Bella: The Ending: A Sagatori Family Saga

by Kimberly Soto

  He paused and slipped his hands into his jean pockets. “Okay,”

  I built my wall up as quickly as I could before the others returned. I wouldn’t look weak in front of them.

  Chase opened the door and Sal, Tony, and the doctor entered the room. Their expressions were eager. Did they really give a shit about Jax, or did they just want to be right about him?

  Sal stepped forward. “What’s it gonna be?”

  “I think there’s been some miscommunicated information. First, I’m in charge when it comes to my husband and my family. I say what goes and when it goes. Is that clear?”

  “This isn’t about you, Bella, the world doesn’t revolve around you and what makes you feel superior.”

  I lifted my brows confused. Did Sal want an argument with me?

  “I’ve listened to you disrespect Bella for the last time. Your snide ass comments aren’t gettin’ you any gold fuckin’ stars. Do you fuckin’ people see what this is doin’ to her? This is about her. Her entire life has been turned upside down since she’s been here. Give her a goddamn break. I’m his brother, Sal. I want what’s best for him just like Bella. I’m with her. We will do whatever she wants, and I swear to God, if you fuck with me on that, I’ll kill you myself.”

  “Chase!” He had good intentions, but he couldn’t threaten him like that. At least not with strangers in the house.

  The doctor moved forward attempting to calm the two. “Okay, how about we take a breath. I think you’ve all made it known that you love him. He’s so lucky to have all of you.”

  “No!” Sal raised his palm to the doctor. “You makin’ threats is gonna be bad for you.”

  “Oh yeah, bring it, asshole,” Chase shot.

  “What in the actual fuck is goin’ on right now? Our boss’ wife is standin’ a foot away, he’s all fucked up down the hall, and you’re about to tear the room down.” Tony shook his head. “Bella, what were you sayin’?”

  I quietly stood wishing my life was different somehow. I drew a breath and continued. “I will be saying goodbye to my husband, that isn’t up for discussion.”

  “Bella, I see that you need that closure, so I’m going to agree to it this one time only,” the doctor said flatly.

  “Thank you for coming. I think you do want to help him, but you don’t tell me anything when it comes to Jax. I tell you. We need to make that very clear.” I turned my attention to the entire room.

  “Okay… I don’t think you understand how this works, and I…” She hesitated, looking to Sal then Chase. “When someone is in therapy, things like this”—she raised her hand to the two of them—“can easily cause stress and then a setback. He needs to learn how to live without the drug, and in doing so he needs to re-learn his coping mechanisms or develop new ones. He needs time to adjust mind, body, and spirit without worrying his family is falling apart.”

  I understood, more than anyone, how that might affect someone’s health. “I’ll say goodbye.”

  “Okay.”

  “Will I have contact with him after he leaves?”

  “Of course. When he’s on a good path and I see he’s healing, you’ll be able to talk to him.”

  “What about letters? Can I write to him?”

  She blinked, moving her eyes to the wall. “Perhaps.”

  “That’s better than nothing I suppose.” I turned toward Chase. “Are you going with him?”

  “I’m staying in Chicago.”

  I was grateful he’d be close. I needed a friend around once in a while.

  I nodded.

  “I’ll take her to see him.” Chase wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

  We turned left into the dimly lit hallway and pressed toward the guest bedroom. I stilled my steps at the room’s entrance watching as Alessandra pressed a cloth to Jax’s forehead. Unable to see his face from where I stood, I quickly doubted that I was strong enough to follow through with this. Seeing him in a situation he couldn’t escape was more than I could take.

  And as if he’d heard my thoughts, Chase responded, “You don’t have to do this.” He stood behind me, my back to his chest and his hands on my shoulders.

  I lifted my hand as my stomach filled with nervousness. “No, I’m good.” I lied.

  I didn’t look back for a response as I moved my left foot across the threshold. Chase released his hands and didn’t move forward with me.

  Alessandra's expression was full of concern as I approached, but she continued pressing the cloth to his face.

