Daniel's Desire

by Sherryl Woods

  “Go to hell, Daniel,” she said, sliding from the booth. “I don’t have to listen to this from you.”

  He snagged her hand, felt her stiffen and tried to ignore the slam of regret that hit him. “Then let me see her.”

  “You want to go poking around in my kitchen or even in my apartment upstairs, you do that,” she said loudly enough to be heard in the next county. “I won’t try to stop you, but I won’t forgive you.” Her gaze swept over him, cold as ice. “Oh, wait, that’s right. I haven’t forgiven you for a lot of things, have I? I can just add this to the list.”

  Daniel wanted nothing more in that instant than to pull her into his arms and kiss her until the ice melted and she molded herself to him the way she once had. He wanted the heat and excitement and passion back, if not the complications.

  “Molly, this isn’t personal,” he said quietly.

  “Funny, it feels damn personal to me. You’re questioning my integrity.”

  “Only because I know what a soft touch you are when it comes to kids,” he said. “You’d hide that girl if you thought it was the right thing to do, especially if you thought it would also tick me off. I’m telling you, it’s not the right choice. She has a family. Think about them for a minute. Put yourself in their shoes. Their daughter’s missing and they’re scared. They’re worried to death about all the things that could happen to an innocent kid out on the streets alone.”

  A faint flicker of emotion in her eyes told him he’d hit his mark, but then her expression returned to that neutral, cool one that told him he’d lost his one chance at getting through to her. Maybe Joe would have had better luck with her. Her guard wouldn’t have been up with him. Her natural desire to defy Daniel wouldn’t have been a factor.

  “Like I said, you want to search the place, search,” she said.

  His gaze clashed with hers. “Do you think I won’t?”

  “No. I think you’ll do exactly what you want to do,” she said. “You always have.”

  He could have trusted her and let it go, could maybe have redeemed himself just a little in her eyes by walking out, but he turned and walked into the kitchen, because that was his job. Naturally, because of the commotion Molly had caused, the kitchen was empty except for the same cook who’d been working there for forty years. Though they’d once been friends, Retta could be as tight-lipped and taciturn as any female on earth with people she didn’t like. She gave Daniel a look that spoke volumes about what she thought of him, but gave nothing away about any kid who might be hiding in the pantry.

  “Have you seen a teenager in here?” he asked, even though he knew he was wasting his breath.

  Retta made an exaggerated show of looking around. “Room looks empty to me.”

  “And earlier? Was she in here ten minutes ago?”

  “I’m too busy cooking to keep track of people coming and going. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re packed out there. Molly’s doing a brisk business these days,” she said proudly.

  Daniel almost started to enjoy himself. Retta had an honest streak, and he could see that his questions were testing her innate desire to tell the truth. “Let’s concentrate on the kitchen, Retta. Are you admitting that people have been coming and going in here today?”

  “Did I say that?”

  “Sounded like it to me. Where’d she go, Retta?”

  She shrugged and stirred the chowder. “Like I said, I don’t pay attention to the comings and goings around here.” She frowned at him. “Come to think of it, I did take note of one person going.”

  “Oh?”

  “That was you, and you broke my baby’s heart.” The look she gave him was fierce. “Don’t go doing it again.”

  Daniel sighed. “I never meant to hurt her.”

  “But it happened just the same, didn’t it?” Retta said. “Now get on out of here. I have work to do and I can’t do it with the likes of you underfoot.”

  Daniel left, grateful to be away from Retta’s accusatory looks and harsh words. He deserved all she’d said and more, but that didn’t make it any easier to take.

  Molly was behind the bar, pretending to wipe off the already shiny surface, when he emerged from the kitchen.

  “Find anyone?” she inquired.

  “Just Retta, looking as pleasant as ever,” he admitted.

  “She doesn’t like you.”

  “She did once.”

  “So did I,” Molly retorted. “Times change.”

  Daniel kept his gaze steady. “Do you want to hash out our old news here and now, with everyone looking on?”

