Recoil

by Evelyn Drake

  Kyle shot to his feet. “They loved me! They were a little messed up, but they loved me!”

  “Tobias is a little messed up, but he loves you!” Monica railed back at him. “And you’re a little messed up, but you love him! But neither of you are chaining the other guy up and beating him, are you? And if you are, I don’t need to hear. This place has good soundproofing. Just get each other’s enthusiastic consent and tell me to make twice the bacon the next morning.”

  Something seemed to click into place for Kyle. The anger drained from his expression to be replaced with uncertainty, and he sank back down into a seated position on the chair. Monica sat down as well, looking suddenly exhausted. She melted against her chair’s back and closed her eyes.

  Kyle started to laugh, so quietly it was silent. So did Tobias, joining in and covering his mouth.

  Suddenly everything seemed funny. Fresh. New again.

  The sound died away as they thought through the words, occasionally glancing at each other.

  The room settled into a heavy silence until it was filled with the sound of Monica’s gentle snoring.

  Tobias dared a small smile as he glanced from Monica to Kyle and then let his smile widen when he saw Kyle smiling as well.

  “I—” Tobias started to say but then cut himself off when Kyle raised a hand for him to halt. Then he understood when Kyle gave a small nod to Monica’s sleep form.

  “I don’t want to wake her,” Kyle said softly as he raised to a standing position. Moving around the far side of the coffee table, he sat back down—this time next to Tobias.

  Tobias’s heart leapt in his chest as hope gained strength, and he smiled tentatively at Kyle as he shifted his position to face Kyle, letting their knees touch. The warmth that he could feel making its way through the cloth that separated them made Tobias’s heart ache with a love so profound that it went beyond his ability to measure it or put it into words. He only knew that it encompassed all of himself. It was bigger than himself.

  “I’m leaving the force,” Tobias said, this time keeping his voice low. “I’m putting it behind me.”

  “You are?” Kyle asked, looking startled.

  “I am,” Tobias said, daring a small smile that grew and took shape until he could feel it transforming his entire face. But, then his smile faded a little. “As soon as I can, I mean. I have to figure out who’s behind these deaths surrounding you,” he said, reaching to cover Kyle’s hand with his own. His heart leapt again when Kyle did not pull away. “I meant that. I might have been… a little guilt-ridden… but she’s right.”

  “We both have our issues. At least you knew… well. Enthusiastic consent.” Kyle turned that over in his head, then shook it. “It makes sense when you say it like that. It made sense the more you pushed me about it. Now… I guess I’m glad you did.” Tobias resisted the urge to hug Kyle as he looked down at the space between them, his expression thoughtful. “What will you do after?” he asked, finally lifting his gaze to Tobias’s.

  Tobias shrugged. “I don’t know. I just know that the life I’ve been leading isn’t the life I want.” He gave Kyle’s hand a small squeeze. “The truth is, wherever I am, whatever I’m doing, I want it to be with you. The rest just isn’t important to me. You’re all that matters. And I want to heal from all of this. The guilt, the fear, the nightmares. The hauntings, I called them.”

  Kyle sucked in a ragged breath and then blew it out as if trying to blow away his stress. Then he laid his free hand over Tobias’s so that Tobias’s hand was sandwiched between his hands. “So, my boyfriend is gonna be an unemployed drifter,” he joked with a weak smile.

  Tobias’s brows shot up. “Your boyfriend, eh?”

  “That’s the part of that sentence you’re running with?” Kyle laughed.

  Tobias gave a gentle laugh, then stared into Kyle’s beautiful eyes, getting lost in them. “I’ve missed you so much,” he said, his humor gone.

  “It’s only been twenty-four hours,” Kyle chided.

  “Not that,” Tobias said. “I’ve carried you with me since the day I lost you all those years ago, missing you, loving you. At that time, wondering how I could go on without you. Life just didn’t feel worth it.” His voice broke. “I thought I was going to have to face a life where the fastest way back to you was dying young. Why bother fixing myself when…?”

