by Brenda Novak
“Have you invited friends?” she asked as he flipped a large golden pancake. “Who do you think is going to eat all of this?”
“A pregnant woman is supposed to have four servings of—”
Macy held up a hand. “Stop! Don’t say it. I’m not pregnant yet.”
“It’s important that you build up your strength. You’ve been running on empty too long.” His gaze drifted down over her nightgown, all the way to her bare toes. “Don’t you think you should get dressed?”
She gave him a saucy toss of her head. “You’re the one who broke into my house. What did you expect? That I’d be showered and ready for the day at 6:00 a.m.? Or does seeing a woman in her nightgown make you uncomfortable?”
“Only when it’s as alluring as the one you’ve got on now,” he said, but he couldn’t keep a straight face, and Macy had to laugh with him.
“Okay, so they’re not going to ask me to be on the cover of the next Victoria’s Secret catalog.”
“I was making fun of the nightgown, not what’s underneath.”
Macy wondered if that meant he liked her figure. Then she told herself it didn’t matter, anyway. The few curves she had left would soon be distorted by the pregnancy. In nine months, Thad would have his baby, and she’d be left with the physical and emotional wreckage.
“I need to ask you something,” he said, reaching into her cupboard for two plates.
“The blood work came back. Everything’s fine,” she told him.
He threw her a glance over his shoulder. “That’s great. But what I want to know is a little more personal.”
Macy responded with a snort and took a seat at the table, where a glass of orange juice was waiting for her. “What could that fifty-pound questionnaire of yours have missed?”
“I’d like to get a better understanding of your love life,” he said, sliding a plate of food in front of her.
“Love life? Doesn’t my nightgown say it all?”
He grinned. “A man wouldn’t need much of an imagination to picture what you’ve got under that schoolmarm nightgown. A few more pounds and you’d have a knockout figure.”
Macy’s cheeks grew hot. Fortunately, Thad seemed as embarrassed by what he’d said as she was. He turned his back on her and prepared his own plate, then kept his gaze on his food as he sat down across from her to eat.
She sampled her scrambled eggs and found them unusually good. “All right. Ask me anything. You already know about that guy from Studio 9. How much worse can it get?”
He took a swallow of his orange juice. “Are you interested in anyone in particular? Is there a boyfriend, or someone else, who might object to what we plan to do?”
“No.”
“You’re not carrying a torch for someone?”
“Do you mean Richard? Are you asking if I still have feelings for him?”
“From what I’ve gathered, he was popular, well liked in college. There had to be some reason you fell in love with him.”
“I fell in love with his boyish charm and his easy smile and his optimism. Unfortunately, once we were married, I realized that wasn’t enough. I wanted someone with a little more depth of character and grew disenchanted before he ever left. I’m not holding a torch for him.”
“And there’s no one else? I won’t be stepping on any toes in the next few months or messing up a relationship that’s important to you?”
“I’m not in love, and I don’t see myself getting involved with anyone in the foreseeable future.”
“Because of what your ex did?”
“Isn’t that reason enough?” To her complete surprise, Macy finished the last of the food on her plate and sat back, feeling better than she had in weeks, despite Thad’s probing.
“You don’t seem like the type to judge all men by Richard’s actions.”
“I’m not. I just have my hands full right now. I mean, where would I meet someone? In the oncology department at the hospital? All of Haley’s doctors are married, or they’re a good twenty or thirty years older than me, and they’re the only ones I really talk to.”
“You could meet someone on campus. Wouldn’t your life be easier if you had a partner to come home to?”
She finished the last of her juice. “Not if I was pregnant with your child. That kind of thing could get a bit awkward, don’t you think? Especially if you plan on breaking into my house on a regular basis. What would I tell my boyfriend? ‘Oh, don’t mind him. He just stopped by to make sure I’m eating the recommended daily allowance.’”
Macy glanced at the clock over the stove. “I’ve got to get in the shower,” she said. “I know we haven’t covered everything, but we’ll have to talk later. I have lab today, and I want to stop by the hospital. If you’ll just pile the dishes in the sink, I’ll do them when I get home as my contribution to this little party. Then I’ll call you.”
“Wait.” Thad caught her by the wrist. “I’m actually going somewhere with all this.” He let her go, looking distinctly uncomfortable as he glanced out the window, then back up at her face. “I want to give you the money, up front, for Haley…”
“That’s the only way I’ll go through with the insemination,” she said, still holding her plate.
“I know, but it’s foolish of me to take that risk. The money is my only security. What if…” He ran a hand through his hair. “Well, let’s just say there are a lot of things that could go wrong.”
“You don’t think I’ll come through if Haley dies,” she said, unable to hide her pain. That he thought Haley might die made it all the more possible, for some reason. He was just one more person who had no faith, while she was counting on a miracle.
“There are other things that could go wrong, too.” His voice was gentle, and so was the look in his eyes, but his words scared Macy. She had to have the money, and she had to have it soon.
“What if I give you my word?”
“In a perfect world, that would be good enough, but I’m afraid…”
“I know. We’re virtually strangers. Considering that, you’d be unwise to trust me. So—” she took a deep breath “—what do you suggest?”
