by Cassie James
“Isn’t it great?” she asks. “You should have this same view at your house. Our place was built much later than yours, but the builder designed it to flow the same from the outside. Our exteriors are nearly identical, your roof access just should be on the opposite side of the house.”
I turn my head to look at her, admitting, “I’m glad you showed me this because I’m sure I never would have found it myself, I don’t really go to the third floor. It feels too creepy up there. My grandfather’s bedroom is most of the third floor, and I don’t think Pearl’s changed a thing since he died. There’s something almost haunted about being up there, like any minute I could run into a ghost.”
“That is creepy. This view would be worth it, though, right?” I nod my agreement. This view is everything. Up here, it’s much easier to remember that no matter how far I’ve come, I’m still under the same night sky. The Nikon Park girl I was gets further away every day, but up here I can almost pretend not that much has changed from nights spent lying with Jake in empty fields, watching the very same night sky.
“I love it up here.” I let out a content sigh. The air is a little chilly, and without jackets I know we can’t stay out here forever, but for the moment I’m happier than I’ve been in a long, long time. There’s a lot to be said for finding a moment of peace in all the chaos.
Chapter 16
Jax and I mercifully get assigned to present for U.S. History on the last day of classes before winter break. We need all the extra days we can get. Of course, Jax’s costumes for us don’t show up until the night before we’re due to present, which means we don’t get to do any kind of dress rehearsal. The churning feeling in my stomach as I wait for him before class starts tells me that leaving him in charge of this was a bad idea. I’m paranoid even though things with Jax have actually been mild lately. He’s still enjoyed touching me inappropriately anytime he’s gotten the chance, but it’s mostly been him grabbing my ass when I’m not paying attention. No more talk of threesomes or half-undressing me in hallways.
“You’re late.” I frown at Jax as he appears carrying a garment bag in each hand. He rolls his eyes and hands me the bigger one. I can’t see what’s inside, but relief floods me as I feel how heavy it is. I was half-terrified he was going to show up expecting me to wear some kind of lingerie based outfit or something. With an outfit this heavy, it seems like he was being honest when he said the outfits would be true to the time.
Jax gives me a good shove in the direction of the women’s bathroom. “Don’t bitch at me, just go get dressed. We’re up first.”
I don’t even bother correcting him for manhandling me. I’ve almost gotten used to it by now. I step into the first open stall in the bathroom and hang the garment bag on the hook on the back of the door. I unzip the bag, wanting to get a good look at my outfit before I do anything else. My jaw drops when I see it. It looks like something that should be in a museum, not used in a high school presentation. And I don’t know how exactly Jax got my measurements so precise, but I can tell even just by looking at it that it’s made to fit me exactly. There’s no telling what he spent on this, and he’ll never be able to reuse it unless he finds someone with my same measurements. I feel guilty for what a waste that is, but I’ve got no choice but to wear the costume now.
I strip out of my uniform, folding it carefully and sliding it carefully into my backpack between two heavy textbooks so that I don’t risk it turning into a ball of wrinkles. Damn this school for making me care about things like wrinkles.
When I step into the dress, I start to get the feeling that something isn’t right. It isn’t until I slide it all the way up and tuck my arms into the sleeves that I realize what it is. “Dammit, Jax.” I push open the stall door, ignoring the fact that I can’t button up the back of this dress without help. I hold a hand to my stomach to keep the dress from falling as I rush towards the mirror to get a good look.
This dress was made with one specific purpose—to put my tits on display. I’m holding back angry tears as I use one hand to hold the dress up over my breasts as much as I can and then grab my stuff with the other. When I step out of the bathroom, Jax is already waiting, a broad grin on his face as he lazily watches me come out. I want to hit him. Or scream at him. Or castrate him. All three, really, and not necessarily in that order. That’s exactly what he wants, to cause a scene so that he can get his kicks out of watching me embarrass myself. I take a deep breath. I’m not giving him the satisfaction, not this time.
“Can you button me up?” I note the look of surprise on his face before I turn to offer him my back.
The dress is completely open, my back bare aside from the strap of my bra, but at least it’s early enough that there are only a few stray students wandering the building. A few people walk past us with interest piqued, but no one stops to ask what’s happening. They’re too scared to, Jax has that effect on people.
After such a long pause that I start to wonder if I need to ask again, I finally feel Jax’s fingers make contact with my skin. He shouldn’t actually need to touch me to do the buttons up, but I’m not surprised that he does anyway. He slowly buttons me up, his fingers grazing my flesh in between every single button—and there’s a whole hell of a lot of them. It starts to feel an awful lot like foreplay, and if I wasn’t so stinking mad about the front of this dress I’d probably enjoy it more. Instead, I’m too distracted trying to use my hands to hide the way my tits are practically popping out to say hello to everyone that passes.
“There.” He finishes the last button, trailing his hand up the back of my shoulders and neck before he finally stops touching me. The first bell chimes as he grabs my shoulder and forces me to turn around. I don’t move my hands, but I know he’s getting an eyeful anyway. With a smirk, he tells me, “This really suits you. Though, you look less like Mary Todd and more like an antebellum hooker. Eh, well, even Civil War soldiers needed someone to get their rocks off with, right?”