  Kyle pulled Tobias into his arms, holding him tight. His arms were like steel bands around Tobias, and Tobias surrendered all of his care into Kyle’s embrace.

  “Never,” Kyle said into Tobias’s neck. “You’re never leaving me. Never again. Swear it.”

  “I swear. I promise. I’ll never leave. Ever.”

  Tobias heard a small rustle from Monica’s chair and he twisted his neck just enough to see her. There, she hadn’t appeared to move, and she still sat resting with her eyes closed as if asleep, but she wore a little smile on her face.

  That little minx… Tobias thought, his heart light and filled with the most joy he’d ever known in his adult life.

  22

  Kyle

  “Are you sure?” Mary-Ann Feckle asked as she looked up at Kyle over the top of her glasses. “I’ll hate to see you go.”

  “I’m sure,” Kyle said with a smile that stretched from ear to ear.

  “Yeah, I can see you’re really torn up about this,” Mary-Ann teased.

  “Sorry about that,” Kyle said, taking a deep breath. “I’m just really excited to be starting a new chapter of my life.”

  The door next to the manager’s booth opened and several of the dancers walked past on their way to the dressing room.

  “Well, it’s been a pleasure to have you working here, and the door is always open to you. I’ll start phasing out your schedule over the next couple of weeks.”

  “No!” one of the dancers cried out in mock despair. “Say it isn’t so!” Kyle turned to look just in time for 4’9 Tabitha to take a running leap, throwing herself into Kyle’s arms. She had her talented legs locked around his waist a second later.

  Kyle staggered backward with an “umph” and then a deep laugh when he was caught by the closed bottom half of the manager’s split dutch door.

  “How are the tiniest always the mightiest,” he teased as Tabitha ribboned her arms around the back of his neck and leaned in with an arched back to give emphasis to the way her breasts pushed against his chest.

  “Tell me you’re staying,” Tabitha cooed as she bounced herself up and down on his torso.

  Laughing louder now, Kyle peeled the small woman from his body and set her feet back on the ground as the other women gathered around him. There were laments and congratulations all around along with more than one proposition to get in a quickie.

  Kyle’s phone chimed with a text. “Gotta get this!” he exclaimed holding his phone high in the air even though he had no idea who the text was even from, but he used it as his escape.

  Once he’d gotten free of the well-wishing ladies and had made it out into open club area, Kyle finally checked his phone. The instant he saw that it was from Tobias, he was wearing a silly grin.

  Clicking into the text, his grin turned into a toothy smile. There on his phone’s screen played a short video of a dancing teddybear dressed in cop clothes singing the tune of Bad Boys. Next popped up a short message.

  TOBIAS: Resignation gag gifts have officially started. Five dollars says the next one will be fuzzy handcuffs. ;)

  Kyle quirked an eyebrow and then wrote him back.

  Kyle: If you get them, bring them home… It’s time for someone to assume the position.

  TOBIAS: Fuck. Stop it. You’re giving me wood at work!

  Kyle: Go take a picture of it.

  TOBIAS: Good thing I’m resigning because you’d get me fired!

  Kyle was still smiling like a silly school boy when he tucked his phone into his pocket.

  I’ve got a boyfriend. A warm glow filled him from the inside out with that thought, and he wrapped the knowledge arou
nd him like a lover’s embrace.

  It was a couple more hours before Tobias showed up at the club, but Kyle was forced to accept only being able to watch him from afar. But what a fine sight it is, he thought to himself as Tobias leaned over to be able to better hear what a customer was saying. Tobias’s ass was firm and the kind of round that fit perfectly into Kyle’s palms.

  Fuck, now I’m going to give myself wood at work, Kyle chuckled to himself.

  Refocusing, the night dragged on and Kyle did his best to keep his attention on his surroundings and not pinpointed on Tobias. Yet over and over again, he found himself dreamily staring until finally, on his way back out of the club, Tobias threw him a wink before disappearing altogether. And, just like earlier, Kyle was grinning again from ear to ear and feeling as giddy as a young school boy. He felt, in fact, just as he had when he had fallen in love with Tobias the first time all those years ago.

