Break My Fall (Broken)

by Chloe Walsh

  “I didn’t know. You should have told me it was your first time baby.” I pulled away from him and turned back to look out the window. “I’ll be fine. You didn’t do anything I didn’t want you to.” He hissed out a breath, “Dammit Lee, look at me.” I looked up at him. His eyes held the world of regret and I cringed. “Last night, it…” I interjected before he could say those words again, “Let me guess It shouldn’t have happened and can’t happen again. Oh and you’re sorry you led me on?” The damn broke and tears poured from my face.

  He gaped at me, “That is not what I was going to say Lee. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t sorry.” I flinched, “Okay you’re sorry, you don’t want me. You regret what happened. I get it, I do. So please, please just stop talking about it.” He ran his hand through his hair, and hissed, “I don’t know what to tell you other than I’m sorry.” I cried harder and Kyle pulled me into his arms. “Don’t cry baby. It shreds me when you cry.” I sobbed in his arms, “Then stop making me cry,” I whispered before I pulled away and ran out.

  “So you gonna tell me what all that was about earlier in the kitchen?” Cam asked me when we sat into her car after her shoot. I had deftly avoided the interrogation until now, hoping that she wouldn’t bring it up. “What?” I decided to play dumb, I felt it would work best since I had no clue what was happening in my life. “I’m blonde Lee,” Cam growled, pulling out into traffic, “But I’m far from stupid, I know something’s up with you. You’ve barely said two words all day.”

  I groaned tying my seatbelt as Cam pulled off into traffic “I know, I know, you’ll tell me when you’re ready,” she grumbled, “But I meant what I said when I told you to stay away from Kyle. He’s got too much baggage and broodiness for most girls, especially you.”

  Didn’t I know it…? “I see your poor attempts of covering his mark,” she chuckled, flicking my neck with her finger. “I can’t believe you let him brand you Lee.”

  KYLE

  “Dude, tell me you finally nailed the ice queen?” Derek’s smart-ass remark once the girls had left was the reason he was currently pinned against the wall. “Say it again man, I dare you,” I growled. He grinned widely, “I’ll take that as a big fat yes.” I gripped him tighter. “Kyle, seriously dude back up, I meant it as a joke. You know that.” I pulled my arm away from his throat, and shifted back from him, keeping eye contact, “Don’t talk about her like that again, ever.”

  Derek straightened himself, clearly unsure of what to do. Awkward. “Cam is gonna flip man,” he said, as he walked over and poured two cups of coffee. “What the hell were you thinking?” Walking back over, he hand me one, “You wanna talk about it?”

  Hell no, this was Lee. I couldn’t talk about her as if she was just another score. I fucking ruined enough of her. I was not going to soil her reputation as well. “I messed up Derek, like the biggest fucking mess up of mess ups.” I couldn’t take back sleeping with her, or change the way I behaved after. Shit, I was rough with her. I was way too rough…

  “I’ll say man, if those bed sheets in the wash are anything to go by.” I glared at him. Derek had the decency to blush. “No I’m not being a creepy bastard,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee, “I had a few things to wash. I uh, saw the sheets in the machine when I was putting my stuff in. It was a rough guess, but by the look on your guilty ass face, I guessed right.” Oh, this was fucking fantastic.

  I collapsed into a chair. “I didn’t know, she didn’t disclose that piece of information.” I felt horrible for talking about Lee to Derek but I needed to talk to someone. I couldn’t talk to Linda, she’d hate me, or Cam, she already hated me. That left Derek. He sat down beside me, patting my shoulder, “Still” he mused, “On the bright side, you know you’re the only one.” I knew that and the thought thrilled me. I wanted to kick myself. I should not be thrilled that I took Lee’s virginity. I shouldn’t feel proud over it. Jesus, I hated myself. “Fuck knows how many Cam had before me.” I cringed for him. Poor guy, Derek and I both knew how ‘openly’ Cam had given out her favours before she and Derek hooked up, which explained a lot of why Derek was so fucking paranoid. However, they were together, something Lee and I weren’t, something we could never be. She had no future with me.