“You did this on purpose.” The fact that he’s pretending to be surprised by the cut of the dress just adds insult to injury. I’m not stupid. He took the time to make sure the dress would be tailored to fit; there’s no way in hell he just happened to overlook the way it would fit me in the chest.
“Me?” He poorly feigns shock. “I would never do such a thing.”
I’m about to deck him, let them expel me from school or whatever they need to do, but that’s the moment Dr. Knight passes us in the hall. If he notices anything wrong with my dress, he doesn’t comment. Smart man. “You two better get moving, I expect you to be ready to start your presentation as soon as the final bell rings.” We still have to actually get our presentation pulled up on the screen, and I have notes I want to double-check before we start.
I’ve got no choice but to go through with this, tits and all. “Let’s just go,” I grumble, shoving my way past Jax as he barks out a rare laugh.
When I reach the classroom door, I take a deep breath and yank the dress up as much as it will go. It only gives another inch, but I’ll take what I can get. I drop my hands, knowing I’ll only draw more attention to my breasts if I basically walk in holding them. I’ve been through worse, I remind myself as I walk in to stares from my classmates, most of whom are already seated and waiting. Cece gasps from the back of the room, drawing my eye to her. Next to her, Kathryn grins, a cruel look in her eyes like she’s enjoying this. I’m sure she is. So much for hoping my display of cleavage would go unnoticed.
Jax trails in after me, I’m sure reveling in the extra attention I’m getting thanks to him. I turn my back to the room and focus instead on pulling my notecards out of my backpack. We’re allowed to use our notes while we present. I didn’t think I was going to need them, but now I feel so off-balanced that I think it might be a good idea to keep them close. I can already feel my brain spluttering to focus on anything besides the classroom breeze openly caressing my mostly exposed chest.
Dr. Knight sits down at his desk, leaning cas
ually back in his chair while he waits for the final bell to ring and for us to start. He seems to go out of his way not to look in my direction. Thank fuck for small miracles.
Jax finishes pulling our presentation up on the projector screen just as the final bell chimes. He grabs his Lincoln hat off the table and plops it on his head, rounding out his look with his dark suit. It pisses me off all over again to watch him in his outfit, knowing how easily he could have done this right instead of sticking me with this disaster of a display. He really went out of his way to be an asshole on this one.
Our actual presentation starts okay, Jax and I managing to complement each other despite all the problems we had leading up to this. We make a good team when we’re working towards the same goal. It’s actually kind of scary. We’re about two-thirds of the way through the presentation when a collective gasp spreads through the room. My first instinct is to drop my gaze, making sure I haven’t popped right out of this damned dress, but I’m still as covered as I’m gonna get in this thing. Jax steps aside, which wasn’t in our plans. I shoot him a confused look, stopping in the middle of what I was saying as the room bursts into chatter. Dr. Knight starts cursing as he jumps up from his chair.
Finally, I realize my classmates’ attention is behind me. I turn, looking at the projector, only to be greeted by me. A picture of me. More specifically, a picture of me in red lingerie. The slide changes automatically as I silently stare, my heartbeat having disappeared altogether. The next slide is another picture. My eyes are closed in this one, but the covers are pulled back and I’m not in any pants. I can’t breathe. The pictures that got posted were only of my upper-half. I had no idea full pictures even existed. There I am, in nothing but my underwear, on display for everyone in class to see.
I thought I got off easy after the first round of pictures. It turns out Jax was just biding his time for the bigger play. He kept people from bothering me the first time, but now I realize that was probably just a part of this plan. He probably didn’t think I’d show up to school again after those first pictures. When I did, he must have decided to take it a step further, to let me feel like my life wasn’t ruined over it, just so could twist it and make it worse.
Ace wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t post the pictures. I’m sure of it now. I don’t know how or why Ace and Jax worked together to expose me—there’s never been anything to suggest the two of them are friends—but I’d have to be an idiot not to see it now.
“May I be excused?” I don’t know how I’m not crying or screaming, but there’s a calmness in me that I can’t explain. I thank the universe for it, wherever it’s coming from, because the only advantage I have right now is the ability to keep my head high.
“Yes, yes. Go.” Dr. Knight fumbles with his computer, pulling our presentation down as fast as he can manage it. There are plenty of protests from around the room, mostly from the guys. I try to block it all out as I flee.
The hallways are empty. Everyone else is still in class. It feels like the world is crumbling around me, but to them, this is just another day. The last one before our break starts and they get their month of freedom from this place.
I go to the nurse’s office and ask to be excused. The nurse takes one look at me and writes me a pass without asking me a single question. I’m gonna send her a fruit basket or something. I clutch the pass in my hand, shuffling out of the building in this damned dress I’m still wearing. I didn’t grab the garment bag for it when I bolted out of the room, but I’m not giving Jax the damn dress back now anyway. Now I’m glad he spent probably a small fortune on this thing, because I’m going to go home and burn it.
