Worth The Battle (Heaven Hill Series)

by Briscoe, Laramie

  Liam scooped Jessica up from where she lay, helping to pry Layne’s hands from around her neck. “You alright?”

  She gasped, inhaling deep breathes, rubbing the sore spot around her throat. “I’m good,” she heaved. “But I’m worried about him.”

  “Yeah, same here,” Liam said as he pushed her out of the room to where Meredith stood in the hallway.

  The two women watched as Tyler and Liam quietly spoke to Layne, talking him down until he realized where he was and what he’d done. Neither one of them could hear the words that were exchanged, but they could both see the tension leave Layne’s body, could see him try to take in his surroundings and figure out exactly where he was.

  “I told you.” He pointed to Tyler, pushing his finger into the big man’s chest. “I fucking told you.”

  “What’s he talking about?” Jessica whispered to Meredith.

  “I have no idea, but Tyler doesn’t take well to people putting their fingers in his chest. I’ll tell ya that.”

  The watched as Tyler grabbed Layne’s finger and twisted. “Don’t fuckin’ touch me like that, little man. I’m serious.”

  “You don’t scare me, Tyler. I’ve killed people.”

  Tyler had the audacity to laugh. “You think I haven’t? At least you had a license to do it. Stop fucking feeling sorry for yourself and get your shit straight. I don’t care what you think you’ve done, but get it taken care of.”

  Swallowing roughly, Layne sank down to the blanket on the floor. He did not want to go into this tonight—or anytime—but tonight especially. There was too much going on, too much trying his nerves. He felt like he was going insane. This incident had brought everything too close to the surface.

  “Is there another room I could use tonight?” Jessica spoke up from where she stood. It wasn’t fair to ask Layne to make a decision about what needed to happen. It wasn’t in her nature to be rude, and Layne so badly needed a friend right now.

  The look Layne gave her completely broke her heart.

  “Not because of what you did,” she was quick to assure him. “Because I think you really want to be alone. Am I right?”

  She was right and she was wrong, but he was glad that this was one decision he hadn’t had to make.

  “Yeah.” He cleared his throat when it sounded like he’d been on an all-night bender. “I would really like to be alone right now.”

  Liam and Tyler exchanged a glance before Tyler spoke up. “You sure about that?”

  “I am,” Layne sighed. “Look, I’m not suicidal; I just need to get my head on straight, alright? When things like this happen, I just need a while to decompress.”

  Tyler put his hand on the younger man’s shoulder. “I understand what you mean, but I also want you to understand that if you need anything, I’m right down the hall. Got it?”

  “I know, and I appreciate it.”

  The other four were uneasy as they backed out of the room and left Layne by himself, quietly closing the door.

  “Are you sure it’s okay to leave him by himself?” Meredith whispered as they took Jessica to one of the only unoccupied dorm rooms at the clubhouse.

  Tyler put his arm around her and pulled her close to him. “We’ve got to trust that he knows what he needs.” He turned to Jessica. “Are you okay?”

  For the first time since they’d pulled her out of the room, Jessica took stock of what had happened to her. Layne could have killed her and not even realized it. As the adrenaline left her body, she began shaking.

  “Come here.” Meredith held her arms open to the other woman and held her tightly as Jessica collapsed in her arms.

  “He could have hurt me,” she whispered. “I never thought he would have ever hurt me.”

  Meredith could remember those days and nights when she had been in the throes of agony from her attack and hadn’t been able to let go of what had happened to her. “He’s not himself, Jessica. Trust me when I say he’s not himself.”

  “He hasn’t been himself for a very long time,” she admitted.

  “He’s still there,” Meredith told her. “You’ve got to help him find his way out. All he needs is time and a little love. Trust me when I say that. You can bring him back; you just have to be patient.”

