The Truth About Ellen: A feel-good romantic comedy

by Sarah Louise Smith

  But, I’d landed on my feet, hadn’t I? So, I wasn’t in as nice a home now – but it was mine, all mine. A lovely little one bedroom house and a Sainsbury’s just across the road for those times I forgot milk. Or chocolate. Or chocolate milk. What more did a girl need for domestic bliss? Well, maybe wine. But luckily they sold that too.

  And then there was Bob, my ginger cat. No path that had led me to adopting him could be a bad thing, so really I should be grateful to Jon.

  I flicked through the channels and saw Jasper Ryan being interviewed on a chat show. I watched him laughing and joking with the presenter, looking as hot as ever. He didn’t mention a Four Apes reunion.

  I met Jasper once; but that was a long time ago. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t even remember me now. I promised him I’d never tell anyone, and I hadn’t.

  It was really quite an embarrassing story, anyway…

  Chapter Three

  Four Apes burst into the music scene when I was thirteen years old.

  I was at that age when you just start to realise that life can be a bitch. My parents quite literally didn’t understand me, my two younger brothers were evil, and the thought that we were all related made me cringe. At school I felt out of place. I didn’t know what I wanted from life, where I should be, or how I should be getting there.

  The one thing I did know was that I could find comfort in my closest friends: Laura, Sophie, and Emma. We’d always got along since we were at primary school. But one thing bonded us and made us think we’d be friends forever: we all fell in love with Four Apes.

  I remember seeing them on TV for the first time. I don’t remember the name of the show, or who the presenter was, but on walked George, Tom, Alex, and Jasper, and they performed their first single.

  And four teenage girls, sitting in a living room in Milton Keynes, fell in love.

  I remember lying in bed, staring up at my posters, wishing they were all five years younger. Or, if I was going to wish for a miracle, that I was five years older so Jasper could love me back.

  Funnily enough, the next five years passed by pretty quickly. I had plenty to keep me busy: crushes on boys at school; lyrics to new Four Apes songs to learn; concerts to attend; exams; spots; bras; makeup; fashion to discover; choices to make; a driving test to pass.

  It was my not long after my 18th birthday when Four Apes announced they were splitting up. They’d been pretty successful and it made the front page news; there were rifts in the band, Jasper wanted to go solo and declared he was the only one with any talent anyway.

  My friends and I were gutted. Our favourite band was splitting up and the men we loved now hated each other. But thankfully, we soon got a grip and moved on with our lives. We all went to different universities, made new friends, found real men to fall in love with, and our bond faded. I hadn’t seen Sophie or Emma now for years.

  I continued to have a huge crush on Jasper though and bought all his CDs, went to his gigs, and enjoyed perving at the TV with my uni friends whenever he graced our screens.

  Then there was the night I met him.

  So, about a year before I met Jon, ex-lover and life-ruiner, I booked a weekend away in London with my best friend Zoe. We had a theatre-meal-hotel deal and took the train from Milton Keynes to London in high spirits, all set for cocktails, musical entertainment and so forth.

  But just as we stepped onto the tube, Zoe came over all green and started vomiting everywhere. It was pretty embarrassing for me, so I have no doubt it was probably the most embarrassing thing ever for her, and what with the hot sweat she developed and the darn right awfulness of throwing up in general, not to mention in public, in the small confined space of an underground train. I think it still tops her list of the worst days ever.

  With her still spewing all over the pavement, I managed to drag her from the station to our hotel where a waste bin was promptly handed to her. She seemed better for a few minutes so we managed to get into the elevator and up to our twin room but just as I opened the door she ran to the bathroom to hug the toilet bowl. A while later I helped her get into bed and stroked her hair as she fell asleep. So much for our fun girls’ night out. I put the television on and sat for a while, watching.

  But I was restless. The room smelt like vomit and I’d come to London for a nice evening, not to watch boring television. Especially since I’d moved back home after finishing uni a few months previously – I could sit at home watching TV with my parents anytime.