  His eyes were closed, but I wasn’t sure if he was sleeping when I asked, “Can I have a minute with him?”

  She hesitated as she watched me, but lifted from the edge of the bed and left the room, closing the door behind her.

  I stepped closer standing only five feet from the bed—from Jax. I held my hands tightly together in front of my belly as I watched him sleep peacefully, terrified to approach him.

  “Bella?”

  A tear fell.

  “Come here.”

  I sucked in a fast breath and wiped at a falling tear. “Are you okay?” I didn’t move forward as I stared at his wide, glassy eyes.

  “You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.”

  I had. I wiped away the salty taste of another tear. “I’m just”—I cleared my throat—“worried about you.”

  “I’m okay.” He patted the bed. “Come sit.”

  I scratched at my hair and slowly moved forward. “I-I am so sorry.” As I sat my bottom sank into the memory foam mattress.

  He lifted and removed the blanket. I could see them, the track marks on his arm. A cry came from a place deep in the pit of my stomach followed by an ache I’d never felt before. It hurt so badly I thought I might die. But his expression stopped me—one of sorrow and guilt. I couldn’t let him feel that way. This wasn’t his fault. It was mine, and I refused to let him take that on.

  He covered his arm with the sleeve of his shirt, pulling it down as far as it would go. “I’m sorry.” He shrugged.

  “This isn’t your fault.” I leaned in closer. “It’s mine, all of it.” I was grateful that Jax was alert and actually speaking to me. I swallowed and wiped another tear from the tip of my nose.

  “No, it’s not. You didn’t stick the needle in my arm.”

  “But I called him.”

  “Who fuckin’ cares, Bella. That shit’s over and done.” He watched me through narrowed eyes. “Why do you always live in the past?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know,”

  “You gotta start living in the present. There isn’t anything you can do to change any of what’s happened, not even this.”

  There was nothing more I wanted than to make it all go away and have him hold me in his arms. “They want to take you to New York.”

  “I know.”

  “They don’t want me to go.”

  He nodded.

  “I want to.”

  “I know you do.”

  I sniffled. “I don’t want to be without you. We went all of that time and now this.”

  His eyes closed. “Bella, I love you. I will always love you.” His hand slid to mine tracing circles over my knuckle. “But you don’t need this stress right now.” His lips pressed into a hard line. “I can’t give you what you need while I’m recovering. I need this. You need this.” His expression, the wrinkles in his eyes and forehead, painted a dark and pained expression.

  Him admitting that he needed to be away from me hit like a bat to my gut, and I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. I didn’t want to listen to him tell me he needed to be away from me. “I can’t do this… listen to you admit you can’t be with me now.” I tilted my head into a sigh. “I just… I just wanted to say goodbye.”

  He nodded and gently caressed my hand. “I’ll see you soon, okay?” Something in what, or how he’d said it, was off. Everything was off. My entire life was off.

  “I love you, Jax.”

  “I love you too.”

  I leaned forward an
d pressed a kiss to his forehead before lifting from the bed. I took one raw, hardened look capturing it to memory before turning and leaving the room.

  I was numb, but could still feel the prickles of fear crawling around my flesh that I was forever losing my husband.

  I was terrified.

  I had no control over my life, I’d never been in control. I didn’t choose my parents—I wouldn’t have, of course—but that had turned into a disaster. There was my marriage and that I definitely hadn’t chosen. I was but a woman who had absolutely no choices and only pain to cradle.

  My heart jumped as the realization that I was miserable and devastated that he’d pushed me out took hold.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  —Bella—

  Chase waited in the hallway as I stepped out. “Bella?” He smoothed my hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. “You need to rest, have you eaten?”

  I shook my head. “I’m not hungry.” My hands landed on his forearms as he gripped my elbows.

  “I get that, but you need to take care of the baby. You gotta think of him now.”

  “Thank you,”

  “For?”

  “For being here,”

  I watched as his chest rose with a breath. “I’m gonna stay here, take care of you.” Then it fell hard.

