Dark Lord, School's Out

by Jamie Thomson

  “Bah, you night-spawned beast, I shall talk to the girl as I like,” said Rufino angrily. “She has tricked me, tricked us all with her weasel words—I should never have trusted this daughter of darkness!”

  “Why? Whassup, Rufino?” said Sooz.

  Rufino glared at her, though somewhat less angrily. He couldn’t help himself, he just couldn’t be really angry with her for long—the truth was that Sooz reminded him of his own daughter, who lived with his estranged wife back in Gam, the City of Men.

  “Some of my people have been taken,” he said.

  “Taken? What—like alien abduction or something?” said Sooz, confused. Then she spotted Agrash shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot and her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

  Rufino frowned. “What? No, not … aliens. No, they have been taken to the Pits. The Slave Pits of Never-Ending Toil. Don’t pretend you don’t know anything about it, my Lady!” said Rufino.

  Sooz was staring at Agrash. Snot was beginning to run from his nose, falling to the floor and burning away with a hiss and a wisp of foul-smelling vapor as the self-cleaning floor magic kicked in. His nose always started to run more than usual if he was nervous or unsettled.

  “Agrash, what have you been up to?” said Sooz silkily, stroking her Ring with one hand.

  Agrash blinked for a moment, unsure as to what to say. Suddenly he blurted, “It was Skabber’s idea, Skabber! He made me do it!”

  Skabber took a step back in shocked horror, mostly at how quickly Agrash had betrayed him.

  “You little piece of Goblin snot,” he growled.

  Sooz’s face scrunched up in anger. She leaped to her feet on the Throne and stamped a foot.

  “I told you, I told you!” she shouted. “I told you we weren’t going to open that horrible sweatshop pit! And no more slaves, never! But you disobeyed me!”

  Rufino stared at her in amazement. Then he smiled, an almost proud, fatherlike smile. Agrash and Skabber though, they hung their heads like naughty children.

  Sooz crossed her arms. “Well, why? Why did you do it? Tell me!” she said.

  Agrash muttered under his breath.

  “What? What was that? Speak up, Snotripper!” she said.

  “Well, you know you wanted a real town built for the Orcs and Goblins to live in with the humans? And you wanted the Warrens refurbished, right, and cleaned up? And the river dredged and all the pollution taken out and …,” said Agrash.

  “Yes, yes, what about it?” said Sooz.

  “Well, that’s a lot of work. I had to put most of the Goblins on it, lots of Orcs too, working in the Pits. Skabber thought it only fair we put some humans to work there too, along with the other slave workers. I mean, that’s how we get things done around here—slavery in the Pits of Never-Ending Toil. It’s been like that for a thousand years,” said Agrash.

  “That is true, my Lady,” said Gargon. “All works of the Dark Lord done with slaves in the Pits, just the way of things.”

  Sooz shook her head in disgust. Then she sighed. “Well, I suppose you didn’t know any better.”

  Sooz sat back down and thought for a moment. Then she stood up once more and spoke.

  “Right, this is like a … you know, an official decree type thing. First of all, you will free all the workers in the Pits, especially the humans!”

  “Free them all? Are you sure … ?” said Agrash.

  “Yes, I’m sure, Agrash, just do it,” she said.

  “Yes, my Queen,” said the snotty-nosed Goblin.

  Rufino spoke. “Thank you, my Lady. I apologize with all my heart for doubting you.”

  Sooz smiled at him. “That’s okay, I understand. Now Agrash, listen to me. We’re going to employ people in the Pits from now on. But only if they want to work there! Nobody will be forced to work. No one is to be forced to do anything, in fact, got that?”

  Agrash and Skabber stared at her in amazement.

  Sooz continued. “We’ve got plenty of gold in the Storeroom Treasury so payment won’t be a problem. They’ll work in five-day shifts, eight hours a day, an hour off for lunch in the middle. Got that?”

  Agrash and Skabber’s collective jaws dropped. Even Rufino raised an eyebrow.

  “Eight hours, is that all?” said Agrash in amazement. “And an hour for lunch?!”

  “Yup. And after five days’ work, we give them two days off,” continued Sooz.

  “You mean we knock them off after five days? Seems a bit harsh, even for a Dread Queen of the Night, if you don’t mind me saying, my Lady,” said Agrash.

