by Skyla Madi
“I know so. Just give her some breathing room and take it easy on her. She hasn’t been the same since that night.”
That night. I refuse to think about that night and how much pain it caused me. I hated it. I hated seeing her beside Skull in that beautiful gold dress. I hated seeing her touch him and dance with him. I hated seeing Joel’s half-naked body against hers, her lips parted as he spoke in a hushed tone no one else could hear. Most of all, I hated the moment I turned my back on her and left…
…the moment I had to give her up—give up our future—to chase down a man who didn’t deserve a second of my time.
Six
Emily
Liar
My eyes flutter open and nausea punches against my stomach with mighty, metaphoric fists. I expect to find myself in my bed, tucked up all snuggly and warm in my pajamas, ready to start my day. That’s how most dreams end when I see Jai. Instead, I peer around my sitting room.
My sitting room.
My heart thrums in my ears, matching the angry tempo of a moody drumline, and I glance down at my clothes, my breath catching at the sight of my birthday dress.
It happened. I saw…
I saw Jai?
“Look who’s up from her nap.”
My gaze finds Joel across the room, lounging on my chaise, his legs crossed at the ankles as he peers over the top of an interior design magazine. I took inspiration for my house from most of the design magazines I’ve kept. I can’t bring myself to let them go.
Jai is alive.
Joel places the magazine on the side table, his expression tense and worried, as if I’ve got a bomb strapped to my chest and I’m threatening to kill us both.
Am I scowling? I feel like I’m scowling. He lied to me.
Tears sting my eyes and I hate it. Joel knew this whole time that Jai was alive? I can’t even believe it. Thirty miles from here we buried an empty casket for closure! I buried my dreams and my hope of a perfect future beneath six feet of dirt, a patch of grass that has only just started growing in, and a beautiful tombstone that says he’s survived by family.
It’s fucking morbid.
At least now I know why Joel fought Monique and I on the idea. I thought he wasn’t ready to let go of his younger brother. Turns out, he knew Jai was alive and fucking well!
Joel swings his long, strong legs over the side of the chaise, his palms exposed to me. “I can explain.”
Explain? How can he possibly explain that he kept Jai from me? This whole time?
My lower lip quivers, my vision blurs. I’m hurt. Incredibly hurt. More than I’ve ever been in my life and I grew up in the system, going my whole childhood without being adopted into a loving family. I turn away from him, burying my face into the back of my leather couch.
At least now I know why he’d get so mad when men showed interest in me—why he was so against me going on that “date.” It wasn’t because he thought of me as a sister, as someone he needed to protect—not like his real sister, Jessica. He was looking out for his brother, to ensure I remained alone while Jai took a year off, doing God knows what.
“Em?” Behind me, the couch compresses with Joel’s weight and his hip rests against my back. “I know you’re upset with me.”
“I’m beyond upset with you.”
“There’s a good reason, if you just—” I snap my head to glare at him over my shoulder. “Good reason? Good-fucking-reason? How dare you!”
He stands up and I push myself to sit, throwing my legs over the edge of the couch. Rage bubbles in my veins and pressure builds as it looks for a way out, a target to hit. I lift myself to my feet, not once breaking eye contact with the man who stands almost two feet taller than me.
“No reason you can give me is good enough to make up for what I’ve been through—what I’m still going through.”
“I did what I was told. I kept you safe. I gave you everything.”
“Except the truth.”
“That’s not fair.”
I can’t help but wonder if he’d have bothered with me if Jai didn’t make him promise. “How long have you known?”
“Not the whole time.”
“How long have you known?” I enunciate it so he hears me loud and clear.
I notice the minute drop in his broad shoulders and it’s all I need to know that he’s been aware longer than he wants to admit.
“I didn’t have a choice.”
I jab my finger into his chest, but he doesn’t budge. I don’t want him in my space. Everything about him makes me mad—his short, spikey hair, his expensive and sweet-smelling cologne, his guilty face. “You did have a choice! You made the wrong one.”
