She pulled the door open.
“Gosh, Serena,” Natalie said, making her way up the walk. “I hope you haven’t been standing around waiting for me all evening. I’m sorry I worried you.”
Serena embraced her sister-in-law. “I wasn’t really waiting,” she said when she pulled back. “I heard the car drive up and looked out the window.”
Natalie took a deep breath and asked, “Where’s that brother of mine? I’m sure you two have spent the evening pondering my situation and how you were going to help me.”
“Come on in and sit down, Natalie,” Serena said. “I have some news of my own to share.”
“Yes, let’s hear yours. There’s no way it can be as pitiful as mine.” Natalie kicked off her shoes and plopped down on the couch. “I know Barnard heard me drive up. Where is he?”
“He’s not here,” Serena said, unsure how to break the news to her sister-in-law.
“Oh, he’s working late. When do you think he’ll be home? I really don’t want to go through this twice,” Natalie said.
“He’s not working, Natalie,” Serena said gently. “He’s not staying here tonight.”
“What? Is he out of town?”
“No, he’s not out of town.”
“Then where is he?”
“I’m not sure where he is. I thought he might be at your place.”
“Why would he be at my place when I told you I was coming over here tonight?”
“Natalie, I don’t know how to tell you this, so I’m just going to tell you. Barnard packed a bag and decided to sleep somewhere else tonight.”
“Packed a bag? What do you mean? Why would he do that? Is this about the adoption?” Natalie lifted her arms in frustration. “I can’t believe Barnard. That’s no reason to leave. If you two can’t talk through a problem like reasonable people, then there’s no hope for the rest of us. What’s that brother of mine thinking?”
Serena placed her hand on Natalie’s knee. “We didn’t argue about adoption,” she said. “He left because I told him about a relationship I had with Preacher when I was in college.”
Natalie’s eyes widened. “You and Preacher?”
Serena nodded. “I was in college.”
“But I didn’t think you even knew Preacher.”
“Neither did Barnard. That’s the problem. I never told either of you. Instead, I pretended I didn’t know him.”
Natalie began shaking her head. “I can’t believe this. Why would you lie about knowing Preacher? It makes no sense, Serena.”
Serena gave a dry laugh. “You’re telling me. For months, I dreaded Preacher’s release from prison, and then after he was released, the idea of spending any time around him made me ill.”
“I thought you’d gotten over that. The other day you even agreed to take him and Tanya under your wing. You came to their cookout.” She rocked her head from side to side. “All this time you and Preacher knew each other and pretended you didn’t.” She met Serena’s gaze. “I gather it was a serious relationship.”
Serena nodded.
“How serious?”
Serena brushed her hands down her jeans-clad thighs. “I thought I loved him, Natalie, and it ended badly.”
“Are you still in love with him? Is that why you’re still so angry with him?”
Serena shook her head. “Heavens, no, I’m not in love with Preacher. How can you even ask me that?”
“There’s something you’re not telling me. What is it?”
“I’m still so angry at Preacher because every time I look at him or think about him, I relive the abortion he forced me to have.”
Serena watched as Natalie digested her news. Her changing facial expressions would have been comical were the situation not so dire. Natalie surprised her when she began to laugh. When the laughter turned to hysterics, Serena reached for her sister-in-law. “Natalie, please calm down. Barnard and I will work this out. I promise you we will. I love your brother. You know that better than anybody.”
Natalie soon stopped laughing. “I don’t know what I know anymore, Serena. My life seems to be spinning out of control. Things I could count on, like you and Barnard forever, like me and Benjamin forever, like me and Dante becoming forever, like Preacher loving God forever. Those things I can’t count on anymore.” She rubbed her hands down her bare arms as if to ward off a chill. “My brother and I are quite a pair. What did we do to deserve such betrayal?”
Serena winced at Natalie’s words. Being lumped in with Benjamin was her worst fear coming to life. “I didn’t set out to hurt you or Barnard. I was only trying to protect myself. I realize now how badly I handled it.”
