The Truth About Ellen: A feel-good romantic comedy

by Sarah Louise Smith

  “I’m sorry I came round. I just had to put it out there.” Jasper turned to where I was standing. “I had to fight for you.”

  I looked back at him and realised he was desperate. My heart filled with warmth that he was prepared to go to such lengths to win me round. And Tom was going to propose to me? Yet, we hadn’t been close lately. What was he thinking? I pulled my eyes away from Jasper and looked at Tom.

  “Ellen, what are you thinking? You look blank, and scared. How do you feel?” Tom said gently.

  I looked at each of them in turn, then down at the floor.

  “She told me she wants you,” Jasper said. “But I know she’s in denial. Tom, you’re like a brother to me, but me and Ellen, we’re soul mates.”

  Tom looked at me blankly, waiting for me to respond, to give him reassurance, to clarify what was going on. I just looked back at him, then at Jasper, then at the floor.

  If someone had told me that two members of Four Apes would be one day arguing about who loved me most, I’d have thought that sounded exciting, amazing, a dream come true.

  The reality was, someone was going to get hurt. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want any of this and I wasn’t sure how I’d got here. And I wasn’t sure what those white lights were dancing in front of my eyes. The blood rushed away from my head.

  Everything went black.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  When I woke up on the sofa, Jasper was sitting in the arm chair opposite, and Tom was on the floor beside my head with a glass of water.

  I opened my eyes and tried to smile at him, but he didn’t smile back. He held out the water and I sat up slowly and took a sip.

  “The doctor said you should take it easy, I guess stress didn’t help.”

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “How do you feel?” Jasper asked.

  “Queasy.”

  “Take it slow,” Tom told me.

  I sipped some more water.

  “Jasper refused to go,” Tom said, gesturing his thumb over his shoulder.

  “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I guess I should leave now.”

  Tom didn’t say anything.

  “I’ll catch up with you both later?” Jasper asked.

  I looked down at the floor. Tom didn’t answer. Jasper went and let himself out. I looked back at Tom.

  “So you slept with him.”

  “Yes.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Twenty one. It was almost eight years ago.”

  “And he says he loves you. Did he tell you that in Devon?”

  “He told me he had feelings for me, yes.”

  “He hardly knows you.”

  “I know it seems that way, but he felt we bonded that night. We had lots of meaningful conversation, and I guess he’s held on to that.”

  “Did you feel that bond too? Be honest.”

  “Yes. I did. But now… now I’m confused.”

  He sighed and sat next to me on the sofa.

  “So what do you want?”

  My eyes filled with tears. “I don’t know.”

  “Do you love me?”

  “I don’t know,” I blubbed.

  “Do you love him?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know anything.”

  “Don’t cry Ellen.”

  “You were going to propose?”

  “Yes. Silly maybe. After saying we rushed things. I just wanted to bring us back to where we were, bring back some of the sparkle and romance. Stupid really.”

  “Not stupid. Romantic.”

  “Well, when it came to it, something held me back. It seemed a dumb move considering how it’s been lately.”

  I nodded and sniffed.

  He passed me a tissue and I wiped my face.

  “So what are we going to do?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Jasper seemed to think you’ve got some weird sense of loyalty to the band above all else and you’re only sticking with me not to ruin my friendship with him.”

  I shook my head.

  “I just said I didn’t want to come between you.”

  “Well, it’s a bit late for that now.”

  “I know.” I sniffed again and swallowed hard to keep from crying any more. Shit, my leg hurt. And my head.

  “Why don’t you go and stay with your folks for a few days? Or Zoe? Get some space. We can both think about what we want, and we’ll talk at the weekend?”

  He was sending me away?

  I thought about laying on Zoe’s sofa, watching chick flicks and eating chocolate ice cream and it did seem rather appealing. Maybe some space would help me to figure this whole thing out.

  Tom offered to make the call and I let him, unsure what I’d say. He told her I wasn’t very happy, that I needed some girly time and would she mind meeting him at a service station on the M1 and taking me home with her.

  Before I knew it, he’d packed up some of my things and I was in the back seat of the Porsche, wedged in with my cast on, travelling north, back towards home, away from my troubles.

  Zoe greeted me with a hug and Tom bid me farewell with a quick kiss on the forehead and a squeeze of my arm. It didn’t feel like a final goodbye, and that gave me some comfort. I still had choices to make. He wasn’t dumping me. Just giving me space.

  Zoe listened to my woes on the drive home, and then helped me to her sofa and propped my leg on her footstool. It was good to see Bob again, he came and sat with me and I stroked him while Zoe told me how they’d bonded. I hadn’t wanted to suggest to Tom we bring a cat to his pristinely clean home, so Zoe had unofficially adopted him. Hearing him purr reminded me how much I’d missed him.

  Zoe insisted I invite Laura over, despite the fact she’d only met her once or twice, and soon the three of us were debating my options with three spoons and a tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

  “We can both say all these amazing things about how nice Tom is, and how exciting life with Jasper may be. We can reassure you with either choice and give you positives and negatives about both. But really, I think you should follow your heart,” Laura said, between licks of her spoon.