  Jessica could tell from the way Meredith talked that she spoke from experience. Could she be that person? Could she be willing to wait for him to stop blaming himself? Could she live with never knowing what he had done? Was she strong enough for all of this? She wasn’t sure, but she made the decision standing right there in that hallway that she would know by the time the sun came up in the morning. She would not be the next person to hurt Layne. That she knew without a doubt.

  Chapter Twelve

  What the fuck had just happened? Layne couldn’t remember. All he knew was that there had been fear in Jessica’s eyes and it had been directed towards him. He hated when this happened, when he was stuck in a flashback and then couldn’t remember it. Those holes in his memory took away parts of his life, parts that he would never get back. That was the part he hated above all. He’d lost so much while away from home that he really didn’t want to lose any more of it.

  With hands that were more than a little shaky, he reached over to the bedside table where a pack of cigarettes lay. He almost couldn’t light the one he grabbed out and put in his mouth. When he blacked out, it spooked him—spooked him much more than he was willing to admit to anyone.

  “Layne, man, you got to get your shit together,” he told himself. It wasn’t the first time he’d told himself this; not even the first time this night, but he knew without a doubt that something would have to change. Maybe that meant talking to someone, maybe it didn’t. The fact of the matter was, he no longer wanted to make that decision. Maybe he could go commit himself, check himself into some program and they could fix him. They could decide what was wrong with him and just tell him what the fuck to do to get better. He was sick of the guessing, the not knowing what was going to set him off.

  The nicotine rushed through his system, doing what it was supposed to do, slowing his heartbeat and calming him down so that he didn’t feel so suffocated. He even debated going and grabbing one of those nerve pills he had been prescribed. Only twice had he taken them. The way they made him feel was really no better than being in the middle of an episode, but at least it gave him some measure of peace.

  When the cigarette was no longer needed, he snuffed it out in the ashtray and lay back down on the bed and put his arm over his eyes. The deep breath he took should have left him feeling cleansed, but it didn’t.

  All it did was fill his nose with the scent of Jessica. Her scent still clung to his skin, clothing, and the sheets on the bed. It made his skin feel too tight and made him want to run. Run far away from all of this and not face any of the things that he had been running from for so long.

  A tentative knock sounded on the door, and he had to wonder who it was. It was going on 4AM, he realized as he glanced at the clock. Who the hell would dare bother him after everything that had just gone on? The door pushed open slowly until he could see Jagger on the other side.

  “Hey, man. Meredith called and said some shit had gone down? Thought I’d come check on ya,” he said as he made his way into the room.

  “I don’t feel like seeing anybody right now.” Layne turned over so that he was no longer facing the other man.

  Walking over so that he was back in Layne’s line of vision, Jagger stood his ground, feet wide apart. “I know that you don’t, but I don’t think you need to be alone either. Liam and Tyler might have been fine going back to their women and leaving you here. I’m not.”

  “Then what the fuck do you want to do?” Layne huffed as he sat up.

  “Wanna play some cards?” Jagger asked as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a deck of playing cards.

  That was exactly what he had done overseas when he’d been bored. It brought a chuckle from deep within him as he reluctantly left the bed and
grabbed a table that they could use. Once he was done setting it up, he waited patiently for Jagger to grab a chair and have a seat across from him. Even in the dim light of the room, Layne could see the dark circles under Jagger’s eyes, and he knew that this was something that not every friend would do. He made it a point to remember to thank him when the wound wasn’t still so fresh. This went above and beyond and he would never forget that.

  Jessica lay in the room they had taken her to trying to figure out how things had gone so wrong, how they had changed in the blink of an eye. She tried to pinpoint in her mind when Layne had changed. He hadn’t always been like that. He hadn’t always been a live wire, ready to go off if someone did one little thing wrong to him. She grabbed her phone, and for the first time since she’d come to Kentucky, she wished she hadn’t chosen to come to Layne.

