Baby Business

by Brenda Novak

  “What are you going to do this summer?” the nurse asked Haley.

  “I’m going to fly a kite with my daddy,” she announced, and Macy almost groaned out loud, especially when her mother pinched her arm. Her poor daughter was as stuck on Thad as she was, and Edna thought she should burst her bubble once and for all. But Macy couldn’t insist her daughter stop loving him, wouldn’t tarnish his memory in the attempt. Thad was something they’d have to get over together.

  The elevator settled on the first floor, and its doors parted with a mechanical clug. The nurse pushed Haley out and around the corner while Macy untangled the balloons her mother held so they wouldn’t get smashed in the elevator.

  “Daddy! You’re here. I knew you’d come!”

  The sound of her daughter’s excited cries carried through the whole lobby, making Macy’s heart nearly leap out of her chest. She rounded the corner just as Thad was entering the hospital, another bouquet of balloons and a stuffed friend for Bruiser in his arms. He bent and hugged Haley and gave her his gifts, telling her how beautiful she looked and how happy he was she was coming home. Then he straightened, and his eye caught Macy’s.

  The sound and movement in the lobby seemed to fall away in one instant. “Hi,” she managed to say.

  “Hi.” Thad’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “How are you?”

  Macy pasted a bright smile on her face. “Great. Good. I passed all my finals except one, but I get to retake it in a few weeks. I should be able to pull it off without too much trouble.”

  “That’s good.”

  “How’s the Rustler’s Roost account? Did they sign?”

  “Signed, sealed and delivered.” He stepped toward her, then paused and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Thanks for inviting me to come.”

  “No problem. Haley was dying to see you. She’s really missed you.”

  Something in his eyes seemed to ask if Haley was the only one who’d missed him, but Macy thought she had to be imagining things.

  “If you want, Haley can ride in your car,” she offered.

  “I’d like that.” He took his hands out of his pockets long enough to loosen his tie. “Would you like to come with us?”

  Dimly, Macy was becoming aware of her mother’s scowl and Lisa’s rapt attention. Clearing her throat, she forced her gaze to them. “No. I’ll ride with Mom and Lisa. We’ll meet you.”

  “Okay,” he said, but he didn’t turn to go. He just stood there, looking at her as if one sign of any kind would bring his arms around her.

  “See you there, then,” she said, amazed that she could even think he might be feeling any of the same emotions that were slamming into her like a tidal wave. You’re kidding yourself. He loves Valerie. She purposely gave him a wide berth as they went outside to load Haley into his car.

  * * *

  HALEY’S FIRST WEEK at home was hard. Now that Macy was on her own, without the constant support and supervision of the doctors and nurses at the hospital, she felt frightened and alone. What if Haley was getting jaundice and she didn’t see it in time? What if she missed something else? Some days she stared at her daughter so hard her eyes went blurry as she tried to decide whether or not Haley’s skin was turning yellow, hoping to detect the signs of GVHD before it could damage her liver. And the nights were worse. Macy would often wake in a cold sweat, fearing Haley had died in her sleep. She’d creep to her daughter’s room and hover over her bed until she saw the slight rise and fall of her chest. Then she’d breathe a sigh of relief and tiptoe back to her own room, and believe, just a little more strongly, that her daughter was really getting well.

  Thad called a couple of times the first week, only once the second. Macy longed to talk to him, to voice her worries about Haley, to celebrate the vast improvement in her health, to see how he was doing. But he never asked to speak to her. He was quick and to the point if she answered, then talked to Haley and hung up, and she refused to open old wounds by pressing for more.

  “Why won’t you break down and call him?” Lisa demanded the night before Macy had to take her neuroanatomy final. She was lying on the couch above Haley, who was sitting on the floor watching Tarzan. They’d all been bingeing on the nachos Lisa had brought over, along with some soda, candy bars, ice cream and a cake from Smith’s bakery that said, Congratulations on a Job Almost Done.