I’m halfway across the parking lot and still none of the pressure in my chest has been alleviated. I’m not sure there’s anywhere I could go that would be far enough away for me to outrun this feeling. I nearly jump out of my skin when the metal front door of the school clangs loudly behind me, and I turn just in time to see Smith come jogging out of the building towards me.
“Hey, Juliet, wait!” I walk faster, not having the energy to run from him, but also not wanting to face him right now. He still manages to catch up to me before my shaking hand manages to get my car key into the lock to unlock the car door. “Wait,” he says again, reaching for me. He gets his first good look at the front of me, his eyes bulging at the view down the front of the dress. “Shit.”
“He’ll back off, right? I just have to let it runs its course, that’s what you said,” I throw his words from Thanksgiving back at him, hoping the sharp edges hurt his heart the same way they hurt mine.
Smith closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I had no idea he would do something like this.” He opens his eyes to look at me again, his baby blues trapped in a stormy expression. “It’s already spreading all over school. Most people aren’t taking his side.”
“Most?” I laugh. It’s not funny, but the more I think about how not-funny it is, the harder I laugh. I know I’m being hysterical but I can’t stop it.
“I am so sorry.” Smith wraps his arms around me and hugs me close even when my laughter subsides and I try to fight him off. After a second, I let myself lean into him, taking the only bit of comfort that’s been offered to me. I promise myself it’s only for a moment. His body heat feels good against my nearly numb skin in the cold December air. Prostitute gowns apparently aren’t really made for New England winters.
I listen to the sound of Smith’s heart beat, but it’s impossible to soothe myself to the sound of his heart beating double-time. I can practically feel the anxiety radiating off of him. But I gave him a chance. I asked him to talk to Jax and he wouldn’t do it, and now here we are. Right now, it’s just too hard for me to separate the two of them in my mind.
“I want to go.” I push Smith away gently, relieved when he doesn’t fight me on it. He doesn’t go far, but I was starting to feel too claustrophobic in his arms.
“You’re just going home, right? You’re not actually leaving?” He says that like I have any idea where home even is anymore. It’s obvious I still don’t fit here, but I’m not a Nikon Park girl, either, not anymore. Right now, I just want to crawl into bed and shut my eyes and forget for a little while what it feels like to hurt this bad. To feel this betrayed.
I can’t give Smith an answer. I reach for him one more time, wondering if it will be the last time, and I kiss him square on the mouth. He kisses me back, urging me to linger, to give myself over to a kiss that might just make up my mind for me if I would let it. I can’t do that, either. I pull back, the taste of whatever coffee he drank this morning lingering on my lips.
He watches me climb into my car, never moving even as I pull out of the spot and head for the exit. I glance back at him in my rearview mirror, heart heavy as he just watches me go. I don’t know how he managed to get out of class to come check on me, but I hope he won’t get in trouble for it. I reach for my phone to turn it off. Smith said what Jax did was already spreading all over school, so I’m sure Sadie’s going to be trying to get ahold of me any minute now, cellphone policy be damned. I don’t have it in me to talk about. I’ve spent too long pretending I was handling everything okay, and now I just can’t pretend anymore.
I convinced myself that things weren’t that bad. That Patrick’s jabs about my intelligence weren’t that bad, because he was just used to being the smartest person in the room. That Ace’s betrayal of my trust wasn’t that bad because I could ignore him, even in the class we shared, if I tried hard enough. Kathryn’s mean girl act, it wasn’t that bad, because I didn’t think of her as my friend anyway. Smith’s refusal to choose me over his best friend? Not so bad. He’d known Jax a lot longer than he’d known me.
This, though, this can’t be ignored or mistaken for anything other than what it is. Jax wanted to ruin me. He wanted to send me running, to get me out of his way. He didn’t care what it took, or who it could hurt in the process—even if it meant hurting Smith, who obviously cares more about Jax than Jax does him. I
have no doubt this all comes back around to the stupid family treasure that I’m not even sure is real. Knowing what I know about Jax, I’m sure he’s desperate to get the one thing no one else has, that if he finds, no one else can ever have. He’s willing to do anything for it, because he’s never had any consequences.
My midterm finals are all done, and I’ve got my nurse’s note, so I don’t have to step foot back in that school building today. I’ve got a whole month where I don’t have to see any of these people if I don’t want to. A whole month to regroup and remind myself that I’ve been through worse than any of these people could ever do to me.
And when it’s time to come back in January? There are finally going to be some consequences for Jax Woods.
Chapter 17
My real birthday comes a few days after break starts whether I want it to or not. I don’t feel like celebrating, but Pearl lets Sadie sweep into my darkened bedroom like a storm rolling in from the sea. She throws open the curtains, letting light in for the first time since I crawled into bed and let myself fall apart in the first place. She doesn’t take no for an answer, and before I know it I’m being dragged all over town on my own personal birthday shopping spree from hell. Pearl’s given Sadie a credit card for me to use freely, but I cringe every time we swipe it.
Eventually, she must get tired of dragging my unenthusiastic ass around, because she asks the driver Pearl hired for us to turn back towards home. I feel bad for being such a downer when Sadie’s trying so hard. “I’m sorry,” I tell her, turning my head away from the window to face her as we get close to home.
