Fantasy Life: The Outrageous, Uplifting, and Heartbreaking World of Fantasy Sports from the Guy Who's Lived It

by Matthew Berry

  Until, of course, he and three of his coworkers were fired.

  For playing fantasy football.

  Now, Fidelity did have a policy in place forbidding fantasy sports, even if it was poorly communicated and ignored by 10 different leagues that included managers and leaders at the company. But Cameron was very careful. He knew the policy, and he knew Fidelity had blocked the fantasy sports website his league used, so he couldn’t have accessed it if he wanted. He never sent an email or did anything relating to fantasy sports. But on October 20, 2009, the fantasy sports goalies at Fidelity intercepted emails that were being exchanged in a different Fidelity office league. So they questioned the commissioner of that league. And it would seem as if the guy who ran that league threw Cameron under the bus, because Fidelity started looking hard at Cameron.

  They couldn’t find any emails, they couldn’t find any Internet searching, but they did find one instant-messenger conversation between Cameron and a coworker that was sort of related to fantasy. “One of my buddies sent me something about how bad Trent Edwards was playing or something like that,” Pettigrew says. “So they called me in and talked to me for about 90 minutes on everything I ever knew about fantasy football. They interrogated me as though I was some sort of international kingpin. The next day I get the call saying I had been terminated.”

  And yet Trent Edwards continued to keep his job of sucking for the Buffalo Bills. Doesn’t seem fair.

  Now, before you think Fidelity is way too harsh (they are, I just want you to hold off thinking that for a second), know that they are not alone in their attitude. Most companies don’t take it to the extreme that Fidelity did, and this particular incident happened in 2009. But the attitude had been around a long time and didn’t seem like it was changing.

  It wasn’t just that I had given up everything in my life to pursue a career that might not ever exist. It was that I was now pursuing a career based on an activity that was getting people fired.

  What the hell was I thinking?

  TIME-OUT:

  Don’t Be That Guy

  Oftentimes in a workplace there is one person who just doesn’t seem to get it and who makes the office atmosphere unpleasant. Unfortunately, I’ve also seen that behavior way too often in fantasy leagues. Too many leagues have one person who takes it way too seriously, who doesn’t get that it’s supposed to be fun first, who ruins it for everyone else. One person who is . . . That Guy.

  That Guy shows up to your draft with an out-of-date magazine. Then he wants a do-over when he finds out the guy he just drafted is out for the year. Or worse, tries to bum your cheat sheet. Get your own sleepers, hoss.

  That Guy doesn’t read the league rules or emails, but then asks the commish 10 minutes before the draft, “Hey, how do I log in? And wait, is this a PPR league?”

  That Guy pretends to draft T. J. Houshmandzadeh, mangles his name, and then says, “Championship.” It hasn’t been funny in a long time, dude.

  That Guy talks about how loaded his team is. In the third round. Or has a critique after every pick. If I wanted play-by-play, I’d have brought Mike Tirico. Settle down, sailor.

  That Guy takes his full time on his very first draft pick. Or his last kicker pick. Scobee or Feely, man. It’s not that hard.

  That Guy is late on making good on his entry fee. Really, man? If you can’t afford it, don’t join. And if you can, don’t make me chase you down.

  That Guy is a sexist. He won’t let a woman in his league, or thinks it’s the end of the world when he loses to a woman. Some of the smartest sports people and best fantasy players are women. Everyone plays. Get used to it and get better.

  Having said that, don’t be That Guy who brings his nonplaying girlfriend or wife to the draft. If you’re not in the league, you’re not invited.

  That Guy is an Internet tough guy who directs anger at an athlete or commentator about fantasy football. If you wouldn’t say it in real life, don’t say it behind a fake screen name, okay? It’s a game played with an oblong-shaped leather ball. Stuff happens, and it’s a game we play for fun. Calm the hell down.

  That Guy needs to tell you about his team. You didn’t ask about my team, why do you think I care about yours? Your fantasy team is the new golfing story or vacation pictures. No one cares.

