by Brenda Novak
Oh, no. Macy couldn’t take any more. She felt like a thief, robbing these people of love she had no right to accept. “I’m sorry,” she started, “but before we go any farther, Thad and I need to tell you something.”
Before she could say more, she felt Thad’s long fingers close on her elbow. He gave her a warning squeeze, but she looked up at him and shook her head.
“I have to tell them the truth,” she whispered.
“What truth, dear?” his mother asked. “You can tell us anything.”
“We’re going to have a baby,” Thad blurted.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Macy whispered harshly, now alone in the hospital corridor with Thad. “You told your family we’re having a baby! Now they’re talking about throwing me a baby shower and knitting baby booties!”
“We are having a baby,” he said. “You told me this morning that you’d keep the appointment this Thursday. Have you changed your mind?”
She hesitated, and his stomach knotted. “Have you changed your mind?” he asked again.
“No.” She sighed. “I just can’t be the fraud you want me to be. I think we should tell everyone the truth.”
“Including your mother?”
“No, not her! She’d never understand. Our relationship would never be the same if she learned—”
“So you just want to tell my family. Is that it?”
“You don’t know how guilty it makes me feel when they hug me and say all those nice things,” she argued.
Thad glanced behind him. The nurse sat at her station, talking on the phone. Two doctors conferred outside room 2. His family’s voices could be heard inside Haley’s room just down the hall.
“You’re taking it too seriously,” he insisted, even though, since his family had met Macy and Haley, he’d had to stretch his collar a few times, too. He’d never dreamed they’d be so passionate about embracing the situation. He’d pictured himself easily in charge, filtering the bits of information he wanted them to receive. But they’d grabbed the ball and run with it, and now he had to figure out a way to wrest it back. “Everything’s fine.”
“Fine? Your parents are planning to stay at the hospital in shifts. You call that fine?”
He shrugged. “I’ll talk them out of it, tell them the doctor won’t allow any more extra visitors.”
“More lies?”
“Wait a second.” Thad propped an arm against the wall, near the side of Macy’s head. “It’s okay to tell your mother whatever story will smooth the way for a healthy relationship between you, but when it comes to my family, what we’re doing is wrong? It’s our lives. What we do is none of their business.”
“I think they plan to make it their business. Have you any idea how much they love you?”
Thad ran a hand over his face. He did know they loved him. And he owed them more than the concocted story he was feeding them. But he and Macy were already this far into the deal. They couldn’t turn back now, not when he was so close to achieving what he wanted. “I love them, too, but in nine months this will all be over. And for now…”
He pushed away from the wall and took a step back because the scent of Macy’s perfume brought back memories of the night and its temptations. She hadn’t changed her clothes since sleeping in them, had cried away any trace of makeup and had pulled her hair back in a ponytail to compensate for the fact that she had bigger things to worry about than curling her hair. And still he thought she was one of the loveliest women he’d ever seen. And every day she seemed lovelier.
It was her need that attracted him, he reminded himself. He was a sucker for a woman in distress, anyone in distress, really. It came from being his mother’s son. The fact that he was creative on top of softhearted is what had landed him in this mess to begin with.
“For now it will be good for Haley to have my family behind her,” he said. “It might help her through this difficult time.”
“And tomorrow will take care of itself?” Macy asked dubiously.
“Let’s just say we’ll handle first things first. Don’t you think we have enough going on for one week?”
“Artificial insemination for me this Thursday, Haley’s transplant on Tuesday, then my finals.” She smiled for the first time since he’d pulled her out of Haley’s room. “I’m nuts.”
“You’re beautiful,” he said before he could stop himself.
Macy blinked up at him in surprise, and he noticed her eyes, their incredibly clear green. He wanted to kiss her. She wouldn’t stop him, judging by the way she was looking at him.
Forgetting that they were standing in the middle of the hospital corridor where anyone might see them, Thad started to lower his head, his gaze intent on Macy’s moist warm mouth, intent on how good it was going to feel to let himself melt into her.
“Give me more than a millisecond this time,” he murmured, and she seemed to know exactly what he was talking about because she smiled even as her lips parted slightly in anticipation.
He could feel her sweet breath on his chin, could almost taste her. Then his sister’s voice shattered the moment. “Here they are!”
Thad drew away to stare at Debra, at last remembering Valerie and all their promises and plans for the future. Valerie had been gone only eighteen months, and already the physical part of him was ready to move on. He’d justified his willingness to make love to Macy on the night of their wedding as a means to an end. He wanted to get her pregnant. He couldn’t develop a more direct approach. But there wasn’t any reason he should want to kiss her here in the middle of the damn hospital. Maybe he wasn’t the man he thought he was.
Macy’s needy right now, that’s all.
He shoved a hand through his hair. Hell, maybe I’m needy, too.
“Haley wants you to watch her open her other presents,” his sister said, obviously embarrassed at having interrupted them.
Hauling in a deep breath, Thad managed a smile, took Macy by the elbow and led her back into the room.
