“Can you let him in?” Tom called back.
Taking a deep breath, I got up from my sun lounger and adjusted my clothes. Determined that I didn’t care what he thought, I had dressed casually and had a vest top on and a short skirt with my flip-flops and sunglasses. I went up to the gates and pressed the button to open them for Jasper’s Bugatti Veyron. He drove through and parked up next to Tom as I closed them again. I walked over to him as he got out of the car.
“Hey,” he said getting out of the car and smiling at me.
“Hey. You found it okay?”
“Yeah, nice place.”
“I like it.”
He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. I went to walk down back towards the patio, but he hung back.
“Have you been with Tom for long?”
“Just a few months.”
He gave me a funny look and I just smiled back, unsure what to make of it.
“Is it pretty serious?”
What sort of a question was that?
“Well, we’re moving in together.”
“Good for you.” His expression was blank.
I frowned, unsure what he was hinting at, my heart beating faster and my hands turning sticky. If he had something to say, he may as well just say it. But he looked at me, half smiling, half looking confused. He recognised me still, but perhaps he couldn’t place me. Hopefully he never would.
I gestured towards the pool and patio area.
“Shall we..?”
He nodded and followed me down to the patio where Tom was putting a jug of iced lemonade down with three glasses.
They greeted each other in much the same way as they did yesterday, which warmed me. They hadn’t seen each other in so long, and so many unkind words had been said about the other, yet there was still a bond there. I was pleased both as Tom’s girlfriend and as a Four Apes fan at the idea that they could somehow patch this up and be friends again after all this time.
“It’s good to see you, Jasper. Take a drink.”
“Thanks, Tom.” Jasper accepted a lemonade and took a sip.
“I heard you’re no longer a drinking man.”
“Yeah, should’ve stopped a long, long time ago but I’m doing all right now.”
“Good, I’m proud of you.”
Jasper looked at him in surprise and sat down. Tom sat down beside him so I sat on the other side of Tom. I took a lemonade, wishing it was something stronger.
“Nice place.”
“Yeah, bought it a few years back. It’s small but I love the location. It’s quiet and tranquil.”
“The pool area reminds me of my place in California.”
Jeez, these men had holiday homes all over the place. How the other half lived.
“Cool. You’ve still got a base in New York too, right?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I have.”
An awkward silence descended. I took another gulp of lemonade.
“So, I was going to say this at the hotel, in Devon,” Jasper began, “but seeing as we’re here…”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry. About all the crap I said. All the shit. I was drunk and high most of the time and my ego was inflated… so… yeah.”
“Water under the bridge, mate,” Tom said, waving his hand. “I said some shit too.”
“Yeah, but I was just… wild.”
“It was a long time ago.”
“But being in the band… those were some of the best years…”
“For me too.”
Jasper smiled and Tom smiled back and I almost felt like I was intruding, yet I was so pleased to be there, to be witnessing this moment.
“Let’s start over yeah?”
And the conversation I’d been imagining for ten years, that I’d been so desperate to hear, and couldn’t believe I’d actually witnessed, was over just like that.
The chat turned to lighter topics. I went inside and brought out the food and we all picked at it, but it was really too hot to have much of an appetite.
Tom and Jasper started talking about the early days with Four Apes and I sat back and enjoyed their stories, about touring and getting their record deal, about crazy fans, long tours, flights and drink and broken guitar strings and television appearances. It was so surreal, like somehow I’d managed to block out of my brain that Tom was in the band and yet here he was, reminding me of the fact, chatting with his former band mate, the super-famous Jasper Ryan. A man I’d actually thought from the age of 13 to about 22 might be the love of my life. I almost laughed at my former self, yet when I looked at him, he was still pretty irresistible. And I hated myself for noticing that.
I chipped in with questions, asking about the others, about their stories, encouraging them to tell me more. It was fun. It was my fourteen year old self’s fantasy come true.
“Hey,” Tom said as we sat there in the dark, a small light on the outside of the villa the only thing illuminating us, plus a small citronella candle I’d put on the table. “You haven’t smoked once. You gave up?”
“Yeah,” Jasper said, looking down. Tom got up to re-fill our glasses. “I haven’t smoked since the night before my father died.” And then he looked right at me.
Chapter Twenty-Three
As if he somehow knew that Jasper wanted to talk to me alone, Tom chose that moment to take the plates and lemonade in, shutting the doors behind him to keep the bugs out.
Jasper was still staring at me and I held his gaze, my heart thudding, with no clue what to say or do. I swallowed hard. I couldn’t make out his expression. Was he angry with me? He just looked blank.
“I take it Tom doesn’t know?” he said quietly, finally looking away from me.
I took a deep breath.
“Know what?” I said, foolishly playing ignorant.
He looked back at me. “You know what.”
I looked at the floor, unable to speak.
“Ellen?”
“What?” I said, looking back at him.
“Don’t pretend it isn’t you.”
“I don’t know what you mean. You’re confusing me with someone else.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yes.” I forced my eyes away.
