by Skyla Madi
Finally, the doctor turns his kind, green eyes on me. “It’s too early to tell. If her recovery goes well and she excels in her physical therapy, she’ll be out of the wheelchair in a few months. If it doesn’t go the way we hope and the damage to her spine turns out to be worse than we think it is…she’ll be in a chair for the rest of her life.”
Swearing, Ted walks off, pushing a hand through his hair, like what the doctor said was bad news. I admit it’s rattled me a little, but Emily’s alive, and at the end of the day, that’s all I care about. I made a promise to take care of her if she pulls through—no matter what—and I will.
Ted shouldn’t be so devastated to hear the news. He saw her incredible blood loss. He felt how faint her pulse was. Her condition could be worse—much worse—and the guilt will eat him up if he doesn’t let it go.
Huss looks at me, his eyes swimming with sorrow, but all that occupies my mind is how I’m going to make Emily’s home wheelchair accessible. How is she going to get up the stairs to her bedroom? What about her car? Where can I get one of those shower seats?
“You’re more than welcome to wait in her room now, but I think it’s best if only one or two of you are present at her bedside when she wakes up. It’ll be less jarring.”
I shake the doctor’s hand, the hand that saved Emily’s life, and then he walks away, the nurse in tow. They round the corner at the end of the hall when Joel turns to me, stuffing his large hand into the pocket of his jeans to retrieve the car keys to my rental. “I’ll catch a ride with them back to the house.”
I take the keys with a frown. “You don’t want to see her?”
“I’ll come see her when she’s feeling better.”
“Why’d you wait if you never intended to see her?”
Joel shrugs his shoulders, avoiding my gaze with his dark blue eyes—eyes that match mine in hue. “I waited with you so you didn’t have to do it alone.”
I look away from him with a nod, feeling thankful and uncomfortable. Joel and I were close as kids, but drifted apart as time went on. When we got him back from Skull, he was a different person and we didn’t gel well. In retrospect, I was a different person too. By that point, I’d been through a lot with Jessica and trying to find him, not to mention I also had Emily’s safety to think about. She came into this an innocent.
“Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.” He flicks his head at Huss, who saunters off to get Ted, who’s disappeared. “Keep us updated.”
“I will.”
Joel leaves, and the angst I feel in my stomach multiplies tenfold. I didn’t realize how much his presence appeased my nerves. I could’ve used him to break the ice when Emily wakes up. Now I have to do it myself. My heart thrums in my ears. Swallowing hard, I approach the nurses’ station. Two nurses mill about behind the desks. One sorts out paperwork, the other types away on her keyboard, copying something from her clipboard to the computer.
“Uh.” They look at me. Shit. What was Emily’s new surname? “Annalise…Smith?”
They both smile sweetly at me even though I interrupted their work. The one sorting through papers strolls over to an empty computer and clicks around before gesturing me to follow her. I shadow her down numerous halls—it doesn’t take us long to reach Emily’s room. A cold drop of nervous sweat falls from my hairline and rolls down the back of my neck at the thought of going into her room, at the thought of talking to her, but I need to beg for her forgiveness.
I messed up.
I lied to her.
I betrayed her.
She has every right to hate me and to never trust me again…
A heavy sickness spreads through my stomach. She has every right not to want to see me again.
Despite my thoughts, I persevere. I thank the nurse and step inside the room, closing the door behind me.
Emily’s space is much more stark and sterile than the waiting room. The floor is turtledove gray, the walls are milk white, and the ceiling above is made of polystyrene, squares of it laid on a grid-like frame.
Slowly, I push away the pale blue curtain that hangs on a curved chrome railing, looking like it’s been washed a thousand times, and there she is.
I suck air between my teeth. My Kitten.
My heart beats in my chest, and it’s loud in my ears as I rake my gaze over Emily, who lies motionless on the bed, her tiny body draped with crisp—but thinning—white sheets. Her skin is no longer kissed with the same beautiful, gold hue as this morning. She’s deathly pale and her face is gaunt and sickly. I clench my fists and my stomach tightens into a knot as a quiet rage builds inside me.
