Stepbrother, Where Art Thou?

by Fukunishi, Aya

  Sophia's room itself wasn't all that much smaller than her entire apartment in Queens. When Jack had showed her to the room she assumed he was joking at first, and now, sitting on the wide double bed surrounded by what looked like a tiny pile of belongings in such a large space, she was beginning to think that moving here wasn't such a bad idea after all. It was nice to see how the other half lived, and even nicer to know that this was her life from now on. As long as her mom and Jack were happy she'd never again have to live in a crappy apartment on the wrong side of the tracks.

  A sudden noise through the walls made her jump. It sounded like a door slamming shut, followed by muffled voices, and it took Sophia a moment to figure out that it was coming from the next room over. First came a deep, male voice, then another thud that sounded like a shoe being kicked against her wall, followed by a high pitched giggle and the squeak of bed springs Sophia frowned, confused, until a slow, rhythmic thud, thud, thud began directly against the wall behind her bed.

  Oh fuck, she thought, it's Ryan.

  It wasn't long before the groans began. First him, matching the thud against the wall with short, deep grunts of exertion, then the girl started to wail as the thudding increased in speed. Whoever the girl was, she was certainly having a good time.

  Sophia reached for a pillow, wrapped it around her head and held it tight against her ears, trying to block out the noise. Still it came through clear as a bell, as if a speaker was piping the racket directly into her room. She tossed aside the pillow, rolled out of bed and pulled open the nearest box, humming to herself as she searched for her iPad, trying to concentrate on the sound of her own voice.

  It didn't work. Even after she found her iPad, plugged in the headphones and cranked up Taylor Swift as loud as she could go, Sophia knew the noises continued. Whenever there was a break in the music she couldn't help but focus on the quick, steady thud against the wall. Even with the music at its highest volume there was nothing she could do to block out the wailing of the girl. She cried out like she was trying to win the Loudest Sex in the World award, and by the time the album was almost over Sophia realized that Ryan was trying to compete for that other prestigious prize: Most Impressive Stamina.

  It wasn't until half an hour had passed that it occurred to Sophia that she didn't have to stay and listen. There was nothing at all keeping her in the room. Mom and Jack were out, and she had the run of the whole house. She picked up her iPad, climbed out of the bed and quietly stepped out into the hallway. It was only when she pulled the door shut that she heard the noise suddenly stop, then heard the girl giggle for a moment before the thumping start up again. She figured maybe they didn't know she was in the room next door, but it was clear that the girl wasn't at all embarrassed at discovering she had an audience.

  Downstairs Sophia found her way through the endless hallways until she stumbled on the enormous kitchen. She had no clue where anything was, but after a little trial and error managed to find the ingredients for a sandwich. She slipped in her earphones and played a movie while she sliced enough deli meat to feed an army, then stood staring at the screen as she ate right there at the counter.

  By the time she finished her snack she figured Ryan must be finished. It had been an hour since the noise had started, and while Sophia didn't have much experience of the ins and outs of sex she was pretty sure that an 18 year old guy would struggle to pound away at a girl for an hour before he was done. She was eager to get back to her room and start unpacking her things, so after a moment's hesitation she crept back up the staircase, turned into the hallway towards her room and tip-toed quietly in the direction of her door. As she passed Ryan's room the door swung open unexpectedly, and she dropped her iPad with the shock, tugging the earphones painfully from her ears as it fell.

  “Fuck! Ow!” she yelled, holding her hands over her ears as she crouched to pick up the tablet. She looked up to see the girl, some twenty-something blonde in a tight t-shirt, jeans and heavy makeup, looking down at her with disdain.

  “Ryan, baby, that girl is here.” She spat out the word 'girl' as if she meant to say 'stray dog'.

  Ryan popped his head around the door, looked down at Sophia and grinned. “Oh, don't mind her, Cassie. She's just my dad's girlfriend's kid.”

  What the fuck? Sophia fumed silently. Why the fuck are they talking about me like I'm not here?Anyway, who's he calling a kid? We're the same fucking age!

  The girl, Cassie, looked Sophia up and down as if she were a piece of meat, and suddenly let out a snort. “Looks like there's finally a girl in the city you're not allowed to fuck, baby,” she said, turning back to Ryan as he tugged on a pair of sweat pants. “Call me about the gig, OK?” With that she strode down the hallway and turned to the stairs, tracing her fingers along the wall as she walked.

  Ryan poked his head out the door and watched Cassie walk away, turned his attention to Sophia. “You're... Sophie, right?”

  She shook her head. “Sophia.”

  He reached a hand to his messy brown hair, and Sophia couldn't help but notice the way his biceps flexed as he raised his arm. “Oh, yeah, yeah. You were in my math class, right? You sat at the back with Greg and Aaron.”

  Sophia had never heard of Greg or Aaron. “No. You're thinking of someone else.”

  Ryan frowned. “Oh... Oh, wait. Did we meet at Rachel Stevens party last summer? You know, the one with all the tequila? You hooked up with that guy from Columbia, right?”

  She shook her head again. “Swing and a miss, Ryan.”

