Blackness Within (The Blackness Series Book 5)

by Norma Jeanne Karlsson

I beam a smile at both of them before talking to the group.

  “It’s nice to meet you all again. I’m sorry to impose on your weekend like this. I’ll try to be out of your hair tomorrow,” I say, trying to sound confident.

  The looks the room returns let me know I didn’t succeed. Time to run.

  “Sully, can you take Junior for me? I’d like to go out with Zeus for a bit, work on some training. This is a big change in his routine.”

  The room has gotten increasingly tense as I spoke. I’m so confused I lock pleading eyes with Sully to help me out. He offers me that Cheshire grin and rounds the bar swiftly.

  “Knock yourself out,” he murmurs against my cheek before scooping the sleeping baby from my arms.

  “Did I say something wrong?” I ask Shannon who’s shifting her gaze between Sully and me.

  She clears her throat and shakes her head before replying, “Nothing at all. We’re a weird crowd. You’ll get used to us.”

  I nod, but I don’t believe her. I’ve done something these people are uncomfortable with. I should have stayed in Sully’s wing. No, I shouldn’t be here at all. Maybe I can leave tonight and stay at a motel. If I go somewhere seedy enough, I won’t have to show ID and I can pay in cash. I can hide safely with Zeus. Looking around at all of these people, I feel guilty for dragging them into this situation. Shannon and Dylan have three little boys that shouldn’t be in any danger from a stranger. It was thoughtless for me to come here.

  I leave the kitchen to get on my coat and boots before trudging back through the still silent room.

  “Let’s go,” I say excitedly to Zeus and he jumps at the tone. He knows what we’re doing. I exit the house through a large glass door and walk beyond a hotel-sized stone-encased pool and guesthouse into a perfectly manicured lawn. I’m guessing there’s half an acre or more of flat ground here. Perfect to work Zeus. And I do just that. I don’t have any of my training gear so I improvise as best I can and take joy in my abilities with my partner in life. He’s a dog, but he loves me fiercely. He’ll keep me safe.

  O’Sullivan

  “Could you dicks be any weirder?” I growl as Natasha walks into the backyard. “She’s in a fucked state of mind already and you fuckers just added to that. Thanks.”

  “She called you Sully,” Kid points out in a confused voice.

  “She doesn’t know. She probably heard you callin’ me that in the hospital and thinks it’s the nickname I use,” I huff, flopping onto the stool Natasha just vacated.

  “She called him Sully.” Kid ignores me and talks to Kellerman.

  “I was in the room,” he responds through a deep chuckle, earning him a pointed scowl.

  He kisses her forehead before removing Mikey from her arms and joins the guys on the sectional.

  “Sully,” she urges me to explain shit to her I have absolutely no explanation for.

  “It’s not the time to correct her,” I dismiss weakly.

  “You’re so fuckin’ full of shit. You like her…a lot. Don’t fuck it up just because that’s your favorite thing to do. Give me that baby and go outside to make sure she’s all right. Sorry we acted like that. Shocked the shit out of us. Now that we know what we’re dealin’ with, we’ll be as cool as we always are,” she finishes, grabbing Junior away from me.

  I grumble something about being eaten by a dog before pulling on my jacket and boots. As I make my way back through the room, Kav offers me a knowing smile. I can’t hide from these people. I don’t want to. I like the woman. It doesn’t mean I’ll take it beyond where we are right now. Her safety is my number one goal. I’ll keep telling myself that until I believe it.

  When I reach the grass, I’m surprised to find her playing fetch with Zeus. Until I watch more closely. Natasha’s commanding his every move. He halts his progression, advances, moves back, to the side and anywhere else as she directs. When he finally gets the stick she’s using, he demolishes it, thrashing and snarling.

  “Impressive,” I compliment, sliding up next to her.

  “He is,” she responds through a proud grin.

  “So are you.”

  She shrugs before shifting on her feet uncomfortably.

  “I’m gonna check into a motel this afternoon. I can tell I’m makin’ your friends uncomfortable. I’m sorry for whatever I did back there. I didn’t mean to offend anyone, though I can’t figure out what I did. Anyway, there’s a motel near my first apartment that I’ll check into. I can use a fake name and cash so I’ll be anonymous. Zeus will keep me safe there,” she says coolly.