“Another business arrangement, one that would give me a small degree of protection.”
Macy felt a moment’s trepidation, but she had to ask. “What is it this time?”
“I want you to marry me.”
* * *
THAD WATCHED several emotions flicker across Macy’s face, surprise, incredulity, anger, but before she could settle on one and reject him, he added, “There would be a lot of benefits to the arrangement, for both of us. Before you say anything, just hear me out.”
“No.”
“No, you won’t hear me out? Or, no, you won’t marry me?”
“No, period. Our ‘arrangements’ have gone far enough. Don’t you understand that what you want, what we’re doing, makes a mockery of everything I believe in? You’ve reduced love, marriage and family to…to this. To nothing but emotionless agreements and practical considerations.”
Thad flinched. Love, marriage and family were just as sacred to him, maybe more so. That was why he was trying so hard to preserve a vestige of what he’d had with Valerie. But he couldn’t explain that to Macy, or anyone else, for that matter. It exposed a part of him that was wounded and raw with need, a result of the pain, betrayal and anger he felt at his wife’s death.
“Think of the baby,” he said, stepping back from the flame of those dark emotions. “If we marry, the baby will have my name. And since I will be its father, what could be more natural than that?”
She’d gone to the sink to rinse off her plate. When she spoke, her back was to him. “And how do I explain our relationship to Haley?”
“I’ve met Haley already. We simply tell her that we’ve fallen in love and are going to be married. Think about it, Macy. I’ve gone over every angle, and this is by far the best way for everyone involved. If we don’t marry, what will you tell your daughter about the pregnancy?
That it was the water?”
Her shoulders slumped as though she was suddenly weary again, but after a moment, she stood straight and turned to face him. “And when you disappear from our lives and take her brother or sister with you, do I simply say that it’s nothing? Just one more man who doesn’t want us?”
A normal man would be crazy not to want Macy, Thad thought. She was bright, ambitious, determined, full of passion. And he’d never seen a more beautiful woman. For the first time since his wife’s death, he’d actually felt the stirrings of desire when he saw her this morning, braless and without makeup, her hair mussed from sleep. It was probably just his body’s way of reminding him how long it had been since he’d held a woman in his arms. But he had felt…something.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” he said, not wanting to address the issue of divorce right now, when Macy was gazing at him with those incredible eyes. “A lot has to go right before we get that far.”
She glanced at the clock again, as though she wished she could turn back the hands, then pinched the bridge of her nose. “So we’d be married, but we wouldn’t live together. Is that what you’re suggesting? A marriage in name only?”
Thad cleared his throat, certain that Macy wasn’t going to like this next part any more than she’d liked the first part. “Actually, I was thinking we would live together here, at your place. Just as roommates.”
“But why? What purpose could there possibly be in—Oh, I get it.” Her eyes narrowed. “We’re back to protecting your investment by controlling my life.”
Thad pushed his plate away and stood up. “I know this whole thing sounds terrible, Macy. I wouldn’t do it if—” if I wasn’t so damn desperate “—if I thought there was another way. But I’m not trying to control you. I just thought you could use someone to look after the house and yard a bit, make you a hot dinner on occasion, drive you to the doctor. You wouldn’t have to move or change anything. Does that sound too much like torture?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “What I’m going through now is torture. I can’t imagine it getting any worse.”
“Then trust me.” He smiled. “And I’ll write you a check for the full amount the moment we say ‘I do.’”
She sighed and shook her head. Then she kneaded her temples. “You’ll sleep in the guest room,” she said at last, “and pick up after yourself, and steer clear of my friends and family, and stay away from Haley. If she doesn’t know you, she can’t be hurt when you leave.”
“Okay.”
“And you’re not going to watch Dr. Biden put me in stirrups. Neither are you going into the delivery room. I’ll have the baby on my own, then turn it over to you.”
“But I want to see my baby being born.”
“Sorry, that’s the deal,” she snapped. “You can take it or leave it. It’s up to you.”
Because of Haley, Thad knew, if he pushed, he could have it all. Macy was bluffing. The businessman in him, the negotiator, told him so. But the courage shining in her eyes, and the sacrifice she was willing to make for her daughter softened his heart. In that moment, his respect for her grew.
“That’s good enough,” he said, and once the words were out, he couldn’t take them back. An agreement was an agreement. The businessman in him said that, too.
He could only hope she’d relent.
* * *
“YOU’RE WHAT?”
Macy held the phone away from her ear to avoid her mother’s bloodcurdling screech. She was on campus, in between classes, with a flood of other students milling around, six of whom were in line to use the pay phone after she finished. “I’m getting married,” she repeated.
Shocked silence greeted her on the other end of the line as Edna absorbed the news, then, “But this is so sudden. You’ve never mentioned dating anyone. Who is he?”
Macy watched the trees dotting the rolling campus sway in the wind that funneled down from the canyons above. “His name is Thad Winters,” she said, pushing her hair back, out of her face. “He’s an ad executive here in Salt Lake.”
“Is he successful?”