I want to kill Skull all over again for what he’s done.
Sixteen
Emily
Second Lease
It comes to me slowly, a subtle awareness of who I am and what I last remember, as pain begins to creep into my limbs, chasing me from my subconscious and into my waking life. The beats of my heart pound loudly, echoing in my ears, alongside sniffles and pleas for help. My eyelids flutter and I groan under the weight of them, falling back into sleep.
Jai…
An image of him floats into my subconsciousness and he looks so helpless slumped over me, begging me to hold on. The sound sends daggers into my heart and I desperately try to think of something else—anything else.
“Kitten?”
Such a beautiful voice. I make a noise in my throat to let him know I’m here, whoever it is.
“Kitten?”
My eyelids flutter again, but this time, they allow me to catch a glimpse of what’s going on outside of my body. I continue to blink through the fog that has settled over my eyes, squinting at the light that leaks in from a crack in the blind. It’s unbearable, almost like acid on my eyeballs, and then it’s gone, blocked by a broad, tall shape that smells crisp and like…him. I let my head loll to the side and, slowly, the sharp lines of the world return.
My breath catches. Jai.
His black, spiky hair is tousled, as if he’d spent the last few hours running his fingers through it. His thick locks caught my attention only for a second, until it fell to his mesmerizing deep ocean eyes. My lips part and I wince as the subtle movement makes my body ache all over. To see him again…his strong, defined face, his features molded from granite.
“Hi,” he simply says, but there’s so much emotion in his tone.
Relief. Love. Nervousness.
I flinch at the sound of his deep, rough voice. I never thought I’d hear it again. With every blink, my eyelashes bat against my lids as I try to fend away the tears wetting my eyes and the sobs threatening to constrict my throat. Seemingly of its own accord, my face screws up, buckling like a toddler lost in a crowd, and I burst into tears.
Jai is at my side in an instant, crouching by my bed, his large hand on mine. The tears come and come, refusing to stop, and each gasp I take puts me in more pain than I’ve ever experienced in my life. The tears I cry aren’t all bad.
I’m overcome by his presence at my bedside…
And I’m terrified because I can’t move my toes, like they said.
Jai shushes me, swiping hair off my forehead as a clammy sweat sets in, and reaches for a tissue on the counter beside my bed. “You’re okay. You’re safe.”
He comforts me until my outburst dwindles to a sniffle. I take the tissue as he extends it to me. “You’re here?”
I notice immediately that my voice is sluggish and raspy. I push my tongue along the roof of my dry mouth. I’m parched, but the thought of drinking water turns my stomach.
“Of course.” He cranes his neck, kissing the back of my hand. Then, his handsome face falls and it’s a punch to my gut. “If you need space—”
“I don’t need space,” I cut in, dabbing my eyes with the tissue. “Space is the last thing I want from you.”
“You’re not mad at me?”
I was mad. When Skull drove me away from the house, his shitty music playing on the radio, I swore I’d never s
peak to Jai again. He was the one person I thought I could count on to tell me the truth, and when I found the device with Skull’s picture and location on it, I was beyond shocked.
In retrospect, it wasn’t the lie that bothered me. It was the fact he was able to keep such a huge secret from me without breaking a sweat. It was easy for him.
If I allow myself to be mad at him for keeping something so important from me, how long do I stay mad? A week? A month? A year? Regardless of the length, I couldn’t do it. I don’t want to waste another second on the past. Who knows how long we have together? Skull is gone—I saw him die with my own eyes—I want to move forward.
“I was mad at you, but the moment the bullet entered my body, my life flashed before my eyes and you know what I saw?”
He shakes his head, his ocean eyes swimming with…something.
“I saw you, only you, and the thought of never seeing you again terrified me. So,” I sniffle. “I’m not mad at you, but I’m disappointed you felt the need to take all of this on yourself. You didn’t have to.”
