by Rachel Lee
When at last he spoke, she could hear how carefully he was choosing his words. That didn’t make her feel any better.
“I’m a coward,” he said slowly. “I have been avoiding you, but not because I didn’t want you around. I’ve been staying away because I want you around too much.”
At that, everything inside her went utterly still. She still couldn’t open her eyes, though, and she clenched her fists until her nails bit deeply.
“I had one woman walk out on me and take my child with her. I swore that was never going to happen again. Then, like a fool—or so I told myself—I started to care about a woman who had absolutely no reason to want to bury herself on this ranch. You’re used to a whole different kind of life, a kind of life I can never offer. But I cared, anyway, and when I realized how much it would hurt if you decided to leave, I decided to...call a halt. To prevent myself from getting any more deeply involved with you. I was afraid. I am afraid.”
Some of the tightness in her eased, but only a fraction. She thought that was one hell of an honest statement for a man to make. Admitting fear? “Why didn’t you talk to me?”
“Because you haven’t been here very long. How could you possibly know if you really wanted to stay here? This is so different from everything you’ve known. Sure, that makes it interesting for a while. Even fun. But then the grind sets in.”
“So...you don’t trust me?”
“I trust you. I just can’t see why in the hell you’d want to bury yourself on this ranch for more than a few months.”
A spur of anger kicked her out of her frozen state. She opened her eyes and saw nothing on his face but a kind of sad acceptance. “How about considering that I’m not Sandy? How about asking me how I feel about being here? How about considering that I can no longer imagine any kind of life away from here? I thought about it, Cash, and there’s absolutely no place I’d rather be than here. But I don’t want to stay if you don’t want me.”
“Wanting you is not the problem. I want you all right. If it ended there, it would be meaningless, but it goes beyond that. I was building a life that included you, and then I realized you might well not want to be included for the rest of your days. What the hell do I have to offer a woman like you?”
“Like me?” More anger awoke in her. “Like me? You apparently don’t know me at all. I came here from a different world, but the thing is, I discovered I love this world. I love living here. I love the rhythms of life here. I love the wide-open spaces, the mountains, the animals, your daughter... What do you have to offer me? How about you?”
“That wasn’t enough last time.”
“This isn’t last time. This is now. I’m not Sandy—I’m me. I’ve never felt as good about myself or as happy as I have since I came here. The only thing driving me nuts is the way you’re avoiding me. If you’d stop that, I’d have no complaints at all.”
“It’s too soon...”
“Hogwash,” she said hotly. “Just hogwash. The truth is, I never want to leave. I want to raise my child here. If you want to keep on avoiding me, go ahead, but you’re not going to get rid of me, not easily. Now that I know what’s going on in your mind, I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me. Even if you fire me.”
When he remained silent, she said, “You were the one who told my parents that a grown woman makes her own decisions. Are you trying to make them for me? Because it feels like it. And what’s more, you can’t possibly care about me at all if you don’t trust my judgment.”
Now he looked stunned. She was beginning to feel hopeful, but hardly dared nurse it. He could still tell her he’d just been trying to be kind to her. Could still find a way to worm out of the challenge she had just thrown.
What the hell had come over her, anyway? Standing up for herself regardless of what he believed and wanted? Sheesh, she was throwing herself at the man. She ought to be ashamed. But shame was the last thing on her mind. She was in the fight of her life, a fight every bit as important as saving her child—and her pride could go hang.
Cash rose unexpectedly. Then he took her hand and tugged her. “Come on.”
To her surprise he led her through the mudroom and out the back door. Cold air sliced at her instantly, and she knew she’d be shivering in a moment. What in the world?
“Feel that air? Winter’s only a breath away. In a few days or weeks, you’ll come out here and snow will cover everything. You won’t be able to get to town just any old time. You’ll have to wait for snowplows to clear the county road and me to clear the driveway. It’ll be like that for months, almost completely cut off. I know you get winter in Dallas, but believe me, it doesn’t last like winter here. Cabin fever is a very real thing.”
“Unless you’re with people you care about.”
“You’ll be alone a lot, anyway. I have a mess of cows to look after. They’ll need to be tended, and when they can’t graze through the snow anymore, I’ll be out there for hours depositing hay and feed. I’ll drag through the door at night worn out from the day and the cold, and I’ll probably be cussing. All I’ll want is a hot meal and a chance to thaw out. You really think you can stand that?”
“Cash...” She wrapped her arms around herself and tried to speak, but already her lips were feeling stiff.
“Come back inside,” he said gruffly.
In the kitchen, he didn’t hesitate, but took her in his arms, rubbing her gently, trying to warm her. “This is a place for survivors. We make our own amusements when we’re not working. It can feel empty and lonesome for long stretches. Hell, ranch wives have been known to go crazy from solitude.”