  A loud, drunken voice sounding over the music pulled Kyle’s attention back in focus. One of the girls was being good natured about trying to untangle herself from a guy who seemed to be growing additional arms to hold on to her. Problem was that the guy wasn’t allowed to touch her at all.

  Kyle waved off his fellow bouncers letting them know that he was on it. Sometimes when one customer made a ruckus and had the bouncers distracted, other customers would take the opportunity to raid the cookie jar, and Kyle wanted to be sure that none of the other dancers suffered any ill effects by the loud-mouth’s distraction.

  Approaching the customer from behind, Kyle slid his hand around the back of the man’s neck and gently squeezed. The man’s arms froze their fight to hold onto the dancer and she twisted free, quickly moving toward the club’s backstage door with only a dirty look spared for the disorderly customer.

  “Sir, I need for you to stand up,” Kyle intoned without removing his grip from the back of the man’s neck. If the man attempted to get in a swing on Kyle, the movement would be telecasted far in advance of his intent.

  “What the fuck! Get the fuck off me!” The man’s belligerence was slurred by his drink, and it sounded more like a cartoon caricature than an actual threat. The short, squat twenty-something rolled his shoulders as if he could shrug away Kyle’s hold on him, but it had no effect.

  When the man tried to lean far forward with his head dipping down toward the ground in an effort to break free of Kyle’s hold on him through the simple use of distance, the effort backfired and the man lost his balance. Gravity and too much drink took over and the man found himself laying flat on his belly on the floor. Yet the guy still attempted to get in some hits on Kyle, swinging his arms like a turtle in the sea.

  Still keeping his hand glued to the back of the customer’s neck, Kyle lowered a knee onto the man’s lower back and applied increasing pressure until he heard the man squeak and felt his body go rigid in an effort to protect his lower lumbar.

  Lifting his gaze to the crowd around him, Kyle checked that he was not at risk from other customers—friends of the belligerent drunkard—and was relieved to see that two more bouncers had moved into the crowd around him.

  “What’s going to happen next,” Kyle said, his focus once more on the man under him, “is that I’m going to take my knee off of your back and then you’re going to get up off the floor, and we are going to take a walk to the front door.”

  “You fucking asshole! Get the fuck off of me! Do you know who my father is? I’ll ruin you! I’ll fucking stab your face! They won’t be able to identify you when I’m done!”

  Kyle released his hand from the back of the drunkard’s neck, sank his fingers into the man’s hair, lifted his head and then slammed his face into the club’s hard and unforgiving floor.

  “Arrrgh! You fucking asshole! I’ll fucking kill you!”

  Kyle lifted his head and slammed his face into the floor again. Around him, the crowd stirred uneasily, the good humor of the room leaving, and the two other bouncers went to work putting a little distance between Kyle and his audience.

  “Let’s try this again. Sir, are you ready to leave this establishment?”

  “I’m going to call my dad!” The man said but his voice sounded garbled as if his nose was stuffed with marbles. “I’ll call the cops. You’re ruined!”

  “Sir, I’m going to assist you in standing. If you do not cooperate, I will slam your entire body back to the floor. Do you understand?”

  There was silence and then a sulking, “Yes.”

  Kyle kept his fingers twisted into the man hair as his shifted his weight off of the man’s lower back and lead him to stand by picking him up by the hair.

  The man choked his complaint in grunts and whimpers, but he did not make threats and he did not attempt to strike out by swinging his arms or kicking. When Kyle got him to a full standing position, he could see that cascade of blood that painted the man’s face and dripped off of his chin.

  “Very good,” Kyle praised when the man stood unsteady with his arms outstretched as if for balance but offered no signs of attempting to move without Kyle’s direction. “Now we’re going to turn toward the door, and we’re going to walk.”