  That Guy is a rankings slave. I do rankings for a living, and I’m the first to admit it’s a loose guideline to help with market evaluation. Think for yourself.

  That Guy makes terrible trade offers. No, dude, I do not want to trade my superstar who had a bad week one for your scrub who just went off. Unless you’d honestly be willing to do the same trade in reverse, don’t offer it.

  That Guy won’t respond to trade emails. Hey, you don’t want to do the deal, fine, just say a quick “no thanks.” Are you in this league or not? Oh, you are? Then respond to an inquiry like a civilized human being.

  That Guy, however, won’t take no for an answer. If you do get a response of “no,” you’re allowed to send a follow-up email saying, “Well, is there anything you’d consider for so-and-so?” But after that? Walk away, brother.

  That Guy complains about what would have been. “If only I’d started [a scrub who went off] instead of [a star who underperformed], I’d have won!” Yeah, dude, because you’re the only one who would have had a better lineup if you could see into the future. Just stop.

  That Guy abuses the waiver wire, picking up players and immediately waiving them, and does this over and over to pollute the pool and make it so people can’t grab free agents. That’s not strategy, that’s having no life. Win on the field, not in some sort of technology loophole, jerk.

  But mostly, That Guy ruins your enjoyment of the greatest hobby ever invented. Don’t be That Guy.

  14.

  The Benefits of Fantasy in the Workplace

  or

  “No One Seems to Realize That Adrian Peterson Isn’t a Parishioner”

  Father Blake is a recently ordained Episcopal priest.

  But more important, he’s the commissioner of the Episcopal Football League (EFL), started at the seminary he attended. He’s dedicated to the Lord, of course, but he also loves him some fantasy sports.

  And while I have no doubt he wrestles with the great theological issues of our day, in the spring of 2011 he had a much tougher conflict to confront.

  “How do you tell a bunch of eighth- and ninth-graders that there is no youth group because April 1 is always fantasy baseball draft day and it’s a Sunday this year?” Father Blake wondered.

  I have no idea, Blake. No one is stupid enough to entrust me with teaching religion to children.

  Eventually, after much reflection, the answer came to Blake: “You don’t. You lie about it, and you get to your draft, because no one wants to be stuck with an auto-drafted team for six months . . . that is my version of hell.”

  Hmm. Maybe I’m not the only one who shouldn’t be teaching Sunday school. But apparently, Sunday school is not Josh’s biggest issue. “The biggest conflict of faith comes during the football season,” Blake explains. “Why would God choose to schedule two of the best things in life on the same day? Service begins at noon and ends after kickoff, thus making last-minute roster moves impossible. I’ve never left a service early (yet), but I’ve frequently arrived a few minutes late after waiting on game-time decisions to be announced.”

  Luckily for Blake, his Boss is much more forgiving than the people at Fidelity. That’s a good thing because, instead of choosing, Blake has found a way to work fantasy football into his job.

  “My fantasy roster has made it onto the weekly prayer list more than a few times,” Blake confesses.

  The prayer list?

  “It’s an opportunity to offer up prayers for particular people as well as thanksgivings for the good things in life. During the week, people send in names of friends or family they wa
nt to be named specifically during the services on Sunday. Since I write up the bulletin, I will often add a few names to the list that I know need prayer. Usually those are parishioners. . . .”

  Usually is the key word there.

  “We pray for the nation, the Church, and then something along these lines is said . . . ‘For the special needs and concerns of this congregation, we pray for the sick and suffering, especially Carl, father of Janet, for Ken, who is having surgery, for Ben, son of Jill and Steve, for Ryan Mathews and Adrian Peterson, who are day to day, for Angela Hock, Tony Romo, Mary Ann Hill. . . .’

  “A short silence follows, and I say to the congregation, ‘Hear us, Lord,’ to which everyone responds, ‘For your mercy is great.’ Then we continue with the service. No one seems to realize that Adrian Peterson isn’t a parishioner. It ends around one and I spend the next 30 minutes chatting with people and hoping that our prayers have paid off. That Tony’s injured rib heals soon, and that Ryan Mathews’s ankle isn’t a big deal . . . because I need to win this week or I’m out of the playoffs.”