“I know.” Jai swipes his thumb over the back of my hand. “But I did it all for you—your well-being. There isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe, you know that.”
I do know that.
He might’ve lied to me, but Jai Stone is the only man who holds my heart so captivated. I want him to be held accountable for his decisions, but I’m so damn tired. I can’t talk about it anymore. I don’t want to. Besides, I don’t need to sit here and tell Jai how stupid it was to keep Skull from me and demand apologies and his sympathy. I can already see how terrible he feels. It’s in the way his eyebrows furrow and the way he tries to be happy through the guilt on his face. He gets it.
“Skull is dead.” I close my eyes and focus on my legs and my toes. It’s the strangest sensation. I can feel them there, tingling, but at the same time, I can’t. “We can move on.”
What if physical therapy doesn’t fix this? What if I’m wheelchair bound for life? Would Jai still love me then?
I continue to cry on and off. In pain, in fear of the unknown, and Jai stays by my side the entire time, caressing my hand when the doctors and nurses come and explain my situation to me. In all honesty, I’m lucky to be alive. When they leave, the sun has set, but Jai remains, looking just as tired as I feel. Eventually, a nurse saunters by, giving Jai the look. One that says he’s overstayed his welcome and he has to go home. Anxiety eats at me at the thought of him not being here to keep me company.
Exhaling, he straightens his spine and lifts himself off the metal seat beside my bed. “I’ll be back first thing in the morning.”
He leans over the bed rail and plants a kiss on the side of my head. He goes to turn away and I snatch his wrist in my hand, wincing as pain shoots down my spine and through my abdomen. “Five more minutes?”
His full lips pull at one corner and he places a hand over mine. “Five more minutes.”
We watch each other in the silence, listening to the sounds of the nurses and patients outside. Five minutes stretch into ten, then fifteen. Each minute that passes by is shorter than the last, and soon enough, the same nurse who gave him the look comes back and stands by the door, placing her hand on her hip, her dark eyes thinned and frustrated.
“Sorry,” Jai says to her, “I’m going now.”
I tighten my grip, irrationally fearing he won’t come back. “Jai, please, don’t go.”
“I have to.” He reaches into the pocket of his jeans. “But I’ve got something to keep you company while I’m gone.”
I frown as he pulls out a little black box with gold trimmings. I recognize the box design from the jewelry store by the cake shop. When did he go there? Jai opens up the box, exposing a gold solitaire ring paired with a single prong eternity band. Both rings are littered with small diamonds, save for the single large diamond in the center of the front ring. My mouth opens, a single tear dripping onto my cheek.
“I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he says, his voice thick and full of emotion. “Skull is dead and we never have to look over our shoulder again. I want to marry you, Kitten. We can build a new life, start a family.”
I lift my gaze to meet his and fall in love with him all over again. Suddenly, my life doesn’t seem so miserable.
I’m in love with Jai. Irrevocably.
Even during my year without him, he never left my mind. From the moment we met and were thrust together, Jai has been my one stable force in this messed up world. Now he’s back, I can’t help but wonder how I was ever able to live without him. I never want to be without him again. I couldn’t survive it because Jai’s my anchor, my one constant in this world riddled with chaos.
I will forget Skull. I will forget the way his unwanted hands felt on my body and the look on Jai’s face whenever Skull took what he wanted from me.
Now Skull’s dead, I want to go back to how I felt before he showed up here in Italy—safe and loved. In between Skull’s torment, I tasted a life that was so beautiful, incredibly warm and mesmerizing. A life I never thought I’d get to experience.
With the death of Skull comes the death of my fear…
…and the birth of my new life.
Epilogue
Emily
Two Years Later…
I inhale deeply as I walk toward my home at the end of the track, after a delicious dinner with Ted, Hannah, and their baby, Ruby, as well as Joel, Monique, and Jacob—who hilariously fell asleep against the fridge, clutching a freshly filled sippy cup of apple juice against his chest. Monique offered to take him to bed after he ate his grilled chicken and salad, but he insisted he wasn’t tired.
