Personal Experiences

by Tracy Lee

  "Don't be stupid, you're being fucking stupid! Think of how this will turn out, the kids, stop falling for his shit! This is about work!"

  I closed my eyes and take some deep relaxing breaths. I pulled my hair up and jumped in the shower, my body betrayed me by flooding my panties like a dam that had burst forth and for that, it doesn't get taken care of this shower…maybe tonight though, if this is what blue balls feel like, I promise never to cause them again to any man because this sucks!

  I jumped back in my clothes and headed back out to the living area. I saw he had changed as well. I wondered if I should ask him how his blue balls were? I decided not to. I grabbed my gloss out of my pocket and swiped it across my lips and headed for the door.

  "By the way, love the gloss; tastes like cotton candy."

  I rolled my eyes as he closed the door and headed to the elevator without saying a word. The ride to the lobby was quiet and so was the walk to the car. Walking out under the canopy, waiting for the limo to pick us up I saw a black, sleek convertible Audi R8 Spyder pull up. That car was sex on wheels. I saw TJ walk around it. I opened my mouth to yell at him, when that valet attendant handed him the keys. I smiled as the man opened my door and I got in.

  "What the fuck is this and how did it get here?" I asked in a high pitched voice I didn't even know I could produce.

  Either laughing at my voice or at my surprise, I'm not really sure TJ laid his head back on the head rest and proceeds to laugh for what seems like thirty minutes but may have only been a minute. I didn't see the hilarity in either so I just sat there. Finally he put the car in gear and took off.

  "I had it brought over, I thought maybe after work I could take you out, show you the town." The idea sounded good but I wasn't planning on it, I needed to work on those memory sticks so that I could stay on schedule.

  "Maybe" was all I could say to him.

  The drive from the hotel to his office was short but the city was beautiful. I don't have a chance to leave Richland often so this to me is pure beauty. Big city, cars passing us at fast speeds honking their horns, sidewalks full of people walking shoulder to shoulder, cell phones plastered to their ears. This is living. I've always dreamt of being smack-dab in the middle of the bustle of big city living. Small town life is so laid back, I was sick to death of it. I always wanted more than that.

  Pulling up to the high-rise of Mac-Gentry was overwhelming. To think that small town Trevor McHale owned this 24 story building. I felt that everything that I did in the past paid off for him, he would've never gotten all of this if he would've stayed in Richland. The thought made me smile.

  Hopping out of the car when the valet opened it a thought crossed my mind. "When I was putting together your contracts for Richland Manufacturing I would've never put you and Mac-Gentry together. Where did you think of that name?"

  TJ walked around beside me and grabbed my hand as we walked into the front lobby of his company.

  My last name was McHale, I didn't really want to use that, didn't sound very professional, so I shortened it and just made the "Mick" longer and that's how I got the "MAC" he said the initials as though they were words.

  "I went into a partnership with a guy I met in college, Greg Gentry. He was a madman when it came to buying out business. We were partners until we became widespread. Greg got bored, he wanted out. He was in it for the chase and when you get to a certain point that chase decelerates and ultimately you're sitting on the sidelines catching your breath. We were making millions by this time so I bought him out. Now it's all mine." He explained with his hands out in front of him.

  "Aha; nice" I smiled.

  Stepping into the elevator I stare at the gold mirrored doors that are in front of me listening to the bell chime as we pass each floor. I see TJ's reflection, his head is turned towards me again; I know what he's thinking.

  "Don't even think it, McHale. Not going to happen."

  I heard him chuckle, but saw him step in front of me. He put his hands around my head to box me in. "But what you seem to forget, Miss Barker is that this is my company. I make the decisions on what will and what won't happen here." He winked at me in his teasing manner.

