Until It Wasn't

by J. Grandison

  “Yeah, well Agular hasn’t ever had to bat against a bad motherfucker like me,” I say as I slap him hard on the back. Hard enough to make him fall on his ass.

  “Fuck you, Dominque! You think you’re hot shit. Just remember, if your grade in history isn’t a C, Saturday is your last game you fucking dick!” he yells behind me as I walk away.

  I flip him the bird over my shoulder as I head back to the pitcher’s mound. History isn’t my thing; I’m a numbers man. Math is my strongest subject.

  Chapter 3. Braden

  This class is so damn boring, I find myself falling asleep when I know I shouldn’t. I want to be at my best, and yet, my dreams are plaguing me. Yes, my constant fixation on Shawn is not getting any better. If anything, it’s become worse since our meeting outside of my dorm room.

  I walked past him again today while he was practicing. He was sweating, and I was drooling so much I had to check my chin. He acknowledged me with a head nod, and I did the same as I felt my cheeks flush. Damn it, why do I always turn red when I’m near the man? For that matter, why can’t I stop thinking about him?

  My earlier question of whether he’s gay or not is still there; although, less so after the slide of his hand on my arm. I can tell he’s interested in me in some way, I just need to figure out exactly how.

  Curse my shyness. I wish I had the balls to ask him the questions that are constantly racing through my mind. Just remembering the feel of his touch as it slid down my arm and lightly brushed my hand, has my blood singing in my veins. It was the most electrifying experience of my life with little effort on his part. It’s terrifying how easily my body responds to his while being exhilarating at the same time.

  Finally, class is dismissed. I pull my backpack over my shoulder and make my way to the door. My next class is one I enjoy. It’s where all my art supplies come into play. I’m just hoping I can give my project the consideration it needs today and not end up sketching the man who will never be mine. I can’t ever seem to get the lips or eyes just right, or maybe it’s just me, and nothing compares to the real thing. His masculine beauty is too much for my pencil and hand to portray.

  I run my finger over the painting near the door that reminds me of days spent in Ohio as a child—the wind blowing through the trees and my dad telling me the names of each one. He knew every name and what color their bark was and the shape of each leaf. He loves nature and never takes for granted the environmental needs that so many have.

  I guess you could say my parents are somewhat hippies, though they certainly do not dress the part. They recycle and both drive hybrids, however. This picture is a reminder of my parents and all they have done for me.

  “Braden.” I hear my name called as soon as I step into the hallway. I look around until I see Shawn making his way to me. I feel my cheeks heat as though on cue. I should be used to being red around him, but I’m not. It makes me want to hide my face.

  I force my eyes to lock with his, and he gives me his signature smile that has me melting inside. Will I ever get used to the way he affects me? Probably not.

  “Hey, do you have another class?” he asks, and I nod my head and look down at my shoes.

  “I’ll walk with you then,” he replies. I’m shocked as he falls into step beside me. I watch him from the corner of my eye and wonder why he’s doing this. It’s not like he lacks friends or anything.

  “What are you doing this weekend?” His deep voice resonates inside of me and nearly makes me forget he has asked me a question.

  “Uhh…nothing.” I shrug my shoulder.

  I never do anything on the weekends. I don’t have much in common with the other students, so I usually stick to myself. I know they have a gay bar here in Baton Rouge, but I’m too scared to go there and be seen by any of the other students. They could make my life a living hell, and I’m nearly finished with school. I can make it if I just keep my head down and concentrate on my studies only, right now.

  “Well, there’s a party for the team. You should come.” I stop in my tracks and turn to look at Shawn. He’s not laughing and looks serious.

  “I’m not sure I would fit in with that crowd,” I tell him before continuing to walk.

  We are nearly to my class when he pulls me into an empty classroom. I’m about to ask him what he’s doing when his firm lips cover mine. I moan as he presses his solid body against me. His tongue slides across my lips, and I open for him and groan as his tongue strokes mine. The sharp flavor of cinnamon and something unique to only Shawn ignites my body into flames of desire. My cock hardens, heavy within the confines of my pants. The experience of finally kissing my obsession is better than I’ve ever dreamed, and I know I could easily grow addicted.