  So, after checking Zoe was out for the count, I snuck out of the room, fully intending to go to the theatre on my own and see the show. I was pretty sure Zoe wouldn’t mind, and it seemed silly to waste the ticket.

  I walked around the West End for a while, realised I was lost, panicked for half a moment, then took a deep breath and looked around to see if there was anyone I could ask for directions.

  Then I saw him.

  At least, I thought I did. He was talking on a mobile phone, dark baseball cap partially covering his face. He had a black leather jacket on and I stood there in shock, trying to get a glance of the back of his neck to make out the small Four Apes logo I knew he’d had tattooed there when he was 19 and things were going well with the band.

  He turned slightly, head down, and there it was, just beneath a tuft of dark brown hair. I got my phone out of my bag and edged a little closer, pretending to have my own phone call in order to look less suspicious. Would he mind if I asked for an autograph when he finished his call? He looked like he was trying to go incognito, what with the baseball cap and all.

  My heart beat faster, my legs felt like jelly. Jasper Ryan! Right here, at last. I was thirteen all over again. My hands started to sweat.

  “Man, I really need to get there fast. Can you get me on a flight first thing in the morning then?”

  I wondered who he was talking to. I was getting a bit too close now so I looked down at my phone and pretended to send a very important text. Really, of course, I was just typing nonsense and eavesdropping.

  “Okay, thanks. Yeah, it is shit but it’s not your fault. Okay. Right. Thanks man.”

  He flipped his phone shut and started walking fast away from me. I hesitated, wondering if I could really manage to talk to him. Could I really invade his privacy like that? But wouldn’t I regret not trying, if I didn’t go after him?

  I threw my phone in my bag and marched after him, watching intently as he kept his head down, avoiding eye contact with anyone. I realised I was turning from super-fan to super-stalker, but I didn’t have time to consider how crazy that was. I just knew if I didn’t follow him I’d regret it forever.

  He turned into a street that was familiar; and just as I was about to call his name then tentatively ask for a picture, he went up some steps and into a building. I looked up. I was back in the street of my hotel, but this was a much more expensive, fancy looking one than the cheapy place Zoe and I were staying in.

  It was now or never; did I follow him or not?

  Of course, I followed him.

  I ran up the steps, smiled sweetly at the doorman as if I knew him, and saw Jasper waiting for a lift. I approached him, parted my lips to speak as the lift doors opened and he stepped in.

  Without thinking, I stepped even quicker and slipped in between the doors just as they were closing. I didn’t dare look him right in the eye, so I just stood with my back to him, wondering what on earth I was doing.

  “Penthouse please,” he said to the back of my head. Wow, his voice was so familiar, even though he’d never actually spoken to me personally before.

  “Righty ho,” I said, glancing at him. He smiled at me and I pressed the button for the penthouse.

  Righty ho? What planet was I on? I took a deep breath and willed my hands to dry themselves.

  “You up in the penthouse too?” He smirked, after I’d failed to press any more buttons. Oops. I quickly leant forward and pressed level 20, the highest I could go, wanting this journey to last forever.

  As if all t
he gods, saints and angels had heard me, the lift jolted and stopped. A whirring noise ground to a stop, leaving us in silence and I spun round to face Jasper, no longer the rock god I’d fancied since I was a child, but my co-victim in a horrific situation which was surely going to end in tears, and quite possibly death when the lift dropped us ten floors. Oh God. I’d be in the papers. However … my name would always be mentioned with his. It wouldn’t be all bad.

  Jasper gave me a reassuring smile and leaned across me to press a big red button on the panel. He smelt of alcohol and I wondered how much he’d drunk that day; it wasn’t much after six pm.

  “Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll be fixed in no time,” he said, winking at me. He pulled out his phone. “Ah, no signal.” He put it back in his pocket and flashed me his famous, gorgeous smile.

  Talk to him, you idiot. My mouth felt dry and I opened it to speak but couldn’t find any words.