  Molly glanced around and evidently took note of the fascinated gazes turned their way. She shrugged. “Not particularly.”

  “Then give me your key.”

  She blinked at that. “What the hell do you want with my key?”

  “I’m going upstairs to look for the girl. Not ten minutes ago, you said you had no problem with that.”

  “Well, I do now. You’ll go upstairs over my dead body,” she said, standing defiantly in his path.

  His gaze never wavered. “Your choice.”

  The standoff lasted for what seemed like an eternity, but Molly clearly knew him well enough to realize that he wasn’t going to leave until he’d completed his search. She reached in her pocket, then slapped the key in his palm.

  “Have a ball,” she said sarcastically. “When you get to the bedroom, be sure to spend a few minutes reliving old times. Of course, things aren’t exactly the same. I’ve managed to rid the room of all traces of you.”

  He turned and stalked off before she could see that her jibe had hit home.

  Upstairs, he opened the door to her private quarters, then sucked in a deep breath as a million and one memories assailed him. He’d spent some of the happiest nights of his life in this apartment.

  It still bore the faint scent of Jess’s pipe tobacco, the more recent scent of Molly’s perfume. The carpet was worn bare in spots, and the overstuffed furniture had seen better days, but Molly had added touches that made the place feel cozy rather than shabby. There were fresh flowers in a vase on the table in the tiny kitchen, another vase beside the bed. There was a gallery of framed snapshots on her dresser, but the space where his had been was gathering dust. She’d tossed a bright red chenille spread across the back of the sofa and added a pile of pillows. A stack of well-worn paperbacks, mostly Louis L’Amour westerns, still sat beside Jess’s favorite chair.

  Being here again, absorbing the atmosphere, made Daniel’s heart ache. The pain was deeper because he was here not by invitation, but because he’d intruded. His lack of trust today was just one more thing to be added to the list of his sins he was certain Molly kept in some mental notebook. He doubted there was enough time left in either of their lives for him to make amends.

  Worse, there was no sign of Kendra Morrow, so he’d alienated Molly yet again for no good reason. That didn’t mean he believed for one second that Kendra wasn’t around. He had caught a glimpse of her slipping into the kitchen when he’d first arrived—there wasn’t a doubt in his mind about that. If he’d brushed past Molly, he might have caught the girl, but he hadn’t. One of these days he’d try to figure out why. Maybe he’d hoped that, despite everything that had happened between them, Molly would be straight with him. Maybe he’d just wanted an excuse to keep coming around.

  But she hadn’t been straight with him and it was plain that she intended to make this a whole lot more difficult for all of them than it needed to be.

  “I’ll find her eventually,” he told Molly when he’d completed his fruitless search and joined her again in the bar. “Why not make it easier for everyone and cooperate? I’m not going to snatch her away from here. I just want to make sure she’s okay. She can stay with you until Joe and I check things out at her home.”

  Molly evidently didn’t buy the promise. She looked him straight in the eye and said, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Have it your way then,” Danie
l said with a sigh. “I’ll be back.”

  “I’ll look forward to it.” She gave him a blatantly phony smile. “Does this mean you don’t want that chowder?”

  Daniel knew that was what she wanted. To be honest, leaving was what he wanted, too. Being around Molly under the best of conditions made him edgy, made him want her in a way that was so ridiculous it didn’t even bear thinking about. But because he never took the easy way out, he met her gaze and said evenly, “Of course I want the chowder. Isn’t it the best in Maine?”

  Her gaze narrowed. “We like to think so. I’ll get you a cup. Shall I fix it to go?”

  “I’ll have a bowl. And I think I’ll stick around awhile and see who turns up.”

  Molly frowned at him, but made no further comment as she headed into the kitchen, no doubt to warn Kendra to stay put wherever she was hiding out.

  When Molly finally returned, Daniel regarded her with amusement. “What took so long? Did you have to start from scratch? Maybe go out and dig some fresh clams?”

