Today & Tomorrow

by Susan Fanetti

  “I don’t. I want to stay and…love you.”

  His hesitation in saying those two words had nothing to do with dishonesty. He’d hesitated because he’d realized they were true. He’d been wrong earlier. He did love her, and he was just at that moment understanding the truth of it. And the fear of it.

  Her hands dropped from her face. “I told you you didn’t need to say that.”

  “I know. I wanted to.”

  She smiled and laid a hand over his on her belly. “Thank you.”

  Bending down to kiss her, he murmured, “You still in the mood?” and brushed his lips over hers.

  “Oh, yes,” she breathed and sucked on his bottom lip. For someone who professed to have had one previous kissing experience, and that a bad one, she was natural.

  He sat back and got the condom on, feeling a little pang as he thought of what she’d wanted. To be a mom. He thought she would have made a good one someday, if she’d had the chance.

  Then he shook off that melancholy and moved on top of her. “You let me know if you want anything to change, okay?”

  Biting her lower lip, staring down between them at his cock, she nodded. He spread her legs wide, settled between them, and slid a hand under her ass, lifting her up a little. “Guide me in.”

  Her eyes came up to his, and he nodded his encouragement.

  She wrapped a hand around him, moving shyly. When he felt the soft folds of her entrance against his tip, he took over, pushing in an inch or two. She gasped, and he stopped.

  “Ani?”

  “It feels…full. But it doesn’t hurt. It’s good.”

  He pushed a little farther, and she moaned, and her hand left his cock and hooked on his arm.

  “Look at me.”

  She did, her eyes wide.

  “Stay with me, okay?” When she nodded, he pushed again. Fucking hell, she was so tight it was almost uncomfortable. Almost. He began to rock, pulling out a little, then back in, each time a little deeper, going slow and steady, letting her trust his rhythm.

  She kept her eyes open and locked on his, her brow furrowing every now and then as he went deeper, and deeper, and sweet hell, it was good. After what seemed like a millennium, he was fully sheathed in her, and her pussy twitched around him. She made a face like she was uncomfortable and squirmed under him.

  “Ani?”

  “It pinches…or something. I’m not sure.” Her voice showed some strain.

  “You want me out?” God, he hoped not. He was fairly choking on his need.

  “No. I just…”

  He reached down and grabbed her thigh, pulling it up to his hip. They both gasped at the change in the way he was seated inside her. “Better?”

  She nodded, and he began to thrust, moving slowly, so slowly he felt every millimeter of her sliding against him. He dug down deep into his will and settled in. He was going to hold out for as long as she needed him to.

  After a couple of minutes, her body relaxed, and she began to move with him. A minute or so more, and she started to forget to keep her eyes on his. They fluttered closed, and her mouth dropped open. She moaned and then remembered to open her eyes. He smiled and sped up.

  Shifting his weight to one arm, he put his free hand on one of her tits and pulled gently on her nipple. She gasped and bucked—and then she turned a look on him that was pure surprise.

  “Oh! Oh!” she cried. He could feel the change in her body. Discomfort was gone, and now she was wide open for an orgasm. His passage in and out of her was made easier as her juices flowed.

  She rode the crest for a long time, just on the edge of coming. Nolan’s resolve to hold off his own finish began to fray. She felt so goddamn good. He plucked at her tit. He bent down and kissed her, matching the movement of his tongue to the rhythm of his body, and she moaned and writhed, but she didn’t come.

  As desperation began to creep into his limbs, he had an idea, and he pulled gently out. She gasped and blinked in surprise. “What?”

  “Roll over, Ani.” His voice sounded hoarse and strained.

  Again she asked, “What?”

  “Roll over. Onto your belly.” He put his hand around her hip and pulled, leading her in what he wanted. She frowned. “It’s okay. Trust me.”

  She rolled, lying prone, her arms bent at her sides so that her palms were flat on the bed, on either side of her head. With his hands under her arms, he moved her farther onto the bed, then straddled her legs, sliding a hand under her to lift her hips up. He guided himself back into her and then laid her flat again on the mattress. Fuck. He was going to have to come soon, or his cock would explode.

  “Oh—wow. Nolan, wow,” she gasped.

  “I know. It’s good this way, huh?”

  She nodded.

  Propped on his hands, he rocked. In this position, he touched inside her in a different way, and she began to overtop her crest nearly instantly. Her head was turned sideways on the bed, and she started to hum in an undulating rhythm, her tone growing louder and more emphatic every time he pushed deep. Her hum became an open oh, and he sped up.

  Without changing their rhythm, he bent down and kissed her new tattoo, his hand sliding under hers as his head came down. She wove her fingers with his, and he closed his fist, capturing her hand. Something about that simple, innocent touch excited him to his core.