  Ryan shook his head, squinting at her. “I definitely recognize you from somewhere. Don't tell me, I'll get it.” He tapped his fingers on the door, deep in thought. “Oh, fuck it, I'm drawing a blank here. I know I've seen you somewhere, though.”

  Sophia couldn't explain why, but she felt more than a little offended that Ryan had no idea who she was. She'd spent so much time hating his breathing guts over the last two years that it had never occurred to her that Ryan would have no feelings about her either way. Hell, he didn't even get her name right on the first try.

  “OK, whatever, Ryan. I'm gonna go to my room.” Sophia checked her iPad for damage, slipped the earphones back in her ears and made for her door.

  “Hey, Sophie,” he called after, then slapped his forehead. “Sorry, Sophia.” She turned back and saw that he was leaning halfway out his door, his abs tight as he held onto the frame. She averted her eyes.

  “Yeah, what is it?” she asked, impatiently. She just wanted to get back to her room and hide.

  Ryan chuckled. “It's weird, huh? We're gonna be like, y'know, brother and sister, or whatever. Kinda fucked up, right?”

  Eloquent.

  Sophia couldn't explain why his words made her so mad. “No, Ryan, we're not 'gonna be like, y'know, brother and sister, or whatever.' We're gonna be two people who share a wall for a couple of months before we head off to college, and I'm really hoping I don't have to spend those months listening to you fuck your way through all the skanks in the city.”

  Ryan looked surprised, and a little embarrassed. He mumbled “Oh... yeah. I'm sorry, I'm, uh, I'm a little stoned. I thought the house was empty. Sorry. I'll, uh, I'll try to, uh, keep it down.” His cheerful expression had fallen into the injured look of a kicked puppy. “OK, I'll leave you alone, I guess.”

  He closed the door, and Sophia closed her eyes and slowly banged her head against the wall. As soon as she'd spoken she realized she'd been too harsh. After all, this was Ryan's house. Why shouldn't he bring a girl back here? It was Sophia who was the intruder. She was on his territory, and while he may have made a crappy job of it he was only trying to be friendly.

  God, I'm a bitch.

  *

  Sophia spent the rest of the day locked in her room, staring at the movies on her iPad screen without really taking anything in. She couldn't erase Ryan's expression from her memory. Those sad, hurt eyes were seared into her brain, and she could feel her cheeks burn every time she remembered what she'd sai
d.

  It was weird, hating the guy and feeling bad for him at the same time. One part of her brain – the part that had despised him since she'd first seen the way he treated women – yelled out FUCK THAT GUY, over and over. It reminded her that literally the first time she'd seen him post-graduation he was doing the exact same thing that had caused her to hate him in the first place: screwing some random girl, leading her on and making her believe that he cared about her.

  On the other hand, the rest of her brain – probably the sensible part that took care of shopping lists and paid the bills on time – reminded her that, no matter how much she despised him, Ryan had never done anything to Sophia. All he'd done was what any young guy in his situation and with his opportunities probably would have done. He'd been blessed with good looks, confidence and the sort of easy, natural charm that allowed him to have his pick of any woman he came across, and he didn't turn down the offers. It may have offended Sophia's sensibilities, but who was she to judge his actions?

  What's more, who was she to judge the choices those girls made? Surely they'd all known Ryan's reputation They'd known he'd never had a relationship that lasted longer than a cold shower, and still they'd chosen to be with him. Did it really make him a bad guy that he'd chosen to sleep with them?

  The more she thought about it, the more she wondered just how much of her hatred of Ryan came from her own insecurities. She was a pretty girl – everyone said so – but she'd never been comfortable around guys. She wasn't comfortable around girls, for that matter, or anyone who wasn't her mother. She'd never had any close friends, and she'd never once had a boyfriend. The few kisses she'd stolen had always been awkward, nervous affairs that had only lasted until she freaked out and ran away.

  Maybe what she really hated was the fact that Ryan was just really fucking good at something that terrified her. Maybe she was just jealous that he seemed to be able to relate to people with ease – so much so that he could talk a woman into bed in an instant – while she could barely bring herself to make small talk with a cashier.

  Maybe, just maybe, he didn't deserve all the hatred she'd been feeling for him these past two years.

  Maybe.

  *

  A week went by, slowly and painfully, as Sophia tried her best to adjust to the new house and hide her discomfort. She could tell her mom had never been happier. Sophia hadn't heard her laugh as much in her entire life as she had in the last week, and while Sophia was missing the sanctuary of her old apartment she really didn't want to let her mom know she was anything less than over the moon to be living in Jack's townhouse.

  Luckily, like many insecure people she'd had years of practice in bluffing her way through this kind of awkward situation, and she knew exactly how much time she had to spend chatting with Jack and her mom each day before she could escape to the safety and comfort of her room. Even better, Ryan hadn't brought any more girls back to the house, and after Sophia's outburst he'd been nothing less than quiet and respectful. In fact, he seemed to be kinda scared of her. Far from his usual bluff, charming self he seemed a little withdrawn, and tried to avoid anything but the smallest of small talk when he bumped into her in the endless hallways of the house.

