Deepest Desire

by Weston Parker

  "No." His voice was tight, his features showing me that he was agitated all of a sudden. "I'm in debt to one of the professors at school, and I need to get him his money back, but I don't have it."

  "In debt to a professor?" I turned to face him and tugged at the front of my shirt, feeling a little frumpy as three more girls in skimpy clothes jogged by and waved at my brother.

  "Yeah. It's the Adviser to Sigma. I shouldn't have borrowed the money, but I did, and now he wants it back. Like yesterday."

  "So tell him you don't have it." I put my hand on my hip, not liking the way my brother's composure melted.

  "I can't. He's going to fuck with my grades if I don't get him the money back soon." He ran his fingers through his light brown hair and spun in a circle, groaning loudly. "Why am I telling you this? It's not like you can do anything about it."

  "Hey. Love you too, jerk." I reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop. "Tell me how much it is and if I can help, I will. If not, you're going to have to go to Mom and Dad."

  "No fucking way." He glanced down at me. "Mom and Dad are fighting all the damn time right now, and the reason is that they're broke too."

  "How much money are we talking about, and where the hell is the money you borrowed? I don't see a new car or new clothes." I tilted my head to the side as dread welled up inside of me.

  "Twenty thousand dollars." He ran his hands down his face. "And we blew it at the casinos on the trip to Vegas."

  "Twenty thousand dollars?" My voice was loud, shrill.

  "Hey." He reached out and gripped my shoulder. "Hold it down, okay? Shit."

  "That's ridiculous. What would possess you to ask for that much? And why the hell would he give it to you?" I wrapped my arms around my waist, hugging myself. How my brother got himself in such a jacked up situation was beyond me, and yet, he'd been doing it for his whole life.

  "We knew it wouldn't be a good trip without some money, and he just wanted a quick fuck and the promise that we’d give it back."

  Bile rose in my throat. "You fucked your professor?"

  "What? No. Ralph did. You know he likes it in the ass." He glanced around. "Look, forget I said anything. I'll figure it out, alright? I just wanted someone to talk to about it."

  "Thomas, why can't we just go to the University and tell them that one of the professors was threatening you and raped Ralph?"

  He shook his head; his lip lifted like it always did when he was making a point that I was an idiot. "Ralph wouldn't come clean on that. He's in love with the guy, sis. And besides, the University has a no gambling policy."

  "You were in Vegas. They can't patrol that." I threw my hands in the air. "This isn't fair."

  "I agree, but we were the idiots that took the money and blew it. I'll get it back. Just help me think, okay?" He reached out and pulled on a strand of hair that had come loose from my ponytail. "I'll catch you later. Help me out of this?"

  "I'll try." I turned and watched him jog off. I didn't have twenty thousand dollars. Hell, I didn't even know anyone who did.

  After making my way back home, I took a quick shower and braided my hair. I was due at the library in twenty minutes, but no one cared if I was late. And as much as I loved my job, my real desire for clocking in late and staying late was to see Erik. He was rarely there before three in the afternoon.

  I pulled a bulky sweater dress over my head and tugged on it until it rested around my knees. After putting on a pair of striped tights that looked horrible with the dress, I slipped on my favorite pair of boots, grabbed my purse and headed out the door.

  "If you don't look like a slut, no one will treat you like one." My mother's voice echoed in my head. She was always the first to make me feel like I was worthless and the minute I wore something pretty, I'd get fucked and ruin my life.

  "So, I'll just look like an idiot instead." I shrugged and jogged down the stairs of my apartment into the chilly fall afternoon.

  The crimson and burnt orange leaves had started to fall from the trees above, making my walk to the library enjoyable. By the time I reached the massive glass doors, I was in a good mood and ready to spend the afternoon shuffling through piles of old books.

  "Hi, Grace." Clay glanced up and waved as I lifted my time card and clocked in. "I like your dress. It's very pretty."

  I smiled. "Really? Thanks."

  "You bet." He adjusted his glasses. "Your boyfriend is on the third floor, tucked into a corner all by himself. He's been there since we opened this morning."