Natalie lifted a brow. “Good for you.”
Serena had no response. She’d known Natalie would be hurt. If she could turn back the clock, she’d definitely handle all this differently. “I’m sorry, Natalie.”
Natalie slipped her feet into her shoes. “I seem to be getting a lot of that lately. Dante, Preacher, and now you. What am I supposed to say? I really don’t know what I’m supposed to say. You and Preacher have this whole long and complicated history and here you are pretending not to know each other. You made fools of us all.”
“I don’t blame you for being upset with me, Natalie,” Serena said. “I should have been honest. I hate to admit this to you, but Preacher has been begging me to come clean about our past since before he was released from prison. I didn’t have the courage to do it.”
“Preacher lying was one thing,” Natalie said. “We haven’t known him that long, but you, Serena? Why? As close as we are, were, why?”
Serena shrugged. “The lie about Preacher was to cover up the abortion. I wasn’t ready to deal with it; I’m still not ready. It hurts too much. For so long, I’ve tried to pretend it never happened. It almost worked. Then Barnard met Preacher at the prison and the past was brought back to me in living color and put on display. I couldn’t deal with it.”
“What made you finally come clean with Barnard today?”
“He confronted me tonight. Tanya came to see him today and she told him she thought Preacher and I were having an affair.”
Natalie gave a dry laugh. “Leave it to Tanya to call a spade a spade.” She stood. “Do you have any idea where Barnard went?”
“If he’s not at your place, he’s either at a hotel or the church.”
Natalie nodded. “I’d guess the church.” She headed for the door. “I’d better get over there. I know how he’s feeling. We can commiserate together.”
Serena stood by while Natalie pulled open the door. “I’m still here for you, Natalie, if you need an ear. Tonight was supposed to be about you, not me.”
Natalie shook her head, turned away, and headed down the walk. Serena watched her until she pulled out of the drive. When she could no longer see Natalie’s car, she closed the door and resumed pacing. This time with tears streaming down her face.
Natalie called Barnard on her cell while she walked to the back entrance of the church. “I’m out back,” she said, when he answered. Not giving him time to respond, she flipped her phone closed. Barnard had the door open for her when she reached it.
“What are you doing here, Nat?” he asked.
“I needed to see my big brother,” she said. “Is that still allowed?”
“Of course,” he said, giving her a hug. “Rough day?”
She pulled back and looked up at him. “For you, too, I hear.”
He nodded. “I guess you’ve seen Serena.”
“I just left your house,” she said, following him back to his office. He opened the door and she saw that he’d made himself a bed on the couch in the corner. She looked up at him. “You can’t stay here, Barnard.”
He dropped down on the couch. “Watch me.”
She sat next to him. “By tomorrow afternoon everybody in the church will know you spent the night here. Do you really want your and Serena’s business to become church gossip?”
He pinched the bridge of
his nose. “I wasn’t thinking.”
She rocked against his shoulder a couple of times. “That’s all right. Little sister can do your thinking for you this time.”
He looked down at her. “We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?”
She chuckled. “You don’t know the half of it.” She gave her brother a sideways glance. “I hate to tell you this, Barnard, but I have more bad news to dump on you about Preacher, his sister, Dante, and drugs.”
“I know what’s going on with Dante and the dealership,” Barnard said. “Tanya told me this morning when she told me about Preacher and Serena. I didn’t know you knew. How did you find out?”
“Dante came clean this morning.” She lifted her shoulders in a shrug. “Too little, too late.”
“I’m sorry, Sis.”
“So am I. I thought Dante was one of the good guys.”
“Don’t beat yourself up about it,” he said. “There’s nothing wrong with believing the best in people.”
“That’s nice of you to say, but you have to admit I’m piling up a pretty unimpressive track record here.”
“Seems we both are.”