  “Typical,” I managed to utter, rolling my eyes. He looked at me again and gave a gentle laugh. I’d had years to prepare for this moment, and had made all this effort to talk to him, and suddenly I didn’t know what to say.

  “Are you claustrophobic?”

  “No,” I said, unsure if this was true. I’d never really been stuck in a small confined space before. But if I was going to be, I guess getting stuck with Jasper Ryan wasn’t a bad thing. I reminded myself to be cool.

  “Good.”

  I glanced away from him and at myself in the mirror. Why hadn’t I put more makeup on? A day on the trains meant it wasn’t my best hair day, either. He too looked in the mirror and caught my eye. A big smile spread across his face, and I couldn’t help but smile back.

  “Jasper,” he said, offering his hand. Did he really think anyone on the planet didn’t know what his name was? Okay, maybe there were men who didn’t know. But no warm-blooded, straight British woman under forty wouldn’t recognise his face.

  No time to wipe my sweaty hands, but I shook it, my heart beating faster at the feel of his skin. The thirteen year old Ellen was about ready to faint. The 21 year old told her to get a grip. He was just a man, an ordinary man, I reminded myself.

  “Ellen,” I told him.

  “You’ve got beautiful eyes, Ellen.”

  I felt myself blush. Was Jasper Ryan complimenting me? Seriously? He thought my eyes were beautiful? But how many other girls had he said that to? Probably hundreds. Or thousands. Or hundreds of thousands. But I was one of them!

  “Thanks,” I said, blushing.

  “What are you staying here for?”|

  I told him about the theatre and Zoe getting ill, neglecting to mention that she was in the much less impressive hotel down the other end of the street.

  “That sucks.”

  “Why are you here?”

  “Just working. I’m trying to fly home to see my family, but I can’t get a flight until tomorrow because of the hurricane.”

  “Home?”

  I knew he owned an apartment in New York these days, but I wanted to keep the conversation going.

  “I live in the US. New York City. But I really want to get upstate, to my parents’ house. My dad’s very ill.”

  Oh.

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “Thanks.” He gave me a sad smile and sat down, leaning back against the mirror. Man, he was the best looking rock god I’d ever been stuck in a lift with. Scrap that, he was the best looking man I’d ever been stuck anywhere with.

  “They only moved to the states a few years back. If they’d stayed in the UK I’d be with them right now.”

  I didn’t want to be grateful that his father was ill, nor that he wasn’t with him, but I was pretty glad he was stuck in this lift with me, rather than anywhere else. I sat down opposite him and crossed my legs.

  “I’m sure you’ll make it home tomorrow.”

  He nodded.

  “This,” he said, gesturing to the corners of the lift, “is crap. You spend all this money on a decent hotel and the bloody lift breaks down.”

  I wanted to point out that the tiny room I’d paid for down the road had cost me a day’s wages, whereas his massive penthouse suite was probably a drop in the ocean on his bank account, but decided that was probably the sort of conversation topic I’d regret later.

  “These things always happen to me,” I admitted. “I’ve broken plenty of bones, plenty of my mother’s precious ornaments, and once I even choked on some chicken at a wedding. I’m accident prone.”

  Great, now I’d chatted to Jasper Ryan about vomiting and choking. What a smooth operator I was.

  “I’ll blame you then,” he said with a cheeky grin.

  “Thanks.”

  “I wish I could smoke in here.”

  I was grateful he couldn’t; but I didn’t say anything. I’d said quite enough stupid things already.

  “So what are you going to do tonight?” he asked me.

  Good question. The chances of me making it to the theatre on time now were very low.

  “I don’t know. Probably hit the mini bar. Watch some TV. You?”

  “Yeah, the same.”

  “No glamorous parties or celeb friends to hang out with?”

  He shrugged. “Nah. I’ve been trying to keep myself to myself.”

  “Fair enough.”