  “Because breaking down won’t fix anything,” Macy insisted.

  “It might help you get through this transition period of having Haley home.”

  “She’s been home three weeks. The transition is nearly over, and Haley’s doing great. She’s almost back to normal, and my own fear is receding. I’m finally starting to relax and believe everything is going to be okay. So, you see? There’s no reason to call him.”

  “Yes, there is.” The ice in Lisa’s glass clinked as she took a sip of her Coke. “You’re pregnant with his baby, for crying out loud. And Thad loves you. He just doesn’t know it yet. I saw the way he looked at you the day Haley got out of the hospital. That was naked longing, babe. An idiot could have spotted it.”

  “Who was naked?” Haley asked, pulling herself out of the movie for the first time since it started.

  In the old recliner, Macy frowned at Lisa and repositioned the pillow she’d brought from her bedroom. “No one’s naked, honey. Do you want some popcorn?”

  Haley had already stuffed herself with pizza and root beer. She shook her head.

  “Well, it’s nearly nine o’clock, kiddo. Time for you to be in bed. Should we turn this off and finish it in the morning?”

  “Mo-om, I want to watch the rest,” Haley protested. “Can’t I stay up a little longer?”

  It was summer and Macy’s final wasn’t until tomorrow afternoon. There wasn’t any reason either of them had to be up early. Macy had started working again, but she hadn’t yet rebuilt her transcription business to include the number of medical practices she’d had previously. “Okay,” she relented.

  Haley went eagerly back to her movie, and Macy lowered her voice. “If he cares about me, why doesn’t he talk to me when he calls Haley?” she asked Lisa.

  “Because you gave him nothing to hope for at the hospital when he came to take her home. Every time the two of you got anywhere close to touching, you backed away as though he had the plague.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Come on, Macy, give him a chance to get over Valerie.”

  “He’s not asking for a chance.”

  “But you love him.”

  “I have Haley. I have school. I’m happy the way I am. Why are you pushing this, anyway?”

  Lisa shrugged, opened an ice-cream sandwich and licked the sides. “I like the way he treats Haley. She talks about him all the time, misses him. I think you two are meant for each other.”

  “He doesn’t want me.”

  “I think you’re wrong. Anyway, I’ve met someone myself.”

  Macy nearly dumped the bowl of popcorn she’d been holding in her lap. “What?”

  “I’ve met someone. We’re going out this Friday.”

  “Where did you meet him? Who is he?”

  “He came through the checkout stand with a couple of cracked eggs. I sent the bagger back to get him a new carton, and he asked me out.”

  Twisting in her seat, Macy tried to get a better look at Lisa’s face in the dim glow of the television. All the other lights were off. “Who is he?”

  “Name’s Robert Myers. He’s a little older than I am. He’s taking me out to eat on Friday, then he wants me to come out and watch him play baseball. He’s on a summer league.”

  “Sounds fun.” Thrilled that Lisa, who rarely dated, might have found someone willing to look beyond her weight to the heart of gold underneath, Macy felt her smile spread across her whole face.

  “He’s divorced. Got a couple of kids,” she volunteered.

  “You’re great with kids.”

  “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

  Macy la
ughed. “Maybe we’ll be shopping for your wedding dress next.”

  Lisa pushed the junk food aside and settled back. “It’s just a first date, Macy. Don’t go renting the chapel yet,” she said, but Macy could tell she was happier than she’d been in a long time.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  “HOW’S SHE DOING?” Thad sat behind his desk, staring at his perpetual-motion clock as he talked to his mother on the telephone. It was November, almost five months since the day he’d taken Haley home. The leaves were turning on the trees, the days growing cooler. Macy would be well into her second trimester now.

  God, he wanted to see her. He’d thought what he’d felt for her and Haley would fade, but it seemed to be growing stronger.

  “You call me all the time and ask the same thing,” his mother complained. “Why don’t you call and ask her?”