  “No, no, we don’t knock them off. We give them two days off,” said Sooz.

  “Off? What do you mean—off?” said Agrash, confused.

  “You know, off. Days off. They don’t have to work, they can rest. Have fun. Do what they like,” she explained.

  “Rest? Have fun? DO WHAT THEY LIKE? Have you gone insane, my Lady?” said an astonished Agrash.

  “No, I’m serious. Or are you questioning the power of the Dark Queen, Mistress of the Tower of the Moon and Sorceress Supreme?” she said, casually waving her hand, the one with the Great Ring on, the Ring that glowed with a strange darkling light, the Ring with coruscating runes of fiery power that writhed around it like trapped souls in eternity.

  Agrash’s face turned a lighter shade of green. “Oh no, my Dread Queen, no, not at all! Forgive me, Mistress, it shall be as you command!”

  Rufino smiled up at her. “You are a true queen, my Lady,” he said. “Dark though you are.” With that, he bowed. “We shall build a great city for your people to live in!”

  Agrash raised a snotty eyebrow. “I just had a thought—what are we going to call your city, Dread One?”

  “I don’t know,” said Sooz. “I hadn’t thought of that!”

  “Soozville!” said Gargon.

  “No, City of the Moon!” said Agrash.

  Just then, a Goblin messenger ran into the Hall. “The Black Slayer! The Black Slayer is here!” he said.

  Gargon gave a low growl. Rufino reflexively reached for his sword. Skabber looked around as if checking for exits. RakRak the Nest Lord immediately flew straight up into the air, disappearing somewhere into a shadowy corner of the ceiling, and Agrash actually cowered in fear.

  The sight of them all reacting like that filled Sooz with worry. “The Black Slayer? Who is that?” she said.

  Gargon spoke. “The Black Slayer, Lieutenant of the Tower of Despair, and Commander of the Legions of Merciless Mayhem. The Dark Lord’s most deadly servant … if you could call him a servant. He only obeyed out of fear of the Master and hope of reward.”

  Sooz frowned. She vaguely remembered Dirk talking about the Black Slayer and it wasn’t good.

  “What does he want?” she said.

  “An audience,” said the little messenger Goblin, whose name was Larkin-a-boot.

  And then, behind Larkin-a-boot, a figure came striding into the Hall. Sooz’s jaw dropped. For a moment she thought it was Darth Vader himself, right out of the Star Wars movies, but as the figure drew nearer, she could see that the helmet wasn’t right, it was black and shiny but more like a crusader helmet from medieval earth, and the black clothes and cape were cut differently. There was a kind of face mask on the front of his helmet, kind of like the face masks of samurai warriors from back home, but far more terrifying. On his back, a great sword was slung—but openly without a scabbard. The blade was long, wide, and leaf shaped and of some kind of black steel, carved with purple runes that glowed evilly in the silvery light of the Hall.

  “How did you get in?” said Sooz. “I thought no one could enter the Tower without my permission!”

  “No one save the Lieutenant of the Tower himself, that is,” said the figure. Sooz had half-expected a deep, wheezing Darth Vader voice, but instead a thin, ghostly voice came forth, creepy and sinister.

  “The Dark Lord, my Master—my true Master, he gave me special dispensation to come and go as I please.”

  “I said
then it was mistake,” said Gargon.

  The Black Slayer waved a dismissive hand in Gargon’s direction and strode up to the Throne. Everyone melted away from him in fear—even the Throne itself gave an involuntary moan of terror. Everyone except Gargon and Rufino that is, who moved between him and Sooz. That made Sooz feel a bit safer, and her heart swelled with affection and gratitude toward them.

  The Black Slayer looked them up and down.

  “Greetings, Gargon,” he said. “As loyal as ever, I see, but then again, you are too stupid for anything else. But what is this? A paladin? That is most unexpected. There hasn’t been one of your kind in this Tower for millennia—well, not unless you count those who have sojourned below in the Dungeons of Doom!” With that, the Black Slayer laughed, a sinister, silky laugh of pure malice.

  “Do not take another step toward our Lady,” said Rufino, hand on his sword. “We know you, Slayer, we know you of old, of your greed and ambition, your lust for blood and power!”

  “What does Slayer want?” said Gargon.

