Why did Dym refuse to help me? My mind moved in circles around the question as I performed the spell. He seemed so earnest and sincere, so anguished when he said he couldn’t do anything. It made me want to believe him. Then there was the pesky fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about him and his welfare—even when I didn’t want to.
But I told myself I was saving Dym for purely altruistic reasons. I would do the same for anybody, I reasoned. Even if Dym turned out to be a selfish coward, that didn’t mean he deserved to die. I uttered the last words of the spell, holding in my heart the intention that Dym awaken when it was safe. Surely the spell’s caveat of “as long as necessary” would cover that.
“If the bloody thing works at all,” I muttered, and put the Book under my cot. Pulling the horse blanket over me, I tried to ignore its roughness and concentrate on the minimal warmth it provided. I prayed that tonight, at least my dreams would grant reprieve from the unending sense of doom.
For a long while, I tossed and turned on my cot, but at last, sleep washed over me, and I entered the Palace of Dreams. Unlike my previous dreams, this one was not shrouded in symbolism and metaphor: it was literally a palace. It looked like the home of an Olympian god, supported by columns like the ones at the main entrance of Silver Hill. The moon was just surrendering her reign on the right side of the sky, the sun peeking over a rose-red threshold on the left. There was a valley of mountains with a river running down the center. In the early-morning light, you could see the valley for miles. Never before had I beheld anything so breathtaking.
Things made sense here, the way they only did in dreams. Despite the insane events of the past few weeks, the palace radiated order and logic. I couldn’t really explain how. It just seemed that here, I was reminded of truths that in daytime were disguised as lies. Of my real self that in waking hours must hide behind a mask. I walked the flawless marble halls, drunk on the infinite space between sleeping and waking. I remember being soothed by the wild sweetness of my vision, as if no harm could breach the impenetrable wall it built.
But nothing could have prepared me for what happened when I woke up.
Chapter 13
I knew something was wrong the moment I opened my eyes.
I couldn’t really explain how, except that it was too quiet. Although it was always quieter in the garret than in the girls’ dorms, this was different somehow. It was an eerie stillness. I sat up in my cot and looked out the window. The slant of the light was completely off. It wasn’t early morning, the time I usually heard Cutter or one of her cronies banging on my door.
I must have overslept. But how was that possible? We were never allowed to sleep in, and I didn’t need that much sleep in the first place. The mental strain of the past few weeks must have taken more of a toll than I realized.
I got up, smoothed out my dress, and looked out the window again. The sun was setting! My jaw dropped. Something was definitely wrong.
“Miss?” I heard a tentative knock. “Miss?” Definitely not Cutter. The voice would have been deeper, meaner. Not to mention the full weight of her heavy fist would have been pounding against the door. I heard keys turning, and a small, mousy woman walked in with her nurse’s cap askew.
“Come with me.” She turned and began walking briskly down the steps and into the hall. I almost had to lift my skirts and jog to keep up with her.
“Shouldn’t we be going to breakfast?” I asked as we passed the cafeteria. But the nurse didn’t answer. I supposed it was a little late for breakfast, after all. We passed the schoolroom and solarium as well.
“Where is everyone?” I didn’t see Rose, Laura, or any of the other girls. In fact, I didn’t see any other staff members as we walked, either.
“I’m not at liberty to say, Miss,” the nurse finally answered. “All I can say is I’m glad fetchin’ you is my last assignment before I get out of ’ere.”
“Get out of here?”
“I’ve been let go—not that I’m complainin’, mind you,” she said hurriedly. “Frankly, I can’t wait to get into decent employ. I ’ad enough of them long nights in this gods-forsaken place.” Her eyes scanned the shadowy walls and ceilings as if she expected them to come to life and attack her.
“Why did they let you go?”
