forehead. A typical act for a very atypical day.
“So how was your day?” she asked.
He looked at her wondering if what Tanya had told him were true. Could this woman he’d loved more than he loved himself be cheating on him with a man he thought had become a close friend? He didn’t want to believe it. He sighed deeply. “Tanya came to visit me today.”
Serena, headed to the closet, turned back with a deer-in-the-headlights expression in her eyes. He knew then what Tanya had told him was true, or close to it.
“Is there something you need to tell me, Serena?” he asked, his voice calm though his heart raced.
Serena padded back to the bed. “What did Tanya say?”
“I was going to tell you tomorrow night,” she said. “I know now I should have told you a long time ago.”
Barnard closed his eyes in response to the pain in his heart as much as to the tears in her eyes. It was true!
“How long has it been going on?” he asked, his eyes still closed.
Serena pressed her hand against his chest. “Look at me,” she pleaded. “Please look at me.”
He opened his eyes. The woman in front of him looked like his wife, the woman he’d married, but he didn’t know who she was.
“Thank you,” she said.
“I need to know, Serena. I need to know how long it’s been going on and I need to know how you could lie to me about him. At least now I understand your reaction to Preacher. It was all an act, right, to throw me off the track?”
“No no no,” she kept saying, shaking her head so hard he wondered if she’d hurt her neck. “It’s not like that.”
“What’s it like then? Tell me because I need to know.”
“It’s a long story.”
“I’ve got nothing but time.”
Serena turned away. “I can’t talk to you when you’re this cold toward me.”
Hysterical laughter bubbled up in Barnard and roared out of him. “You’re chastising me about my reaction to your affair? I have to give it to you, Serena, you do have some nerve! But I guess it takes nerve to sleep with two men at the same time.” He couldn’t stop his words. He wanted to hurt her. “What’s amazing to me is that you’re not really that good in bed.” She blanched, but he took little satisfaction in the direct hit. “Then again maybe it’s different with him.”
Serena stood, turned away from him, and folded her arms around herself. After a couple of minutes, she turned back to him. “I know you’re hurting, Barnard, and I’m sorry to be the cause of your pain. But you have to believe me, you have to believe that the only thing I did wrong was not tell you about something that happened years ago.”
“Years ago?” he asked.
She came back to the bed and sat next to him. “My freshman year in college I had a relationship with Preacher. It goes without saying that it ended badly.” She squeezed her eyes shut. When she opened them, they were clear, empty, a look he’d never seen in them before. “To make a long story short, I got pregnant, Preacher paid for an abortion, and we never spoke again until he came to church that Sunday.” When he didn’t immediately respond, Serena added, “It’s the truth. I can give you details, if you want them, but that’s the gist of it. The reason I can’t tolerate Preacher is because he reminds me of a series of bad decisions I made in my youth, decisions that ended with my aborting the only child I may ever have.”
Barnard felt the pain in her words and he believed her, but he wasn’t moved to comfort her. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked. “Why did you choose to lie to me? You lied every time I asked you about Preacher. Both of you lied. Why didn’t you tell me? I’m your husband.”
She looked away again. “I’ve been asking myself that question all day, Barnard, but I don’t have an answer that makes any sense. I just couldn’t deal with it. It was easier to block it all out than to deal with it.”
“Is the abortion why we haven’t been able to have children? Did you know this before we married?”
Serena shook her head. “No, I didn’t know,” she said. “You have to believe me. I would have told you if I thought we couldn’t have children. I know it’s hard for you to believe now, but I could not have married you without telling you.”
She was right; it was hard for him to believe her. But somewhere deep inside him he wanted to, he needed to.
“The abortion didn’t have any medical complications that should prevent my getting pregnant, but sometimes I wonder if God isn’t punishing me for the abortion. I decided to end one baby’s life, so God doesn’t feel I’m worthy to be given another.”
Barnard knew that wasn’t the way God operated, but he had his own pain to deal with right now. He had nothing to give Serena.
“Aren’t you going to say something?” she finally asked.
“I don’t know what to say,” he said. “What do you want me to say?”
She shrugged. “I know I don’t deserve it, but I’d like some assurance that this hasn’t destroyed our marriage. I do love you, Barnard.”
He wiped his hands down his face. “Those words coming from your lips don’t mean what they used to mean. They no longer have value. I don’t know what to do with them.”
“You can take them and hold them in your heart,” she suggested.
He shook his head. “There’s no room in my heart, right now, Serena. Every corner of it is filled with despair and disappointment. I thought we had more than we have. I was wrong.” He stood.