  With a hand on the man’s shoulder and the other still locked in the man’s hair, Kyle guided him toward the club’s front door. For half of the distance, the stout, pudgy man walked in silence, but then the threats began anew. He kept his voice low and a sincerity that went beyond just boastful ego crept into his voice.

  “Sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life because I’ll come for you. You’ll wake up with me standing over you with a tire iron, and when I’m done, not even your mother will recognize you.”

  Despite his best efforts, Kyle felt a shiver travel up his back as if someone were dragging a cold, other-worldly finger up his spine. Drunk-boy’s threat felt real, and he wished he could address it head on, but his role as bouncer only extended so far.

  He was allowed to address direct confrontation, but there was not much he could do about a threat to his future. Especially not this kind.

  At least I’m leaving, Kyle thought to himself, and rather than feeling as if he were running away, the thought made his heart light. He was running to something—a better life. A life of promise and potential. A life that could be anything.

  And, despite the situation, Kyle found himself smiling so that when they reached the door Kyle gave the man a hearty push in order to put distance between them so that the drunkard couldn’t simply turn and swing on him and then stood there with a big grin on his face, feeling like he was on top of the world.

  Drunk-boy whirled around to face Kyle as soon as he got his footing and managed to stop the momentum of Kyle’s push. His face was twisted in anger and his lips pursed to spew venom, but when his expression changed to one of confusion as soon as he saw Kyle. “What you lookin’ at?” he said, doing a little dance with his feet as he shuffled in an attempt to maintain his balance.

  “Something I’ll never have to look at again,” Kyle answered, grinning bigger than ever.

  The cabbie who made the club’s bigger celebrators his bread and butter showed up at the customer’s elbow. “Hey, I’ve got a great selection of whisky samplers in the back of my cab,” he offered up like candy to a child. “Can I help get you home?”

  To his stumbling credit, the drunk kid gave the offer half a second of thought. “Can we call in an order at Dewber’s Pizza and pick it up?”

  “You can even eat it in the car,” the cabbie said with a guiding hand on the guy’s back.

  Kyle watched as they headed toward the cab and then he went back inside the club. Music and strobing lights met him as well as the sight of hip-shimmying dancers and happy, smiling customers.

  Kyle took a deep, satisfied breath and crossed his thick arms over his large chest. I’m not going to miss this. The thought surprised him. In its way, the club had been his home away from home and with only a few exceptions—like the death of coworkers—he had fond memories of the place.

&n
bsp; The rest of the evening went pretty quiet. There was one more unruly customer to put in place, but Kyle worked backup while another one of the bouncers took the lead. Mary-Ann summonsed him to the office to sign paperwork relating to his resignation, and he got propositioned by three more of his former lovers and one more who lamented having missed her chance.

  All in all, it was a good night, a long night, yet Kyle felt invigorated by the time he got off of work. Heading out into the night air, the coolness of it caressed his cheeks and filled his lungs as he breathed in what felt like his coming freedom.

  What am I going to do next?

  He still didn’t know. He thought that not knowing should worry him, but it didn’t, and somehow the not-knowing seemed to invigorate him all the more. The potential felt limitless as if he could be the next Merlin standing at the gates of the universe.

  Kyle chuckled. Get it together man, feet back on earth, he chided himself on his way to his car as he dug his keys out of his pocket.

  Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he tapped in a message to Tobias and hit send before opening his car’s door.

  Kyle: Leaving now. Be there soon.

  Spending his nights in the arms of someone he loved felt surreal. He’d had it as a teenager, but they’d always been stolen moments and always filled with risk. But now he was able to sleep in Tobias’s arms without the fear of anyone knowing. As soon as the case was solved and Tobias was free of his law enforcement duties, they could be open to the entire world about their relationship and their love for each other. They could stand hand in hand in front of God and all the universe. Nothing could stop them.

  Searing pain ripped through Kyle as every muscle in his body seized and contracted. His lungs felt as if they would explode as he involuntarily sucked in a breath too large, and then his core muscles contracted and whipped him forward so that his forehead bashed into the upper edge of his car door.