  I couldn’t think what else to say. We looked at each other for a moment and I took a mental snapshot, his scruffy, dark hair leaning back against the mirror. His grey t-shirt was tight enough to just about hint at his abs. He’d thrown his leather jacket down beside him. He was wearing dark blue jeans and black boots and his legs looked long, stretched out in front of him. If I moved my own leg slightly to the left, our trouser legs would be touching…

  “Stop doing that,” he said after a moment’s silence.

  “What?” I asked, my face burning red. I hoped he wasn’t referring to my staring at him.

  “Tucking your hair behind your ear. It looks nicer in front.”

  I hadn’t even realised I’d been playing with my hair. I flicked it forward, in front of my ear and let a long wave rest against my cheek.

  “Better?”

  “You really don’t realise how pretty you are, do you?”

  My heart flipped and I reminded myself again that I was just one of many he’d used his charms on. He held my gaze and we stared at each other for a few minutes. My whole body was sweating now, hopefully not so much that he could tell.

  The elevator whirred into life and started to move. Jasper got up and held out his hand for me. I felt a tingle run from my fingertips to my chest as I held on to him and he pulled me up.

  “Thanks,” I said as I let go. The doors pinged open. We’d reached the twentieth floor and I had to get out.

  “Bye,” I said, wondering if I’d ever get anyone to believe me that this had happened. I felt too lame to ask for a photo now.

  “See ya,” he said, flashing me a grin.

  I stepped out of the lift and went to walk down the corridor, figuring I’d get back in and ride down on the next one.

  “Hey, Ellen?” he called, holding the elevator door open.

  “Yes?” I spun around, glad to have the chance to look at him again.

  “You want to come and share my mini bar?”

  With a confidence I’d never felt before, I turned on my heel, walked back into the lift and pushed the button for the penthouse suite again.

  Chapter Four

  The night after Darby had told me that Four Apes were rumoured to be getting back together, I sat at home and thought about my evening with Jasper. What a lot had happened to me since then. All the lovely bits with Jon, all the crappy bits with Jon. All the okay-ish bits on my own.

  Would I have acted differently with Jasper now, now that I was a more mature, rounded, sensible person? Probably not, I thought, smiling to myself. When it came to Four Apes I was still the silly schoolgirl who’d made a banner saying ‘I adore Apes!’ to hold up at Wembley Arena.

&
nbsp; After getting into bed that evening, I picked up my phone and googled Four Apes. Only one piece of news about a reunion came up; and it was from a tabloid newspaper. Probably false, then. I sighed. Seeing the guys back together would have made my day.

  I spent Easter weekend eating chocolate and hot cross buns, watching yet more Breaking Bad and listening to Four Apes while dancing around my living room. I still knew all the lyrics, having listened to my CDs on repeat throughout my teens. On Sunday I went to my parents’ house for dinner which was non-eventful, and Monday I stayed in my pyjamas all day just because I could.

  As with all public holidays, Tuesday came around too fast and before I knew it, I was back at my desk listening to Darby and Tammy harp on about their friend Yasmin who apparently slept with her yoga teacher on Good Friday.

  I felt like someone was watching me and glanced over my computer monitor to find two dark eyes staring into me. I smiled and Jamie, the new guy who worked in finance across the office, smiled back. He’d started a few weeks earlier and this was about the tenth time I’d caught him looking at me. Did he like what he saw? It seemed unlikely anyone could think I looked good when I was sitting so close to Darby. Maybe he was just trying to get screen breaks by looking away from his monitor regularly.

  I saw him get up and walk towards the kitchen and so I decided to join him. Anything to get away from the incessant gossiping. Not that he wasn’t a tempting prospect to run into in an office kitchen, by any means. He had jet black hair and dark eyes, and a bit of stubble. His smiles gave my heart a flutter.

  The office kitchen was really just a counter with a kettle, some tins of tea and coffee, and a fridge containing milk and many, many tubs of gone-off yogurt, mouldy fruit and who knew what else.

  Jamie was hovering by the kettle.

  “Good morning,” I told him. He flashed me another of his nice smiles and I put my cup down beside his.

  “Hey, how was your weekend?”

  “It was good. Yours?”