She reached for his hand. “We can get it back, Barnard,” she said. “I know we can. It happened a long time ago. It doesn’t have to affect us now.”
He looked down at her hand on his and shook it off. “That’s where you’re wrong,” he said. “If you had told me earlier, we could have dealt with it as something in your past, but you chose to bring it into our marriage and into our present and our future. I don’t know how to deal with it. It hit me out of left field. I knew we had problems, but I never suspected something like this.”
“What are you saying, Barnard?” she asked, and he heard the fear in her voice.
“I have a suitcase in the car. I need some time to think, to get my mind around all this.”
“Don’t leave, Barnard,” she begged. “Please don’t leave. We can work this out.”
Barnard looked down at this woman he loved, but whom he no longer knew. “If we’re to have any chance of working this out, I have to leave.” With those words, he turned and walked away from her and the home they’d made together, unsure he’d ever return.
Preacher’s heart lurched when he saw Barnard’s car parked in his driveway. He’d tried to contact Serena all day but she hadn’t answered her cell. He hated to admit it but he’d been too cowardly to go by the gym looking for her. He wasn’t ready to see Natalie again. He’d also been trying to get in touch with Barnard, had even gone by the church looking for him. As he turned into his driveway and pulled up beside Barnard’s car, he wondered what the brother knew and who had informed him. His instincts told him this wasn’t a social visit.
Barnard was out of his car and waiting by the time Preacher cut the ignition. Preacher prayed for wisdom and favor to rule this conversation. “Hey, man,” he said, when he got out of the car. “I’ve been calling you all afternoon.”
Barnard met him near the Acura’s hood. “Two questions,” he said, ignoring Preacher’s greeting. “Why didn’t you tell me about your relationship with Serena, and why didn’t you tell me that your sister was your partner in the drug business?”
Apparently, Serena and Natalie had spoken to him. He was glad Serena had gotten to tell her side first, but he was disappointed that Natalie hadn’t waited as she’d said she would. “I wanted to tell you,” Preacher began, but Barnard cut him off.
“I want the answers to my two questions,” he said. “Nothing more, nothing less.”
Preacher knew the betrayal Barnard felt and hated that he was its source. “The story of my past relationship with Serena wasn’t mine to tell, Barnard. Believe me, I’ve wanted to tell you. I begged Serena to tell you since before I left prison.”
“You were in contact with Serena while you were in prison? And you never thought to mention it to me? Do you even understand the concepts of trust and friendship? I thought we were friends, man.”
“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and that’s the truth. Everything that’s good in my life you had a hand in it. Don’t ever doubt the sincerity of our relationship. I’ve never considered you less than a brother.”
Barnard scoffed. “A brother wouldn’t have lied to my face Saturday night at the cookout. I asked you str
aight out if you knew why Serena was so cold toward you and you lied.”
Preacher wanted to argue that technically he hadn’t lied, but he knew it was no use. He had lied in every way that mattered. “My only defense is that I owed it to Serena to let her tell you. I hurt her in the past, Barnard, and I couldn’t bear to hurt her again. The only good thing that’s come out of this is that she did get to tell you first.”
“Serena didn’t tell me first,” Barnard said. “Tanya did.”
“Tanya?”
“Yes, apparently your fiancée overheard some talk between Serena and your sister at the cookout on Saturday. She put two and two together and came up with you and Serena having an affair. She wants me to keep Serena away from you.” Barnard shook her head. “Some example you’ve been to her.”
“I know I was wrong, Barnard, but I had good intentions. I had decided to come clean with you and Tanya today, regardless of what Serena decided. I couldn’t bear the lies anymore.”
“How convenient for you! Do you honestly think I believe you? When I think of the times I’ve shared with you the things going wrong in my relationship with Serena, I feel like a fool. I trusted you, man.”
Barnard’s disappointment cut Preacher deeply. The opinion of this man, of his father in the faith, meant everything to him. “You weren’t a fool, Barnard, and I never thought you were. I want you and Serena to be happy. Those times you talked to me made me uneasy as well. I felt like a hypocrite and worse, but what could I do? I was torn between my loyalty to you and what I felt I owed Serena. I may have made the wrong choice but it was for the right reason. You have to believe me.”
“The only thing I believe that you’ve said tonight is that you’re a hypocrite. Let’s get on to my second question about you and Loretta. Why didn’t you tell me about her?”
Preacher shrugged. “Because she’s my sister and I wanted to protect her.”
Up Pops the Devil Page 23