“So you’re telling me that you haven’t got a small brown birthmark just underneath your right hip?”
My eyes flicked back to his, and I felt my jaw fall open a little. How did he remember that?
I sighed.
“I’m sorry, I really didn’t think you’d remember.”
“You thought I’d forget that night?”
I continued to maintain eye contact although I wanted to look away. I wanted to run away. I wondered where the keys to the Porsche were. Maybe I could drive away and come back when he was gone. I’d tell Tom I had a sudden desire to go for a drive.
“Of course I thought you’d forgotten,” I whispered. My heart was beating so loud I was pretty sure he’d be able to hear it. My hands started to sweat.
“Well I didn’t,” he said, looking hurt.
“Okay. Well. To answer your question, of course Tom doesn’t know.”
Jasper nodded and looked at me intently again. “Do you love him?”
I opened my mouth to speak but Tom opened the doors and came out with another jug of lemonade, the ice cubes clinking in the jug.
“One more before you go?”
Jasper finally tore his eyes from mine and smiled brightly at Tom. “Yes, thanks mate.”
We each took a glass. I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I grabbed my phone on the way in there and wrote a long text to Zoe, telling her what was happening. I washed my hands and then my phone buzzed.
Zoe had replied: Holy crapola! Good luck with that one hun! x
Really helpful. I looked at myself in the mirror. I’d gone very pale, and my eyes were wide and frightened. So Jasper remembered, but he hadn’t said anything. Did that mean he wouldn’t? He’d keep it secret? Why would he do that?
Surely he didn’t want it to
be awkward with Tom, just when they were patching things up. And surely he’d understand why I hadn’t mentioned our night together.
I took a deep breath and prepared myself to go back out there. I could see them laughing so I was fairly confident I was safe, for the time being at least. I slid open the doors and heard the end of a conversation about Felicity. I was glad I’d missed that one. I didn’t need to hear them talking about Miss Perfectly Beautiful.
“So Ellen saw you live once,” Tom told him as I sat down again and was just taking a sip of lemonade. I almost choked.
“Just the once, huh?” Jasper said, smiling at me.
“Yes, just once.” I told him, knowing he knew it was a lie.
“Was I any good?”
“It was amazing,” I said, unable to look at him. I was sure they could both hear my heart thudding in my chest.
“So, how did you two meet?”
Tom took my hand and told him the story, and Jasper nodded and smiled but his face had changed. He wasn’t as relaxed as before.
Eventually, he got up to go.
“Well, see you in Devon,” he told Tom, giving him a hug. Tom’s phone started to buzz.
“Sorry, don’t know who’d call this late,” Tom said, picking it up. “I better answer. Ellen, open the gate for Jasper would you? See you in Devon, mate.”
He opened the villa door, went in and shut it quickly. I smiled awkwardly at Jasper as we walked up to his car. I was lost for words so I didn’t offer any.
We stopped at his car and he turned to face me.
“I did want to call you after that night, just so you know.”
“Please don’t, there’s no need to say that.”
“I want you to know. That night… it meant something to me.”
Holy crap.
“But you didn’t call,” I reminded him.
“My phone got stolen.”
I gave a little laugh. “You don’t need to make excuses, Jasper, it’s fine.”
“I’m serious. I tried to look you up and everything, I couldn’t find a way to find your number again.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“It’s true. I remember everything about our time together.”
“You remember promising to call me?”
“Yes! And everything you said. It was just… an amazing night.”
“But you didn’t call!”
I wished my voice didn’t sound so upset about the fact. I looked at him, at his gorgeous face, his blue eyes staring into mine, and I wondered if I’d ever be able to not feel rejected by him. If I’d ever be able to just think of him as Tom’s mate. Instead of my huge teen crush. Instead of the man I’d spent an amazing evening with. Or instead of the man who built me up, then threw me down.
“I told you, I wanted to. My dad died. Things were crazy. I lost my phone. I tried to get your details from the hotel, even. Ask my PA. She spent a week trying to track you down for me.”
“Okay. I believe you.”
“And now I’ve found you again.”
“And I’m with Tom.” I thought one of us should at least remember this.
“Yes. You’re with Tom.”
“So… things worked out for the best.”
“Did they?”
“Yes.”
“So you love him?”
“Yes.”
I saw a flicker of something that could have been disappointment pass over his face.
“You haven’t known him long.”
“Long enough.”
“He doesn’t know you were a Four Apes fan. Or about us.”
“I just didn’t think it’d matter.”
“Well, that’s between you and him.”
“Thank you.”
I felt relieved, but tense still. He moved closer to me and kissed me on the cheek. For a second I thought he might kiss my lips and the alarming thing was I wasn’t sure I could push him away, but then suddenly he moved back and got into his car. He put the window down.
“See you in Devon then?” he asked.
“Sure. See you in Devon.”
If I didn’t spontaneously combust before then.
