by Skyla Madi
This had to be done cold turkey.
There was no other way.
I handed over one credit card and one debit card to Joel and he glanced at them, frowning.
“Give her these when she’s ready,” I said.
“She’s not going to accept those, Jai.”
I shrugged. “She will eventually. When she realizes she doesn’t have a choice.”
Exhaling, he snatched them from my palm and stuffed them into his back pocket. “I don’t understand why you can’t come with us…we can take Skull on together.”
“Monique is pregnant,” I snapped as quiet as I could. “Do you have any idea what Skull would do if he knew?”
Joel slid his teeth together. He knew I was right. I knew he wanted to come with me to kill Skull, but he wasn’t selfish enough to leave Monique on her own in the state she’s in.
Eventually, he agreed to do what I wanted. He even agreed to convince Hannah and Ted that burning down the house was the best way to fake their deaths before boarding a flight to Italy.
I was ready to put the plan into effect immediately, but compromised on six weeks. He promised Emily they’d give me time to show up. Six weeks and not a day later. Hearing him say it stabbed me in the heart.
Soon, she’d believe I was dead.
The thought was unbearably painful to push to the back of my mind. I’d keep my promise. I would make it back to her…
…eventually.
Eight
Emily
Clemency
I enter the orchard exactly one hour after Joel finished telling me Jai’s story.
He gave me some time to wash my face, pull myself together, and come to terms with the fact Jai’s alive. I feel ridiculous for passing out at the sight of him. I should’ve wrapped my arms around him until the pressure caused my arms to fall off, but my knees buckled, and my lungs tightened. I forgot how much he affected me, how hot he made my blood burn.
My memory of Jai didn’t do any justice to the real thing. He was breathtaking, impossibly tall, amazingly broad-shouldered, and his skin was beautifully tan, as if he’d spent his year at the beach instead of hunting down a psychopath.
I spent half the time Joel gave me thinking negatively about the whole situation, rather than focusing on what truly mattered. All of my prayers, my wishes, came true. Jai wasn’t dead.
He was here…
…and on my birthday, no less.
It shows me he cares, that even though he led me to believe he was dead, he thought about me. He cared about me.
Apparently, Skull didn’t die in the compound explosion. Like a cockroach, he made it out, leaving Jai for dead. There was no doubt in my mind that he would’ve come after us if not for those who were in on Jai’s plan. Huss did a good job concealing our move to Italy, even with the new names. According to Joel, Jai said that Skull followed Huss’s dead-end trails from New York to Los Angeles, Los Angeles to Alaska, Alaska to South Korea, South Korea to Australia.
Jai, whose passport now reads Jamie Andrews, supposedly followed Skull every step of the way, missing him only by minutes every time.
Until Beirut.
That’s where Jai ended Skull and removed the dark shadow that hung over our future. I had to be thankful, not ungrateful. If Jai didn’t go after him, who knows where we’d be right now. Damien Wolfe was many things, but he wasn’t a quitter. If Jai hadn’t killed him, he’d have come after us with everything he had, and God knows what he’d do if he saw Jacob.
I shudder. I owe Jai a thank you, at least. He put himself in harm’s way, he risked so much—even our future together—to keep us all safe.
I stop in front of a row of mature apple trees and frown as I glance around. Where are they? Why did they want me to come here? The orchard is two thousand eight hundred yards of apple-y goodness. It’s currently going to waste with as many apples on the ground as there are in the trees, but Joel hopes to clean it up and produce a hard apple cider under the same brand as our wine. I don’t think that’s such a bad idea…even if I’d sooner drink my own urine than cider.
The sun sinks lower, casting a beautiful golden glow over the orchard. Day lingers around longer this time year, perfect for outdoor dinners and evening swims.
A red, apple shaped sign catches my attention out of my periphery and I turn toward it. The chalkboard center has a pink arrow pointing left down an aisle of trees and I follow it. Soon, there’s another arrow and another, until I can hear boisterous laughter and chatter.