“I was pretty much locked up in my bedroom for four months in a houseful of people who were furious with me. I didn’t go nuts.”
“Maybe you’re strong enough,” he admitted. “But is it what you want?”
“What I want,” she said, lifting her head, “is a chance for a life here. I’m not asking you to marry me. I get that you have reasons to be doubtful, and you probably don’t love me, anyway. But I want the chance, Cash. The chance to stay here, even if only as hired help, to raise my child here where everything is real and important. To have you as a role model for the baby, a man who’s honest, loyal and hardworking. You can give me that chance without committing to anything.”
But then it was as if her mind took a step back, and she realized what she was doing. She was pressuring Cash for something he might not want, something that might make him unhappy. What had come over her?
She stepped back far enough that his arms dropped. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I have no right to demand anything of you.”
“Ah, hell,” he said, sounding a bit angry. She saw him run his fingers through his hair. “Ah, hell,” he said again. Then without another word he scooped her up in his arms. She gasped and grabbed his shoulders as best she could, hanging on as he carried her upstairs. He set her on his bed, then vanished through the door.
A couple of seconds later, she heard him banging on Angie’s door. Then she heard him say, “Don’t come looking for me or Hope. We have some things to sort out and we’ll be in my room. And you can wipe that satisfied look off your face while you’re at it.”
Angie shouted something after him, but Hope couldn’t hear.
“Damn kid,” Cash said as he reentered the bedroom and closed the door. “Thirteen and she thinks she knows it all. Advice on my love life.”
Hope’s heart skipped a beat. Love life? Was there one?
“Okay,” he said, and sat beside her. To her surprise, he reached out and took her hand. “I’m a chicken. That’s established. Now we need to establish your right to ask for anything you want. I may not always agree, but damn it, you’d better ask. I need to know what you want and need.”
She didn’t answer immediately. She hadn’t been raised to be bold that way, and she was still a l
ittle astonished at herself.
“Promise me, Hope. Before we go any further. Will you tell me whenever you’re not happy, whenever you need something, whenever you want something? Because I’m not a mind reader, and one of the things that bugs me about what happened with Sandy is that it came out of the blue. I never had a chance to make a course correction or fix anything. So I need to be sure you won’t be swallowing things and building resentments.”
She nodded slowly. “I think I can do that. I seem to have already started.”
He gave her a half smile. “You have. Keep it up. Believe me, it doesn’t bother me at all.”
“Okay.”
“Now. I don’t want you to leave. Far from it. I’ve been so worried that you would that I was breaking things off in advance. Kind of stupid, I guess.”
“Kind of understandable,” she retorted. “You look at me and see someone who had a gilded life before she came here. I can understand why you’d think I would never be happy any other way. But the thing is, I look back and realize I was never really happy before. Oh, a few occasions were great, but overall... Well, Cash, it was never about me. It was about what everyone else wanted from me. I got used to it, accepted it, but since I’ve been here I’ve learned that I matter, too.”
“You definitely do. More than you may realize. I’ve got a daughter ready to kill me if you leave. Your happiness sure as hell matters to her. And frankly, it does to me, too. That’s why I’ve been pulling back. How could you possibly be happy here? With me. With the ranch. It’s not an easy life.”
“No, it’s not. I suppose it gets harder at times than I’ve seen. But the thing is?” She dared to look at him and saw him nod encouragingly. “The thing is, everything I do here seems important and useful. Of course it won’t always be easy or happy. But it’s still important and useful.”
His smile widened a hair. “I want one more promise.”
“What?”
“That if you ever can’t stand it here, you let me know. Give me a chance to fix it, or at least give you a break.”
“Oh, that’s easy,” she said, her spirits beginning to rise to new heights. “Ask me something hard.”
“All right.” He drew a deep breath. “I’ve been running from the fact that I’m in love with you, and I couldn’t see how you could possibly be the same. But if you think we can make this work, I want to marry you and raise your child as my own, and maybe have a couple more. Can you handle that?”
Her heart nearly stopped. She could feel her eyes widening, her mouth sagging open. She had never dreamed...
“Okay, too fast. But I want us married before this baby comes, unless you don’t want to marry me at all.”
Fast? Fast was an understatement. All she had asked for was a chance to prove herself here, and now he was proposing? But as the reality of it sank in, she felt as if she were soaring, leaping to the heavens, receiving a happiness greater than she had ever known.
“I’ll marry you tomorrow,” she said without hesitation. “I love you, Cash. I didn’t want to face it, but the whole reason I was thinking of leaving was because it hurt so much to watch you withdraw. I couldn’t stand the feeling that I was making you miserable.”
“I was making myself miserable. That stops right now. As for marrying you tomorrow...could we wait a week or two? I’d like to get the church, and some friends, and a little bit of celebration...”
But he stopped. “All I want is you,” he said, reaching for her. “You, and your baby, and your smile in my life.”