“Don’t even try it, Barnard. There’s no way you can even begin to compare my relationship with Dante to yours with Serena. What you two have is real. It may be a bit tarnished right now, but you can shine it up good as new, if that’s what you both want. Dante and I didn’t have what you have. We’re done.”
“You sound sure.”
“I am. Why shouldn’t I be?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. When you care about somebody as much as you cared about Dante, it’s hard to walk away.”
“I’m not walking away, Barnard. I was given a hard shove, by both Dante’s actions and his words. There’s nothing there to build on. The foundation was a lie. Sad, but true.”
“I’m sorry, Natalie.”
She smiled at him. “Thank you, Brother. I’ve heard those words several times today but this is the first time they’ve meant something.”
“I know what you mean,” he said.
“You and Serena are going to work this out, aren’t you?”
“It’s a big deal, Nat. The abortion is big enough, but that was the past. This thing with Preacher is a whole other matter. She was lying to me on a daily basis. That’s hard for me to understand.”
“I can’t help you because I don’t understand, either. So what are you going to do?”
“I was going to stay here a few nights until I sort it all out, but I guess that’s not a good idea. I’ll find a hotel.”
“No, you won’t,” she said. “You’ll stay with me.”
“I don’t want to get in your way.”
“In the way of what? My romance just died, so there is nothing to get in the way of. Besides, neither one of us needs to be alone right now, even though we want to be.”
He rocked against her side. “When did you get so smart?”
“Just following my big brother’s example.” They sat silently for a few moments. “What are we going to do, Barnard?”
He shrugged. “What can we do? We have to go on,” he said.
“But what are we going to do about Preacher and Dante and the drugs? Don’t we have to do something?”
“At some point,” he said, “but not tonight. We’re both operating on raw emotion, and a lot of that emotion is anger and betrayal, so we can’t think clearly.”
“You can say that again. I’ve spent the whole day trying to figure out where I went wrong. It’s not natural for someone claiming to be a Christian to miss the Lord’s voice as frequently as I have lately. But I can’t seem to pray.”
“I know what you mean. Why not try something different? You pray for me and I’ll pray for you. If I can’t hear what God’s saying to me, maybe He’ll show you and vice versa.”
Natalie pressed a kiss against his cheek. “I love you, Barnard. I’m blessed to have you for a brother.”
“Same here, Nat. Now let’s pray.” Instead of praying from his sitting position as Natalie expected, Barnard got down on his knees, closed his eyes, and bowed his head. She joined him. “Father God,” he began. “We thank you for the life you’ve given us and the people you’ve placed around us. Today has been a challenging day for me and Natalie. We’ve both been hurt by decisions made by people we love. This hurt is clouding our ability to see your purpose in those actions, so we come to you asking for patience and understanding. I specifically pray for my sister, Natalie, that you strengthen her heart. Help her, Father, to forgive the men who have hurt her in the past, so that her present and her future will be free from the influence of her unforgiveness. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
Natalie choked up at Barnard’s words. Her heart quickened when he mentioned forgiveness, and she knew that was the answer for both of them. “Father,” she said, feeling lighter than she’d felt all day. “Thank you for answering our prayer. I understand fully, Lord, the challenge you’ve placed before me and Barnard. The lesson we have to learn, as Barnard prayed, is the lesson of forgiveness. Help us, Father, not to look at the wrong we feel was done to us, but to focus on your response to the wrong done to your Son, Jesus. Any pain and betrayal we feel pales in comparison. I pray a special prayer for Barnard and Serena, that you would restore their marriage to a higher level of intimacy than either have experienced. I pray that Barnard forgives Serena for her secrets and that Serena forgives herself for the mistakes of her past that still bind her. I pray, Lord, that the relationship you were building between Preacher and Barnard continues to grow. Help us to remember, Lord, that he is a new Christian, and that how we respond to him now will have a great impact on whether and how he continues to walk with You. I pray, Father, that You forgive me and Barnard for our self-righteousness today that made us unwilling to see anyone’s pain but our own. I pray this in your Son’s name. Amen.”