  “I’m not lettin’ you do that,” I snarl harsher than I intend.

  “It’s a good thing I don’t answer to you then,” she says dismissively.

  She moves away from me toward her dog that’s done obliterating bark. There’s no way in hell I’m sending her to stay at what I’m guessing is an hourly motel. She’s nuts if she thinks I’ll allow that. She’s insane for even considering it. Bossing her around isn’t going to work, though. I’ll try something else.

  “I hate the name Sully,” I yell across the yard.

  Her head snaps up and her brow furrows tightly, crinkling her button nose. Climbing to her feet, she strides toward me with irritation and confusion marring her striking features. Maybe the truth wasn’t such a great idea.

  “I’ve been callin’ you somethin’ you hate for over two days and you’re just tellin’ me?!” she shouts. “I’ve shared all kinds of personal shit with you. What the fuck, Brian?”

  “My father’s nickname is Sully. When I was growin’ up, everyone expected me to fall in the distinguished Chicago cop’s footsteps. I didn’t. I got in trouble a lot instead. When kids in the neighborhood started callin’ me Sully, I hated it. I love my father and he’s a great dad, but I knew I’d never be able to live up to the greatness. So I kicked the shit outta anyone that called me Sully. I kicked the shit outta a lot of other people too. I’m a fighter, Natasha. I’m not a cop’s kid. I’m not an attorney. I’m a brawler. There’s a blackness within me that loves to make people bleed. Sully’s the name of a man that keeps Chicago safe. I’m not that man.”

  “Shannon calls you Sully,” she grumbles not understanding.

  “When Kid was attacked, it was a life changing experience for me. She called me Sully after that, like you, not knowing I hated the name. When she said it, I felt worthy of the name for the first time. I stopped the street fights around then and started boxing. I applied myself at school and discovered how much I love the law. I’ve been a better man every day since Kid came. When you called me Sully…I felt worthy again. I didn’t need to correct you because you got it right. I feel like Sully when I’m with you,” I finish tenderly, brushing her hair away from her face.

  “And I’m supposed to be scared of the fighter? That’s why you keep warning me?” she whispers.

  “Your instincts are right with me, Natasha. I’m not boyfriend material. I’m a cheater. Or I would be if I did serious relationships. I’m not a man that any woman should want to be with, especially a woman as good as you. I feel worthy with you. But I’m not worthy enough for you.”

  “Have you ever given yourself that chance? It sounds like you made decisions about what you were in life before you even lived it. Why paint yourself in a box without knowing what it looks like to begin with? I know why I’m scared of you, Sully and it has nothing to do with you fighting or womanizing. Men like you have always scared me. You’re dominant. Dominant men become controlling men. Controlling men become abusive. And I refuse to be a victim. My mother’s always been in some version of a fucked up relationship. I won’t be her. I’d rather be single than end up a victim.”

  She shivers slightly as she speaks, whether her words cause it or the cold, I don’t know. I instinctively wrap her in my arms to warm her even though what she just said pissed me off, coupled with the fact that she’s lying. She’s afraid of the womanizing. Her crinkled nose gives her away easily.

  “I’m not abusive,” I
growl, leaning into her face. “I’m a man. I run shit. I’m gruff at times. I boss people around and speak in a growl more than I should. I don’t force women to do anything in life, unless I’m tryin’ to protect ’em. I don’t hit women. I don’t rape women. I don’t abuse women. I’d kill myself before I’d do anything close to causing a woman physical harm. Is that really what you’re afraid of with me?” I ask, shocked at the idea.

  “You told me to be afraid of you. To stay away from you. What else would you be warning for?”

  “This.”

  I smash my mouth against hers and wait for the rigid response to melt away. I’ve stunned her, but as I work my lips across hers, I feel Natasha’s soft body leaning into mine. Her hands tentatively move up my jacket before she fists the leather, pulling me closer. That’s all the encouragement I need.