  Sooz was staring at the Black Slayer with mounting fear. He looked and sounded really scary. Gargon and Rufino obviously didn’t like him, and everyone else was really terrified of him.

  “I have heard there is a new power in the land, a Queen of the Dark. I have come to see for myself,” hissed the Black Slayer. “And to offer my services, should she prove worthy.” His face tilted up toward her, and Sooz got the feeling she was being examined closely, like a beetle under a microscope.

  “But all I can see is a little girl,” he said after a short while. “A little human girl.”

  The blood drained from Sooz’s face—this one was going to be trouble, she knew it!

  “Queen Sooz is human, and she is young, is true, but …,” said Gargon.

  “But she wields the Great Ring,” continued Rufino. “And she knows how to use it, I can vouch for that.”

  “Yes, I heard that,” said the Black Slayer, curiosity in his whispery tones. “That is why I have come.”

  Agrash popped his head around the corner of a pillar. “And she is betrothed to our Dark Master!” he said.

  The Black Slayer gave a hiss of astonishment, just as Sooz said, “No, I’m not …” But then she thought better of it, especially after that reaction. “I mean yes, yes, we are engaged,” she said. “And he gave me his Great Ring to wear,” she added, holding it up so the Black Slayer could see the glowing runes.

  The Black Slayer laughed. “Ha, you fools! She is but a child. Somehow a child has taken possession of the Ring, that is all. Look at her, she cannot be the steward, the caretaker of the Dark while our Lord is gone!”

  “And who should be the guardian of the Tower, in your Master’s absence, then, huh?” said Rufino. “I wonder who, huh?”

  The Slayer gave a wry, wispy laugh. “You are astute, I’ll give you that, paladin,” he said. “But now that you mention it, yes, of course, it should be someone more suitable, someone like me, someone truly of the Dark. Obviously!”

  “But Sooz is betrothed,” said Agrash. “When the Master returns, they shall marry, and she will be Queen!”

  The Dark Slayer fell silent for a moment. And then suddenly he reached up for the sword on his back …

  “Touch not the Stealer of Souls!” said Rufino as he half drew his own sword and stepped forward. Gargon dropped into a fighting crouch and growled.

  The Slayer froze. He seemed to be thinking about things, weighing up his chances.

  His hand fell to his side.

  “Bah! You are all fools and dupes! Can you not see that this little girl has deceived you all?! She has falsely gained the Ring somehow and fed you a lie about this marriage and his friendship! The Dark One would not marry! He does not love! It is I that should wield the Ring in his absence. It is I who should rule!”

  Sooz went white with fear—she had been unmasked, she was in for it now, they’d realize everything the Black Slayer had said was true. She was just a little girl, Dirk wasn’t her fiancé, and she’d only gotten the Ring by accident really. They’d turn on her, these creatures of the Dark, they’d turn on her and rip her to shreds. And worst of all—could it be true? That Dirk could not love? Really?

  A little tear came to her eye, and she could feel great sobs welling up inside of her. She was just a girl; it was all too much. Maybe she should start begging for mercy. Maybe they’d let her live if she offered to be a slave in the Pits or maybe the Black Slayer would even let her go or something, especially if she just gave him the Ring! She reached for it, intent on taking it off and handing it over.

  But Gargon said, “Never! NEVER! Gargon swear oath to my Lady, Gargon die first!”

  Agrash stepped out from behind the pillar. “Yes, we Goblins are sworn to her too,” he said fiercely. Then Agrash paled as he realized what he’d just said. “All right, we might not die first, like Gargon, but we would never serve you, Slayer, never!”

  Skabber stepped forward too. “Orcs are with Agrash. We serve our Lady, Sooz. She’s been good to us. Orcs gonna do well under the Moon Queen’s rule, I can tell.”

  “You cannot win here, Slayer. Even I, Rufino, a paladin, am happy to serve under the Moon Queen, for she is a wise and just ruler, despite her age. Think about it. Orcs, Goblins, and humans working together. You cannot defeat that.”

  A huge grin split Sooz’s face, and she hopped up and down a couple of times on the Throne with excited joy. She could hardly believe it! They were all on her side—even prepared to die for her! Well, some of them. Her heart swelled with pride and happiness. In fact, this was probably the happiest moment of her life.