  I groaned in frustration, pulling my hair. “Dude what are you gonna do about Rachel? That bitch will go nuclear on Lee if she gets wind of the two of you.” I knew that. God why did he keep stating my fucking thoughts aloud, bad enough they were in my head. Fuck my life. “There is no me and Lee, you know why I can’t Derek,” I muttered.

  “Kyle, man you know I love you like you were my own little retarded brother right?” I glared at Derek, smart-assed little shit. He grinned, “So dude, please listen to me” I tensed, I knew what he was going to say, and I knew it would not make a blind shit of difference. “You gotta stop punishing yourself for what happened nearly two years ago. It wasn’t your fault Kyle. It was a fucking accident, that shouldn’t determine the rest of your life. Rachel is a big girl. You don’t have to go through with it dude.” I couldn’t look at him, he did not understand, “Yeah, I do man.”

  LEE

  It was three weeks and six days before Kyle spoke to me again. Twenty-seven miserable days where I spent the time pretending not to be hurt, and he pretended I didn’t exist. He ignored me at home, avoided me at work, and I walked home every night from work alone.

  It was a Friday evening when the silence finally broke. I had finished my shift and leaving when Kyle grabbed my wrist and spun me back to face him, backing me up against the outside wall of the hotel.

  “We need to talk princess.” He leaned into me, his face inches from mine. The smell of whiskey off his breath blowing into my face was a wrecking ball to my self-control. If he thought he could click his fingers and I would come running, he had another thing coming. “Get away from me, you’re drunk,” I growled pushing at his chest with both of my hands. He did not budge. “Stop fucking running from me,” he retorted.

  “I’m not running, I’m leaving, there’s a difference. I’m ‘walking’ home,” I said brushing past him. “Fine I’ll walk with you.” He fell into step with me as I marched down the sidewalk. “Don’t put yourself out on my account, I’m sure you have plans already, I’m sure Rachel or one of your ‘friends’ would be more than thrilled to have your company, in fact that would make me ecstatic .” He looked hurt. “You’re my friend,” he said quietly.

  “No” I spat, anger building inside of me, “We are not friends anymore. I don’t need a friend like you.”

  I broke into a sprint, but he grabbed my elbow and dragged me back into his chest, “Jesus Lee I just want to speak to you. Why are you being so damn awkward?” he demanded.

  “Why are you? You could have spoken to me three weeks ago, but you didn’t. You ignored me. Now I’ve told you to leave me alone so please go right ahead.” I knew I sounded like a bitch but I was furious. “You’re fucking impossible, you know that Lee? I don’t know why I bother.” Ouch, that stung. “Yeah? I ask myself the same question about you Kyle,” I shouted, pressing my fingers to my temple.

  “Fuck,” he shouted, kicking the ground. People were gathering close by, we were causing a scene.

  “Are you alright there Lee?” Mike’s voice broke through the tension and I was never so happy to see him in my life. “She’s fine,” Kyle growled, “This is a private conversation asshole.” Kyle stepped in front of me as Mike approached.

  “It doesn’t look all that private to me, Boss.” Mike said as, stepping closer to us. I could hear the derisive way he said boss. Tension was emanating from both men and my nerves were in bits. “Actually I’m not feeling well. Mike, could you give me a ride home?” I edged away from Kyle towards him.

  Kyle grabbed my arm again. Leaning down to me, he growled, “Don’t go ANYWHERE with him.” I had enough of him and his macho crap. “Take your hands off me Kyle. You’re hurting me.” He released me as if I had burned him.

  I straig
htened my spine and walked over to Mike, taking his outstretched hand gladly. I was going to go apartment first thing tomorrow No room was worth this continuous heartache.

  LEE

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Those were the first words Mike had said as he pulled his car up in front of my house, Kyle’s house. I had waited in the hotel for a couple of hours for Mike to finish his shift and I was grateful for the delay. I did not want to home tonight. Several cars filled the driveway, and the kerb outside. Great, another damn party was all I needed.