* * *
THE NEXT TWO DAYS passed quickly. The chemo was making Haley sick again, so Macy lived at the hospital, studying and sleeping when she could, holding and loving her daughter when she couldn’t. Thad’s family came three or four times a day but never stayed long. They didn’t want to tire Haley and seemed to know just how much support to give and when.
Macy was beginning to believe Thad’s mother was clairvoyant—although she hadn’t yet divined the falsehood of their marriage. She understood the pain and worry of others without them having to say a word, and she had the most generous heart Macy had ever known.
But as warm as Macy’s feelings toward the Winterses were, they fell far short of Haley’s. Macy’s daughter lit up at the sight of anyone or anything remotely connected to Thad, and to her new daddy, most of all. She talked incessantly about him, showed Macy again and again whatever new toy or bracelet or book he’d brought her, colored picture after picture just for him and proudly announced that he was her daddy when any of the nurses or doctors were present.
Macy was beginning to suspect it was Haley that put that special sparkle in Thad’s eye, too. He came as often as his family, but stayed longer each time. Last night he’d even shared a cot with Macy again and helped with Haley when she got sick during the night. But besides giving Macy the comfort of his arms around her, he hadn’t touched her in any more intimate way.
“All set?” Thad stood at the door, waiting for her.
Macy glanced once more at Haley, who was busy with a new stamping set, before nodding. It was Thursday, time for the artificial insemination, and she had just returned from home where she’d showered and dressed in a sleeveless sundress that flowed almost to her ankles, and a pair of sandals.
She and Thad had agreed to meet at the hospital so they could check on Haley right before they left, but if they didn’t leave soon, they might miss their appointment. And strangely enough, Macy didn’t want to do that. At least she didn’t think she w
anted to miss the insemination. Her feelings were too mixed to sort out in the middle of everything else going on in her life. Thad had given her the money to save her daughter. For that she was overwhelmingly grateful and felt a certain obligation; but combined with it was a not-so-easily explained hesitancy to disappoint him and a secret thrill at the prospect of carrying his child.
“You going to be okay if we leave for an hour or so, angel?” Thad asked Haley.
They’d talked about asking Thad’s mother to come sit with her while they were gone, but had decided against involving June so they wouldn’t have to lie to her about where they were going. The deception was bothering them both enough already.
Haley reached out to give Thad a hug, and he lifted her into his arms. “I’m tired,” she admitted.
Clearing away her paper and stamps, Thad tucked her in bed. “Why don’t you lie down and rest, then? I’ll turn on that tape of Disney songs I brought you yesterday, and you can listen to it while we’re gone.”
“Okay.”
Macy’s jaw dropped. She’d tried not more than two minutes earlier to talk her daughter into a nap, but Haley wouldn’t have any of it. Then Thad suggested the same thing, and her daughter was suddenly fine with it.
Hiding a smile, Macy stepped out of the room. Thad could walk on water while she had to swim, upstream evidently, but Macy didn’t mind. The joy Thad brought Haley had certainly been an unexpected bonus to their bargain. Her only concern was how her daughter would react in nine months, when he left.
Thad joined her in a few minutes, the theme song from Beauty and the Beast trailing out of Haley’s room behind him. “Are you ready for our big day?”
Macy nodded. “Do you have enough ammunition?”
“What?”
“Are you armed to the teeth with Playboy magazines?”
He scowled. “I’m sure they provide all that.”
Macy grinned, but the thought of Thad extracting semen in any way was more arousing than funny. Her own starved body started making its long hibernation felt, and she passed a cool hand over her hot neck, looking away from him as they waited for the elevator.
“You’re blushing,” he said.
“No. I’m not.”
“What are you thinking about?”
“The Rustler’s Roost account.”
“Oh, yeah? I didn’t know the thought of a good steak could do that to a woman.”
Macy’s blush deepened when she realized he wasn’t buying her story, but she persisted in trying to change the subject. “Do you really think Martin will sign your contract next week?”
The elevator doors whooshed open and Thad waved her in ahead of him. “Once I have all the numbers together, I don’t know why not. He’s already called me several times with questions, so he’s keeping in close touch.”
There was that slightly weightless feeling as they descended, then, “What about you?” he asked. “You’ve been studying, I know that. Is anything sinking in amidst all of this?”
That I suddenly have a greater interest in biology than I do in pharmacology, perhaps, not much more. “A little,” she hedged.
“Are you going to be able to pass your finals?”
“One week will tell.”
“You’ll do it.”
Macy nodded, trying to think positively as they made their way through the lobby and out to Thad’s car.
They drove to the fertility clinic in silence. Thad seemed to be deep in his thoughts, whatever they were, and Macy couldn’t believe that in a matter of minutes Dr. Biden was going to place Thad’s semen in her womb and, hopefully, help them create a baby. It was incredible, incredible that it could happen, incredible that she could actually want it to.
After Thad parked, he took Macy’s hand. “Before we go in, I just want to tell you—” his gaze lowered to her mouth as it had that day in the hospital corridor, then stubbornly returned to her eyes “—that I’m grateful to you for doing this for me, and…”
“And?” Macy prompted.
“And, damn, you look great in that dress.”