  “Fuck,” he growls against my mouth, and the vibration only intensifies my need for more of him.

  He presses further into me, and I feel his hard length against mine. He’s so big that my anus squeezes tight with the thought of him breaching my virgin hole. I bet he will fill me to the brink, and I’ll beg for more. He grinds against me for a moment before pulling away. I want to whimper at the loss.

  “You fit in where I say you fit in. Got it?” he demands as his eyes penetrate me so deeply I am left breathless.

  “Yeah,” is all I can get out with the catch in my throat making it impossible to talk. I shiver as Shawn’s eyes travel down to the bulge in my pants.

  “It’s too bad you have class.” He runs his finger over my dick, and I groan. As I close my eyes, he chuckles. “You could always skip.”

  I open my eyes and shake my head.

  “I can’t,” I say as I look up into his shining orbs and see the same need reflected in his hooded gaze as he stares down at me.

  He runs his hand down his face with a deep groan. The air is thick with unspent passion.

  “You sure about that?” he asks as he leans in and nips my lip, eliciting a gasp from me.

  I nod my head even though I would rather stay planted right in front of him.

  “Fine, I’ll find you later,” he promises, making me wonder when and how he’ll come for me.

  I run my finger over my damp mouth as I grin. Things are finally looking up. I can’t wait to see what he has in mind.

  Chapter 4. Shawn

  Those lips. That one moment has been in my every thought since I decided I had to taste them. Not going to lie, for a little guy, Braden’s packing some major pipe. I was so distracted, I forgot to tell him where the party was, so I wrote down the address and hurriedly ran to his dorm room and slid the paper under his door, along with my phone number.

  We’ve been texting back and forth for a few days, and he knows we must play it cool while we’re there.

  Now, I feel like a fucking chick trying to find the right outfit to wear tonight. Do I wear a polo shirt or a white button-down? Fuck!

  My fucking game today was fantastic!

  I saw Braden in the bleachers trying to be invisible, but I felt his presence way before I spotted him. I struck out that big fucker, Agular, everytime he stepped up to bat. There were even a few scouts in the bleachers. One from the Detroit Tigers, the other from the New York Mets, and I have meetings with them tomorrow after church. But my excitement is all powered by the fact Braden will be at the party.

  I finally decide on my black jeans and a white tee with my black hi-top chucks. I give myself one more look in the full-length mirror that stands in the corner of my room as I hear a knock on my bedroom door.

  “Come in,” I respond as I stick my wallet in my back pocket.

  “Great game you played this afternoon, son,” my dad greets as he opens my door but doesn’t enter. He leans just on the inside of the frame with his shoulder and hip, arms crossed over his chest.

  “Thanks, Pop,” I say with pride.

  “Son, watch your tone. Pride is one of the seven deadly sins. I just wanted to make sure you would be back in plenty of time to attend church tomorrow.” It wasn’t a question so much as a statement.
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  “Dad, aren’t I always?” I ask grabbing my keys.

  “Yes, you are, but you kids nowadays…” He stops there.

  “Dad, just say what you ultimately came up here to say. No drinking and driving, no drugs, and NO sex before marriage. Did I get them all?” I inquire with a raised brow while I rub my hand over my chin like I’m in deep thought.

  “Don’t be a smart-alec, Shawn! Those are the rules of this house, and if you want to keep living here, rent-free I might add, then you will abide by them. You understand?” Now standing straight up pointing his left index finger at me.

  “Yes, Dad, I understand,” I reply, looking at the floor.

  He says nothing else, just walks away.

  I run down the steps and out the front door. My mom follows me out yelling my name as she stops on the porch steps. “Shawn!”

  I stop in my tracks, turn, and walk back to her. She places a hand on each side of my face.

