The Spring I Met You

by Tanya Mindo

  Zoe was a cross-enrollee, so she didn’t need to enroll at her home university for the second semester. Meanwhile, the beginning of the Spring-Summer semester at the University of Tokyo was three months away. She still had quite some time to prepare or to do something productive.

  At random times, she wondered how Elle and Seth were doing. If their classes were fun even without her around. She envied how they spent every single day together like usual. Without a doubt, she missed them already.

  She wrote in her journal when these moments bothered her to calm her nerves. It helped when she turned her emotions into words as if she could control them and not the other way around. She had made her decision, and missing them was part of the consequence. Her parents getting angry was part of it too.

  In the last week of January, Seth and Zoe went out on a date to celebrate their ‘anniversary’. Zoe insisted that they go out. Seth was reluctant to call it ‘anniversary’, but he eventually gave in. Zoe was leaving soon. They shouldn’t be arguing.

  Their passion for reading was one thing they had in common, so they decided to stop by a bookstore to start the day. The two of them strolled inside in complete silence, captivated and satisfied just by the mere scent of fresh and new pages.

  New books had always comforted Zoe in a way nothing else could. Her eyes traveled to the titles and the authors’ names, trying to find something familiar and interesting. Her fingers touched the edges of the shelves. At last, she found one: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. She pulled it out of the shelf.

  “Look, Seth. This is one of my favorite books.”

  Seth’s eyebrows furrowed and then he took the book from her fingers. He flipped the pages for a few seconds before giving it back to Zoe. Seth preferred thriller and horror books written by the likes of Stephen King. Zoe expected his indifference.

  “Looks short. What’s it about?”

  “About creating your own reality.”

  “Hmm, interesting.” But Seth didn’t sound interested. Zoe continued, nonetheless.

  “It’s truly inspiring. Coelho says in the book that people should be braver in chasing what they truly want. I mean, we can all create the reality that our hearts desire if we dare to pursue it.”

  Seth raised his eyebrows. “Zoe, it’s easy for any fictional work to say that you can do whatever you want, but in reality, you should know your boundaries. There are cultures and traditions. There are rules in society that we cannot just break. We all have limits, whether physical, cultural, or societal. Especially economic.”

  “I know, Seth. If you’re poor, you can’t just choose to do what your heart wants. That’s something only privileged people can afford,” Zoe replied, her muscles turning rigid. “I mean, if a person has the means. Besides, traditions and rules are man-made. Societies change over time.”

  “It will take quite a period for changes to be accepted.”

  “That’s fair. But in our generation, we can question social norms that no longer make any sense. We are, at a bare minimum, freer.”

  “Point taken.” Seth let out a sharp breath. “Let’s veer away from the wider picture since we’re just talking about our personal lives.”

  Seth turned around and started walking again. Zoe trailed behind him, her footsteps getting heavier.

  “It’s true that we can make our own choices. After all, we are responsible for our own lives. But what’s bound to happen will happen no matter how much we steer our path in a different direction.”

  Seth’s voice became low and deep. “No matter how much we fight it.”

  At this point, Zoe’s heart began to sink. “What I’m trying to say is that it’s still up to you and me to do whatever we want in our lives. Even if it takes breaking rules that are probably self-imposed.”

  Or imposed by family.

  Seth clicked his tongue.

  The conversation was turning the mood sour. It wasn’t how Zoe wanted the entire day to become, but she couldn’t help arguing her point.

  “Zoe, I know you’re just trying to justify your decision to leave university.”

  She flinched. “I’m not leaving university. I’m going on an exchange. I’m still going to school.”

  “That exchange program is just meant to delay your graduation. An exchange where your subjects won’t be credited since you’ve almost completed our required units. They won’t affect your grades. I’d understand if you had left during our sophomore or junior year, but senior year?”

  Zoe hung her head. “You make it sound like I’m doing something useless. Maybe it’s not just about my academics, Seth. Maybe it’s about something else. There is more.”

  “You’re scared of the future, I get it. But you know that in the end you’ll come back to where you’re supposed to be, right?”

  She raised her chin. “And where is that, Seth? Where am I supposed to be?”

  “You know where,” he said, then he forced a smile that showed the tiny gap between his two upper front teeth. He reached out and touched her arm.

  “I know, Zoe. You’re going to the exchange to be something more. Whatever that means. But you’re good enough, alright?”

  With a sad smile, he added, “I wish you would stop… Changing.”

  Zoe chose to drop the subject. She just wanted to get some reassurance from Seth, but it seemed like that wasn’t happening. It saddened her to know that Seth wished that she’d stop changing, especially since that was what she wanted. It was as if what was going on in her head, what she had decided to do, was not good for her—for them.

