The Presence

by Shady Grim

  “Rick was just showing me some of his drawings. He’s really quite talented.” I straightened and closed the folder, which still lay on my lap.

  “Yes, I think so too,” she said with obvious pride. “I really want to see him make something of himself.”

  “How’re you feeling babe?” He walked over to her, and gave her a peck on the cheek.

  “I’m okay,” she whined at him. “I’m just so tired. I can’t seem to get enough sleep.”

  “That’s to be expected,” I said. “You had a long delivery. Would you like me to heat up your dinner?” I laid the folder on the little end table nearest to me.

  “Please, I’m starved.” She followed me to their tiny kitchen and checked the bassinet as she passed it by. “I still can’t believe I’m a mom.” She smiled as she admired her sleeping son. She turned to Rick, who was again seated on the couch watching TV. “Isn’t he precious, Rick?”

  “Yup, he’s great,” he muttered without looking at her.

  “Have you held him at all today?”

  “No, I was too dirty when I got home; and when I got cleaned up he was already sleeping, so I didn’t want to wake him or anything.” He lifted his head and hollered in to me, “Hey, Heather, would you cut me a piece o’ that pie while you’re out there?”

  “Sure, just give me a minute to get this plate heated.” I turned to Shelly and said, “He should be waking up soon. He hasn’t eaten since you fed him earlier, but I get him this time.” She smiled in agreement as she sat down at the table. I gave her the warmed plate and poured her a glass of milk before I took His Majesty a piece of pie.

  “Thanks,” he whispered as I handed him his plate and fork. I nodded and turned back to Shelly. I tried to avoid him as best I could for the remainder of my stay. It wasn’t easy given the size of the apartment, but I managed well enough. Thankfully he went out most evenings to “unwind” so I didn’t have to deal with him for lengthy periods. He came in for dinner, got himself washed up, and went out for a few hours. Shelly seemed to be oblivious to my change in attitude whenever Rick was around. I know I didn’t manage to hide my feelings from her. I was never able to hide my dislike for someone very well. The week passed quickly this way, but my concern for Shelly and the baby increased as the day of my departure neared. I was unwilling to broach the subject with Shelly as I knew it would cause an argument, and I would likely be the one to get the blame. I learned that the hard way with my cousin and his girlfriend. No matter how much it hurts, it’s best to let people find out on their own that their lovers are no good. Of course, that doesn’t mean one can’t passively instigate a lover’s quarrel to help speed the realization along.

  “So Shell, I guess you must miss going out every night?” I asked off handedly as I helped her fold laundry.

  “Yeah, I haven’t been able to keep up with Rick for a few months now. I just get so tired, and I was really uncomfortable. Rick said I was miserable.”

  “I’d be miserable too. That’s a pretty big bundle sleeping over there.”

  In an abrupt change of subject she said, “I can’t believe you’re leaving tomorrow. It seems like you just got here.”

  “Well, you were asleep for most of my visit,” I teased.

  “I can’t thank you enough. I just wish we had more time.”

  “What are friends for?” I leaned over and gave her a hug. “I’ll keep in touch and when I finish school, I’ll be moving to that old house in the country that my parents left me. Once I get it cleaned up and habitable again you can come for a long visit. You’ll love it. It’s so peaceful, and there are plenty of things to keep a kid occupied.”

  “That sounds nice,” she said quietly. “Oh,...ah...Rick will be taking you to the airport tomorrow.”

  “He doesn’t have to do that. I can take a cab.”

  “He already took the day off to take you, so don’t argue. It’s the least he could do.”

  “Well, I guess I’ve been told.” Just then the baby started to cry and Shelly started up to get him. “Oh, no you don’t. This is my last day here; let me get him one last time.” I reached into the bassinet and said, “You know, I think he’ll fit into my suitcase.”

  “You go have your own kid, you’re not getting mine,” she teased back, waggling her finger at me. I stood for a moment thinking how different she looked to me. It wasn’t the maternity weight she had gained, that was perfectly natural considering the circumstances. It seemed something deeper, but I wasn’t able to divine the source as Jimmy’s hunger couldn’t wait for me to finish my ruminations. Later that evening, as I lay sleepless on their couch, I heard them arguing in their bedroom. Shelly was angry that Rick wasn’t home more to help with the baby. Rick felt that he deserved time away from her and the baby because he worked so hard. They tried to be quiet, but secrets are hard to keep in such a tiny apartment. The squabble was short-lived, and the last thing I heard was Shelly crying.