Now she turned and looked me up and down as if I had no right to exist. “Well, ain’t we the nosy one?” she said. “Not that it’s any of your business, but Dr. Catron said ’e couldn’t trust me no more. Don’t know why, seein’ as ’ow I’m one of the most upright souls on this ’ere earth. But ’e’s been actin’ more funny that way lately, ’ardly trustin’ nobody. Anyway, it ain’t none of my concern. Like I said, I’m just glad to be gettin’ out of this circle of ’ell. Though I ain’t lookin’ forward to leavin’ through that there big ’allway. The way they ’ave them layin’ on the floor like that, it ain’t right.” She shuddered. “They should at least cover ’em with a sheet or somethin’.”
Alarm bells were ringing in my head. “Cover what?” I demanded. Still no answer.
“Gettin’ even worse, if you ask me, with ’im sayin’ that Event supposed to be tonight and all,” she muttered to herself, shivering.
Oh, no! The Event is tonight? I knew it was coming soon, but I hadn’t realized it was that soon. Is there a chance Catron’s wrong? I had no idea what was going on, but it was time to find out. I stopped in the middle of the hall.
“I’m not going another step until you tell me where everyone is and where you’re taking me.”
The nurse’s mouth made a little O, and she grabbed me by the wrist with more strength than I expected from someone her size. “Now, you listen ’ere.” She shook me hard. “You’re comin’ with me and that’s that. You’s the last job I ’ave before I can collect my check and leave this place, and I’ll not ’ave you interferin’ with my leavin’!” She twisted my arm and began dragging me.
“If you think I’m going anywhere with you, then you’re crazier than anyone who ever passed through the gates of Silver Hill!” I snapped. Then I kicked her hard in the shins, and she let go of my arm.
“Ow!” The nurse howled and grabbed her leg. “Devil take you, you ’ateful little—oy! Oy, you! Get back ’ere!” But I was already running as fast as I could down the hall.
“I said get back ’ere!” the mousy nurse shrieked. Then, to herself: “Which way did she go? Drat these dark ’alls! Doctor can’t be bothered to turn up the gas, and I can ’ardly see a bloody thing!” The sound of her cursing my name and Catron’s grew softer and softer as I ran faster and faster.
Passing a tall window on my left, I could see that the sun had set completely now. Outside was the rich blackness of the night sky, strewn with stars. Too late, I realized I was running towards the treatment rooms, where Catron conducted his experiments. I hadn’t meant to come here, but when I started running, my only thought was to get away from the nurse.
Was she taking me to the treatment rooms all along? I didn’t see Catron or anyone else in what must have been the old waiting room. It was as broken-down as the rest of the asylum; paint was peeling off the walls, baseboards were disintegrating, and chairs and tables had legs and seats missing. But the condition of the room wasn’t the worst thing about it.
The worst thing was how Laura looked in the wheelchair right in front of me.
Her hands and feet were bound to the chair with leather straps. Her hair was a mess, her dress disheveled. She was doubled over, mumbling and crying. I reached out to put a hand on her shoulder.
“Laura?” I said as gently as I could.
Laura’s head jerked up and she shrieked. I was so surprised I jumped back. There was no recognition in her big blue eyes, which seemed to stare right past me. They had a filmy, watery quality to them. She continued mumbling, but more angrily this time. Now, her eyes darted back and forth between me and the ground.
What on heaven and earth did they do to her? The only thing I could think of was that they’d shocked her so ma
ny times it destroyed parts of her brain. Or maybe the whole of it, for all I knew.
Laura would never be able to contact Aunt Mae now. And it was unlikely her aunt could do anything to help if she did. Catron and the rest of those evil bastards have all but killed an innocent person. I turned away, unable to comfort Laura, or even look at her. That was when I saw Rose.
She was seated in a wheelchair a few feet away, but at least she wasn’t strapped down. Her body was so still, I thought she was sleeping, or unconscious. I rushed over to her.
“Rose?” I cried. “Rose, wake up!”
As I drew closer, I saw her eyes were open. But something wasn’t right. Rose seemed catatonic, unmoving. Even odder was the fact that her bangs were hanging over her eyes. Rose hated when hair fell in her face. And though her hands were free, she wasn’t making a move to push it back. With the lightest of touches, I pushed the curls away for her. That was when I saw them. Long, unhealed incisions on either side of her head.