  "Really?" I brushed my hands down my wet hair and walked out of the reference room in search of Erik. He wasn't my boyfriend, but damn if I didn't want him to be. Not that we'd work too well together. He was a bad boy from the wrong side of the tracks, and I was... pathetic.

  It had been a month since my best friend Jenna started dating Nate, and life had settled down a little, but I'd only grown antsier. Jenna had said that Erik teased her a few times about getting her to set him up with me, but it'd been four weeks and nothing.

  He didn't even look my way in the library anymore. It was beyond frustrating. Maybe he hadn't meant anything by his comment to Jenna? She called my bluff every time I brought it up. Was I really ready for a bastard like Erik when I'd yet to have my first real kiss?

  No. Not at all.

  The scent of his dark cologne rolled across my senses as I walked up the last flight of stairs and stopped short. He stood in a tight corner in front of me, his back pressed against the wall, his black jeans tight and sweater stretched across his thick chest.

  He glanced my way, and my heart stopped. How someone could look so fucking good with a constant five o'clock shadow and a stare that would scare grown-ass men was beyond me, but he did.

  My nipples budded tightly, and I took a shaky breath. "Hi, Erik."

  "Library Girl." He turned back to his book and flipped the page, ignoring the fact that I stood there for a few more minutes. Library girl. How insulting. As if he knew I was a prude that had never been much of anywhere nor was I going far and wide soon.

  "Asshole," I mumbled and turned, flipping my hair over my shoulder and pretending to work. It was going to be a long evening unless he left early, which he never did.

  He'd punish me with his rugged good looks and the thick bulge at the front of his jeans for the rest of the night. Like he did every night.

  I wanted to hate him, but he was every fantasy I'd ever had wrapped up into one delicious packet.

  "Night, Grace." A soft whisper touched the back of my hair as I yelped and turned to find him walking toward the stairs behind me.

  With my heart racing in my chest and body aching so badly, I walked quickly to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I wasn't Jenna. I wasn't ballsy and aggressive. I was sheltered, scared and starving for affection.

  A soft sigh left me as I slipped my hand under my skirt and lifted my leg. I wouldn't let anyone else have me before he got a chance. No matter how long that took. And until then, I'd simply take care of myself.

  Chapter 3

  Erik

  Desire raced through my veins as I jogged down the three flights of stairs in the library. The sweet princess on the third floor was playing a dangerous game with a man like me. She thought she wanted a night pressed to the chill of my black silk sheets, but she'd never survive it.

  The thought of making her scream left chill bumps all over my skin and my cock rock hard. Pissing her off was almost too easy, which was a warning sign. She'd convinced herself that I was the right man for her and that somewhere in my black persona was a beating heart.

  She was wrong. I'd fuck her hard and throw her out.

  It was the only way to handle the situation, no matter how badly I wanted love and connection. It wasn't meant to be. Not for a man like me. Not when my father expected so much of me, and often sent me to violate other people and their property. It left danger and death lurking everywhere. It would take one time for my girl to get caught up in the mix and she'
d die in my arms. Just like Delaney did every night in my dreams.

  I forced my morbid thoughts of my sister away and pulled out my phone to locate Nate. My best friend from childhood had recently joined the syndicate with me, though he hadn't really taken his place beside me just yet. He was pussyfooting around, trying hard to keep his nose clean thanks to being in love with Jenna.

  Not that I could blame him.

  "Speak of the devil." I turned and walked toward his and Jenna's apartment, leaving my bike at the library. I needed a reason to return later in hopes of accidentally bumping into Grace. I couldn't bring her into my world, not even for the promise of a much-needed fuck for both of us. It wasn't fair, and my father had plenty of whores to keep our balls empty when needed.

  Yeah, ‘cause that's what sex should be like.

  I growled at myself and walked up the stairs to Jenna's place, knocking twice before trying the knob.

  "Just a minute. Fuck." Nate's voice was gravely. He'd been sleeping or fucking. He pulled the door open and gave me a stern look. "What do you want?"