  Seth and Zoe were somehow, alike. They were both raised by strict parents. The only difference was that Seth wanted to go to law school. He knew what he aspired to become, so he had no problems with following his parents’ will. Therefore, even when Seth claimed that he knew what Zoe was going through, he did not. Not really.

  After a few more minutes of silence and looking around the store, they decided to eat lunch at an Italian restaurant.

  They entered the restaurant, his fingers clasped with Zoe’s as if the exchange earlier did not ruin the mood. It was what they did best after all: ignore disagreements. They sat next to the enormous glass window where they could see people passing by.

  Seth chose the place. Zoe thought it looked pretty and neat, although it wasn’t the type of place to go to when couples want a romantic ambiance.

  She kicked the thoughts away from her head. The day hadn’t been that great so far. There was no way she would add fuel to the fire.

  They gave out their orders to the waitress. Zoe picked her usual spaghetti with meatballs, apple juice, and tiramisu for dessert. Seth ordered a cup of coffee, pizza, and a bowl of salad.

  She believed she needed to change the mood as she noticed that Seth’s eyes became wistful. His knees grazed hers when he shifted in his seat. He apologized without looking at her.

  Zoe drew a deep breath.

  “This is for you.”

  She handed Seth a silver watch as a gift. She chose it with Elle’s help. Seth’s face brightened making her feel relieved. He followed suit and took out a necklace with his initial S. It was sweet—territorial—but sweet. Zoe teased him knowing his ulterior motive.

  “Now this is obvious. You don’t need to worry, alright?” Zoe said, giving the pendant a light squeeze.

  “You don’t know that,” Seth responded. He rose from his chair and stood behind her to help her put it on. “I just want to make sure everyone knows that somebody’s waiting for you here.”

  Zoe smiled at the gesture. But she wished she knew what was going on in his mind when he made her feel special.

  He means it. I know he does.

  “Seth… I… Are we--”

  “You’re important to me, Zoe.”

  Seth knew how beautiful Zoe was even though she wasn’t aware. She was morena, her nose dainty, and her hair was long, shiny, and black. Her eyelashes were short but thick, and she had straight teeth. Her anthracite eyes were alluring, and
often, they gave away what she was feeling. A tiny mole on the corner of her left eye was visible with a closer look, and her cheeks were prominent. She may be short at 5’2”, but that was already considered normal for an Asian woman. She rarely applied makeup, and even without it she looked perfectly fine.

  She never realized the effect she had on people. Her smile was contagious, and her lovely voice was what drew Seth to her at first. He heard her singing quietly by the benches near the gate a week after freshman year started, and he instantly wanted to know her.

  Once more, as Seth stared at her face, he felt that he was afraid to lose her.

  Zoe was his best friend. She was the person he trusted more than anyone. And with all honesty, he wanted to be happy for her because she deserved it.

  He just couldn’t. For a reason he couldn’t admit yet, he knew that something was going to change between them.

  When he was finished putting the necklace on Zoe, she spun to face him.

  “You know that, right?” Seth added.

  A small smile crossed her face, then she nodded.

  It’s alright. He’s not good with words. Why do I keep on asking for more?

  “I’ll message you often. It’s just a one-hour difference. We’ll be fine.”

  Seth’s thin lips pressed against each other, his broad shoulders sagging. Zoe’s throat closed up.

  Still, she couldn’t back out after everything that she had sacrificed to get accepted. The process was tedious. She even received a scholarship.

  Her only wish was for the people around her aside from Elle to support her, but it didn’t seem likely to happen any time soon.

  The day of her departure was March 28.

  Time flew quickly and before Zoe knew it, she was already shopping for Spring clothes, shoes, and a suitcase. The weather in Japan was cold at 8 degrees Celsius.

  Zoe had also started learning how to cook from her mother. On her first try, she overcooked the eggs and ruined the fried fish. The beef stew was also too salty. It took a week of practice before she could perfect the basics.

  Her parents remained worried and disapproving. However, they were left with no choice but to pay for everything she needed. Sometimes, Zoe thought about whether they believed that she was only doing it out of spite.

  A big part of her wanted them to realize that it was her life. For once, she wanted to feel like she had control over it.

  Meanwhile, Seth started to be more anxious and whinier as her flight drew nearer. Every time Elle mentioned her exchange program, his expression changed as if Zoe’s impending departure was truly bothering him.

  Zoe was a bit pleased. Because despite Seth’s refusal to call her his girlfriend, he didn’t want her to leave his side. Elle told Zoe that she was stupid to be happy about it.

  On the night of the 27th, she tossed and turned on her bed. Anxiety enveloped her body once more. Her breathing quickened, and her stomach churned. Irrational ideas kept sliding into her mind like a stampede.