  Chapter Six

  I thought about that visit with Shelly all day at work. I couldn’t believe that eight years had gone by so quickly. Shelly had sent me pictures of little Jimmy regularly, but I still couldn’t get the memory of the infant out of my mind. It’s funny how the mind works. Even though one is totally aware of the passage of time, one still pictures people the way one last saw them. I couldn’t wait to see the little man Jimmy had become and what eight years of living with Rick had done to both of them. For the past six months, Shelly had been writing to me much more frequently than she had in the past. She finally admitted to me that Rick was abusive and that she wanted to leave him. After dancing around it and getting a few encouraging phone calls from me, she finally decided to leave Rick. She was afraid to come to me because she didn’t know if she could get away from him safely. I offered to come and get her, but she felt that Rick could overpower us. I suggested that she get her brother to come and collect her and Jimmy. She then admitted to me that she hadn’t spoken to Jim since she married Rick. She told me that after she had written to her brother about her plans, he came to pay her a visit and meet his brother-in-law-to-be. Jim took an immediate dislike to Rick. He didn’t like the way Rick spoke to Shelly one evening and called him outside to have a word with him. Rick instigated a fight and then accused Jim of attacking him. Shelly sided with her fiancée and asked Jim to leave. They hadn’t spoken since. It wasn’t until a few weeks later, while talking to a neighbor, that she found out the truth.

  Shelly’s neighbor told her that her husband was coming home from work and saw Rick start a fight with Jim. He didn’t know who Jim was so he didn’t mention anything to Shelly. Instead of broaching the subject with her brother, she just ignored it and hoped someday Jim would call her. Jim, just as stubborn as his sister and feeling betrayed, also waited to hear from Shelly. I offered to contact Jim for her and see if I could explain the situation to him and she agreed. With sister and brother back on speaking terms, Shelly’s safe escape from her husband seemed assured, but she continued to have concerns. She was frightened that Rick would cause trouble for me because she’d once told him where I live. She was also afraid, with me being at work all day, that he would come and take her or Jimmy away. I had to assure her that my cousin, who had recently moved in with me, was doing repair work on the house and would be home all day in case anything should happen. I had to coax her with the knowledge that Ethan was even larger than her brother, whom she considered invincible, and also that I had a large St. Bernard dog who didn’t like strangers. I had all of this swimming through my mind as I drove home from work. When I drove my truck up the driveway, I found Ethan sitting on the front porch sipping at his beer. I noticed the all-to-familiar melancholy look on his face, and the fact that he was clad in only an old pair of shorts, and he hadn’t yet combed his hair. I knew instantly that I was in for a rough evening. I collected my dog, Thor, from the back of my truck and walked up to the porch and confronted him.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be working today?”

  “I
thought I’d just take the day off,” he mumbled and finished up his beer.

  “You took the last three days off. When do you plan on doing some work?” I was a little perturbed at the state he was in. I could tell that he was ready to instigate a fight so I decided to give him an opening and get it over with. It was this type of mood that he usually presented to me when he wanted me to coax his feelings out of him. It was childish and tiresome, but I was so used to it that it was hard to break the habit. Ethan never stated his feelings outright, but instead showed little signs of discontent as a tip-off that he wanted to be coaxed. He felt that if I didn’t know what was on his mind, then I should play this little game to find out. It’s basically a game of “If you don’t know; I’m not telling you.” and if I didn’t play it, there was hell to pay.

  “Doin’ some work? That’s all I’ve done for the last two months. I need time to relax, yeh know.” He practically growled at me as he followed me through the back door to the kitchen.

  “You took the first week you were here off to get yourself and Emily used to the change. You have off every weekend, and I help you when I get home from work and on my days off. I don’t mind you taking a day off here and there, but I’m not going to work all day and have you sitting at home doing nothing but drinking. You didn’t even comb your hair today, Ethan.” I said all of this while getting Thor’s dinner ready. Ethan plopped himself down at the kitchen table looking forlorn. I fed Thor on the back porch so our pending argument didn’t affect his appetite.

  “I don’t drink that much!”