“You were happy!” he snaps. “Skull was dead and you were getting better.”
“Better?” I spit, a sudden onslaught of tears making a mess of my eye makeup. “I wanted to kill myself, Joel.” He flinches. “You and Monique were happy. You two were getting better! I was lost. I was drowning. Do you know what that’s like? To feel so much emptiness? To feel so much…nothing?” I swipe my hand across my nose to catch a drop threatening to fall. “Would your reason for lying be good enough if I followed through with it? If I wasn’t here today?”
Silence ensues. Of course it does. Monique is always bitching to me about Joel and how, after a certain point in an argument, he shuts off. I give him two more beats to open his mouth, to give me something—anything.
He doesn’t.
Exhaling, I shake my head and walk away from him. I need to see Jai. I need to hear it—whatever it is—from his mouth. I need something to make me feel stupid for reacting so negatively and so strongly to such a miraculous surprise.
“I didn’t know that’s how you felt,” Joel mutters to my back and I stop in my tracks. “You didn’t tell me.”
“I didn’t want to talk.” I turn around and I hate the pang of sympathy that punches me in the gut at the sight of him. We’ve become close over the past year…am I really going to ruin it? After all he’s done for me? “I wanted what I lost. My future. Talking to you wasn’t going to give me that. It wouldn’t have fixed me.”
“So what fixed you? What stopped you from going through with it?”
An easy question.
“Jacob.” Seeing his beautiful, squished little face filled me with a happiness I hadn’t felt in a long time, and when Monique referred to me as his aunty…I felt it in my heart. “If he hadn’t been born…”
I can’t bring myself to finish the rest of my sentence.
“You can have your future now.”
It’s so simple for him, isn’t it? Jai’s back, now everything can go back to normal. No. That’s not how it works. I spent so long forcing Jai out, I don’t know how to let him back in. How would Jai and I do normal, anyway? We’ve never been together under “normal” circumstances. What if he finds it uneventful? Boring? What if all of this time apart has dulled his love for me?
Joel strolls toward me, swallowing up the distance with his arms outstretched. I stand still, allowing him to wrap me up in them, seeking comfort in his familial touch. His embrace isn’t sexual or romantic—they’ve never been either of those things—and I accept it, allowing his warmth to flow through me, to calm me.
“I should be happy,” I whisper against his firm chest. “Why aren’t I happy?”
He strokes my hair, resting his chin on the top of my head. “You’re in shock.”
Shock. The word isn’t potent enough to describe what I’m feeling inside. I don’t think there’s a word in the English language to define what I’m feeling.
“I’m still mad at you,” I point out and he squeezes me tighter.
“I know.”
“I can’t forgive you.”
“I don’t want you to.”
I lick my lips, tasting my tears. “What happened to him, Joel? A whole year?”
“You should ask him.”
I crane my neck to look up at him. “I’m asking you.”
“Em
ily…”
“Please. I want to understand why before I speak to him.”
Joel locks me in his gaze and, in his midnight irises, various emotions swim. “All I know is, Jai killed Skull in a hotel in Beirut.”
Beirut. Where’s that? Lebanon?
“There’s got to be more to the story than that,” I point out. “Start from the beginning.”
He grumbles under his breath as he releases me and turns to the couch. I follow closely behind him and grab the cushion used to support my head when I was unconscious, and drop onto the couch beside him.
Joel wastes no time in telling me Jai’s story. He’s vague on the details. Sometimes, they don’t add up, but I’m engrossed. I’m equal parts mesmerized by Jai’s adventure and horrified by the gritty specifics as he chased Skull around the world—who was following fake trails set up by Huss to try to find us.
Find me.
Jai stayed away for an entire year, but in those twelve months, he went to hell and back for me, like he always said he would.
No matter how angry I am at him, no matter how hurt and betrayed I feel, even I can admire that.