  I unhooked my seat belt, and turned to face Mike. He was quite attractive, in an all-American way. He had a healthy look about him, broad and strong, and he had normal seat belts in his car. He was being real nice to me, and I felt incredibly awkward right now. It was not fair to cause trouble for him. I took a steadying breath. “I’m sorry about Kyle, it won’t happen again. I’m sorry that I dragged you into my personal life.” I was so embarrassed, my nerves frazzled.

  I felt like I walked into the twilight zone when I saw Kyle outside the hotel earlier. I could not keep up with him, and his mixed signals. If he wanted to speak to me, he could have anytime in the past three weeks. He chose not to though and I was not going to be a pushover for him anymore. I was not going to fall into his lap again, or his bed. His ignorance had hardened me. I was beginning to feel like Kyle hated me and wanted me all in the same breath.

  “I don’t mind being dragged in Lee. I’m concerned about you.” He looked at me with a sympathetic expression, his brown eyes warm. It made a change for a man to look at me with kindness rather than disgust and anger. “I’m fine Mike,” I muttered, fighting back to tears that threatened to fall. Do not cry. Do not cry. Mike laid a hand gently on mine. I flinched but forced myself to leave it there. “You’re not fine Lee. I know Kyle Carter better than you do. I get that he’s our boss but the guy is bad news. He ruins women and doesn’t give two shits while he does it. If you knew the half of what he’s done,” Mike stopped and sighed, “It looks like he has a party going on in there. Do you want to stay at my place for tonight, get a little distance from him?” Seeing my horrified expression, he smiled, “On the couch of course.”

  I wished I had somewhere else to go. I did not want to go inside and face Kyle, Cam, or that bitch Rachel. I knew she would be inside. She never missed a party at our house. If Mike was able to put two and two together, then it wouldn’t be long until everyone at work realised I had slept with the boss. I wanted to run. I could not stay with Mike. I did not want to blur any lines and I wouldn’t feel safe. “No, no I’ll be fine Mike I swear,” I said, opening the car and stepping out.

  He was around to my door in a flash. “Alright, let me walk you to your room at least. Otherwise my conscience won’t let me sleep tonight.” I examined his face, and he seemed genuinely concerned about me. My heart swelled. “Okay” I whispered, “Thank you Mike”.

  KYLE

  She brought him back with her. I could not believe it. Lee had brought her douchebag into my mother-fucking house. I saw her walk through the front door and go upstairs with him. Pure rage boiled through me and I wanted to throw her over my shoulders and take her away like a damn caveman. I flipped out and punched the fridge-door in frustration. It creaked in response. My knuckles throbbed and I welcomed the pain. People around me were staring. Let them look, if they didn’t like it they could get the fuck out. There was only one person whose opinion I cared about, and right now, she was upstairs with that backstabbing little shit.

  I knew I had been a dick, showing up drunk at the hotel, but I had to talk to her. I should have spoken to her sooner, explained to her so she could understand why I couldn’t give her more. Told her the fucking truth about Rachel, but the fear of her reaction kept me away. She’d hate me if she knew the truth, if she knew what I did.

  I should have said something though and not have left it go so long but, goddammit I was torn. Rachel had me by the nut sac, and Lee by another organ I didn’t know worked ‘til she walked into my life. Fuck, she was like a buffet placed in front of a starving man. I was starving for her. I figured she would be upset with me, but I didn’t expect her to react the way she did. I had seen the look in her eyes and it chilled me to the bone. The devastation. The disgust. Lee hated me and I had no one to blame but myself. I bet that little shit loved this. He was probably filling her up with lies right now

  . “Hey man you alright? What did that fridge ever do to you?” Derek stood next to me. His voice was light but his eyes narrowed in concern. Was I okay? Fuck no. I was ruined. I could not talk to him, I needed to talk to Lee. I made for the staircase and a hand pulled me back by the shoulder.