  “Nope,” she said cheerfully. “Had to find the arsenic.”

  Before he could comment on that, an expression of genuine relief spread across her face.

  “There’s your brother,” she said as if Patrick’s arrival were a good thing, rather than a complication. “I hope you two will play nice. It’s bad for business when there’s a brawl in here.”

  Daniel followed the direction of her gaze to where his twin brother stood perfectly still near the bar. Patrick looked as if he’d like nothing better than to flee, but he sucked in a deep breath, then crossed the room and slid into the booth. That, at least, was progress, Daniel thought. A year ago, Patrick would have acted on his first impulse and left. Their one attempt at making peace appeared to be holding, as long as it wasn’t tested too often.

  “I’ll get you a beer,” Molly said to Patrick, then gave his shoulder a squeeze.

  They sat there in silence until she’d returned with the drink, then hurried away again, clearly relieved to have someone else dealing with Daniel.

  “You look good,” Daniel said finally.

  “Being in love does that for a man,” Patrick said. “Maybe it’s time you tried it.” He waited a beat, cast a pointed look toward Molly, then added, “Again.”

  Daniel didn’t miss the significance of the comment or the look. He wasn’t going to get drawn into that particular discussion, not if he could help it. “Not likely,” he replied. “Too many bad examples all around me.”

  Patrick gave him a wry look. “So, how are the folks?”

  Daniel hadn’t expected him to be so direct. He answered in kind. “They miss you.”

  “The same way they missed Ryan, Sean and Michael?”

  “As a matter of fact, yes. I think not a day has gone by in more than twenty years that they haven’t missed our brothers. I think we suffered for that. What do you think caused all that resentment we never understood?”

  Patrick frowned. “I don’t think about it. Maybe you should get together again with Ryan, Sean and Michael and ask them if they feel any sort of pity for our parents. Trust me, they don’t.”

  “I don’t know. They seemed like reasonable men to me.”

  “Reasonable, yes,” Patrick agreed. “Not gullible.”

  “When are they coming back up here? Mom knows they were here for your wedding. I think it broke her heart that she didn’t get to catch at least a glimpse of them. I think she would have risked coming to the wedding uninvited, if it hadn’t been for Dad. She knew how it would upset him…and you. Maybe she should have, though. Maybe a confrontation then would have put an end to all this.”

  “I’m surprised you didn’t encourage her to do it.”

  “I might have, if you and I hadn’t just started to make peace. I didn’t want to risk that. I thought it was a first step. Only trouble is, we seem to be avoiding taking the next one.”

  Patrick sighed. “You’re right. As soon as I start thinking about the folks, I get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach again.”

  “See them. Maybe it would go away. Seeing them for the first time is bound to be hard. It’ll get easier after that. Tell Ryan, Sean and Michael that, too. Ask them when they’re coming.”

  “I’m not going to push them,” Patrick said.

  “But you are in touch with them?”

  “Why not?” he said defensively, as if Daniel had implied disapproval. “I like them. They feel like, oh, I don’t know, family, maybe.”

  Daniel ignored the sarcasm. “I’m your family, too,” he said quietly. “Maybe it’s time you remembered that.”

  Patrick sighed again. “Okay, you’re right. I am the one who’s being a hard-ass, but you don’t make it easy, Daniel, not when you insist on acting as if the folks did nothing wrong.”

  “Dammit, I know what they did was wrong. So do they, if you get down to it. People make mistakes.”

  “This was a helluva lot more than a mistake,” Patrick countered heatedly. “They didn’t just forget to bring in the morning paper or leave an umbrella behind at the office. They forgot three sons and left them to fend for themselves in another state.”

  Daniel frowned. “Don’t you think I know that?”

  Patrick held up his hands. “Okay, let’s not go down this path again. Why are you here? I assume you didn’t come just to hassle me.”

  “Business.” When Patrick regarded him with blatant disbelief, Daniel explained about the runaway he believed was working for Molly. “Have you seen her?”