  I’m not surprised by your story at all, Blake. Just because there were places like Fidelity that believed and supported the claims of the Challenger, Gray & Christmas study didn’t mean people stopped doing fantasy sports at work. Just the opposite, in fact.

  Even though fantasy had managed to worm its way into churches and other workplaces, major media was still keeping it at arm’s length, putting few resources into it. What little they did was often buried on the website and took a while to find. And no one I talked to seemed super-inclined to change that anytime soon.

  So as I was getting rejected by major media company after major media company, I focused on making TalentedMrRoto.com the best site I could. I used the Matthew Pouliot style of hiring. If there was someone or something I liked, I gave the person a shot. The audience would tell us if they enjoyed reading them or if they didn’t know what they were talking about. I grabbed more and more writers, people I saw on our message board with intelligent posts, Hollywood writer friends, and one guy who wrote me a two-page email giving ample statistical evidence why I was dead wrong about José Guillén. It was well written and smart, so I hired him. His name was Ken Daube, and he not only became one of our most popular columnists, he now writes for ESPN.

  I knew nothing about running a website or even a business, so I just acted on instinct. I knew what I liked and what I would want in a fantasy sports website. Namely, answers to my questions.

  So every columnist had “office hours” on our message board, and we had a rule: no post went unanswered. You posted a question, you got an answer. To encourage more participation, we had a “TMR Hall of Fame” where we retired your “number” for outstanding work on the message board. And the people who were the best on the message boards got hired as columnists or as DPs—designated posters. These posters had the TMR seal of approval. It created competition, loyalty, and repeated use of the message board. It made the site a community.

  We had nightly chats and loads of personality. A sign on the front page blared, “It ain’t braggin’ if it’s true!” with a list of our latest accomplishments in expert league play or industry competiton. Most important, we had great customer service. We promised the public that any email would get a response within 24 hours. Internally, the rule for our customer service people was within six hours, which worked great. People would send something in, expecting a response the next day. And when it came back a few hours later, they were thrilled.

  Underpromise and overdeliver. Wise words my father, Dr. Leonard L. Berry (a customer service guru), taught me.

  As the site started humming, I caught a break from an unlikely place: my sitcom and movie-writing agents. You know, from the career I had quit six months prior?

  They called to tell me that members of the NBA, led by Adam Silver (soon to be the commissioner of the NBA), would be spending the day at the agency hearing pitches on potential movies, TV shows, and other entertainment ideas that would involve NBA players, teams, and locations.

  “If you want,” my agent said, “we’ll put you in a room with these guys. You can pitch them a fantasy basketball show.”

  I loved fantasy hoops. The first fantasy column I ever wrote was a fantasy basketball column, and I’d been playing it for years. It’s really a fantastic fantasy game, and we did lots of fantasy basketball at TMR.

  So pitch them a show I did, but as we were discussing it they wanted to know how the show would go with all their current offerings on fantasy basketball. How to answer that? They did have a pretty good nightly fantasy basketball show on NBA-TV (shout-out to Rick Kamla!), at a time when no one else was doing fantasy on TV. But that was on late at night and was more highlights-of-the-night-driven than anything else. Rick wrote some for NBA.com, but other than that, no league management service, no other fantasy-only writers other than Rick, nothing to help support and promote their late-night show, not enough “small games,” like pick-’ems or salary cap games. There was a lot that could be done.

  I was nervous. Do I tell them what they have is great? Or am I honest and say they still have work to do? Maybe because I had been turned down so much by that point, I figured what was the worst that could happen? I get another rejection? Big deal. When was the next time I was going to be in a room with the people who ran all the business of the NBA? Besides, by that point I could have done my pitch in my sleep.

  “Fantasy sports are more than a fad. This space is going to explode. You have a real opportunity here. I think I can help.”