  After a week of relative peace, though, Sophia was faced with another challenge: Jack decided that the four of them should go out for pizza, 'as a family', he said, so they could all get to know each other a little better.

  On the one hand she was looking forward to the meal. Jack had chosen Lombardi's, and while it may have topped the list for 'must try' pizza on every tourist guide from Lonely Planet to Trip Advisor – and as a result become one of the most overcrowded restaurants in the city – it really was the best fucking pizza place in New York. It was also a restaurant she'd only visited a handful of times in her life, since there had never been much money left at the end of each week for eating out when it had just been her and her mom. Restaurants were a once a month treat, at best, and Lombardi's was usually well out of the price range.

  So, there was a little excitement hiding behind her nerves, but the prospect of a fantastic, mouth-watering pepperoni pizza on a thin, crispy, charcoal infused base was hardly enough to make her forget that she'd have to spend a couple of hours squeezed around a tiny table with one guy she barely know, and another guy she either loathed or pitied, depending on her mood.

  She made sure to arrive at the restaurant a little late, calling ahead to Jack to ask him to order her pizza. She told him she'd been caught in traffic after spending the day at the library, but in reality she'd been walking around the neighborhood for an hour, walking by the restaurant every few minutes to make sure she walked in only when the pizzas had arrived at the table.

  Fuck, I'm screwed up, she thought, as she peered through the window for the fourth time.

  Finally, on her fifth pass of Lombardi's, she saw it was time to swoop in. She pushed politely through the small queue winding along the sidewalk by the window, avoided a waiter carrying an enormous white pizza and found her way to the small table.

  “Well look who finally made it!” exclaimed Jack, wiping his hands on a napkin as he stood to give her a hug.

  “Hi, Jack, I'm so sorry I'm late,” she replied, affecting a flustered air as she returned his hug. “The traffic was just crazy. I think they might be digging up Fifth Avenue or something.”

  “Hiiii, honey,” her mother said, pulling her down for a kiss. “Mwah! Now dig in before your food gets cold.”

  Sophia squeezed into her seat at the side of the table, just inches from Ryan. “Hi, Sophia, how are you?” he asked quietly, his eyes fixed on his pizza.

  “Good, good. How's the food?”

  Ryan took a bite, and nodded as he chewed. “ Et 'Oooood,” he said, trying to speak without opening his mouth. It's good.

  Sophia grabbed a slice and settled into the usual restaurant routine of the perpetually awkward: making sure her mouth was always full when she was asked a question, and stretching out each answer until the other party lost interest in the conversation.

  Fortunately, Jack and her mom seemed far more interested in talking between themselves than including Sophia in their chat, so she was able to enjoy her pizza in peace. Ryan toyed with his phone through the meal as Jack and Isabel bounced off each other, filling the restaurant with happy laughter. When Ryan finished his pizza he quietly excused himself, ignored by everyone, and left for the rest room.

  Sophia, looking for something to keep her entertained as she ate, picked Ryan's phone from the table and swiped it on. A password page appeared, and she set it back down. “Mom, could I borrow your phone? I need to check my email real quick.”

  Isabel tapped the screen a few times, then sighed. “Sorry, sweetie, looks like I'm out of battery. Jack, do you have your phone?”

  Jack patted his pockets. “Sorry, I think I left it at home.” Turning to Sophia he pointed to the phone on the table. “I'm sure Ryan won't mind if you borrow his for a minute, honey. The password is Ryan123.” He turned back to Sophia's mom with a wry smile, and shook his head. “I swear that kid's as dumb as a sack o' rocks. Give him a ball and he can do things you wouldn't believe, but I think God removed his brain and just stuffed in some more muscle. He uses the same damned password for everything.”

  Sophia keyed in the password and the screen opened to a Facebook chat page. She tapped the home button, but in the two seconds before the app closed a small fragment of the conversation flashed before her eyes.

  – going fucking crazy. She's right there on the other side of the wall. I wish –

  She only registered the words subconsciously, and it took a few moments for her mind to line them up as she opened Google Chrome and loaded her email. When her brain screamed out at her to pay attention she wondered if she'd really seen what she thought she'd seen. Was that really something about me?

  Out of the corner of her eye Sophia saw the bathroom door swing open, and she suddenly figured it was a matter of life or death that Ryan not know
she'd seen what he'd written. She clicked the logout button on her email, tapped back to the home screen and switched off the display, setting the phone back down just as Ryan made his way back to the table.

  “Guys, I gotta take off,” he said, picking up his phone and wallet from the table. “I, uh, I gotta go meet some friends.”

  Jack and Isabel both broke away from their conversation just long enough to say their goodbyes, and Ryan turned to the door, giving Sophia a nod and a tight smile as he left.

  Her mind was suddenly in overdrive as she repeated those words to herself. ...Going fucking crazy. She's right there on the other side of the wall. What did that mean? Did Ryan hate her? Did he resent her presence in his home? She guessed it'd make sense. After all, she hadn't exactly been the nicest of guests so far, and Ryan had barely spoken to her all week. Maybe he was mad that he couldn't bring girls back to his room without pissing her off?