  I plunge my hands in her silky hair and tilt her head where I want it. Before I have the chance to coax it out, her tongue darts into my mouth. We tangle and massage, drinking from each other. She tastes sweet and minty with a hint of coffee. Something else is there that’s just Natasha. I kiss her with everything I’ve got. Showing her why she should run. This thing between us will consume her. She needs to see how dangerous I am.

  Too bad it’s not working on her or me. Natasha feels perfect pressed against me, crafted to mold into the hard lines of my frame. I move one hand to the nape of her neck, the other to the small of her back. She stops clinging to my jacket and wraps her arms around my neck with a moan of ecstasy filtering in my mouth as I suck her tongue.

  I should stop this. It’s not proving what I need it to.

  I palm her ass instead.

  Jesus Christ, it’s the best thing my hands have ever felt. Natasha is soft, supple. My large hand wants more than what it’s getting. So I shove it inside her yoga pants and shudder with gratification to find her cheek bare, my fingers trailing a slight piece of lace before it disappears.

  I knead her ass aggressively while I devour her mouth. She’s clinging to me at this point, allowing my assault. Mewling and arching her back, begging for more. I could take her in the pool house. It’s only a few feet from us. I’ve wanted to feel this woman beneath me for two and a half years. I’m losing the battle. I started this with a goal in mind that doesn’t mean shit to me now.

  Suddenly, she stops the kiss. Her grey eyes peer up at me from beneath her long lashes, waiting. My hand is still down her pants and I can’t bring myself to remove it. Then she smiles coyly at me and I come back down to Earth. I can’t do this to her. I don’t do serious and she doesn’t do superficial. I’ve never tried serious…I could try with her. But I’d fuck it up. Hurt her. I can’t do that.

  “I do this at least three times a week with other women,” I purr into her ear. “You don’t wanna be another one I forget about the next morning.”

  I expect her to look annoyed, shocked, pained…something other than the blank stare she’s returning.

  “You’re right. I don’t. I’m nothing spectacular. I get that. I have no desire to try to change a man. I’m not gullible enough to believe that’s healthy or normal. But I’m worthy of a man that thinks I’m the world. And when I find him, he won’t take any convincing and I’ll accept him as he comes. I’m not missing anything with you other than a few good orgasms. So thanks for the reassurance that my instincts are right. You almost had me fooled yesterday. That care and love you show for your family, I thought I was getting that part of you. I was so wrong. If you’ll let go of my ass, I’ll go in and pack us up to leave. I don’t need you mindfucking me with everything else going on.”

  I’m the one that’s shocked…stunned…speechless…gaping at her like a fish out of water. I do as she requests and turn to watch her magnificent ass saunter away. What the fuck just happened?

  Natasha

  “Always trust your gut, Natasha,” I chastise myself as I walk away from Sully.

  I whistle for Zeus when I reach the door and he sprints to my side. When I enter the warm space, the joy and laughter echoing through the room is annoying instead of comforting.

  “Can you keep Junior for a few more minutes for me?” I ask Shannon devoid of any emotion.

  “Sure,” she responds with a quirked brow at my tone.

  I don’t utter another word as I walk through the great room and bound up the stairs two at a time. I didn’t really unpack so repacking only takes five minutes. I load up with the two duffle bags and a roller bag before exiting the space without looking back.

  The roller bag thuds down the stairs alerting the room to my actions. I don’t give a shit. I’m not concerned with what these people think of me. I’ve never cared what people think of me. I’ve always been shit on the bottom of a shoe in the eyes of others. I know differently and that’s what matters in life.

  “Can I give you a hand?” Kavanagh’s deep Vin Diesel-esque voice pulls me from my thoughts.

  “I’ve got it,” I reply, hitting the bottom stair with an awkward bang.

  I turn away from the room, hearing footsteps following me. Sully wasn’t in the room with everyone so I know it’s not him. It is a man following me though.

  I open their front door and struggle to get the roller bag across the threshold until it’s ripped out of my hand. I turn to find Kavanagh looking at me with a cocky grin smeared on his handsome face.

  “Thanks,” I snap.

  “No problem,” he returns kindly, ignoring my shitty attitude. “Sorry about earlier. You kinda surprised us. Not an easy thing to do, by the way.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” I dismiss him.