I walked up to the gate and pressed the button. He drove up to it slowly, staring at me, and then he was gone, leaving me with a beating heart, confused, scared and suddenly unsure about everything.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Back when I first met Jasper I was 21, impressionable, and stuck in London with a sick friend. So I was all too eager to stay in Jasper’s hotel room when he asked me to. When he said he ‘needed me’ I turned on my heel and walked right back into the room.
I poured us both a lemonade – he didn’t complain or comment – and suggested we sit on the sofa again. He sat at the end, holding his drink in both hands, staring at the bubbles as they floated to the surface. I put my legs on his lap again and he turned and smiled at me.
“Tell me about your dad.”
“You don’t already know?”
I smacked his arm lightly. “I’m not a stalker. Tell me about him.”
“He’s always been there for me, you know? Kept me grounded.”
I pulled a sceptical face.
“Yeah, I know I might not seem that down to earth, but when I’m with Dad, I am. He’s told me over and over again that I’m just that lad from Camden. That lad who wet himself on his first trip to Alton Towers.”
I giggled. “I did that too.”
“Seriously?! I’m not as embarrassed now.”
“I was desperate to go, and we had to queue for ages, and then it just happened, on one of the rides. I can’t remember which…”
“It was the Black Hole for me.”
I laughed again.
“And Dad never lets me forget that, you know? Reminds me that all this money and fame and the women and the people trying to be my best mate at every corner, none of that is real.”
I nodded. “Sounds like a decent Dad.”
“He’s great. He loves trains. And buses. Always going on about buses, he is.”
“My dad loves boats.”
“I’ve got a boat,” Jasper told me. “A yacht. It’s moored in Monaco and I’ve owned it three years, only been out on it twice.”
“Sell it,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.
“Dad liked it, actually. I took them all out on it once.”
“Then keep it. You’ll always have that memory.”
He nodded. “I think I will.”
“What’s wrong with him? I mean, if you don’t want to talk about him—”
“No, no I do. Thank you.”
He turned and put his feet on the sofa, our legs were intertwined. I drank some more of my lemonade.
“You sure you don’t want anything harder?”
“No, and neither do you. Your dad wouldn’t want you to fall off the wagon for him now, would he?”
Jasper nodded and took a sip of lemonade.
“He’s got cancer,” he told me quietly.
“That sucks.”
“Yeah. It fucking sucks.”
“I can’t say I know how you feel but, well when I think about my parents dying, it terrifies me.”
He looked at me straight in the eye.
“Me too.”
I swallowed hard and he looked away.
“And your mum, what’s she like?”
“She’s great, really loving you know? Worries about me all the time, of course. Believes everything she reads about me.”
“And how much of it is true?”
“Less than half.”
I nodded and put my lemonade down. God, I wanted to kiss him again.
“Dad took us on holiday when I was about seventeen. I really didn’t want to go, the band were just starting to get some interest and going away with the folks wasn’t exactly my dream break. But Mum really encouraged us all to go and so I agreed. A week in Spain.”
“That’s nice.”
“Yeah, it was. It was the last time I was… well, j
ust me, really. The band took off after that and I was away a lot. Didn’t call home too often. I still don’t call often enough.”
“I’m sure your Dad knows you love him,” I said, putting my hand on his knee.
Jasper smiled at me sadly. “I’m glad you’re here. Thank you.”
I nodded. “I’m glad I’m here too.”
“Well, who wouldn’t be glad? Cosy on a sofa in a penthouse suite with Jasper Ryan – rock star, sex god and massive fucking drunk.”
“You’re not drinking now, are you?”
“Only because you stopped me.”
“It didn’t take much persuading. I’m sure you could persuade yourself.”
He shrugged his shoulders and downed the rest of his lemonade.
“You’re stronger than you think,” I insisted.
“So you think you know me now, do you?” He asked with a smirk.
“No. I just see you here, and I can see you want to be good.”
He laughed. “Good is boring. Good means no booze, no drugs, no women… no fun. Just empty hotel rooms, one city after another, and a different stage every night…”
“Oh wow, I feel so sorry for you,” I said, rolling my eyes. “It must be such a hard life.”
“You don’t know what it’s like,” he said seriously.
“I do know that thousands, maybe millions would trade with you in a millisecond.”
“What do they know?”
“Then why do you do it? Why not give up on the music? Retire? You must have made enough money.”
“Because… I love it.”
“Well then. Just don’t break your liver while you’re doing it.”
“Not many women speak to me like this.”
“I bet.”
He looked at me and I looked right back.
“Is this what you expected, when you dreamt about meeting me?”
“What makes you think I dreamt about meeting you?”
“You said you’re a fan, and most fans say they’ve dreamt about it. I find that weird to be honest, but I was just curious. This can’t be how you imagined me.”
“I’m not that big a fan.”
“You know my siblings’ names.”
I laughed.
“Okay, well maybe when I was about 15, yes.”
“How old are you now?”
“Twenty one.”-
“So… am I what you expected?”
The Truth About Ellen: A feel-good romantic comedy Page 14