  “Don’t Kyle, leave her be man. She’s been through enough already,” Derek warned, “She’s not like us. She can’t handle your shit.” I turned and squared up to him. I was a half-foot taller than he was so I had the upper hand. “What the fuck do you know about her?” I was shaking with anger, I knew my beef wasn’t with Derek but right about now any one would do as a punching bag. “A lot more than you do by the sounds of it asshole,” he answered calmly. What in the hell was he talking about. “Do tell.” I was right in his face, my head bent down in his. I grabbed his shirt in my fist and I had to give it to him, Derek didn’t flinch. He was used to my bullshit moods by now. I had taken enough of them out on him over the years. “Kyle man, breathe.” I couldn’t.

  My chest was close to exploding. The thought of Lee upstairs with that rat bastard Mike made my blood boil. Yeah that jackass and me has some bad blood. The thought of him in her room made me go for the stairs again. Derek dragged me back again. “Dude, I’m on your side,” he panted as he tried to restrain me. “I know you hate him man, I hate him too. But now is not the time to air your dirty laundry, you need to sober up.” I was bucking against him, trying to break out of his bear hug. The fucker had me pinned and he knew it. People were definitely staring at us now. I stopped struggling and slumped and my voice cracked. “She’s up there with him Derek. She’s fucking up in her room with HIM.” Derek nudged me, pointing towards the staircase.

  I felt like all my prayers were answered. Mike was at the bottom of the staircase. She sent him away. He smirked at Derek and me. I barged over to him. “You gotta problem big brother?” Mike smirked, rat bastard. “Keep walking asshole,” warned Derek who had stepped in between the two of us, “Preferably into busy traffic.”

  Mike smirked, “Tell Lee, I said goodnight, she should sleep well after…” He turned to walk out and I lunged forward. Derek pulled me back, “Kyle, he’s not worth it, come on man, he’s just trying to fuck with your head. Don’t let him win again.” Derek held me back long enough for Mike to close the front door behind him. “That mother fucker better not step one foot inside my house again,” I warned, “I mean it Derek, he comes in here again, and I’ll finish what started two years ago.”

  LEE

  “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay here Lee? My offer still stands,” Mike said as he leaned against my bedroom window. At first, I thought it was sweet that he walked me to my room, but not I was beginning to get creeped out. I did not want company, not tonight, and Mike was lingering. “I’ll be fine Mike,” I said opening my door. I was dropping major hints. “But thank you so much, you’re too good to me.”

  Mike’s smile faltered for a second, then slipped back into place. He walked over to where I stood by the door, “I want to be more than good to you Lee, I like you a lot,” he leaned down and kissed my cheek. I froze. “I just want you to know you have other options, there’s better out there than Kyle Carter.” He left and I swear I could not move my feet even if I wanted to. What in god’s name had just happened?

  LEE

  I slept badly last night, I had been worried Kyle would come to my room. I need not have bothered; he never came. For some strange reason, I was upset about that fact. I was better off though, he was wasted last night, and usually when there was alcohol involved, our discussions went one of two
ways.

  Either we broke out in a massive argument or we ended up ripping each other’s clothes off. I couldn’t stand the thought of feeling used again so I guess it was better this way. I was up, showered, and dressed by eight thirty, which was pointless because I was off work for the weekend, two whole days to myself. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I heard a door open on my way down the stairs.

  “Lee, wait up,” Kyle called out from behind me. I thought about running but there was really no place I could go, I was going to have to suck it up and face him, “What do you want Kyle?” I looked back at him. He was closing his bedroom door. “I was thinking we could do something today?” I frowned at him, as he tied the buttons on his red and black plaid shirt. I tried not to stare at his bare stomach or the line of dark hair near his belly button, disappearing under the low-slung jeans he had on. It was harder ignore, now that I’d seen where that treasure trail led…

  “ You haven’t spoken to me in a month Kyle. Why do want to do something together now?” I asked when Kyle reached the step above me. His eyes were bleary, and had dark circles under them. I guess that’s what he got for getting so trashed last night. “You have the day off, I have the day off. Why not?”

  That was the most disappointing reason that could come out of his mouth. I shook my head, and walked down the rest of the stairs. I needed to get out of here. Go for a walk and clear my head, I’d planned on apartment hunting today, but honestly I didn’t have enough to rent a room let alone an apartment.