  I toss the duffle bags in the trunk of my Camry and Kavanagh settles the roller in between them. I slam the trunk shut, stomping back to the house to get Junior and Zeus. The faster the better.

  When I enter the house, it’s quieter than it was last time. I’m sure my hissy fit isn’t helping the mood. As I make my way to the car seat, I find all eyes on me. Not every expression is the same, but I would say there are varying levels of concern going on. I ignore it and move to Shannon. Everyone else climbs to their feet and forms a semi-circle around us.

  “Thanks for watchin’ him,” I say as kindly as I can, hauling Junior from her arms. “And thanks again for letting us crash here.”

  “You shouldn’t be on your own. I’m sorry we acted like jackasses earlier. Don’t leave because of that. I assure you we’re easy goin’ most of the time. The people lookin’ for you are a lot more dangerous than we are,” she finishes strongly.

  “I’ll be fine. I shouldn’t have involved all of you in the first place. Finn?”

  “Yeah?” He seems surprised I’m addressing him, but takes a few steps toward me.

  “Thank you for helping out with Blake Friday night. I understand you’re the one tryin’ to figure out where Junior came from and what trouble my brother’s in. I’d like you to keep investigating. I can pay you. If you could just let me know when you find the people that are lookin’ for Blake and me, I’d appreciate it. If you don’t find them in the next few days, I’m goin’ to the authorities. I can’t keep this baby much longer, I have shifts next week.”

  He runs his hand through his blond hair roughly. It’s a move I’ve seen him do enough to know he does it when he’s stressed.

  “I wouldn’t suggest contacting authorities at this point, Natasha. The Vojtech Bratva, that’s who’s lookin’ for your brother and now you, they’ve got contacts everywhere in the city. You contact the wrong cop or social worker…” he trails off not needing to elaborate. “Just give us some more time to get to the bottom of this. Once we—”

  I cut him off.

  “You, Finn. Not we. I only want to work with you,” I state pointedly as Sully walks in the backdoor. His brow creasing in confusion as he spots us.

  “I’ll work faster with help,” Finn says tenderly, understanding my protest.

  I pull out a crumpled piece of paper from my pocket that I wrote on while I was packing up.

&n
bsp; “That’s my email. My ex works with computers so it’s secure. No one’s hacking me. I’ll get a burner once I leave here and I’ll pay cash as I go. I know how to hide. Been doin’ it my whole life. Email me an invoice for the work you’ve done and we can set something up for the rest of your time. Okay?” I press the paper into his palm, not willing to take no for an answer.

  He hesitates for a moment before taking it.

  “Thanks, Finn,” I breath out in relief. “I’ll be in touch.”

  “Take my card. If you need anything, call me. Day or night. I don’t like this plan, Natasha,” he grumbles, passing me his business card.

  “Imagine how I feel,” I quip, shoving it in the back pocket of the jeans I changed into.

  I lean down and load Junior into the car seat and then hoist it over my forearm.

  “Your boys look great,” I compliment Shannon, peering at the three of them playing on the carpet.

  “Natasha, please don’t leave. These people are dangerous. I’m begging you not to put yourself in harm’s way,” she pleads, ignoring my attempt at kindness.

  “I have to trust my instincts, Shannon,” I say it to her, but I lock eyes with Sully as I do.

  He hasn’t moved any further toward our group, instead hovering by the backdoor for a quick escape. His gaze is pleading with me the same as Shannon’s words.

  I can’t stay in this house with him. He’s intentionally fucking with my head. I don’t need that or deserve it. He can take that shit and shove it up his ass. I’m not like the women he spends time with. I value myself. I’m worthy of the dream, even if I never get it.

  “I’ll text you my new number,” I say to Finn before waving at the group.“Let’s go, Zeus.”

  He’s immediately at my side as I leave Sully’s fortress. My mom and her fucked up life have trained me for this. I can hide with the best rats in the city. No one will find me until I’m ready to be found. I can take care of myself and Zeus can keep me safe. I’m in the world all alone and I’m not scared. I’m pissed.