  Maybe she’d felt it, too—she came right then, crying out and clamping hard around him as he continued his thrusts. No longer needing to hold back, he relinquished control and sped up, moving fast and hard until his finish hit him like a punch to the gut. He groaned, his teeth clenched and his toes curled, locked in the jaws of ecstasy until it was done with him and let him go in a rush. He dropped, barely catching himself on his elbows before he’d landed his full weight on Analisa’s frail frame.

  He kissed her pretty, dappled shoulder. “Ani? Are you okay?”

  Her face was sort of squished into the cover, but she giggled. “God, yes. That was awesome! I want to do that more. Like a lot more.”

  He pulled carefully out and then dropped on his back at her side. “You’re on. I need a minute. And I’m gonna need to make a condom run if we’re keeping at it all night. I’ve only got one left.”

  She rose up and scooted toward him, and he moved his arm to bring her close. “If you have to make a run, could you…maybe…if you don’t think it’s stupid…” She stopped.

  He lifted his head and looked at her, trying to read her eyes. “What is it?”

  “Do you know how to get, like, mushrooms or something? Or LSD? Or maybe Ecstasy?”

  “Is this another thing on your list?” He brushed her hair back from her face.

  “Maybe.”

  “They don’t stock psychedelics next to the condoms at the Rite-Aid, Ani.”

  “Obviously. I just thought, you know…maybe you knew how to get some.”

  “Because I’m a biker?”

  “Well, yeah. Don’t you?”

  Of course he did. That kind of stuff wasn’t his scene, though. He’d tried it all. He tended to go dark with LSD and ‘shrooms. And he didn’t like the weird false euphoria of E—or the violent comedown. “You haven’t tried any of that?”

  “Uh-uh. That’s why it’s on my list.”

  He set her back and sat up, pulling the condom off his semi-soft cock. As he tied the knot in it, he said, “I don’t like that shit. E makes you really happy for a few hours, but then the headache and depression sucks hard afterward. LSD—I don’t know anybody out here I’d trust, and if the mix is weird, there’s no telling what kind of trip you’ll take. I’ve done it a couple of times even with stuff I trusted, and I get sort of…tormented by my head. I won’t do either of those.”

  “’Shrooms, then? Those are natural, right?”

  “Yeah, sure. Doesn’t mean you can’t have a bad trip, though. With what you’re going through, I don’t know. My experience is that shit like that doesn’t make you forget what’s fucked up in your life. It makes you li
ve it in Sensurround, with Dr. Seuss and Pennywise the Clown at the controls. Why don’t we just get drunk? Or stoned?”

  “But that’s the point—I’ve done that before. I’ve never tripped. If it’s one of my stupid things, then I get it. I’m starting to see that I have a lot of really stupid shit on my secret list.”

  Looking around her bedroom—which was huge and colorful and seemed just like the room she’d have—he found a white wicker wastebasket. He tossed the condom and made his two points. Having used those seconds to consider her request, he turned back to her. “You let me control the dose. Just a little bit and no more. If you don’t trip, that’s just your tough luck.”

  She sat up and threw her arms around him. “Thank you! Will you trip with me?”

  It would probably suck, but he’d call Double A and have him check in every hour or so. “Yeah, I will.”

  That earned him another squeeze. He felt her tits against his back and arm, and he thought he’d like to use the condom he had left before he went anywhere.

  “God, you’re so awesome. Will you pick up Thai food when you go out?”

  “I have my bike. No good way to bring home takeout.”

  “You can take my car.”

  Her bright red, convertible Mini? Good God. “Okay,” he sighed. “I’ll take your weenie little Matchbox car and run errands for you. Anything else while I’m out, Madame? Got any dry cleaning to pick up, maybe?”

  She threw a pillow at him.

  ~oOo~

  They did use that condom before anything else. And now that she was getting the hang of it, Analisa was already turning into a little bit of a wildcat in bed.

  He called Sherlock, who was the club’s connoisseur and purveyor of all things medicinal, and got the name and number of a good source, who happened to be located in Malibu. So Nolan went out in Analisa’s Mini and ran their errands.

  When he got back, she had set the table on the patio for dinner and lit a fire in the copper fire bowl. The night was chilly but not cold, and the breeze was gentle when it was there at all. He thought it was a good night to sit by the fire and listen to the surf. Not bad conditions for tripping, either.

  They ate by the fire, and then cleaned up.

  Nolan was standing on the patio, looking out over the dark surf, thinking about how little of their dinner Analisa had eaten, when she came up behind him and looped her arms around his waist. He put his hands over hers.

  With her chin on his back, she asked, “How do we do this?”

  He turned and put his arm around her. “First, I call my friend and have him call me regularly, to make sure we’re good. And then I give you some dried mushrooms, and you eat. Then I eat, too. And then we wait and see.”

  “What do they taste like?”

  He shrugged. “Like dried mushrooms. Earthy.”

  “Earthy—like dirt?”

  He laughed. “Are you seriously going to balk at the taste? They’re not dinner, Ani. But we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I’m so good with not doing this.”