I’ve never celebrated a birthday. Never had anyone who cared that I was one year older.
I slip between two tall apple trees and into another aisle. My breath catches in my throat, my mouth dropping open as I flick my stare over the roses, the crisp, shiny apples, and the tealight candles hanging around the delicious spread of food on Monique’s antique wooden table.
Two months ago, I went for a drive with her to pick up this very table. She’d seen a similar one on Pinterest and I gave her attitude about how old and ugly it was, not worth the pretty penny she spent. I had no idea she wanted it for this. I had no idea she could make it look so beautiful. What makes it even more special are the people standing around it, drinking wine and beer, and eating snacks.
Ted. Huss. Hannah. Benji. The other half of my extended family is here.
For me.
Here come those damn happy tears I hate so much.
“The birthday girl is here!” Ted shouts, snapping me out of my stupor.
He saunters toward me, wearing a white polo and black cargo shorts with gray sneakers. He beams brightly at me, exposing his white teeth.
The setting sun casts wonderful yellow and orange tones against his smooth, dark skin and I can’t help but smile back. Despite his annoying habit of picking on me, I’ve actually missed having him around. No one can brighten a room like Ted. He’s full of charisma and humor. It’s no wonder Hannah’s been in love with him since they were young.
Ted and Hannah left Siena together nine months ago to travel. They send photos and videos from time to time. Last I heard, they were in Singapore.
Now they’re here. For me.
Ted wraps his strong arms around me, pulling me into a tight embrace, squeezing the oxygen from my lungs. It’s been a long while since I saw him last so I don’t mind it. I hug him back.
“Happy birthday, Em.”
He releases me with a squeeze of my shoulder. “Thank you. When did you get here?”
“Yesterday,” Hannah chimes in, extending a glass of wine to me as she steps out from behind Ted’s ridiculously large, toned body.
She embodies grace with her tight curls and wild eyes, her enchanting russet skin tone glowing in her white, full-length summer dress. I take the wine as she leans in for a hug and I gratefully give her one.
“You didn’t have to come all this way for me.”
“Of course we did,” she says, rubbing her small palm over my back. “We wouldn’t have seen Jai in the flesh otherwise. Have you spoken to him?”
I shake my head as she pulls back, and I take a nervous sip of my wine. “Not yet.”
“You should.” Ted glances over his shoulder and I follow his line of sight.
My entire body tightens and it occurs to me that I never really understood the term “my breath caught in my throat” until now. Jai leans against a far tree, his head craned to look at his phone, one of his legs bent at the knee. In his other hand, he holds a bottle of beer by its neck. He flicks his thumb as he scrolls whatever he’s looking at, then pauses, as if realizing he’s being watched.
“Take it easy on him,” Ted utters, peering at me. “He meant well.”
He meant well.
He did mean well.
That’s all I have to remember in order to put the last year behind me and move forward.
He.
Meant.
Well.
Jai turns his head in my direction and goosebumps break out across my flesh as our gazes lo
ck. My heart, which already races with the anxiety of his presence, instantly skyrockets at the thought of speaking to him. For one wild moment, I imagine us wrapped around each other, our naked bodies writhing as we roll across my expensive Egyptian cotton sheets.
Hannah gives my hand a gentle squeeze, pulling me from my thoughts, and tugs me along. I force my knees to unbuckle and I walk forward, closing the distance between me and the table, drawing closer to Jai.
“We can eat now, the birthday girl is here,” Joel announces, clapping his hand against my shoulder as I stroll past.
Hannah releases my hand as I set my glass of wine on the table and give a “hello” squeeze to Huss’s shoulder as I pass him. He’s worked hard to gain my trust. I don’t want him to think I hate him all over again for knowing Jai was alive before anyone. Joel told me how uncomfortable he was with it, but I don’t hold grudges anymore.