Macy laughed and raised his hand to her lips for a quick kiss. As much as she wanted to prolong the moment, hoping for a better indication of how he felt toward her, there wasn’t time. “Let’s go.”
* * *
THAD STARED at the plastic cup the nurse had given him, then eyed the magazines in a rack along the wall of the closetlike cubicle.
Talk about putting a guy on the spot, he thought, smiling ruefully to himself. If he came out with his sample too soon, Macy, the doctor and those in the reception area would think he was a premature ejaculator. If he took too long, well, God knows what they would think.
Good thing he was comfortable with his masculinity. Good thing he wasn’t worried about what anyone else thought. He’d just focus on why he was here in the first place, because he wanted a son or a daughter.
No, on second thought, a centerfold model was definitely a better focus for his purposes today.
Glancing through a few magazines, he admired the beautiful women. Then memories of Valerie paraded through his mind, wonderful memories, all of them. He loved her; he missed her. Sex with her had been very different from the blatant carnality represented in the magazines. Because his mind, his heart and his body were equally committed. But the past didn’t have the same impact on his emotions as the present, and somehow those days seemed to be slipping away like sand through his fingers.
He closed his eyes as, unbidden, a picture of Macy lying beneath him came to mind, instead, and almost instantly his heart started to pound and he felt heat in his loins. She was beautiful and responsive and demonstrative, and so very sexy with that sultry voice and those big green eyes….
And he knew from that moment on that he definitely wasn’t going to err on the side of taking too long.
* * *
MACY WAITED nervously for Thad’s sample to be treated. Flipping through Woman’s Day magazine, she repeatedly glanced at the clock, careful not to let her arm brush against Thad’s, who was now sitting next to her. She’d just called to check on Haley and found that his mother was at the hospital. The nurse had said Mrs. Winters was reading in the lobby while Haley napped.
At least Haley wasn’t alone anymore. That brought Macy a measure of comfort, along with the news that her daughter was getting some of the rest she so desperately needed. But her mind wasn’t on Thad’s mother, or Primary Care Hospital, or even Haley’s bone marrow transplant. It was on the door through which she would pass to become pregnant with Thad’s child. The one that would open any minute to reveal a nurse dressed in a white smock, pants and rubber-soled shoes, who would invite her past the point of no return. Was she doing the right thing? Or was she simply asking for more heartache?
Accurately reading her last-minute jitters, Thad reached over and took her hand. He didn’t meet her eyes, but he threaded his fingers through hers and kept both their hands in his lap.
Macy took heart from the contact, but bravely broke away when the nurse called her name.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Thad asked, wearing a teasing grin that told her he already knew her answer would be no.
Macy shook her head. “This diamond isn’t that big,” she said. Then, more seriously, “There’s nothing to it, right?”
“That’s what they say.”
She wiped her sweaty palms on her thighs. “Okay.”
“Don’t be scared. It’s not going to hurt.”
“No, but it’s not going to feel anything like your contribution to this event did, either.”
He grinned, and the blue of his eyes darkened. “I know a way that it could.”
Macy’s mouth went dry, and she had to clear her throat before she could speak. “Is that an invitation?”
His eyes never wavered from hers. “It could be.”
She glanced back at the nurse, who wasn’t close enough to hear them but was frowning at the delay. “I think that would require an addendum t
o our agreement.”
“Why? We’re married.”
“We’re not committed.”
He sighed and shifted in his seat. “I’m sorry, Macy. I can’t promise you anything more than what we’ve got already.”
“Because of Valerie?”
He nodded.
So his first wife was still alive and well, at least in Thad’s heart. Macy tried not to feel the inevitable sting of disappointment. She’d expected as much. “But a physical relationship is okay?”
“Yes…maybe. I don’t know.” He glanced self-consciously at the handful of people sitting and reading elsewhere in the waiting area. None of them seemed to be paying any attention, but Macy knew it was a strange thing to discuss in a doctor’s office. “I’d be lying if I said I’ve never thought about it,” he admitted.
“Well, I don’t need you to do me that sort of favor.”
“I wasn’t thinking of it as a favor.”
Macy lowered her voice even further. “Still, three’s a bit of a crowd in the bedroom, don’t you think?” Without waiting for an answer, she got to her feet, slung her purse over her shoulder and followed the nurse through the doorway, down a short hall and into an examination room.
At first she’d agreed to have Thad’s baby because of what it would mean for Haley. Then, when he’d released her from her part, she’d decided to go ahead with the insemination because of her sense of obligation, gratitude, empathy, even admiration.
Now she feared she’d fallen in love with him.
She should have walked away while she still could.
* * *
WHITE WALLS, white ceiling, white floor, the smell of antibacterial soap and plenty of light. Miserable, Macy sat on a padded table in the middle of the small examination room, staring around her and taking deep breaths in an effort to slow the pounding of her heart.
I’m an idiot. Thad had just told her he was still in love with Valerie. His heart was sealed tighter than a drum, yet she was being artificially inseminated with his child. Why was she doing this to herself? Why was she asking for more trouble?