  “Laura’s right,” Zoe told me. “You have to go with your instincts. Stop worrying about getting hurt, or hurting others, ruining friendships, or regretting anything. If they’re both standing here, right now, which do you pick?”

  “They were both there last night and I just passed out,” I told them.

  “Okay, so describe how you feel about both,” Zoe suggested. “In detail.”

  “Well, with Tom,” I began, “I just feel at ease. We’ve had a few ups and downs lately but I’ve always felt comfortable with him. We get on really well, and it’s just simple. Or at least it was before Jasper came along.”

  “And Jasper?”

  “With Jasper, I just feel… like I’m whole when I’m with him. Like everything is right in the world when he’s in the room with me. It’s like there’s an invisible thread between us when we’re together, he looks at me and I see something in his eyes, like we’re connected and united and no one else would ever understand our connection.”

  Laura gave Zoe a serious look and then they both looked back at me.

  “Sounds to me how I feel about Mike,” Laura said. “It’s like it’s me and him verses the world.”

  “But Tom is so laid-back,” said Zoe. “Life with him would be so much more straight forward. No surprises. You could trust him to never hurt you.”

  I nodded. “Exactly. How do I know this thing with Jasper is real?”

  “It’s a risk, I suppose,” said Laura. “But he gets you. You get him. He’s the one.”

  “I don’t believe in ‘the one’,” said Zoe. “There are billions of people on the planet.”

  I let out a sigh, confused as ever.

  My phone rang. I didn’t recognise the number.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi.”

  It was Jasper.

  “Oh, hi. How did you get my number?�
�

  “Heidi.”

  “Oh, right.”

  Heidi and I had swapped numbers in Devon. I’d forgotten about that.

  “Is Tom there?”

  “No, we had a long chat and he suggested I take some space and go stay with my friend.”

  “Is that the friend who threw up the day we met?”

  I gave a little laugh. “Yes, that’s her.”

  “Zoe, right?”

  “You remember?”

  “I told you, I remember everything you said that night.”

  “So you keep telling me.”

  “Well, I should thank Zoe. I’d never have met you if it weren’t for her.”

  “You would have. In Monaco with Tom.”

  “Oh yes.”

  “So…”

  “So, you’re thinking.”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m sorry I turned up like that at the house.”

  “It’s okay. I guess it was kind of a romantic gesture.”

  “And I’m sorry I blurted out that I loved you like that, in front of Tom. I think you already knew I did, but I should have told you at a better time.”

  “How can you know for sure that you love me when you know me so little?”

  “I just know.”

  “I think I love you too,” I said, watching Zoe and Laura’s face light up with smiles.

  “I know you do. I’ve been waiting for you to admit it.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

  “But I love Tom too.”

  “I know that too. So you have to pick.”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, this time you’ve got my number. So you can call me back whenever you like. And I’ll come see you. Or give you space. Whatever you need. I want you to be happy.”

  “Thank you Jasper.”

  “All right, well take care and think carefully and no rush. But I’ll be waiting.”

  “Goodbye.”

  “’Bye, Ellen.”

  I pressed the end call button and threw my phone on the sofa.

  “Holy fuck, did that just happen?” I asked, realising what I said and the enormity of it hitting me.

  “I think you knew that all along, you were in denial,” said Laura.

  “I think we need drinks,” Zoe said, getting up. “Alcoholic drinks.”

  A glass of wine later, and I was pretty relaxed. Although nothing was any clearer to me, just having my two best friends there to giggle with was enough to see me through the evening.

  “The sixteen year old inside of me is so jealous of you,” Laura was saying. “I mean, neither of them are quite as gorgeous as George, but still…”

  “It’s different now, they’re not just members of Four Apes. Jasper isn’t the rock star to me. He’s just a normal man.”

  “He was always a normal man,” Zoe pointed out. “You just didn’t know him.”

  I took another swig of wine.

  My phone rang again. I looked at the screen. Tom.

  “Hi?” I don’t know why, but it sounded as if I was asking a question. Like he might not actually be there on the other end.

  “Hi. How’re you doing?”

  “I’m fine. Laura came over. We’re having a long chat.”

  “Okay, I’ll leave you be.”

  “No, it’s fine.”

  “I just wanted to say that I’m here if and when you want me. I forgive all the crap you didn’t tell me about you and Jasper. And I’m willing to work at this if you want to.”

  “Thank you. Truth?”

  “Of course.”

  “Jasper called me.”

  “Right. And?”

  “I’m still not sure, Tom. I’m sorry.”

  He sighed.

  “It’s all right. Take whatever time you need.”

  “Okay. Thank you.”

  “And just so you know, this won’t affect the band. I mean, it’d be hard, but if you want to be with him, I won’t let that stop us reuniting if that’s what everyone wants to do.”

  “Okay.”

  “Just saying, that shouldn’t make a difference. I’d want you to be with me for the right reasons.”

  “Okay. Thanks for saying that.”

  “Right. Well. Speak soon?”

  “Yes. Thanks Tom.”

  “See you.”

  He hung up.