I’ll get through this positively. I’ve already wasted a year of my life drowning in my inner turmoil and negativity.
“Hi, Emily.” Benji beams up at me, his face covered in bread crumbs.
“Hi, Benny.” I shove my fingers through his messy black hair, tousling it.
They both wish me a happy birthday and I thank them as I keep moving, slowly approaching Jai. He looks nervous as he pushes off the tree and slips his phone into his pocket. The ropey muscle of his bicep, and the corded muscle of his forearm clenches and releases as he grips the beer bottle in his hand. I wonder how he feels inside, if he’s as nervous and as anxious as I am. I wonder if he wants to put his hands on me as badly as I want to put mine on him.
I stop four feet out from him, my lungs burning as I hold my breath. Slowly I let it out, and my head spins. I never thought I’d be this close to him again.
God, I love his dark, ocean eyes. I always have.
“Hi,” I say, threading my fingers together in front of me and his magnificent eyes light up.
* Jai *
I swallow, but my throat is dry as my heart beats a million thumps a second.
As always, I immediately find myself trapped by the magnetic pull of her stunning features. Sweat forms in the palms of my hands and my hormones go crazy at the smell of her, the look of her. It takes every fiber in my being not to pounce on her, not to lift her dress, not to rip it clean off her body, a body I haven’t seen in a long time.
“Hi.”
Color paints her cheeks and she glances away from me.
She’s so fucking pretty—and she’s talking to me—and it’s not with malice or disgust, like I was expecting. More than a year has passed since we last spoke. There’s a lot I want to say to her, a lot I’ve practiced saying to her, but now she’s here in front of me and I’m tongue-tied.
“We have to talk, obviously,” she says, pulling a lock of her long hair away from her face and tucking it behind her ear. “But can we eat first?”
She extends her slender, long-fingered hand to me and I glance at it. I thought long and hard about what our first touch would be. Sometimes, I’d imagine her tiny palm slapping me across the face as she cusses me out for putting her through such despair. Other times, it was her lips I touch first as we devour each other with longing and desperation. Not once did I imagine holding her hand…
…it’s perfect.
I take her hand in mine and strong, warm sensations tingle down my spine, spreading throughout my abdomen. She still affects me in ways no one else can. There were other women in my year away from Emily—none of which I engaged with sexually—but they were there, and they get an A for effort, but they never compared to my girl.
She’s the only one for me.
It’s her or no one.
Emily leads me away from the tree and over to the table where the rest of them dish amazing smelling food onto their plates. Emily and I sit side by side across from Ted and Hannah to enjoy her birthday meal together.
I don’t speak, but I listen to everything I’ve missed out on in my absence. I do my best to smile through the whole thing, nodding whenever necessary, but it doesn’t ease the apprehension swirling in my stomach, no matter how many conversations they try to include me in.
I’ve missed a lot of important occasions and events. While they have moved on with their lives, I’m still stuck in the past, fighting the same demons from over a year ago. They love without fear, travel without purpose, and they sleep peacefully.
I’ve yet to.
I know it’s my own fault, that this is how I wanted it, but…it hurts nonetheless.
Monique pulls me from my thoughts with a roll of her eyes. I don’t know what she’s referring to until I focus on Emily and Joel’s conversation about wine and expanding into cider territory. They discuss profits and losses, distribution and logistics. I try to follow along, but what do I know about any of that? As I listen to them speak, the strangest thing occurs to me.
My peculiar little kitten isn’t a lost girl anymore.
She knows who she is, and what she wants, and everything she owns, she’s worked hard for. She doesn’t need me to look after her because Emily Sheppard is a smart, capable, and phenomenal woman. I underestimated her. To ask Joel to look after her and keep an eye on her while I was gone was an insult to her capabilities and her intelligence. I see that now.
Emily finishes the last mouthful of her third glass of wine as I finish the last one of my fourth beer. We peer sideways at each other as we each reach for a new drink.