  They didn’t wish me luck. Instead, they said . . . “Go on.”

  So I did. Tons of studies have shown that the people who play fantasy spend more time watching, reading, discussing, purchasing, and doing every other kind of “-ing” you guys want than the people who are just fans. The more people play fantasy basketball, the more people will watch and care about the NBA. Fantasy hoops would drive traffic, drive longer engagement, and drive revenue. In addition, it would help serve NBA fans, and adding a league manager product on their site, combined with supporting content, would help give them something else to sell and package to their advertisers. There was a lot more detail than that, but that was the general gist.

  Unlike many people I had met with, the NBA was already well aware of all this. Adam Silver, who is incredibly bright, said they had been wanting to add to their fantasy offerings but hadn’t heard a plan they liked yet. Until mine. So two follow-up calls later, I was hired by the NBA to be a consultant to its fantasy business. In addition, they would use me on NBA-TV and NBA.com as a fantasy analyst. But most important, they hired TMR.com to provide the draft kit and all the fantasy basketball content to NBA.com, plus they would link back to TMR.com. We were suddenly in the black, on the map, and on our way.

  I had kept the faith.

  Remember the ’80s movie Can’t Buy Me Love? In it, a nerdy kid (played by Patrick Dempsey, who every girl I know thinks is the hottest guy ever, so whatever on “nerdy,” but fine, we’ll play along) hires the hottest girl in high school to date him for a month. The idea, he says, is that once one hot girl dates him, every girl will want him. It works in the movies, and frankly, it works a lot in real life too. One person takes a chance, and then everyone else is willing.

  Now that the TMR site was dating the “beautiful woman” NBA, lots of places were willing to dance with us. By now, the Sporting News fantasy section was up and viable, so my old friends Mike Narhstedt and Brendan Roberts had me do columns with a link back to TMR. MLB .com hired me and the staff to do its official daily fantasy blog. James Quintong, who took over at SI.com, started running a bunch of our fantasy articles, all with links back. I did a few TV segments for NFL Network and had tons of different radio interviews. Along the way, our little site kept growing in traffic, subscriptions, and notoriety.

  I always say, no journey is alone. And a journey that started with me, t
he dog, and a dream now had more than 50 columnists and designated posters on board—writing columns, hosting chats, posting on the message board, and so much more.

  The list of people who helped out is in the acknowledgments section. It’s way too long to put here, but I do have to mention Pierre and Janet Becquey, who ran the site, edited everything, handled customer service, and were the heart and soul. Pierre was the first guy I “hired” off the old Yahoo fan group, and he and his wife quickly became invaluable. Parents of four young kids, and yet every night they were writing, posting, editing, replying. (Pierre, incidentally, now oversees fantasy content for ESPN.com.)

  It was an exciting time, and TMR seemed to get bigger and bigger every month. The site crackled with energy, intelligence, humor, and, even though none of us had met each other in person, friendship.

  We were, as the kids once said, doin’ work.

  If the last chapter was stories about the challenges when fantasy sports and work intersect, this chapter is about how much fantasy sports adds to a workplace. Don’t believe me? Will you take the word of Challenger, Gray & Christmas?

  You heard me. The same doomsayer consultancy firm that had warned employers about how much money they were losing in productivity because of fantasy football changed its tune!

  On September 30, 2010, new research from Challenger, Christmas & Gray showed up on its corporate blog. Among the findings?

  In a survey by global outplacement consultancy firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas, Inc., the majority of respondents said fantasy football had little to no impact on productivity. John A. Challenger, chief executive officer of Challenger, Gray & Christmas, said, in part, “An across-the-board ban on all fantasy football or sports websites could backfire in the form of reduced morale and loyalty. The result could be far worse than the loss of productivity caused by 10 to 20 minutes of team management each day. . . . Companies that not only allow workers to indulge in fantasy football, but actually encourage it by organizing company leagues, are likely to see significant benefits in morale as well as productivity,” Challenger said. “In the long run, this may lead to increased employee retention.”