  “You don’t, huh? Then why have I gone from buying a twelve-pack twice a month to buying one twice a week?”

  “Oh, now you’re countin’ my fuckin’ beers!” He threw his hands out in temper and flopped back in his chair.

  “I’m not counting your damn beers!” I shouted back. “We’ve been through this before, Ethan. This is why I wouldn’t let you and Kelly move in here while I finished school. I won’t have drugs and booze in my house. You know that I don’t care if you have a couple of beers now and then, but you drink every day and you’re starting to drink a larger amount.”

  “Oh yeah, yeh think I’m just a scumbag, right?”

  “I should know better than to try and talk to you when you’re drinking.” I shook my head and tried to walk past him.

  “Answer the question!” He caught my arm and stopped me from passing him.

  “No, I don’t think you’re a scumbag. You’re a disappointment. You had potential, and you pissed it away.”

  He loosened his grip on my arm and sank back down into his chair. “Well, it’s easy for you. Yeh had the money to do what yeh wanted.”

  “Yes, I’m really lucky, Ethan. Both of my parents died young and left me secure. I have money and no parents. I feel so very lucky.”

  “Yeh coulda helped me out when I needed yeh. We were havin’ it rough and yeh didn’t do shit. Yer parents left yeh all those properties, and yeh sold ‘em off instead of helpin’ me out.”

  “It was two properties, Ethan, and I was not giving you a free home. You couldn’t even afford the property taxes. Did you expect me to pay those too? And don’t you dare accuse me of not helping you. I handed you money even before you got Kelly pregnant.”

  “Oh, throw that in my face too!”

  “Don’t even try it,” I said, lowering my voice. “I’m not going on guilt-trips over you anymore. I helped you all I could then, and I’m trying to help you now, but I can’t help you if you won’t help yourself. Aunt Terri drank herself to death after Rae died. Didn’t that affect you at all? If Kelly hadn’t signed over custody of Emmy and run off with another guy, you probably wouldn’t even be here. You’d still be in that scummy trailer park.”

  “I don’t want to talk about that.” He leaned forward and put his head in his hands.

  “Where is Emily?” I asked, wondering why she hadn’t appeared.

  “Dr. Zee took her out with his grandkids for dinner and ice-cream,” he replied sulkily. “I don’t know why yeh even want to fix up this place. It’s fallin’ apart.”

  “I’m happy here. This is where I belong. I fit here. That’s all; I just fit.” After a few moments, I realized that he wasn’t going to respond any further. “Be patient, Ethan. Straighten yourself out. Spend more time with Emmy, and you’ll find your place too.”

  “I don’t think I belong anywhere. I never felt as comfortable with anyone as I do with you. I don’t think I’m ever gonna find that perfect match. I can’t even get a decent job. I get bored with everythin’ I try. Sometimes I feel like I have to get away before I go nuts.”

  “You put the cart before the horse and now you feel boxed-in. You were too young to start a family and you missed out on some things, but it’s not as bad as it seems. Look, there’s nothing you can do to change the past, but you can make a better future. Emmy’s still little and can have a bright future if you help her. You’re still young, you have plenty of time to go back to school and find a career that you like. After that, everything else will fall into place. You just have to take it one step at a time.” I tried my best to be encouraging, but when he got into one of his dark moods there was little that could be done to break it. It had to run its course.

  “I’m not like yeh, Heather. Life is scary for me. I don’t feel secure like yeh do. I get lonely. I get unhappy. Yer happy by yerself in this big empty house as long as yeh have yer vegetable garden and yer dog. Yeh don’t need the way I do.”

  “Well, I don’t need to have a lot of people around me, but I do get lonely, everybody does. I feel insecure sometimes, and I would like to have a companion too. I just haven’t found the right guy yet, but I won’t settle for whoever comes along. I want a good life and to have that, you need to work at it. You have to be patient and work for what you want. Nothing comes easily, not even love.” With that he waved his hand and shook his head. This was his way of saying that he was tired of the discussion and wished a change. “Why don’t you help me get dinner ready?”

  “Okay.” He got up from his chair as though his body weighed a ton. “But let me spice it, yeh make everythin’ too bland.”

  “I don’t think you have any taste buds left. You’re not happy unless there’s steam coming out of your ears.”