From a lobotomy.
I’d read about lobotomies in textbooks. They were surgical procedures that severed nerves in the front of the brain. The surgery was used to decrease or eliminate unwanted behavior in patients—something Catron had always been keen on doing. All the air seemed to rush out of my lungs when I realized Rose wasn’t catatonic. In fact, she wasn’t even breathing.
Rose was dead.
I jumped back the same way I had with Laura, this time covering my mouth with both hands. My eyes ran all over Rose, looking for signs of life. But there were none. Gingerly, I lifted the clipboard attached to the side of her wheelchair and read the notes scribbled there.
“ ‘Uncontrollable obsession with nicotine,’ ” I mouthed. “ ‘All methods to end obsession failed due to patient’s refusal to cooperate with treatment.’ ”
“ ‘Cooperate with treatment,’ ” I said bitterly. “As in ‘let them torture her,’ most likely. Oh, Rose.” My eyes filled with tears that I willed not to fall. “I always said cigarettes would kill you. But I never dreamed it would be like this.” I realized this was why girls had been “disappearing” from Silver Hill. Most of them were getting killed during—or after—lobotomies.
I heard Laura whimper, her eyes moving back and forth between Rose and me. How could they have left her alone with a dead body? I hated to think of Rose that way, but essentially, that was what she was now. Then again, why wouldn’t they just leave Laura and Rose here together? It wasn’t as if they ever cared about their mental welfare. I walked back to where Laura sat. I couldn’t leave her, or she might share Rose’s fate. I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my fists, trying to figure out what to do.
And to think I tried to convince Rose she was crazy. Now, I could never apologize, never tell her why I’d done it. Both my friends were gone forever. I never even got the chance to say good-bye. I was so lost in thought that Nurse Cutter’s voice came to me like a jolt of electricity.
“Ah, Seluna. You’re just in time.” She swung open a set of double doors at the end of the waiting room, an orderly on either side of her. “Looks like that dull-witted junior nurse managed to get you ’ere after all. Come with us.” She smiled. “Dr. Catron is acceleratin’ your treatment.”
I was so startled that I pointed straight at Cutter and the orderlies. I thought I felt a snap at the end of my index finger, like static.
“What’s she doin’, then, Miz Cutter?” One of the orderlies looked at me with a furrowed brow.
“I ain’t never seen loonies point like that nowhere, I ain’t,” said the other. “And what was that at the end of ’er finger?”
So I didn’t imagine it. I glanced down quickly at my hand, but there was nothing unusual about it.
“Never you mind what she’s doin’!” snapped Cutter. “Lunatics do whatever suits them, no matter what decent folk think. That’s what makes them lunatics. And it’s Nurse Cutter, you bleedin’ idiot. Now, stop dawdlin’; we got a treatment scheduled.”
This wasn’t good. “Accelerating treatment” was definitely a negative at Silver Hill. Just look what happened to Rose. I had to get out of here—fast. But I couldn’t leave without Laura. I lowered my arm and put my hand on her shoulder. She began to make low moaning noises.
“What’s going to happen to Laura? Where are the rest of the girls? What did you do to them?” I demanded.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but that junior nurse is takin’ this patient—” Cutter jutted her round chin at Laura—“to ’er parents’ ’ouse. Then that silly woman’ll be on ’er way to ’er new position. The carriage we telegraphed for should be ’ere any minute now to pick them up.”
So there is a telegraph machine at Silver Hill. Probably in Catron’s office, where I first assumed it was. Little good it did me now.
“As for the rest of the patients,” Cutter said in a dark voice, “some of them went ’ome. You know that.”
“What about the ones that didn’t?” I asked. Laura gave a squeal.
Cutter set her lips in a firm line, and her cheeks bulged slightly. “Now, you listen ’ere. I’ve ’ad quite enough of your cheek. You’re comin’ with us to see Dr. Catron without any more of a fuss.”
“And what if I don’t want to?”
It was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.