He pulled her close, kissing her in that gentle way of his. Desire ignited within her, and all she wanted was to fall back with him and rediscover all the joys he had taught her.
Except there was a knock on the door.
“Angie, I told you!”
The door opened a crack. “I think I deserve to know. Am I getting a stepmother?”
“Yes.”
Angie’s whoop of joy filled the house. “And a kid sister, I hope. Well, a boy is okay. Can I come in? I realize you probably want to do the nasty, but there’s time for that later.”
Hope started giggling. Even Cash started laughing. “Group hug?” he suggested.
The three of them wound up together sitting on the bed, hugging tightly. When the baby kicked, Angie felt it.
“It’s going to be a pain,” she said with a satisfied grin. “I can’t hardly wait.”
Hope realized she couldn’t wait, either. Not for any of it, because all of it was the rest of her life.
Joy had replaced sorrow and fear, and for the first time in her entire life, she knew the true meaning of home.
* * * * *
Keep reading for an excerpt from A SECOND CHANCE AT CRIMSON RANCH by Michelle Major
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Chapter One
Olivia Wilder loved weddings, even if she no longer believed in marriage. At least not for herself.
She wasn’t one to let her personal prejudice ruin someone else’s happiness. Especially someone who deserved it as much as her friend Sara Wellens—Sara Travers as of two hours ago.
But the champagne Olivia had drained during the toast was doing funny things to her brain. Her hand fluttered in front of her face as she blinked back tears.
“Tears of joy,” she assured Sara, who looked at her with a mix of understanding and sympathy that made Olivia want to cry harder. “I’m thrilled for you and Josh.”
“I know, sweetie.” Sara gave her a gentle hug. They’d become close friends during the past six months. “And you’re better off without that slimeball husband anyway.”
Olivia nodded. “You’re one of the lucky ones. Josh is a great guy. He loves you to the ends of the earth.” She hiccupped. “Nothing like Craig.”
“Craig was a loser.” Olivia couldn’t help but smile at Sara’s blunt description.
“And a cheater.” Olivia looked over Sara’s shoulder to where their friend Natalie Holt sat perched at the edge of the couch in the ladies’ lounge. The three of them had escaped into the private room for a few minutes to help Sara get ready to leave for her honeymoon. “He’s going to be sorry he didn’t do right by you. You were the best thing that ever happened to him.”
Natalie was another friend Olivia had met in Crimson, Colorado, the town her soon-to-be ex-husband had become mayor of right after they’d married. That had been almost two years ago. From the start, Olivia had loved the small mountain town, felt at home there in a way she never had growing up in Saint Louis or at college on the East Coast. Craig had said it was only the first stop on his political career, although she would have been happy living in Crimson forever.
Now she knew she’d never get that chance.
“We shouldn’t be wallowing in my sad story.” Olivia made her voice light as she drew away from Sara. “This day is about you and that hot new husband of yours.”
A dreamy smile lit up Sara’s face. “He’s pretty cute, huh?”
Natalie laughed. “Puppies and rainbows are cute. Josh Travers is one hundred proof stud. Even I’d brave the flight to Hawaii just to watch him on the beach for a week.”
Olivia smiled, knowing Natalie was petrified of airplanes. “Are you ready to go? Bags all packed?” Olivia asked. Sara and Josh were driving to Denver after the reception and flying out in the morning.
Sara pointed to a mini suitcase in the corner. “I’ve got everything I need.”
Olivia felt her eyes widen. “That’s all you’re taking for a week away?”
Craig had insisted on a fancy cruise for their honeymoon, and she’d had to bring two huge suitcases to accommodate all the clothes she’d needed for dinners, parties and the like.
“Sara won’t need more than a bikini,” Natalie said with a knowing smile. “And Josh will probably have her out of that most of the time anyway.”
“I sure hope so.” Sara winked then shook her head at Olivia’s expression. “You’re blushing, Olivia.”
“I don’t know...yes...well...”
Natalie gave an indelicate snort. “Was Craig such a limp fish even on the honeymoon? It’s not a surprise, but still...”
Olivia shrugged. “It was fine.” But nothing about her relationship with Craig had been fine, including their honeymoon. She knew she was to blame for that as well, or at least that’s what he’d convinced her at the time.
She busied herself with folding Sara’s bridal veil before carefully placing it in the box.
“You won’t leave before I get back?” Sara’s voice was so soft it made Olivia’s eyes prick again.
“Why do you have to leave at all?” Natalie asked, rising to stand next to Sara. “You love it in Crimson. This town is great for you.”
She smiled slightly at Natalie’s indignant tone. It had been so long—forever really—since Olivia had felt like she had friends in her corner. “Craig ruined both our reputations. Even if I had the money to stay, I doubt I’d feel at home here anymore.”
“He was the dirty, cheating scumbag. Not you.”