I guess we’re just as nervous as each other.
The alcohol brings back memories of the first time we slept together. We were in the tunnels, drunk, though she was drunker than me.
We barely knew each other then, but it felt right.
I unscrew the lid of my beer and Emily fills her glass, catching Joel’s attention.
“Go easy on the wine, Em,” he says as I bring my beer to my lips and pour the liquid into my mouth. “You know what happened the last time you drank it, right, Monique?”
I choke on my beer and Emily drops the bottle of wine, spilling it across the white and pink table cloth. Joel roars with laughter, sitting back in his chair and clapping his hands together like a trained seal.
Coughing, I snatch the wine bottle by the neck and set it upright. Everyone looks at Emily, whose face is bright red as she soaks up the wine the best she can with paper towels.
“I feel like I’m missing out on something naughty here,” Huss states, stuffing his mouth with spinach and feta salad.
“If you didn’t move to the city, you’d be in the loop,” Monique responds with a shrug of her shoulders. She stabs a piece of chicken with her fork in one hand and rocks Jacob’s chair with the other.
“There’s more people in Florence.”
“More strip clubs and brothels, you mean,” she shoots back, earning chuckles from everyone else.
“Don’t say anything he’ll repeat to his mother.” Feigning insult, Huss cover’s his boy’s ears. “You two could’ve saved me a few euros by inviting me to your show instead.”
“Don’t,” Ted warns Huss. “Remember the last time you opened your mouth?”
He glances at me, but I don’t say anything. I don’t have to. I’m sure he remembers how my fist felt slamming into his gut.
“I hate you,” Emily mutters to Joel. “Look what you’ve started.”
He laughs. “What? I’m just teasing. You won’t need Monique once you open the birthday gift we got you, anyway.” His humor fades and he looks to Monique. “Shit. She won’t need our birthday gift at all now Jai’s back.”
Monique giggles and Emily curses under her breath, abandoning the spilt wine to pinch the bridge of her nose. I pick up a small potato skin from my plate and throw it at him.
“You’re full of shit.”
It hits his chest and bounces off.
“Ignore him,” Monique says. “He’s had one too many beers.”
Joel wiggles his eyebrows as Emily leans closer to me, her shoulder pressing against mine. “It�
�s all right. When Jessica isn’t here, he picks on me.”
My chest aches at the mention of my sister’s name. Joel said she’d stop in later tonight to kick my ass since she couldn’t make it today due to her studies and her—shudder—boyfriend. I wonder if Jessica and Emily like each other? If they got along? Would Jess approve of Emily as my wife?
The subject of Monique and Emily is quickly forgotten as Ted takes the conversation down the road of professional football, but it lingers in my mind.
Because I was there. I saw it.
After Emily arrived home that night, I moved away from the porch to wait around the side of the house. I’d brought Emily’s birthday gift with the intention of giving it to Joel to give to her. I texted him our code to let him know I was there. Is this Jerry? was a stupid code, but a believable wrong text. He never responded, and my legs grew tired leaning against the wall, so I moved onto the back porch to sit on the swing chair. I was going to give Joel thirty minutes to meet me. If he didn’t, I planned to leave it under the stairs for him to collect in the morning.
I didn’t think twice about Emily and Monique sitting on the carpet in front of the couch…
…until they kissed.
My lips parted and I leaned closer. Electricity surged suddenly through my veins, and my lungs allowed me one deep, uneven breath. The kiss ended soon after, but there was no denying the air between them. Even the temperature of the outside world rose a degree.
Breasts came out after that and, ashamedly, I hit the peak of my arousal. A part of me wanted it to end, another part didn’t want that all. It wanted more than kissing, and breast fondling, and grinding.
It never went further, but the fact remained that I’d never been so jealous of a female before. I was ready to make myself known right then and there. I didn’t, but Christ, going to the house that night was the worst kind of punishment for someone who’d abstained from sex for over a year.