  “No, I want to. Okay. Let’s…let’s do it, then.”

  He called Double A, who wasn’t thrilled at getting the job of watchdog, but agreed. Then he gave Analisa about a gram and a half of magic mushrooms. He took a little more, but still a very small dose for him. He led her to the patio sofa, and they sat side by side. He tucked her under his arm, and they started snacking on the funky-looking fungi, while she held her phone up in one hand and took a series of selfies.

  He’d convinced her not to take video while they were imbibing illegal hallucinogens.

  As she chewed, she said, “They’re kind of gross.”

  He chuckled and shook his head. “You want to mix them in some peanut butter or something?”

  “And ruin peanut butter? No, I’m good.”

  When they’d eaten their respective doses, Nolan leaned back, settling low on the sofa and pulling her close. She laid her head on his chest and took some video, then finally set her phone down. She pushed her hand under his hoodie, running her fingers over the little bit of hair on his belly. It felt good, and his cock agreed. He wondered if they had time for a fuck, but decided against it. He didn’t want the trip to hit them mid-fuck, in case the whole experiment went haywire.

  After about twenty minutes reclining together on the sofa, Analisa shivered. She sat up and opened the ottoman in front of them, pulling out a blanket. After she opened it over them and settled back in with him, she asked, “What’ll it feel like?”

  “It’s different for everybody, and every trip is different. But generally, colors change. Things distort. Shit that’s not supposed to move moves. Touch feels different, things taste different. Your senses sort of crisscross. I told you I tend to trip dark. That’s why I don’t do it much. What I see is usually on the fucked-up side. Smiles become snarls, shit like that. But other people see pretty things.” He kissed her head. “I hope you see pretty things.”

  The trip came on her before he felt anything. He knew when he saw her staring at her hand. “What’s happening, Ani?”

  She laughed. “It’s so weird. My freckles are moving. Turning into things.”

  That sounded about right. And on the light side. He brushed his fingers over the hand in question, and she gasped.

  “Oh, my God. Do that again.” He did. “Your fingers feel…like…oh, my God. I feel that between my legs. Is that normal?”

  He wasn’t feeling anything yet. But he’d had a small dose. He liked the thought that her trip would turn sexual. He liked that thought a lot. “Anything’s normal now.”

  She ran her hands over his arm. “You’re made of velvet,” she whispered.

  She was definitely on her way.

  ~oOo~

  Analisa tripped quietly, fascinated by the smallest touch or sound. She pushed his hand between her legs and held it there, flexing, masturbating on him, and he let her. He was turned on to about broiling, but he didn’t make a move, not wanting to change the direction of her trip, and, anyway, he liked what she was doing, using his body to make hers feel good.

  He didn’t think he was going to trip at all. His senses intensified a little, but that was about the extent of it. He was glad. Double A called as scheduled three times, and then Nolan gave him the all-clear.

  When Analisa began to shiver in earnest, he led her back inside, and they went to bed.

  They got naked together, and she pushed him flat on the bed, smoothing her hands over his chest. “I want to touch you,” she whispered.

  That was fine by him.

  She examined him with scientific precision, her hands and mouth touching him everywhere. Yes, his senses were certainly intensified. Even though she didn’t get him off, even with his cock straining toward her, unfulfilled, it was the best-case scenario for his mild little trip—no darkness, just sensation.

  When she got to the scars that trailed over his right leg from hip to foot, she traced her finger over every one. “Are you hurt?” she asked, looking up with wide, awed eyes.

  “Not for a long time. I got hit by a truck when I was a kid.”

  Tears made her pale eyes swim. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

  She nodded, but even so, tears overran her lashes. He reached down and brushed them away.

  “I love you, Ani.”

  She smiled. “Thank you.”

  “I’m not saying it because you want to hear it. It’s true.”

  Her smile changed, and he saw it as a warping. Her whole face melted into an extreme grimace. He blinked, and then she was only frowning sadly.

  “I love you. It feels good to love you. But you shouldn’t love me. I’m dying, you know. Soon. I can feel It filling me up. I feel It right now.” She closed her eyes. “I feel It in my stomach. It creeps like black tar. I feel It in my chest, like spider webs catching my breath.”

  What she was saying made his heart ache and his head panic, but he pushed that aside, because
she was taking a wrong turn. “Ani. Analisa. Open your eyes, babe. Look at me.”

  She did. “You love a corpse.”

  “No. I love a girl.” He sat up. “Come on. Sit up here with me. Does that television on the wall work?”

  She laughed, her expression brightening again. “Sure, it does. What do you want to watch?”

  He searched his brain for something bright and happy. He settled on Disney. That worked. Analisa sat tucked under his arm, quietly enthralled by the sounds and colors. They watched cartoons until she fell asleep. Then Nolan turned off the television and sat in the dark, holding the first girl he’d ever loved.