Seven
Jai
Adjustment
I lean against a tree in the orchard and sip at my beer, over-looking the stunning spread they’ve setup on a rustic, wooden picnic table for Emily’s birthday dinner. Hanging from surrounding apple trees are glass cups and jars of varying sizes, some holding lit, tealight candles, others white and pink roses. The whole event is fit for a board on Pinterest.
To surprise, the whole tribe is here—Huss, Ted, Hannah, and Huss’s kid, Benji. They mill about together, nothing but smiles and laughter, as they set the table with foods from the trolley Joel brought from the house. By the looks of it, they’ve been cooking for her all day.
On a huge lacquered stump beside the food table is a high stack of beautifully wrapped gifts, their wrapping paper all the colors of the rainbow.
Joel picked up my gift from Emily’s kitchen counter and brought it back to me. He asked if I wanted it to go on the pile or if I’d prefer to give it to her personally. I took it from him and slipped as much of the long jewelry box into my back pocket as I could. I want to give it to her when we’re alone—if we’re alone.
As I sip on my beer, my device buzzes—three times—and I quickly snatch it out of my front pocket. My stomach drops into my shoes as the facial recognition alert pops up on the screen. I tap it, holding my breath as it loads the picture. I squint, bringing the phone closer to my face. The picture is grainy, not convincing, but I’ll take any hit at this point. I click through to the details and breathe a sigh of relief.
Romania.
He’s moved on to Romania.
I take another gulp of my beer and swallow. I can stick around for a little while longer—until the next facial recognition ping comes through. When I made myself known today, I didn’t think about what I’d do, or what I’d say, when I have to go after Skull again. God knows it was hard enough the first time. I still remember it like it was yesterday. I was knocked unconscious when the final explosion detonated at Skull’s compound.
When I woke, I was trapped under debris, dust, and God knows what else. Heat from surrounding fires licked at me, and the light mist from the hoses of emergency services thickened dirt to mud against my skin. I had a killer headache and blurred vision, but I couldn’t wait around for them to rescue me. I needed to find Skull. I needed to know he was dead. Emily wouldn’t be safe otherwise.
Somehow, I managed to pry myself out of the debris and hobbled through thick smoke to the woods. I hugged the tree line, clenching my side as it bled profusely, until I could see the firefighters, paramedics, and the policemen as they pulled body after body from the debris. Of all that surfaced, none of them were him.
When I went down, Skull was right there with me. When I woke up, I was alone, and I climbed out of that debris way too easily, like someone already cleared a way out.
I knew he was alive…and I was fucking tired, exhausted, but I had to find him. I had to end it.
I walked through the dense forest for hours until I came upon a road. I walked the road as far as I could, each step feeling like a mile, before my legs refused to carry me another inch and I collapsed. I didn’t know how long I laid on the side of the road. Maybe I slept. Maybe I didn’t.
By some miracle, a red truck, driven by a nice man in his late sixties, picked me up. He was en route to the nearest hospital when I gathered enough energy to tell him to take me somewhere else. He protested, of course, but I won in the end, after I threatened to throw myself out the door.
The man I soon came to know as Fred, took me to the residence of my father’s friend, George. We grew up calling him “Uncle” even though he was of no relation. Lucky for me, he was a dentist and I knew I could use his clinic to patch myself up enough to keep me going.
George accepted me gratefully when I got to his place and, fortunately, he had supplies in storage at his home that I could use to put myself back together. It wasn’t too bad—a hundred scratches and bumps, and a gash here and there—probably some smoke inhalation—but nothing that required the serious attention of a real doctor.
Afterward, he allowed me to shower, gave me fresh clothing that was way too tight, and microwaved me a quick meal. When I was done, he offered me the credit card he usually gives to his college-aged son for an Uber, the catch being I had to go straight to the police station and tell them what happened.
I told him I would, and I took the card.
My first stop after leaving his place was Hannah’s house. I had the Uber driver stop a mile out and I walked the rest of the way, despite my aching body and heavy eyelids. All I wanted was to see Kitten. To keep my promise.