  He couldn’t. It was too hard. He’d quit calling because every time he talked to Haley, it got harder and harder to hang up without begging to speak to Macy. “It’s better this way.”

  “Better for whom?”

  Not wanting to fall into that old argument, Thad ignored the question. “Are you going to tell me how they’re doing or not?”

  “Macy’s morning sickness is gone, and school’s going well. Dr. Biden thinks the pregnancy is progressing normally. And Haley is just like every other kid in her kindergarten now,” his mother responded. “I think it’s safe to say she’s cured.”

  See? Haley was fine, and Macy was back on top again. They didn’t need him. He was just about to hang up when his mother said, “But Haley still asks for you, you know.”

  Thad closed his eyes. At first he’d tried to keep a relationship with Haley, but he’d soon realized that he couldn’t do that and keep his distance from Macy at the same time. And if he couldn’t keep his distance, he’d never be able to walk away when the baby came. And if he couldn’t walk away, they’d need to work out some way of sharing both children, which sounded a lot like creating a real family. No, Haley and Macy came as a package deal, and he couldn’t have anything to do with them, not as long as Valerie was still hovering in the background of every thought, every action.

  “Are you ever going to tell me why you and Macy broke up, Thad? I’ve gotten to know her quite well over the past five months, and she’s a lovely, bright young woman.”

  His mother had asked what had gone wrong in their marriage before, several times, and Thad had always said they’d simply jumped the gun and married too soon, only to realize they weren’t compatible. But June hadn’t bought it before, and he knew she wouldn’t buy it now. So he told her the truth.

  “I’m still in love with Valerie. It’s almost like she’s alive, watching me. Sometimes I turn around and expect to see her.”

  “You have to let go of her sooner or later.”

  “I know. It’s just hard to turn my back on the years we spent together.”

  “You and Macy have only known each other a short time. If given the chance, maybe you could build something every bit as wonderful.”

  “That wouldn’t be fair to Valerie.” How did he explain that moving on, making the same promises to someone else somehow invalidated everything they’d shared?

  “Do you believe Valerie loved you, Thad?”

  “I know she did.”

  “Then how can you think she’d want you to live the rest of your life alone?”

  “How can I believe she’d want me to love someone else as much I loved her? Yet it’s not right to involve myself with another woman while holding back, to relegate someone to second place.”

  “That’s true. That’s why you let yourself love again and don’t worry about places. It will never be the same as it was with Valerie. Macy and Valerie are two very different people. But it can be just as good. There’s no betrayal in that.”

  Then why did he feel as if there was?

  “If you couldn’t be with Valerie, would you want her to be lonely and miserable for the rest of her life?” June asked.

  “Of course not.”

  “Do you think you’re a more generous person than she was?”

  His mother certainly had her moments. Thad thought she was having one now. “No.”

  “Then you have your answer.”

  * * *

  THE FOLLOWING SATURDAY Thad stood staring at the pile of objects he’d amassed, then bent to tape the bottom of one of the cardboard boxes he’d bought from the local U-Haul. He was packing up Valerie’s things. His mother had volunteered to help him, but he’d chosen to face the experience alone.

  And it was about time. Other than the items her family had wanted as keepsakes, he’d stowed her personal things in boxes in the basement just after the funeral, but that wasn’t enough. He had to remove the cross-stitches, the photographs, the painting she’d given him for their last anniversary and the lap blanket she’d covered herself with when they watched television. There were books and trinkets everywhere, even certain pieces of furniture that reminded him of her constantly. Before he could even think about moving forward, he had to put his feelings for Valerie to rest. And to do that, he had to let go of the physical objects that kept her so close. Maybe he’d even sell the house.

  “Hey, you moving without telling anybody?” Kevin asked, coming through the front door Thad had left standing open since his last trip to the car for boxes. When he saw what Thad was doing, he nodded approvingly. “This is good, buddy. Way to go.”