  “Oh he’s so nice,” I said, flinging my phone back across the sofa.

  “Nice isn’t passion,” Laura pointed out. “I had nice with Doug, you remember him? He was lovely. We were great friends. But Mike and I, we have something else. Something on a whole other level. Like you and Jasper do.”

  I looked at Zoe, waiting for the counter-argument. None came.

  “Follow your heart,” she said after a few moments.

  Laura eventually left to ‘rescue her babysitter from the kids’ and Zoe provided me with a whole bunch of blankets and pillows before heading up to bed.

  I stared at Jasper’s number, finally in my phone. I’d waited since I was 21 to have this number. Hell, since I was 13. I decided to text him.

  Me: What are you doing?

  He replied straight away.

  Jasper: I’m watching a film what’re you doing?

  Me: Nothing much.

  Jasper: How are you feeling and how’s the leg?

  Me: Better ta. Leg is sore.

  Jasper: Poor Ellen x

  Me: What was it about that night? What made me so unforgettable for you?

  Jasper: I guess you were just on my wavelength somehow. You got me more than anyone else ever had.

  Me: How many girls have you slept with since then?

  Jasper: Too many. What does that matter? They didn’t mean anything. I won’t sleep with anyone else ever again if you pick me. You can trust me. This is it for me. I only want you.

  Me: And you’d give it all up, come and live with me in Milton Keynes, watch me go to work every day?

  Jasper: If that’s what you want…

  Me: I don’t.

  Jasper: Then I accept your decision.

  Me: I don’t want to stay in Milton Keynes. I think I want to come with you on your crazy life adventure.

  Jasper: Really? That’s amazing! It will be amazing. And Tom?

  Me: Tom’s become one of my best friends. I don’t want to hurt him.

  Jasper: He’s one of my best friends too. But he’ll move on.

  Me: So would you, if I picked him.

  Jasper: Never. I can’t move on from you. I tried. I can’t xx

  Me: I don’t think I can move on from you now either.

  Jasper: Finally, you realise it! Let’s talk in the morning. Get some rest xx

  Me: Good night Jasper x

  I tucked the blankets around myself as best I could with my leg in a cast and put my head back on the pillows. I looked at my phone again to see if he’d replied anymore and it rang, making me jump. It was him.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey. You all right?”

  “Yes. You?”

  “Yes.”

  “So you want to join the rollercoaster that is my life?”

  “Yes, I think I know what I want.”

  It was all of a sudden clear. I didn’t really have a choice.

  “It took you long enough to figure it out.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be.”

  “What do I tell Tom?”

  “The truth.”

  “Do you want to come and get me tomorrow?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. Why did you call?”

  “I wanted to hear your voice. I’m psyched about finally having your number again.”

  I laughed.

  “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Okay. I’ll text you the address.”

  “Good night, Ellen.”

  “Good night, Jasper.”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  It had all seemed so simple, a little high on wine and painkillers, talking softly down the phone
to Jasper. But with the sunshine, morning also bought about a whole series of fears about how I’d speak to Tom, and whether or not Jasper would hurt me.

  “So, I think I’m going to tell Tom it’s over,” I said as Zoe handed me a coffee.

  “Oh wow. You’re sure?”

  “He’s an amazing person but when I compare my feelings for them both, I know what I want and I can’t not try to see how things would be with Jasper. I’ve never felt like this. And it’s not the fame thing, or the stupid teen crush I had. It’s the real him, when he’s there in the room with me, I can’t ignore it.”

  “I’m so jealous.”

  “He’s gorgeous but it’s more than that.”

  “No, I mean of you being so in love. I’ve never met someone I felt that way about, the way you described him last night. I’ve loved people, I’ve had plenty of lust, but I’ve never felt connected the way you do to him.”

  I smiled.

  “It is pretty amazing.”

  The doorbell rang.

  “Oh, that might be him!”

  “What?”

  “Jasper said he’d come pick me up today.”

  Zoe practically ran to the door while I re-arranged myself on the sofa. Having your leg in a cast makes it difficult to sit elegantly.

  “Hi, you must be Zoe,” came Jasper’s voice.

  “I’m very happy to meet you at last,” she said, sounding far more excited than she’d admit to. She wasn’t a fan, but I could tell she was star struck. “Come in, Ellen is on the sofa.”

  Jasper appeared in the doorway and the warm smile and love on his face was clear to see. I smiled back.

  “Hey, you,” he said.

  “Hey, yourself.”

  “I’ll give you a minute,” Zoe nodded at Jasper and went upstairs. He hovered in the doorway, his usual confidence absent.

  “Come and sit with me,” I told him, making room on the sofa and patting the seat beside me.

  He sat. “How’s the leg?”

  “Fine.”

  “Good. You look better, you’ve got more colour.”

  “Thank you.”

  “So, last night. You said… are you still sure?”

  “Yes. I think I’ve always known, it just took me a while.”

  He was looking at me, that intent look he’d always given me, and a warm smile spread across his face.

  “Well, it’s about bloody time.”

  “Thank you for being so persistent.”

  “I couldn’t help but be.”