“Mom, why would that be one of the first questions you ask? Does it really matter?”
“You don’t think it’s important, dear, after Richard?”
Macy chuckled. “I see your point. Okay, I think he’s successful. He has some nice office space on South Temple.”
“He has what?” her mother asked in surprise, and Macy wished she could take back her words. How odd it must sound for her to talk about his office, instead of something more personal, like his home. “Where does he live?”
He could live in South Jordan, Murray, Ogden, Sugarhouse, anywhere in the Salt Lake Valley, for all Macy knew. She hadn’t seen him since he’d made her breakfast the day before, and she hadn’t thought to ask him on the telephone last night when they’d set the date for their wedding. “Um, in a nice house,” she replied vaguely.
“So you and Haley will be moving in with him?”
“No, he’ll be moving in with us.”
“But your house is so small. What if you decide to have more children?”
“That’s a very good possibility. He really wants a baby.” At least that was God’s own truth.
“Right away?”
Macy nearly laughed at the question. They were getting married next Saturday, and she was being artificially inseminated the following week. “I think so, yeah.”
“Then why keep your house?”
“It has charm.”
“And probably termites.”
“I like it,” Macy replied. “It’s close to school and the hospital. Do you know how hard it is to get a rental up here?” Her mother didn’t share her taste for old architecture. Edna liked the new ranch-style homes they had in Las Vegas, where she lived, but Macy refused to let her mother convince her to move out of the Avenues, old plumbing and electrical be damned.
“Listen, Mom, I have to go. There are people waiting to use the phone.”
“But you haven’t even given me the date and time of the wedding, or where it’s going to be.”
And you haven’t mentioned when you might be coming to town to see Haley. Typical. “It’s going to be in your neck of the woods, actually. We were hoping you could be there.”
“You’re coming to Vegas to get married?”
“Yeah, next Saturday. Our plane gets in around nine in the morning. We’ll come by or call you when we get there. It all depends on how Haley is doing and whether we’ll be in a huge rush or not.”
Silence.
“Hello? Mom, did you hear me?”
“Macy, are you pregnant?”
“No.” Not yet, anyway, she silently added, and relinquished the phone.
* * *
“DON’T LOOK AT ME like that. You’re the one who got me into this,” Macy told Lisa, who was sitting on her couch, drinking a large Coke and finishing the rest of a McDonald’s Combo Meal.
“I told you to have Thad’s baby and get paid for doing it, so you could help Haley. I didn’t tell you to marry him. That’s crazy. What are you going to do after the baby?”
“Uncontested divorce. And I’ll have to sign over full custody, of course.”
Lisa’s breath hissed through her teeth. “I thought you guys were going to stay out of each other’s personal lives.”
“I guess we’ve decided that if we’re going to have a baby together, there’s just no practical way to keep our distance, not with Thad giving me the money up front. Having me marry him makes him feel more secure. Anyway, he has a point about the baby not being born a bastard. I’ll have a name to put on the birth certificate, and I won’t have to write ‘single’ on every form the doctor or hospital hands me.”
“So he’ll be living here?” She used a french fry to motion at the cramped but comfortable living room.
“Yeah, it’s a point in his favor that he doesn’t expect me to uproot myself, not with Haley in the hospital.”
�
�Well, I think he sounds like a nice guy.”
“We’ll see if you still think so in nine months.”
Feeling a pang of hunger at the smell of Lisa’s food and regretting her decision not to get something when they went to McDonald’s after leaving the hospital, Macy kicked off her shoes and wandered into the kitchen. “Do you want any ketchup for those fries?” she called.
“No, I’m almost done.”
Macy opened the refrigerator to survey her meager possibilities, and stiffened in surprise when she found it teeming with food. Fresh fruits and vegetables filled the drawers, a gallon of milk and a gallon of freshly squeezed orange juice sat side by side, and lunch meat, a loaf of whole-wheat bread, a large, ready-made salad and a giant jar of pickles were arranged neatly on the shelves. A note was taped to the milk, written in a bold masculine hand, outlining the nutritional requirements of an expectant mother.
“Damn him!”
“Who?” Lisa followed her into the kitchen, her wrappers and McDonald’s sack crackling as she wadded them up for disposal.
“Thad Winters.”
“What’s he done now?”
Macy pushed the refrigerator door open wider so Lisa could see for herself.
“What a jerk!” she exclaimed. “He went and bought you at least a hundred dollars’ worth of groceries. I can’t think of anything worse.”
Rolling her eyes, Macy slammed the fridge door. “It’s the fact that he stocked my fridge without asking me. Doesn’t that strike you as a rather personal, not to mention, controlling, thing to do? He has no right to do stuff like that.”
“I’d call him on it, if I were you,” Lisa teased.
“This isn’t funny. I don’t think he should feel so free to make himself comfortable here.”
“He’s going to be living here in a few days!”
“That’s just it. He’s not living here yet. I still have five days. And I want every one of them.” She turned her back on the offending refrigerator and reached above the sink to make herself a cup of coffee, but she found a note there, too. “Caffeine causes birth defects,” it said in big block letters.