  Surprised, I lifted my eyes, “Why aren’t you going with him?”

  His brows drew together. “He’s good. He’s got everyone he needs to get him better. But you need me right now. And Jax asked that I stay and make sure you’re good.”

  “Thank you.”

  His head fell to the top of mine with a kiss. He was a good brother to Jax. I knew he wanted what was best for him.

  ***

  Day 1

  Morning came faster than I’d wanted. Bright lights beat on my eyelids screaming at me to wake up. I lay in the bed staring at nothing but the ceiling remembering the night before. I rubbed the bed next to me, quickly reminded by the cold echo of emptiness that Jax wasn’t there any longer. There were no signs of him. I didn’t want to move, I didn’t want to do anything. I decided that laying there until he came home was exactly what I’d do.

  ***

  Day 2

  They lie. The ones who tell you it gets better.

  It doesn’t.

  I hadn’t left my suite for two days. I just laid in bed calling Jax’s phone. It always went directly to his voicemail, but I called anyway. I needed him—to hear his voice, to feel his breath on my cheek.

  I’d tucked my air pods into my ears with the volume as loud as it would go playing Madam Butterfly. I laid there the entire day imagining Jax and me dancing. He’d look at me, sweep a loose strand of hair, and take me with his lips.

  I hadn’t spoken to anyone and never responded to anyone that had knocked. Eventually, I wrote a note and stuck it to the door with a piece of bubble gum I’d chewed. It simply read—leave me alone. Alessandra had left food at the door, but I only took the cheesy snacks; it was all I could keep down.

  ***

  Day 3

  I held the pillow over my head ignoring whoever was at the door. They refused to stop, and it was pissing me off; I wasn’t bothering anyone, so why couldn’t they give me the same respect?

  “What?” I screamed. I was over it!

  A smooth, patient voice spoke, “Bella.”

  I jumped from the bed ready to throw my phone at whoever was unlucky enough to be standing there as I swung the door open. “What?”

  Chase leaned on the door snickering at me. “What’s on top of your head?”

  I tilted my head with confusion and narrowed my eyes. “Not funny,” I hissed before throwing the door closed.

  He stepped inside before I had a chance to lock it. “You done?”

  “Done with what?”

  “Being a baby?” He smirked again.

  “I’m sure not!” I rolled my eyes and crawled under the blankets.

  He laughed and sat on the bed next to me.

  I dropped the blanket. “Can I help you?” I asked, annoyed he was still bothering me.

  He laughed again before smoothing his voice flat, “I thought you might want an update on Jax, but I can go.” His weight lifted from the bed.

  I threw off the blanket and sat up. “Unless you want to die by phone, tell me.”

  He laughed once more and sat on the bed.

  I considered throwing it anyway. “Talk,” I demanded.

  He drew a breath. “He’s good. The doc said he’s comin’ along.”

  I scratched my fingers through my ratty hair. “Did she say anything else?”

  “Like?”

  “I don’t know… maybe that I could talk to him?”

  “Nah, but it’s gonna take time, Bella.”

  I nodded. “Well, let me know when that time comes. I’ll be right here.” I pulled the blanket to my chest and laid back down.

  “You want to get out of here for a while?”

  “Not really,” I whispered.

  “I have some business in Detroit I need to handle. Thought you might like to see that friend of yours.”

  “No.” As much as I adored her, I couldn’t deal with anyone. “Thanks.”

  “Well too bad, ‘cause I’m in charge and I gotta go, so that means you’re comin’ with me. Take a shower.” He lifted from the bed before walking out of the room without another word.

  I didn’t get out of bed. I wasn’t going anywhere. Then I remembered the door was unlocked. I did get up to lock it. Once I finished, I crawled into bed and lifted the blankets to my head, tucked my air pods back into my ears, and let my thoughts get lost with Jax.

  ***

  30 minutes later

  I must’ve fallen to sleep and was rudely awoken while being pulled from the bed. “Seriously, Chase!” I shouted, jerking the air pods from my ears as he cradled me in his arms.