Finally, Cutter spoke—very, very slowly. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll come with us. Right. Now.”
My eyes darted from orderly to orderly. Both were good-size, burly men. The kind that would be hard to fight off. They kept looking at Cutter, then at me, awaiting instructions. I tried stalling for time. “I just want to know where you’re taking me, and what’s going to happen once we’re there. Asking such things is hardly a crime, is it?”
Still looking at me, Cutter held her hand in the air and snapped her fingers. Without a word, the two orderlies pulled and pushed me into a straitjacket that seemed to come out of nowhere.
It’s hard to describe how unsettling it is to be in a straitjacket. There’s just enough give in the sleeves to make you think you can wiggle yourself out. But no matter how hard you try, you can’t. Never before had I felt so powerless. I don’t know if one could say I handled the situation with sangfroid, but whatever it was, it was the sole thing standing between me and panic. Laura, on the other hand, was squealing like a stuck pig.
Cutter was calm as could be while I grunted and wrestled fruitlessly against my bonds. “That’ll be all for now, gentlemen. Dr. Catron and I thank you for your service.”
“What’s that, then?” one orderly asked.
“I said, ‘Thank you for your service,’ ” she repeated, taking me by the arm. “Which, incidentally, is no longer needed at Silver ’ill.”
“You firin’ us, then, are you?” the other orderly asked, his jaw growing slack.
“That’s about the gist of it. Be sure and collect your things on the way out.” She turned with me towards the double doors.
“Now, see ’ere—” started the orderly on the left.
“No, you see.” Cutter turned around, nearly taking my arm off. “I’ve no time for any more shenanigans tonight. I said your services is no longer needed. There ain’t no more duties for you to perform. If I was you, I’d leave ’ere as soon as possible. There should be just enough room on the carriage that’s arrivin’ shortly. Unless you want to speak to Dr. Catron about it, of course.”
The orderlies looked at one another. Despite the fact that they both seemed much stronger than Catron, one of them swallowed hard, and the other grimaced.
“Well, do you?” Cutter asked menacingly. “Want to take it up with Catron, that is?”
“Er, well—” started the one on the left.
“There’s glowin’ letters of reference tacked to the doors of your rooms. I’m sure you’ll find them very useful in seekin’ new employ.”
The orderlies looked at each other again, and this time, it was the one on the right who spoke.
“Thank you kin
dly, Nurse Cutter. Best of luck to you, then.” He nodded to the other man.
“Ah, yes. Best of luck, ma’am.” They tipped their caps to Cutter and walked quickly down the other end of the hall. They didn’t give me so much as a second glance.
“Well, thank goodness that’s done,” Cutter said under her breath. “Them was the last two orderlies. Now it’s just me and Dr. Catron, the way it should be. Two true professionals workin’ together.” She smiled and turned both of us towards the double doors again.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear Cutter was in love with Catron. The very thought was nauseating. But what she said also meant I was alone with them at Silver Hill.
“Wait a minute. Are you saying that you, Dr. Catron, and I are the only ones left in this asylum?” I asked.
“That’s what I said, ain’t it?” Cutter snapped. “’Onestly, it’s no wonder you girls end up in the predicaments you do. Ain’t even got the decency to listen.”
“I was under the impression you were muttering to yourself.”
Cutter spun me around by the shoulders and slapped me across the face. I was so surprised, I couldn’t think of anything to say. My cheek was burning, but of course, the straitjacket prevented me from putting my hand to it.
“That’s enough!” Cutter’s voice seethed with rage. “You just wait till Dr. Catron gets ’old of you. ’E knows what to do with impertinent little wretches.” She grabbed me roughly by the elbow, opened the doors, and dragged me down the hall. Laura’s squeals died down until I couldn’t hear them anymore. “Oh, yes,” she said, smiling again. “If you ain’t the one we’re lookin’ for, I don’t know who is.”
I tried pulling in the opposite direction, leaning all of my weight against the force of Cutter’s arm. But she was too strong for me. She shoved me through the door of an operating theater, where Dr. Catron was waiting.
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