  "Did I interrupt something?" I tilted my head a little to the side. He was like a brother to me, and yet we'd been estranged for the last few years thanks to him refusing to help me when I needed him most. He wanted freedom, and I guess part of me was pissed that I didn't have that option. Maybe I was being a selfish prick.

  "I was sleeping on the couch." He moved back and lifted his free arm to stretch. "Jenna was somewhere around here."

  "In the kitchen." She walked out and slid her arms around my waist, surprising me a little. "I'm going to kill you."

  "Oh yeah?" I pulled her arms off of me and stepped back, needing my space. "Almost killing Ashley a few weeks before wasn't enough?" The last few weeks had been a weird transition since Nate's best friend, Ashley tried to kill him and Jenna. The situation spun out of control quickly, and Jenna asked for my help, knowing that I was the son of the only mafia boss in New York City. Not hard to figure out seeing that her father was the DA of the city and had pictures of me and my family all over his desk.

  "Not funny," Nate barked and moved over to drop down on the couch. "What smells good?"

  "While you were snoozing, I made pasta." Jenna turned and glanced up at me, her warm brown eyes filled with acceptance. It was a rare thing to see in my world. A part of me wanted to put a bullet in Nate's chest and steal his woman while he tried to recover, but I loved him like a brother and truth be told... I wasn't that interested in Jenna physically. She just represented a life I would never have, but one I wanted so fucking bad if I were being honest with myself. "You hungry?"

  "I could eat." I glanced down at my watch and shrugged. "I just left the library and don't have anywhere else to be." I followed her into the kitchen as Nate started in on me for being at the library and reading a book. As if there was another reason to go to the damn library.

  "Ignore him." She reached into the fridge and pulled out a beer. "Here. Take a load off."

  I took the beer and drank deeply. I didn't have many friends in the world, but Nate and Jenna were quickly becoming that for me. It scared me at times. No sooner would I let myself love them than they'd be taken... killed in cold blood.

  The image of my sister’s bloated little body killed my head, her face missing from the fish eating at her for two weeks.

  "Fuck," I spat out some of my beer and pressed my hand to my mouth.

  "Erik?" Jenna walked around the counter and put her hand on my back, rubbing softly. "What's going on?"

  "Nothing. Sorry." I pulled a little to my right. "Keep your hands to yourself, woman. Your guy in there is the jealous type, and I'd hate to defend myself when he comes limping in here threatening me."

  "Fuck you too, asshole," Nate called from the living room.

  "I'm good. Really." I glanced up at her and took another long sip of my beer, ignoring how good her tits looked in her t-shirt. Nate had himself a fine woman to strip down and worship every night. I'd have one too if I could get past being me.

  Jenna was pretty, but Grace was a goddess. I knew she was hiding herself from the world by wearing the horrible outfits that she did, and some part of me wanted to love her for it. She was saving herself, but for what? Who?

  Me. I wanted to believe it was me, but it was childish and silly.

  "I'm going to kill you for giving me a virus that would wipe out all of your family’s information from my Dad's computer. You told me it would just remove anything with your name on it." She shook her pretty head as she walked back into the kitchen.

  "Oh, right. About that. It's set up to wipe out anything with my first or last name." I shrugged and finished the beer. "I should get going. I just wanted to stop by to tell you that I need you to get Grace off my back. She's not the kind of girl I would ask out for the night, Jenna. I'm not a good guy. I'm looking for a quick fuck in a broom closet."

  "Jenna likes fucking in closets." Nate walked in and wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her large breasts as I stood there, trying to look normal.

  "Stop that." She swatted at his thigh and turned her attention back toward me. "She would be so good for you, Erik, but I appreciate that. She's my best friend, and I love her. The last thing I would want is for her to get wrapped up in your shit."

  "And she would." I walked toward the door at the sound of them kissing. "Night guys. Call me later, Nate. I'm not dangling from this string you have me on much longer. You owe me fucker."

  "Alright. Shit."