  Her finger rested on the call button just as there was a knock on her door. Putting the cell phone down, she walked over to the door and hesitantly opened it. She wasn’t prepared for another round with Layne—she wanted to make sure it wasn’t him. Instead, on the other side, she saw Bianca. Thankful for a friendly face, she embraced the other woman tightly.

  “Are you okay?” Bianca asked. “Meredith called, worried about the two of you. I sent Jagger to check on Layne.”

  “I’ve been better,” she admitted, putting her hand up to her throat. It still burned slightly from where he had grabbed her.

  Bianca examined it closely. “That’s going to leave a mark. We should probably get you some ice.”

  Nodding her head seemed like the right thing to do, but Jessica didn’t really hear what Bianca said to her.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  Again, Jessica nodded, hoping to keep herself from going into shock. Disbelief still rushed through her at the events that had taken place. Finally, everything came crashing down, and a tear escaped down her cheek, leaving a wet trail. This was not her Layne.

  From the door, she heard Bianca whisper. “I keep wondering why you came here. What do you know about him that we don’t?”

  That was the bitch of it really, she knew a completely different Layne than they did, but it appeared that man was now gone. Would they believe her if she told them about the weekends they’d spent together before he’d shipped off? When she had escaped her handlers and the people who thought they knew what was best for her. Layne had always come through, had always picked her up at the airport. Even then he’d had a bit of a bad streak in him, even if he hadn’t been on the back of a bike. It was in whatever car a friend would allow him to borrow. For forty-eight hours the two of them were just young kids getting to know one another. They’d done a bunch of stupid shit, but then again they’d done a lot of talking, a lot of soul-searching. She missed that Layne. The one that she’d given herself to before he’d shipped off for war. This had served as a harsh reminder that he might never come back. Tears shimmered in her eyes as she glanced up at Bianca.

  “Let me tell you about a man I knew. He was a young man,” she started, folding her legs in front of her. Quickly she grabbed the ice and put it to her neck before continuing on. “He had the world in front of him, and even though he was really scared about where he was going and what he was going to do, he was still incredibly sweet in moments. He didn’t care about me being famous; hell, he didn’t even care that I was lying about my age. All he cared about was that I let him be himself for those forty-eight hours we spent together.”

  Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, Bianca debated on whether she should ask this question or not, but figured since Jessica was so forthcoming—it was worth a shot. “But what did the woman care about?” she asked as she had a seat on the bed.

  The look on Jessica’s face about broke Bianca’s heart. “I just cared about him coming back safely, that he would be the same guy when he came back. I wanted to be able to do all the same things with him and be myself with him. He was the only person I could be myself with.”

  But that hadn’t been the case. He hadn’t even called her when he came back to the states. It had hurt to find out from one of his friends that he’d already been home for almost a month. There had been no phone call; there had been no reunion between the two of them. For months she had watched videos on YouTube of men coming home, and she had wanted that with him. She had wanted to be in the audience, holding an American flag for him, waiting nervously for him to be released from duty. None of that had happened.

  “Do you know what happened to him?”

  “No,” Jessica shook her head. That was one thing he was very adamant about. He never spoke about his time over there with her, except in passing. It was all vague and could be applied to any of the thousands of soldiers that had served. He never shared anything personal about himself anymore. It had closed her off to him—she hadn’t felt comfortable sharing with him the things that had gone on in her own world. In essence, it had closed off their friendship, and to be honest she resented him for it. “He won’t talk about it.”

  “Maybe you should talk to him about going to see Doc Jones,” Bianca threw out there.

  “Who’s Doc Jones?”

  Not wanting to give everyone’s secrets away, Bianca answered vaguely. “Pretty much the therapist of the Heaven Hill MC. At one point or another, I’m sure everybody has gone to see her. She’s amazing.”

  “Do you have personal experience with her?”

  “I do,” she nodded. “I had an incident that happened a few months ago when I was student teaching. The principal became obsessed with me, and he held me at gunpoint. She’s helped me work through that. Just like she’s helped Meredith work through her issues.”