  Thad chuckled. In his own way, Kevin had been telling him to do this for months. He just hadn’t been ready to listen. “How ’bout you give me a hand?”

  Kevin helped Thad heft one of the heavier boxes out to the trunk of his car. “Where are you taking all of this?”

  “Everything’s going to Deseret Industries, except the photos and the picture.”

  “And those?”

  “I’m storing them in the basement with the other stuff. I’ll decide what to do with it all when I sell the house.”

  Kevin slammed the trunk closed. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

  Thad shrugged, knowing his change of heart had been anything but sudden. “I guess it’s true what they say about time.”

  “Does this have something to do with Macy? Has she called?”

  “No. I’m sure she’s forgotten all about me.”

  Kevin looked doubtful. “She’s your wife and she’s having your baby. That makes you pretty difficult to forget.”

  Picturing Macy big with his child did funny things to Thad. It made him warm and possessive, fiercely protective, and hungry to see her rounded middle. He wanted to touch it with his own hands, pull her back against his front while he kissed her neck and cradled her belly.

  He wanted the baby. He’d wanted one for a long time. But this child was extra special because it came from Macy. Did that mean he wanted her, too?

  “She was just particularly vulnerable when Haley was sick, and I was there, at least for a short time,” he said to stem the excitement his thoughts engendered. “We both got a little confused for a while. That’s all.”

  Kevin propped his hands on his hips. “If things are over, then you won’t mind if I call her, right?”

  Thad gave Kevin a look that promised violence if he so much as picked up the phone.

  Kevin laughed. “For a bright guy, this thing with Macy is taking you a while,” he said. “But I have faith that you’ll get there eventually.”

  Deep down, Thad knew he was closer than Kevin realized. He just hoped he wasn’t too late.

  * * *

  MACY GLANCED at the clock in the kitchen and drained her orange juice. “Thanks for coming to watch Haley. I’d better get moving, or I’m going to be late.”

  “What time is your appointment?” Lisa asked, helping Haley pour a bowl of Raisin Bran.

  “Eight-thirty. Did I tell you I’m having an ultrasound?”

  “You are? Is something wrong?”

  “No. It’s just routine. I’m twenty-four weeks a
long now, and Dr. Biden wants to be sure the baby’s developing normally.”

  “Are you going to ask them to tell you the gender?”

  Macy thought about attaching a “he” or “she” to the child growing inside her and decided against it. She needed to keep as much emotional distance between her and the fetus as possible. She already doubted she’d be able to live up to her promises to give Thad the baby.

  “I think I’ll let that be a surprise.” She dug in her purse for her keys. “I’m sure I’ll be back, but if not, Haley has kindergarten at five to twelve.”

  “I know where the school is. I picked her up a couple of weeks ago, remember?”

  Macy did remember. Lisa had been her mainstay, despite her preoccupation with one Robert Myers, who took her out almost every weekend.

  “Where are you going, Mommy?” Haley demanded when Macy dropped a kiss on the top of her head.

  “To the doctor’s.”

  “Are you going to get the baby out?”

  Macy smiled. “Not yet, sweetie.” She’d tried to prepare her daughter for the fact that the baby would live with Thad by using the rationale that they had each other and wouldn’t want him to be alone. But Haley didn’t think much of that idea. She wanted the baby and Thad.

  Unfortunately, so did Macy.

  “Do you have class today?” Lisa asked.

  “I only have lab on Fridays, at one. I’ll be out in time to pick Haley up.” Macy gave her friend a quick hug. “If Mom calls, ask her if she’s coming up for Thanksgiving. It’s only a couple of weeks away.”

  “You got it.”

  “I’m off. Wish me luck.” Wearing a pair of black leggings with a large maternity shirt, Macy hurried into the living room and barreled through the front door, only to slam into someone coming up the walk. She stumbled and would have fallen, if not for the arms that reached out to catch her and pull her up against a broad chest.