  I walked out to the sound of him complaining. Some part of me wanted to tell him never mind. That he could keep living his life of freedom and I'd just live vicariously through him, but I couldn't. Not yet. The syndicate was a dangerous place to be and only having Kane guarding my back left me exposed and unsure of my next steps.

  It was suicide, but Nate would be my saving grace.

  I walked up to my bike and got on, fighting the yearning to go back in the library and tote Grace off to a quiet place to give her a taste of what she wanted so bad. I glanced up in time to see her walk off, as if she were watching me.

  "Night, Kitten," I mumbled, put on my helmet and drove toward my father's mansion. I needed to drown myself in depravity, and I knew I could do it there.

  The ride did me little good. Being left with my thoughts, I found myself angry and tense over the situation brewing inside of me. Loneliness swirled deep inside, and I felt like a teenage boy, making wishes and laying dreams down on the tracks of my future as if anything would ever come of them. I was a slave to my situation, and I always would be.

  "Hey, buddy." Kane glanced up from watching TV. "You need something?"

  "Pussy." I turned and walked toward a large living room where my father usually had a few girls hanging out just in case. There were over twenty of us in the syndicate, and the women were part of the package.

  I stopped by the door and let my eyes scan the room. I wanted someone with dark hair that I could easily imagine to be my sweet librarian.

  "Erik," Sally purred and stood up, her breasts nice and big, her throat good and deep. "You need to let off some steam?"

  "Yeah." I reached out and grabbed her hand, jerking her to my side as I pointed to a new girl with long black hair. Her body was thin; her breasts small like Grace's. "You too. Come on."

  I wrapped my arm around Sally and turned, walking towards one of the big bedrooms in the back. She curled up to my side and tried to kiss at the side of my face before I pulled her back a little.

  "No kissing and keep your back to me. You know the rules." I released her and walked into the room, pulling off my sweater and working on my jeans. "What's your name?" I turned to the new girl.

  "Tiffany." She reached up and undid the string that held her skimpy dress up. It fell to the ground and left plenty of creamy skin on display.

  "Good. Grab a handful of condoms from the bathroom down the hall." I reached for Sally, cupping the side of her neck and rubbing the pad of her thumb over her lips. "Suc
k real hard for me."

  "Anything you want." She sunk to the floor and wrapped her hands around my cock as the door closed behind us.

  "Where do you want me?" Tiffany moved to my side, her eyes wide as if she'd never seen another woman give head.

  "I want you to be Grace for me tonight, alright? Get on the bed, hands and knees and lift your ass in the air."

  "Grace?" She blinked a few times as if she wasn't sure where she was.

  The delicious sounds of Sally sucking and licking at my cock had my knees weak. Sex. That's what I needed. It was enough to take my mind off everything.

  I grabbed the base of the girl’s throat and pulled her toward me. "Stop asking questions and get on the bed. Your only response tonight is ‘Yes, Sir’."

  She shook but stood still. I was a little proud of her. "Yes, Sir."

  "Good girl." I glanced down and ran my fingers through Sally's blond hair. "That's nice. Good and deep. Cup my balls with your free hand and finger yourself with the other one."

  She moaned and slipped her fingers under her panties, the smell of pussy filling the air.

  "Delicious," I whispered roughly and reached out, jerking the new girl toward me, her pretty ass in the air, her sex shaved and ready for depravity. I ran my fingers down her center, pressing into her a little before leaning over and tonguing her ass.

  She cried out, and I bit her ass hard. Her slit grew sloppy wet, and I knew I had her. Closing my eyes, I jerked my hips, driving into Sally’s mouth as I brought the pretty little thing on the bed to come on my face two or three times.

  Stepping back, I pulled my cock from Sally. "Out, sweetheart."

  "What? Seriously?" She pouted, but got up and walked to the door.

  "Close the door behind you." I climbed on the bed and grabbed a condom as the girl below me shook with ecstasy. "What's your name again, tonight?"

  "Grace," she whimpered.

  "Yeah. Perfect." I slid one hand into her hair and gripped my cock with the other. "I'm gonna fuck your pussy for a little while, and then you're going to tuck your hips and let me in your ass."