  “Shawn, don’t be upset. Your father loves you and only wants the best for you. You’ll soon be on your own and free to do all the sinning you want,” she says as she kisses my nose, and her hands fall away.

  “I love you, Mom.” I lean in to kiss her forehead then slowly walk away backwards holding my right hand over my heart. She gives me a gentle smile as I unlock my black jeep and get in.

  As I pull up to Braden’s dorm, I text him to let him know I’m there. He texts me back that he sees me. I notice him standing on the sidewalk in his skinny blue jeans and gray V-neck t-shirt, wearing a pair of black fucking chucks. He’s holding a dark leather jacket.

  I lean over and open the passenger door for him. Once he gets in, I look around before I reach over to hook his seat belt and steal another feel of those velvety soft lips. I taste cherry chap stick, and it sends my cock into overdrive. I growl against his mouth, and he moans against mine. Not wanting to end it, I say hi against his skin then feel a hand slide behind my head as he dips his tongue inside my mouth, exploring, tasting, caressing. Finally, when we both come up for air, slowly breaking apart but not before I nip that fucking plump bottom lip. Fuck! My body is on fire, but I should at least show my face at this party for a little while. I just want to go somewhere private. He and In exploring each other. We will. Not tonight but soon.

  We pull up to Holston’s house, and there are people everywhere outside. I can see a bunch inside, as well. The music’s bass is vibrating so much so that the windows are rattling.

  Hol’s parents are never home. They’re always traveling and leaving him home alone. He is well-known for throwing epically wild parties.

  I glance over at Braden who looks a little terrified. I grab his knee to try to let him know it’ll be okay.

  “Braden, you look scared shitless. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine,” I reassure him as I run my hand up his thigh.

  We exit the car, and a pack of girls comes barreling towards us.

  “Oh, Shawny, I thought you would never get here,” Charlie chimes in as she pushes her way through the crowd, throwing her arms around me.

  “Hello, Charlie. Hello, ladies. This is my friend Braden Scott.” I introduce him and not so gently push Charlie off me.

  “Braden, weren’t you in Professor Hubert’s Nineteenth Century American History class with me?” one little blonde with big tits asks. He shakes his head.

  “Oh, Braden, you’re the art guy! You painted that beautiful landscape of…oh shit. Oh, Autumn in Ohio,” a tall brunette asks as she sticks her hand out for Braden to shake.

  I nod to him to follow me as I head up the porch steps. Once we are in the house, I lean in and whisper to him, “Look at that, you’re a rock star in your own right.” Then we head to the kitchen to grab a drink.

  Most of my teammates are standing around the counter with chicks hanging on their every word as they talk about the earlier baseball game.

  “Speaking of the devil! There’s our motherfucking MVP now! Ladies, remember the name Shawn Dominque so when he’s making beaucoup bank in the major leagues, you can say I met him once,” a slurring, excited Holston screams out.

  Everyone claps as I give a bow.

  Chapter 5. Braden

  The beat of the music vibrates through me, making my body come alive with excitement. Girls are half dressed, and guys are wearing their best. I still feel like an outsider, an imposter. The only thing making things perfect is Shawn being beside me. His whispered words echo in my head. Look at that, you’re a rock star in your own right. He has no idea how good that made me feel. I never considered myself as anything more than a man who strives to be an artist, and hopefully, will someday succeed. With how effeminate I am, it’s difficult for others to see me as anything other than what I am: gay and somewhat a twink. I hate that word “twink” but have heard it used in reference to me several times, and after a while, it seems to have stuck.

  Shawn’s friends lead us back into the large kitchen where different alcoholic beverages litter the entire countertops. Girls come and go carrying red cups with their drinks of choice. They always stop and say something to the guys; some even blatantly cop a feel of Shawn or one of the other guys. I know I shouldn’t be jealous, he is obviously not into them, or he wouldn’t be here with me, but at times, a tinge of green appears as I watch.

  Shawn pours drinks for all of us and hands me one as he passes the others out. I know not to touch him or show any interest in him other than the way a friend would. I find myself wanting to reach out every time his hair falls into his eyes to brush it aside. I end up clenching my fists to keep from doing just that.