  Patrick’s expression remained perfectly neutral. “As far as I know, Molly waits on all the customers herself. Always has.”

  “And you wouldn’t tell me if that had changed, would you?” Daniel said.

  Patrick didn’t have to respond. It was clear that Daniel wasn’t going to get any more information from his brother than he had from Molly or Retta. It was as if they’d formed this tight little circle to keep him in the dark. He dropped the subject. An uneasy silence fell again, the kind that had driven him to stay away in the first place. It had been too painful after all the years when he and Patrick had shared everything.

  He regarded Patrick wearily. “When is this going to stop?”

  “What?”

  “The tension between us. I didn’t abandon anyone. The folks did, and we both know they regret it, that they’ve regretted it every day of their lives.”

  “I’ve told you this a million times, but I’ll say it once more. You’re not going to get me to feel sorry for them,” Patrick said bitterly. “They made a choice, dammit. It could just as easily have been us they left behind. Would you be so blasted forgiving if that had been the case?”

  “But it wasn’t the case,” Daniel reminded him. “They gave us a home and their love.”

  “At the expense of three other sons,” Patrick argued. “Have they bothered explaining why yet? Or have you even asked?” At Daniel’s silence, Patrick shook his head in apparent disgust. “Obviously not.”

  “Any explanations they have are owed to Ryan, Sean and Michael, assuming they even care at this late date.”

  “Oh, they care.”

  “Then why haven’t they set up a meeting? I thought they’d want to see the folks when they came up for your wedding, but when I suggested it after the ceremony, they backed off.”

  “Maybe because it’s not so easy working up the courage to confront the parents who abandoned you. Maybe because they’re afraid of what they’ll do when they see the sorry excuses for human beings who walked out on them.”

  Daniel understood his brother’s pain, but he wouldn’t listen to him bad-mouth two people who’d done their best for them, if not for their brothers. Kathleen and Connor Devaney were flawed. They weren’t monsters.

  “Watch it, Patrick. Those two people gave you life and their love for eighteen years. I won’t listen to you talk about them as if they’re the scum of the earth. They deserve more respect than that from you.”

  “Yeah, they
gave us everything, all right,” Patrick said, his tone scathing. “But at what cost?”

  “It must be nice to be so perfect that you can pass judgment on other people’s mistakes,” Daniel retorted.

  Patrick gave him a hard look. “While we’re on the subject of mistakes, are you ever going to give Molly the apology she deserves?”

  The sudden shift caught Daniel off guard. He knew Patrick was protective of Molly, but he hadn’t expected his brother to call him on what had happened four years ago, not at this late date. “I tried. She doesn’t want to hear it,” Daniel said. “Besides, what good are words?”

  “Not much,” Patrick agreed. “But she deserves them anyway. She doesn’t deserve you coming in here and hassling her over some runaway. There’s too much history between the two of you. Next time, send someone else.”

  “There is no one else. It’s my job. I’m trying to make sure the girl is safe and gets back to her parents. The fact that Molly has chosen to get herself involved is an unfortunate coincidence.”

  “Maybe the girl’s parents are no better than ours,” Patrick countered. “Have you considered for one second that she might be better off here with Molly?”

  Daniel sighed heavily. “That’s not my decision to make, not without all the facts. And if we’re just going to go round and round in circles, I might as well get out of here. I’m probably wasting my breath, but I’ll ask anyway. Let me know if you see this Kendra Morrow, okay? Try to persuade Molly to get her to talk to me. And warn me if you hear that our brothers are planning to show up on Mom and Pop’s doorstep. I’m not sure Dad’s heart could take it. Do they know he’s had bypass surgery since they were here?”

  “I told them,” Patrick said tightly. “I doubt they’re going to come to the front door and shout, ‘Surprise!’ Not that I’d blame them if they did. Turnabout’s fair play and all that. It couldn’t be any more of a shock than what Mom and Pop did to them, letting them come home from school to find an empty apartment.”