  I heard the last bell chime and watched the doors open to the top floor of the Mac-Gentry Firm. I walked out into a waiting area that was immaculate. Modern furniture surrounded the enormous space. On the left of me, was a waterfall covered wall with Mac-Gentry Firm etched into it. The water ran over the logo. The base of the wall projected out, as if it was meant to hold flowers but instead of flowers, it held millions of small pebbles and flood lights that illuminated the Mac-Gentry logo. To the right, were two very modern couches that faced each other. I personally wouldn't call them couches; they looked more along the lines of benches someone had covered with white material then attached one huge roll pillow the length of it. Between the couches sat a stainless steel coffee table with a glass tabletop. The table was home to one simple black vase that contained three, large-pedaled bronze flowers. The chairs were the same design of the couches, none of the furniture had arm rests or backs. The company probably paid thousands of dollars for this furniture and it looked like it was made all for under a hundred bucks. All the chairs faced a wall-mounted television, the sound was turned down low, but CNBC wasn't known for its soap operas or talk shows. Seeing this kind of furniture made it clear to me that I needed to get out more.

  We walk deeper into the waiting area to see the receptionist desk right in front of a clear wall of glass with two doors right in the middle. One of the doors had a card reader on it so that employees could slide their ID's in the slot and go right through, obviously we didn't have one.

  "Carlene, I'd like you to meet Elleny Barker-Jackson". TJ spit out like it was poison on his tongue. "Elle, this is our receptionist, Carlene."

  I smiled at Carlene. TJ continued "Elleny is going to be working here with us for the next couple of weeks. I need you to make sure that she is given an ID so that she can come and go." Carlene smiled at me and welcomed me; "Elleny, it's a pleasure to meet you. Of course, I can have your ID to you by the end of the day, will that do?" I smiled back, "Please, call me Elle. It's a pleasure to meet you as well and the end of the day is fine. I don't plan on going anywhere." Carlene seemed pleasant. She's attractive. Tall with long blonde hair, she looked to be late twenties, early thirties. She's thin, actually she looked too thin, but some men like that.

  "Elle it is then. If you need anything, my extension is in the employee directory just give me a buzz." At this point she looked down at our joined hands and her smile increased. I quickly pulled my hand out of TJ's and returned to my conversation with Carlene. "Thanks again, Carlene and I will probably be taking advantage of your offer." I chuckled softly.

  She hit a button under her desk and the door automatically opened, TJ grabbed my hand again, this time he had a death grip on me. This room was a large square. In the middle was what looked like a hundred divided areas that are individual workstations. All of them containing a large L-shaped table, a computer, a phone and a chair. They provided their own decorations. Some workstations are all decked out with pictures of their families, pen holders, calendars hanging on cork boards, coffee mugs, small radios; and some of them have the bare essentials; a picture of the spouse, maybe their favorite pet. On the right side of the area high up on the wall is another television with the same channel on.

  Around the perimeter are their manager's offices. These offices were actual offices. The names of each manager are posted beside the door along with what depart he or she administer. All of their offices overlook the middle.

  I follow behind him since I don't know where I am going and he seems to be pulling me along by my hand. He stops by an office where an older gentleman is sitting on the phone looking at his computer. We stand there for a moment until I hear him tell whoever he has on the phone he has to go and he will call him back. We walk in and TJ goes straight to his desk.

  "Trevor, I heard you were on your
way back, I didn't expect you back until tomorrow. Did everything go well? The man's eyes float over my way and his smile grows, "Hello, who do we have here?"

  "Sam, I'd like you to meet Elleny. Elleny, this is Sam Fordham, Sam is in charge when I'm not here."

  Sam is older; not by much, early forties. He's in excellent shape, not as good as TJ but he looks like he can hold his own. He has some weight on him but he's not fat. His hair is black with grey streaks running through it, the gray makes him striking. He was wearing a blue pin-striped suit pants and a light pink long sleeved dress shirt, with a silver thick tie. He had a jacket but it's hanging over the back of his chair.

  Sam's eyes looked me up and down and he held out his hand. I took it; that's when he turned my hand over and kissed the top of it. "Elleny, such a beautiful name" His eyes never left mine. "Elle, please; call me Elle and thank you. It's a pleasure to meet you, Sam."