Dinner was perfect, even though Huss and Benji couldn’t make it. I love being surrounded by people I love and care about, and who love and care about me in return. I never would’ve recovered as quickly as I recovered without them.
After our wedding, we couldn’t bring ourselves to move off the property.
We’ve been around each other for so long, the thought of moving away from Joel, Monique, and Jacob sent anxiety and unease spiraling through us, so we stayed, and it made sense since I was working hard at the winery.
I blow out an exhale as I approach my porch. My ankles ache a little, but I appreciate every step I take and revel in the uneven ground and the sounds of rocks crunching under my feet. There was a time—three months into physical therapy—when I thought I’d never walk again, and I’ll never take my second chance for granted. Some mornings, I even walk the distance to the winery just to feel the joints of my lower half move.
I climb the porch, my flats patting against the wood. As I reach the door, I hear soft chatter coming from behind it. I smile, and shrug out of my gray cardigan. I should’ve known she’d be up.
I open the door as Elle’s gentle coos turn to sweet cries, followed swiftly by Jai’s quiet laughter.
The atmosphere is calm, a scent of lavender lightly kissing my nose. Jai has been on the internet a lot lately, trying different natural remedies to help babies sleep.
I put my cardigan on the kitchen counter and saunter into the living room to Jai, who rocks our daughter back and forth in his big, strong arms, her tiny, swaddled body resting against his naked chest.
“Elijah sleeps well,” Jai says, gently bouncing her. “Elle here is a bit of a night owl.”
I kick off my shoes and stroll closer. It was meant to be, our children.
When I was shot, it did damage to a lot of important organs in the area. It took seven months of intense physical therapy for me to walk again. In addition to my spine, nerve, and artery injuries, my womb was also damaged.
There was always the possibility of conceiving if I jumped through all of the hoops to make it happen, but after the incident…conceiving became a dream, no longer a reality.
It killed me in the beginning. I refused to get out of bed for weeks, despite Jai’s insistence that he was okay with not having kids. I was so caught up in
my own self-loathing I didn’t see the pamphlets Jai left around the house and waved in front of my nose at breakfast, his gold wedding band catching the light of the morning sun…
…until I did and the dark, dense fog that engulfed me lifted.
“Adoption,” I said and he beamed widely.
It made perfect sense. I could give a beautiful baby with no parents the life I never had. With his suggestion, my life came full circle.
It took us until the second year of our marriage to finally sort it out and we picked them up a month later. We were so nervous. Jai trembled harder than I did.
We had no idea how to look after squishy humans. We read books together and went shopping, letting sales staff talk us into buying all kinds of ridiculous contraptions, but it was fun and we had the best time preparing for our very own bundles of joy.
And when they handed our children over—twins, a boy and a girl—Jai and I cried. I was overwhelmed by emotion, as if I’d gone through the pain of giving birth to them myself. Jai was so proud and we named them immediately.
Elijah J. Stone and Elle Jacqueline Stone.
When Jai and I hold them at night, preparing them for bed, I never fail to realize that the incident with Skull might’ve robbed me of my right to carry a child, but it never took away my right to be a mother, and while I may not have birthed these beautiful babies into the world, I will happily guide them through it. Always.
I wrap my arms around Jai and rest my face against his back, rocking with him. A while passes before Jai whispers “okay” to me and I release him. I follow closely behind him as he slowly strolls up the stairs to the bedrooms. With quiet feet we bypass Eli’s room, who sleeps soundly, and take her into our bedroom where Elle spends most of her nights.
Because of Jai’s endless, big, and soft cuddles, she prefers to sleep in our bed. It’s the only place she sleeps the whole night.
In the semi-darkness, I strip the heavy duvet off the bed and tuck the thin bedsheet lower so it can’t go higher than our hips.