  “So no one would look sideways if either myself or Layne went?”

  “Oh, fuck no,” Bianca giggled. “We’ve got a group rate with Doc Jones. She’s very discreet, and she knows exactly the questions to ask. It’s not shameful in the least. I think it would help him and you out. Obviously you’re dealing with some guilt that he came back a different person, and we all know how he’s dealing with himself.”

  “Yeah, not at all,” Jessica mumbled. There had to be a way that she could help him. There had to be some way to pull him back from this. She needed Layne back as much as he needed to be back. Circumstances had made decisions for her. She was here to stay in Bowling Green, Kentucky, and she would be damned if she didn’t end up with the life that she had always wanted. It was time to stand up for what she wanted and what she believed in. For so long other people had put her in situations that she hadn’t been comfortable with. Always, she had been the adult—taking care of people who didn’t appreciate it. Layne needed that now—whether he knew it or not—and just like he hadn’t balked at coming to get her at the airport, ever, she wouldn’t balk at this. Layne O’Connor had no clue what was about to hit him in the form of a small redhead fireball. Shock and awe had worked on many military campaigns, just like it would work here. Jessica knew that in order to save his life it had to.

  Chapter Thirteen

  A few hours later, Bianca and Jagger left the clubhouse, Layne in tow. Jessica wasn’t sure where the three of them were planning to go, but she decided now would be a good time to put her plan into action. Quietly, she opened the door to the room she had been given and observed what was going on.

  Not too many people were milling around the clubhouse this morning. Perhaps they’d heard about the drama and were giving it a wide berth. Walking into the main room, she glanced around for the person she wanted to see.

  “Who you looking for?”

  She jumped as she heard the deep voice in her ear. Tyler was so quiet that it was scary. Placing her hand over her racing heart, she turned around to face him. “Liam.”

  “What are you looking for him for?” Those were not words he had expected to come out of her mouth. What did she want with the pres?

  How did she explain this without sounding like a crazy person? Should she include Tyler in her request? She felt much more comfortable
with him; maybe she should ask that he accompany her. “I have a favor to ask him, and maybe you could come too. I’m kind of nervous about seeing him myself.”

  Intrigued, Tyler shook his head. “Alright, but he’s up at the house, and I’m warnin’ you right now, he’s not in a great mood. The only reason he was down here last night to help me with Layne was because he was looking for coffee.”

  That made her re-think her decision, but she knew that she had to stand strong with it. She had to be the person for Layne that he couldn’t be for himself. “I’m okay with that.”

  A deep laugh rumbled up from Tyler’s stomach. “You are a lot more ballsy than I was willing to give you credit for. Let me check on Meredith and give Liam a heads up. We’ll leave here in a few minutes—is that good with you?”

  “Yeah,” she nodded. It would give her time to make herself more presentable. “How’s Meredith doing?”

  “She’s always amazing.” He winked before he headed down the hallway.

  It was only then she noticed that he carried a can of lemon lime soda and his coffee mug. Yearning for the kind of relationship they had hit her hard. Her shoulders squared and her chin held high, she stalked down the hallway to her room. Looking her best always made her feel her best, and this time would be no different.

  After running a brush through her hair, putting on some makeup, and changing her clothes, she realized it was as good as it was going to get. “It’s all on you, Jess,” she whispered to herself. “Sell yourself just like you sell a motherfucking movie, make them believe you.”

  Jessica was surprised when they pulled up to Liam’s house. It was much more of a family home than she had expected. She could see now why the little family chose to live here instead of at the clubhouse.

  “I called him and let him know we were coming,” Tyler told her, as they got out of his truck and met each other around the front. He stood behind her, and she had to smile slightly. If she could get this guy to go to Hollywood, he’d be the leading man in every romance movie made. Meredith was a very lucky woman. She waited until he put his hand on the small of her back to indicate it was okay to make her way up the steps to the house.