  We move out into the living room where the music is loudest, and bodies are writhing to the tempo. The tall brunette from outside asks to dance with me. I look over and see that girl, Charlie, pressing herself against Shawn, and I shake my head at his obvious discomfort.

  “Sure,” I finally answer as we both start moving to the music. I’m not much of a dancer, but she easily leads me through it. Her body doesn’t grind against me or anything to cause me to feel uncomfortable. If I were a straight man, I could easily see myself dating this person. Too bad she doesn’t physically attract me.

  There is nothing I like more than to palm a stubbled cheek and run my hands down a defined muscular torso. I like a little chest hair, not too much, but a smattering is sexy as hell. I wonder if Shawn has chest hair? I honestly can’t wait to find out.

  We are halfway through the second song when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn to see Shawn. He tilts his head toward the door, and I nod my head. He’s ready to go.

  “Thank you for the dance. I need to leave, but I’ll see you around,” I tell the brunette. Damn, I forgot her name.

  “Are you sure you have to?” She looks up at me and bats her eyelashes. Oh, honey, that doesn’t work on me.

  “I’m sorry, but yes.” I extricate myself from her and follow Shawn to the door. He looks a little irritated as he glances around the room before opening the door and stepping outside. I’m sure it’s that girl that keeps trying to plaster herself to him that’s messing with him.

  I understand why he needs to keep what we have hidden, I just wish we were anywhere else so we could explore this thrumming, intense attraction in the open. I do not like feeling like his dirty, little secret, even as thrilling as that sounds.

  “Let’s go somewhere private,” Shawn says as he starts his truck. I was hoping he would do up my seatbelt again so we could share another kiss, but there are too many people outside for that.

  “We could go to my dorm room,” I offer, and he seems to think about it for a moment before shrugging his shoulder and putting the car in drive. As soon as we are away from the crowded street, he reaches over and takes my hand. I sigh as our fingers tangle together, and the current of electricity that is always there when he touches me calms me.

  He pulls into the parking lot, and my heart is already starting to race, and my palms are sweating. He unlatches my seatbelt so he can steal another kiss, only this time, it
’s chaste and quickly over. Too many people could see us here.

  I can’t help the rush of adrenalin that overtakes me from the thought of accidentally getting caught. I had no idea I had that in me, but there it is.

  We climb out of the car and both walk in silence up to the building. I’m a bundle of nerves because I know we will be doing more than kissing, and I’m not very experienced. I have given a blowjob before but not many. I have never gone further than that. What if he wants to have sex? Am I ready for that? Before I know it, we are standing outside my room. I pull out my key and open it. He takes my hand and drags me through the doorway. The door slams, echoing through the silence of the room. He presses me back against the wood and takes my mouth in a fierce kiss. A kiss that short circuits your brain and leaves you panting for more. A kiss that tells me he is just as much starved for me as I am him.

  I turn my head, breaking the kiss and slide down the wall until I’m eye level with the part of him that I’m dying to taste. I reach for the top button on his jeans and look up at him to make sure it’s okay. He gives me a nod, and I pop the round closure open then slide the zipper down. The sound is overly loud in the quiet room and my heart races to the rhythm. I have never known a need like this…so all consuming. His breathing accelerates as I reach around and cup his firm butt cheeks under his pants and boxer briefs.

  I want to do this for him so badly, but a part of me is scared that I will disappoint him. He must see the uncertainty in my eyes because he puts his hand under my chin and tips my head back.

  “You don’t have to do this,” he says, and I smile.

  “I want to. It’s just…I have only done it a few times, and I’m not sure I’m any good.” I share this with him as I watch him through my lashes. He shakes his head.

  “Not possible. You have no idea how much I want you or what your touch does to me.” He shakes his head again as though he can’t believe I would ever be nervous. It goes a long way in making me feel better. I might not have a lot of experience, but I can compensate for that with enthusiasm.