  She checked her alarm clock. It was already 2 AM.

  Zoe’s eyes stared at the ceiling. Tiny sweat drops rolled down her temples despite the cold temperature. The air conditioner was on at 16 degrees Celsius, but she felt warm inside.

  I wanted this. I wanted to see the world and experience it by myself.

  She exhaled and then closed her eyes, silently wishing that she wasn’t making a stupid mistake.

  “Ichi… Ni… San… Shi... Yon… Go…”

  She counted in Japanese softly until she finally fell asleep.

  Zoe finally snaps back to the present time.

  She is inside the plane, sitting next to the window. Nobody is seated beside her. She rests her chin on her palm while she watches people walk along the aisle. Most of the passengers are Japanese flying home from a vacation at the beach. She knows because she can see their sunburn and tan lines. Two to three passengers are also wearing I love Boracay shirts.

  The memory of Ma crying keeps on entering her mind, and it breaks her heart. She takes a deep breath.

  In truth, she isn't as callous as she appears to be, but it was a choice she had to make to save herself.

  To remove the image in her head, she attempts to listen to the passengers’ conversations as they pass her seat. To her frustration, she barely understands anything. The grammar and verb conjugations are way different from both Tagalog and English.

  I’m screwed.

  The captain begins to speak on the radio and soon, the stewards and stewardesses start to demonstrate the safety precautions. The plane takes off a few minutes later.

  The flight is smooth, yet she can’t fall asleep. She doesn’t have an appetite, and she often runs to the lavatory.

  The anxiety is too strong, especially now that she is on her way to her biggest adventure. Or biggest mistake. She prays that it’s the former. She decides to watch a movie to speed up time. The television in front of her has so many choices, but she ends up choosing a romance film starring Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore.

  Three and a half hours later, the plane lands at Haneda Airport. Her worry and excitement explode simultaneously. She peers out the window, and blood rushes through her veins as it hits her that she is in Tokyo.

  It is a beautiful sunny day. She disembarks with the rest of the passengers.

  As soon as she reaches the waiting area, her head becomes dizzy. Zoe’s eyes travel from left to right, her heart pounding. The airport is sparkling clean and modern, with numerous benches lined up. Hundreds of people are waiting. She notices a money changer and a convenience store right away. Her knees become wobbly as she pushes her cart to avoid blocking the way.

  Zoe gulps incessantly. The bustling people of different races pass by her, each having their purpose and priorities. Numerous voices overlap with each other. It reminds her once more that she is miles away from home.

  Zoe’s heart thumps loudly, the truth sinking in that she is going to live in this country.

  This is my home now. At least, temporarily.

  Zoe blows out of her cheeks.

  I’ll be okay. You can do this, Zoe.

  She moves to the side and sits on a bench near Mizuho. She immediately connects to the wi-fi. As promised, she quickly sends a message to her parents. She also messages Seth and Elle. Without waiting for their replies, she exchanges her US dollars to the Japanese Yen. Thankfully, the lady knows how to speak English, although it is difficult to understand because of her accent. Afterward, she proceeds to the washroom.

  Zoe doesn’t know how she will be able to take her suitcase inside. Living in the Philippines has taught her that she should keep her valuables as close as possible.

  Ah, whatever!

  She leaves her things outside the washroom.

  I’ll be quick. Please don’t let anything happen to my stuff.

  Of course, Zoe wants to do her business fast. However, the restroom catches her in awe. It is ridiculously clean, and the toilet has too many buttons to press. Luckily, her instinct is right on where to press for the flush. She leaves the washroom in panic.

  Zoe finds her luggage at the same place where she left it—untouched. She sighs in relief, then she checks her messages. As expected, Ma bombards her with too many questions. She patiently replies to all of them to calm her down.

  Soon, she proceeds to buy a bus ticket to Kichijoji station.

  “Excuse me, hi,” she greets the attendant. “I’d like one ticket to Kichijoji please.”

  The Japanese lady makes a ‘one’ sign using her finger and mentions ‘Kichijoji’ again, so she realizes that she pronounced it incorrectly. She simply nods and says, “Hai. Arigatou gozaimasu.”

  Zoe feels proud. So far, so good.

  She takes the elevator to the limousine bus stop. Crossing the threshold, her mouth instantly dries up, and her fingers turn numb. Her lips crack and become chapped. It is freezing!

  She immediately drags her suitcase to the side and swiftly zips it open, oblivious to the fact t
hat other passengers are side eyeing her. The people stare, some whisper, but she is too distressed to care.

  Zoe’s entire body shivers as she moves. She constantly shifts her weight from one foot to the other as she pulls out and wears her thickest puffer jacket. It is still freezing, but at least she will survive.