by Skyla Madi
When I’m done, I go into the bathroom and shower first while Jai puts Elle to sleep, then we switch. I lie next to Elle’s safe sleeper, watching her chest rise and fall, watching her lips make suckling motions. I wish I could feed her from my breasts. I wish I had that.
Elle and Eli have thick dark hair covering their soft heads. Their noses are tiny buttons, slender and pointy, their lips full and bubbly. They look so much like us it’s amazing.
When Jai’s done, he saunters into the bedroom with a yawn, smoothing his hand over his bare chest, wearing nothing but loose gray sweatpants.
My gaze glues to him as he saunters around the bed. How dare he come in here dressed like that?
I roll onto my side and prop myself up on my elbow. “Can you put Elle in her bed, please?”
He frowns at me, confused. Jai is the stay at home parent. He looks after them twenty-four-seven, spending almost every second of his day with a baby snuggled into him—sometimes two. Because of that, Elle and Eli are more attached to him than me. He’s taken to parenting like a moth to a flame. He doesn’t make mistakes like I do, and his knowledge on what they like and don’t like is outstanding.
Jai took to his role immediately, like he was always born to be a father.
“Why? What’s wrong?” He squeezes a tiny bit of organic moisturizer from the pump bottle on his bedside table and rubs it into his hands.
Now he has babies to look after, he thinks it’s important to have soft hands. While I miss the feel of his rough, manly hands, the softness feels nice too.
I tip my head on an angle. Isn’t it obvious? “I want to have sex, Jai.”
His eyebrows lift and he bends over the bed and reaches for Elle. She barely stirs as he scoops her into his arms and carries her off.
I remove her safe sleeper and kick away the thin sheet draped over my legs. Jai returns a few minutes later, a beige envelope in his hands. “I almost forgot. It’s your birthday soon.”
I nod. “It is.”
“I have a surprise for you.”
I flick my brows. “Kinky.”
Laughing, he sits on the bed and extends the envelope to me. I take it, flipping it front to back to see who it’s from.
“What’s this?”
“The names of your parents. Your siblings.”
I freeze and stare at the unaddressed envelope, apprehension floods me. The old me would’ve torn through the paper already, but the new me is…well, hesitant.
“Have you read it?”
He nods.
“And I have…siblings?”
He nods again.
“How many?”
“Five of them. Full blood.”
His answer is a smack in the face, a boot to my stomach. My parents went on to have five more children? And they didn’t put any of them up for adoption? I slide my teeth together. This is supposed to be exciting, right? So why do I feel so damn bitter? And hurt? And a million other things I can’t put into words.
Why didn’t they keep me?
I swallow my hurt and blink away tears that threaten to expose how much I hate his surprise. Exhaling, I fold the envelope in half and then tear it. I tear through the paper until I’m certain I won’t be able to piece it back together.
I glance down at the shreds of paper on my bare thighs and, surprisingly, I feel good about it.
“You don’t want to know?”
I look at Jai and I shake my head. “No. I have my family and they have theirs.”
Jai swipes the paper off my legs and pulls me into a hug, squeezing me tightly against him.
“I love you,” he tells me and I pull back until out noses graze.
“I love you.”
Our hands interlock as he leans in and kisses me tentatively and tenderly, sending little sparks of static dancing over my skin.
Then, he pushes me back, his body easing mine, until my head rests against the pillow.
Being with him has always felt magical, whether it’s rough and needy or slow and gentle.
It’s been a while since the last time we were intimate. Our sex life has lessened, but definitely hasn’t suffered. He still makes my heart beat erratically in my chest. He still awakens butterflies in my stomach.
Jai pushes my pink nighty up my thighs and over my hips with his large, soft hands. He breaks the kiss to press his lips to my chest, then travels south, kissing a hot trail down my stomach to my abdomen. He spends time there, kissing every inch of skin where my uterus would be, if the doctors hadn’t taken it out in the end.
I close my eyes and enjoy the way he appreciates me, as if this body birthed his children.
His warm breath blows across my flesh as he eases my thighs open, only to stop as a loud cry rips through the house.
We peer at each other and wait as the cry quietens, hoping she’ll settle.
She doesn’t.
We both exhale. Jai shuffles backward and lifts himself off the bed as I straighten my nighty.
“Maybe tomorrow,” I say, chuckling softly.
“Maybe tomorrow.”
While Jai leaves to get Elle, I climb out of bed and go to the kitchen to prepare a milk in case she’s hungry. When I get back, Jai has put the soft yellow light on and holds himself above Elle, who excitedly kicks her legs and coos at him.
“You’re very excited,” he says to her, his voice gentle and light. “What are you excited for? Tell Daddy.”
My heart swells. I love it when he refers to himself as Dad. It’s the sweetest thing in the world. I stroll toward the bed and Jai lifts his head to watch me. “Look, Elle. Mommy’s here.”
I smile as I climb onto the bed. Jai grabs Elle and moves toward the headboard. He holds out his hand for the bottle and I give it to him, then he gestures for me to take Elle.
I do, gratefully.
“Come,” he whispers, “we can feed her together, if you want.”
I nod and move toward him, cradling Elle in my arms. I sit between Jai’s strong legs and rest against his chest. Elle makes a tight noise in her throat as she stares up at me, waiting for her milk.
I groan as my heart explodes with love. Her eyes are filled with so much affection it brings tears to my eyes.
“You’re so cute,” I utter, taking the bottle from Jai. I put the nipple between her lips and she attaches, greedily gulping down her milk.
Jai wraps his arms around mine and holds us tightly.
I watch her until her bottle is almost finished and she’s overcome by sleep. Her suckles become gentle, more for comfort than for food.
God. She’s so precious, so tiny in my arms. I’m the luckiest girl in the world.
I sniffle, not realizing I’m crying until I feel water on my cheeks.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, moving his head against mine so his mouth is by my ear.
“I love her so much.” I lift her as gently as I can and press a kiss to her head. “She’s so beautiful.”
“She loves you. You’re her mother.”
Mother.
I’ll never grow tired of hearing that, and it’s because of Jai my life is perfect.
During the dark days, when I felt like I was letting Jai down because I couldn’t give him a child of his own, he never got frustrated with me, never forced me to get over my pain, my feelings of failure. He embraced it all and helped me through the best he could.
Jai loves me as deeply as I love him, and the beauty in us is that our relationship wouldn’t change if we never utter those three little words to each other on a daily basis. Our love is present in our laughter, in the way we touch—no matter the time of day or the company we have.
Our love is in the gaze that lingers between us when we part.
On our wedding day, Jai told me that we were born for each other, our lives made to be vastly different so we fit together, like two puzzle pieces. He said I am his one, and we are one in a billion. We always have been, from the moment we met in that abandoned industrial site all those years ago.
r /> We are each other’s protectors, confidants, and devoted soulmates.
I am his Kitten…
…and he is my Stone.
Always and forever.
The End.
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About the Author
Skyla Madi is an Australian writer from Brisbane, Queensland.
Skyla started her writing career fresh out of high school and at 21 she is a giver of both real and fictional life.
She is an aquarian, lover of the written word and author of the #1 BESTSELLING Consumed trilogy.
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