Natalie turned to find her brother staring at her. “You see, that’s why I wanted to be alone,” Barnard said. “Alone I could suffer in my self-righteousness disguised as pain, but with you, I’m challenged to walk the path that Jesus would walk. I tell you, Sis, I’m not ready to forgive. I want more time to feel the pain.”
Natalie hugged him close. “I know, Barnard. Tonight, we’ll take that time, but tomorrow we start the healing process.” Natalie patted her brother’s back as he wept against her shoulder. Pretty soon her tears mixed with his. Maybe, she thought, the healing would begin tonight.
CHAPTER 22
Preacher knew it was a long shot but he had to give it a try. He sat in his car, parked about three blocks from the church, and waited. He’d been waiting for over an hour. After spending a sleepless night worrying about his boys, he had to do something and sitting here waiting, though not much, was something.
At first, he’d parked in the church parking lot, but considering Tanya’s present state of mind, he didn’t think that was a good idea. Even if she decided to bring the boys to the Center this morning, which was a longshot at best, he knew she’d change her mind if she saw his car parked there. So he’d moved a reasonable distance away and prayed he’d soon see his boys.
As his life fell apart around him, to his surprise, he found clarity. He’d come to the aching conclusion that marriage was not in the cards for him and Tanya, not the way things were now. Not only had she betrayed him by going to Barnard with her outrageous suspicions, she had done the unforgivable and taken his boys. He knew he’d never be able to trust her again.
He’d also gained some clarity about his new Christian family. Natalie and Barnard’s swift judgment cut him deeply. Yes, he knew he’d been wrong to lie about his past with Serena, but he didn’t think that was reason enough for the two siblings to doubt his conversion. Hadn’t Barnard told him repeatedly that becoming a Christian didn’t mean he’d never make a mistake again? How quickly Barnard had forgotten his own counsel!
It hurt him to think they believed he was still in the drug business. Okay, he admitted to himself, not t
elling them about Loretta’s involvement in his business could look suspicious. Despite that, he thought they owed it to him to listen to his side of the story, and not automatically brand him a liar and a hypocrite.
All that paled with losing his boys though. Barnard, Natalie, and their opinions didn’t really matter to him now. All that mattered was seeing his boys again. He checked the clock on the dash, and seeing it was an hour after the time the boys usually reported to the Center, he put his car in gear and made his way to the church parking lot. All the while, he prayed he’d find his boys there, playing happily.
Despite his continued prayer as he parked and got out of the car, Preacher’s heart rate increased as he walked toward the Center doors. What would he do if his boys weren’t there? What would he do if they were? What were his rights when it came to his children? He tossed those questions away because he didn’t like the answers. Tanya was the boys’ legal guardian and he knew his criminal history wouldn’t serve him well in any custody battle. After closing his eyes and issuing a brief prayer, Preacher pulled open the door to the Center. As bad luck would have it, Natalie was the first person he saw.
“Preacher?” His name dripped like a question from her lips. The smile she usually had for him was conspicuously absent.
“I’m not here to cause trouble,” he told her. “I just want to see my boys.”
She blinked twice. “Your boys? They’re not here.”
Preacher’s knees weakened and he dropped down in the nearest chair. He covered his face with his hand. Even though the odds had been against him, his disappointment was keen.
“Is something wrong?” Natalie asked.
The sincerity in her voice almost made Preacher confide in her. Almost. He stood. “Nothing,” he said, fighting the urge to share his pain with her in much the same way he’d shared his joy after deciding to take on the funeral home gig. But things weren’t the same between them. He already missed the relationship they had been building. “Thanks for your help.”
When he turned to walk away, Natalie reached for his arm. “Preacher, where are your boys? When they didn’t show this morning, I thought you’d kept them away on purpose because of all that’s going on.”
Up Pops the Devil Page 25