  “Bella, I’m not gonna let you do this to yourself. The Bella I know is strong.”

  “No, I’m not. I’m weak and pathetic,” I retorted, letting my body fall limp.

  “You’re being a baby. Where’s that spitfire girl who never lets anyone tell her what to do?”

  “Chase?”

  “Bella?”

  “What do I have to do to make you leave me alone.”

  “I can’t do that, Bella. What kind of friend would I be if I let you continue looking like that?” His comment alone made me want to laugh, but his smirk did me in. “You need to get out of the house. You should probably take a shower first though and brush your teeth.” He wiggled his nose and made some sort of noise that indicated I wasn’t at my freshest. “I like the way you usually smell and this ain’t it.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I literally couldn’t care less.”

  Without warning, he dropped me onto the bed. “Thanks, now I can go back to sleep.”

  “Fine with me. I’ll drag your ass outta here in what you have on.” He shrugged.

  I balled my hands into fists, “I have a gun!” and pounded them into the blankets on either side of me.

  “So do I.” he winked.

  “I’ll use mine!”

  “Psh… You probably don’t even know how to load the damn thing.”

  “Get out!” I screamed into my pillow. “Get… Out!”

  “Bella, I’m the acting boss while he’s in New York, which means I have to go. You are ultimately under my protection, which also means you go where I go. Stop being a child and get ready.”

  Annoyed, I crawled out of bed and walked into the bathroom. I nearly gave myself a heart attack seeing my hair. Jesus, Bella.

  “I’ll be back in twenty to get your bag, be ready.”

  I leaned my body against the doorjamb swiveling my eyes to him. “How long will we be there?” I asked, uninterested.

  He shrugged. “A few days.”

  I rolled my eyes again and closed the door. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to grieve the loss of my husband. He wasn’t gone forever, I hoped, but an
overwhelming feeling that he might never come back to me the way he was never left my gut. Our relationship wasn’t the way it used to be. I didn’t feel loved like I used to, I felt like baggage. Every day someone was fearing for my safety, dragging me along like a little puppy. I was in a cage and didn’t get to make my own choices. I didn’t go where I wanted, I never drove a car, I couldn’t go shopping like other women. No! Maybe I was being a spoiled petulant child, but it was the only control I did have. I literally had nothing of my own except that.

  I took a shower doing the very minimum; I didn’t shave my legs, did it matter? Jax wasn’t touching me, nor had he for a while. Not since before I was taken.

  I missed the way his touch made my toes curl. I missed the way his lips sat at the nape of my neck… he said he wanted to remember the way I smelled like vanilla.

  I couldn’t change what had happened or what was coming. Despite what I used to believe, I knew I had no control—none, and the realization that I was weak made me feel sick deep inside my soul.

  I dressed, wrapped my wet hair into a tight bun, and stuffed a bag with whatever I grabbed; hell, I didn’t even care what it was.

  Chase knocked once.

  “Come in,” I grumbled.

  “You good?”

  “Yeah, just finishing up.” I bent at my hips retrieving a pair of panties that had fallen so that I could stuff them inside the bag before zipping it and signaling for him to take it. “So exciting.”

  He laughed. “Haven’t lost your sarcasm I see.”

  I wanted to knock the shit out of him.

  Once we were downstairs, Alessandra insisted I eat. I couldn’t keep anything down. I did try, but my stomach wasn’t having it. She wasn’t happy with me, but I couldn’t deal with that then. Everyone laughed when Sal said I looked like I needed a sandwich… everyone except Chase, and me, of course.

  Tony and Chase led me around the Penthouse like a puppy—a sad, lost little puppy. They walked me to the door holding it for me, being kind gentleman, and I appreciated it. Sal, however, hadn’t been very kind to me lately, and it made my heart hurt. He wasn’t going with us either. Jax had put Tony in charge, and he made the rules, but Sal was under the impression he ran the show. I slipped on my black Chanel glasses and stepped into the elevator.