  She raised her head and spoke, going into “decree” mode. “I, Sooz, the Moon Queen, Dark Lady of the Tower, do hereby banish you from my domain, Black Slayer!” But she couldn’t keep up the queenly stuff for long. “So, go on, get lost, ya freak!”

  The Ring glowed as she said this, lending her power and authority so that she looked and sounded like a Dread Queen, a terrible and powerful Mistress of the Dark.

  The Slayer faltered and stepped back. “So be it,” he hissed. “Perhaps I have underestimated you, Queen Sooz.”

  With that he began to back away. “Don’t think that this is over, though!” he said before exiting the Hall.

  Everyone sighed in relief.

  Just then, a strange noise started coming out of what seemed to be Sooz’s back. It was faint, tinny music. Everyone turned to stare. In fact, it was coming from the backpack she was wearing underneath her black and silver cape and it was the first few bars of the Goth band AngelBile’s bestselling song, “I Take My Coffee Black and Bitter, Like My Heart.”

  Sooz froze in shocked surprise. It was her phone. Her phone was ringing! How could her phone be ringing?

  The Conversation

  Oh … my … G—” she said. Quickly she jumped down off the Throne, and rushed off to the Inner Sanctum, checking to see who the phone said was calling. It said the caller was “Something of the Night.” Weird!

  Sooz pressed the answer button on her phone and held it to her ear. “Hello,” she said tentatively, unsure as to who could be there, hoping against hope.

  “Sooz, is that you?” said a voice Sooz had been longing to hear ever since she’d fallen into the Darklands.

  “Dirk! Dirk, thank god it’s you! It’s so good to hear your voice, I can’t tell you!” she said, overjoyed.

  “Sooz! Are you all right? Are you alive? I’m so sorry, so sorry this had to happen!” said Dirk, equally moved to hear her voice, though he was loathe to admit it.

  “Of course I’m alive,” she said, grinning from ear to ear. “You’re talking to me, aren’t you?”

  “Well, you know, I meant alive alive,” said Dirk, “as in not turned into the Undead or something.” Of course, he hadn’t meant that at all, but he didn’t want to sound like a fool in front of Sooz.

  “No, I’m not a Zombie or anything, Dirk. I’m fine,” said Sooz.

  “Thank
the Nether Gods for that!” he said. “I am so relieved. Though this whole thing is really your fault.”

  “My fault! What do you mean it’s my fault?” said Sooz, annoyed. She’d been through a lot and was in no mood to be blamed for it.

  “Well, you and Christopher, in fact. It was the Ring, you see, the ceremony shifts the Ring, and its wearer back to the Darklands. If you hadn’t tried all that skulduggery to keep the Ring, I would be there now, not you. So you have only yourself to blame,” said Dirk.

  “Only myself to … Ooooh, you stuck-up little … little … boy!” said Sooz, so angry she could hardly speak. She stamped her foot and turned off the phone.

  She stood there for a moment blinking at the phone. What had she just done? It can’t have been easy for Dirk to get through to her, what if he couldn’t call again? She needed him, she needed his advice, not to mention how good it was just to hear his voice.

  She tried the call-back function on her phone, but nothing happened. There was no signal, no connection bars on the display and no way of making calls.

  Then it began to ring again with the song “Black and Bitter.” “Thank goodness for that!” said Sooz. Then she narrowed her eyes and pressed the answer button.

  “You tried to get Chris to steal the Ring for heaven’s sake—it was your fault! All you had to do was ask!” she shouted into the phone.

  “All right, Sooz, all right, calm down. We can’t worry about that now,” said Dirk. “Chris is here too. He says the first priority is to get you to safety. He is right, of course. I shall assign blame later. Now, tell me, Sooz, where are you?”

  Assign blame! Typical Dirk, she thought. But then she smiled as she thought about where she was. “I’m in the Inner Sanctum,” she said silkily.

  There was silence for a moment. “What, you mean in the Iron Tower?”

  “Yes, in the Tower, with the big bed, the armor, and the worktable—well, my dressing table now, and—”

  Dirk interrupted. “By the Nine Netherworlds, my private chambers! Who has imprisoned you there? Hasdruban? Or perhaps Gargon, or the Black Slayer? How did they get in?”