  “Yeh just don’t know what’s good,” he teased back. “I’m a fantastic cook.”

  Now that he was in fairly good humor, I thought it safe to change the subject back to something serious. “So are you prepared for Shelly and Jimmy coming? I know this is going to be a lot on you with me at work most of the day. I don’t know what kind of repercussions we may have to deal with.”

  “I’m not worried about facin’ a woman beater. In fact, I’d like to have a shot at ‘im. What a piece o’ shit! Yeh know, me comin’ from a bad relationship might be helpful to ‘er and me both. Did he beat the kid too?”

  “Shelly said he was good to Jimmy. That’s part of the problem. Jimmy’s crazy about his dad, and he’s blaming Shelly for all their problems.”

  “Sounds like we got ourselves a junior woman beater in the makin’. Just let my Emmy knock ‘im around a few times, and he’ll learn what girls can do. Ahh, she’s just like ‘er daddy,” he said with a proud smile.

  “She’s so much like you it’s scary. The first day you two were here and I had her outside showing her around, she ran straight for the canoe just like you did when we were little. She even turned it over and checked it for holes. It was like deja vu.”

  “Yeh still have that old thing?” he asked in amazement. “I thought she was talkin’ about the rowboat out there.”

  “Oh no, that old canoe fell apart years ago. I bought a new one when your sisters came for a visit last year. I couldn’t wait for that visit to end. They did nothing but bitch the entire time they were here.”

  “My sisters complainin’? That’s a shock.”

  “You’re sure that you’re okay with this? I don’t know what kind of baggage Shelly�
��s going to have, and I think that kid’s going to be a handful.”

  “I can handle a rotten kid, believe me. If he’s too much of a handful, he’ll have my handprint tattooed to ‘is butt. As for ‘is mother, she can’t be any harder to deal with than Kelly was.”

  KELLY WAS ONE OF ETHAN’S numerous flings. It just happened that she succeeded where the rest had failed; she became pregnant with Emily. They started dating when they both about nineteen. For a few years it was an on-again-off-again relationship, with both of them having numerous affairs in between. They were a nightmare to spend any amount of time with as they fought viciously on an almost constant basis, and she hated all of his friends and family, especially me. As if the jealousy and fighting weren’t enough, there was the added tension of binge drinking and drug abuse. Kelly dropped out of school at the age of fifteen and had been looking to land herself a meal ticket ever since. She was working as a topless dancer when Ethan met her and there was an instant, if bizarre, chemistry between them. She was tall and somewhat homely with a dark complexion and had short bleached-blonde hair, bad skin, and appallingly bad hygiene. Kelly was excessively thin when Ethan met her, but grew quite obese after he started to support her. Ethan was disgusted about her excessive weight gain, although he wouldn’t have minded her becoming a little chubby as he never cared much about body type, something his friends could never understand. I had no problem understanding how he felt as I was the same way with men, but what puzzled me was how he could stand to be intimate with someone with such poor hygienic habits. Just exactly what it was Ethan saw in her has always been a mystery to me and everyone else who knew him.

  As if her grooming habits weren’t offensive enough, Kelly regularly used language that would’ve shamed the most hardened of criminals. Try as I might, I couldn’t find a single redeeming quality in her. My opinion wasn’t gleaned solely out of a prejudice against her as even Ethan’s friends despised her, and they were a rowdy bunch known to accept nearly any sort of misfit into their fold with open arms. I tolerated her for Ethan’s sake, which was an enormous mistake. I took dog’s abuse from her, and I was an ass for not retaliating. I’ve regretted my passivity ever since, and I wish I’d knocked the shit out of her when I had the chance. I finally told her and Ethan both that she was no longer welcome in my apartment after a four-hundred-dollar bank withdrawal went missing from my bedroom. Kelly vehemently denied any wrongdoing, but it could’ve been no one else as she and Ethan were the only two that had been in the apartment, and Ethan had never stolen from me. In fact, the reason for that visit, as I recall, was for him to borrow some money. He and I had a rather nasty fight over my accusation, but he complied with my wishes as I sited the many times he and his friends had crashed at my place for days, and sometimes weeks, at a time and nothing, with the exception of the contents of my refrigerator, had ever been disturbed. I further informed him that I would not jeopardize my grades by worrying about my home being ransacked every time I attended a class.