To let her know I was okay.
As I approached the tree line outside of Hannah’s place, a glowing, red ember caught my attention. Two people sat in the driveway. They didn’t speak, but under the bright glow of the moon, I recognized the one on the left as Joel. The other as Emily. She stared ahead, directly at me, but she didn’t see me. My heart raced. It beat so hard I was certain it’d break my ribs.
All I wanted was to bunch her up in my arms and never let go.
You don’t have to be scared anymore. That’s what I told her when we escaped Skull’s compound, and I was going to do everything I could to make sure that was the truth.
If I walked over there, they’d ask me about Skull and I’d have nothing to tell them. They’d continue to live in fear and, despite how much money they had between them, Skull had more. He had an army, he had the whole world in his palm, and it wouldn’t be long before Skull tracked them here.
I sat down against a tall tree, brainstorming a plan until I could no longer make sense of my thoughts. Eventually, my exhaustion overcame me and I let sleep drag me under.
I was jolted awake sometime later by the slap of a screen door. I pushed myself to my feet as Huss sauntered out and it hit me then, my plan. Ted once claimed Huss was the best tech man he knew. I hoped it was true, because I’d need him if this plan of mine was going to work.
I left the woods behind, my body aching worse than before. Huss didn’t hear me approach as he lowered himself into a wooden rocking chair, his attention lingering to the left, until my tight boots touched the gravel underneath me and they crunched together. In the blink of an eye, he was on his feet, his gun drawn on me.
I held my breath and, thankfully, he didn’t shoot.
“It’s me,” I whispered as loudly as I could.
“Holy shit.” He tucked his gun into his waistband and rushed off the porch, clearing the steps. “You’re alive?” He pulled me into a tight hug with a rough slap on my back before turning away from me. “Emily’s going to freak out. She’s been a damn mess—”
“Jordan.” He stopped and turned to me.
“Yeah?”
In the light of the moon, I saw his happiness, his relief. He was so eager to drag me inside
to Emily—and I wanted to go to her, more than anything, but…I couldn’t show my face until I knew where Skull was, until I killed him and she was safe, until we were all safe.
He had the money and the power to catch us again. If he did, there was no escaping. I didn’t want us to live in fear, to constantly look over our shoulders anymore. I wanted to end it. I wanted to end him.
“I’m not here to reunite,” I said to him and he frowned.
I told him my plan. The more I talked, the more the plan began to make sense, until it clicked together piece by piece. It was our best shot at a new life.
Huss disagreed at first, but it didn’t take long to bring him around to the idea, even if I did have to threaten his son’s safety. He begged me not to make him lie to Emily, he said it’d be better if I joined them, but in order to pull it off, I had to stay dead.
For their protection.
For my protection.
I had a better chance of catching Skull if he believed I was dead too. It was the perfect element of surprise. I ordered Huss to go out first thing in the morning and get new identities, new passports—everything—and to hack wherever he needed to hack in order to register my death in the explosion. Huss refused again at that point, wanting no part in my lie to Emily, but I managed to convince him it was the right thing to do.
It took two weeks for him to get the new identities and I spent my time wisely in my own home—sleeping, healing, and missing Emily something fierce.
When that was done, I bought a burner phone and told Huss to create fake trails for Skull to follow, using Joel, Emily’s, and Monique’s real names, hundreds of them to give the illusion that they were running all over the world, and to make it so I could track his whereabouts.
Hidden in the darkness, Huss handed me a device that could track Skull via facial recognition feeds. It looked like a smartphone, but it only had one function. I didn’t know how he did it, or where he got it, but it was going to be necessary in capturing that asshole.
On my last trip to Hannah’s, I wanted to speak to Joel. When I approached him having a cigarette outside as the clock ticked closer to midnight, he almost fell to his knees and burst into tears. Like Huss, he was so damn eager to get me inside to Emily, but I refused. If she knew about me, she’d try to stop me…and I’d listen because I’d do anything for her.