  I smiled at him, his eyes went back to TJ as do mine and he was not smiling. I quickly let go of Sam's hand and attempted to break the tension in the room "Ummm, Sam, I am going to be working with Mr. McHale here for the next couple of weeks." I looked back and forth between Sam and TJ, hoping that someone would give me their eyes in acknowledgement. Finally, Sam broke the eye contact and smiled back at me. "Wonderful Elle, I look forward to getting to know you better. Maybe we can…have lunch possibly, one day?" I looked back at TJ and saw that his jaw was clenching rapidly, I needed to shut this down now and fast. "Well, I have a feeling I'm going to be pretty busy, but thank you for the offer. It was a pleasure meeting you. Mr. McHale, would you mind showing me around further?" I squeezed his hand and mentally commanded him to give me his eyes. He must've heard me screaming inside my head because he turned to me and responded "Of course, please forgive me. Shall we?" I nodded to Sam and excused ourselves with a "Mr. Fordham." He nodded back without saying a word and went back to sitting at his desk.

  We walked back out into the hall, I whispered through gritted teeth. "Your office…Now!" I picked up the pace, even though I had no idea where we were going, I've just got to walk, I've got to calm down. Who the hell does he think he is. He is not my husband, what the fuck does this look like…High school? Just as I think I'm going to confront him, we turn the corner and there sat another open space; another reception area, not as big as the front but it was a good size. Big enough to fit a couch and two chairs, a desk and of course another TV. He nodded to the lady sitting at the desk and pulled me into the office. I happened to catch his name plate beside the door so I knew it was his office. As soon as we walked in he shut the door and told me to not say a word yet. He went over to his desk and pushed a button that made the whole wall of glass that faced the reception area become opaque. He touched another button and the room filled with symphonic music. It was obvious he didn't want anyone hearing or seeing our little discussion here. I thought I would start out.

  "What the fuck is wrong with you? First, you parade around here holding my hand like we're boyfriend and girlfriend, then you introduce me to your second in charge and he pulls some stupid "look at me I'm a male bullshit" and you're ready to take him out in the parking lot and beat the shit outta him like we're in high school. Cut this shit out! Number one, I am not your girlfriend and number two, you're making me look like I'm not someone who they can take seriously."

  He walked out from behind his desk and started pacing in front of it "and how am I making you look like that?" "By making it look like we're fucking each other, TJ!" I yelled at him. "What were you thinking about when you were staring at Sam?" He didn't answer me, so I came closer to him "What…you don't want to say? Cuz you know I know? That you were thinking like we were still seniors in high school and no one can ever put their eyes on me? Well, I'm here to tell you, Trevor" I enunciated his name because he hated when I used his whole name, "We are not in high school anymore. I am not your girlfriend and we are not fucking each other anymore!" I finish off yelling.

  As fast as I could draw in a breath from finishing, TJ was in my face, teeth gritting, his breath coming out as though he was hyperventilating "And why is that, Elleny? Why aren't we together anymore? Why are we not fucking anymore? Oh, that's right, because of Bear. What is it with him Elle, Bear's cock bigger than mine? He give it to you better or even longer than I ever could?"

  Before I could even think what I was doing, the palm of my hand came up and made contact with his cheek and it hit hard. I brought my hand back down and covered my mouth. Physically blocking the screams from coming out.

  He didn't know the shit I had to put up with. Fuck him! I didn't need this shit. "Fuck this, I'm going out to Carlene and have her call me a taxi, I'm going to the airport, this job is done." I go to turn my back on him and head for the door when I heard him whisper "wait". I turned back around and he was staring at me. "Wait for what, TJ?" He stepped forward that one step and I look up at him and he's looking down at me "For this". He picked me up and carried me across the room and pushed me up against the wall with his mouth on mine. My arms flew around his neck, my legs were wrapped around his waist, everything was happening so fast, my mind was in a whirl. One minute we're fighting like cats and dogs; I even got physical and the next minute he's sucking my face off, this is so deranged, this whole cluster-fuck of a situation. But I can't help it. He is a drug to me. I can't seem to be able to tell him no; still! I opened my mouth wider and grabbed the back of his head to pull him deeper into me. I can't get enough of him. He broke the kiss, breathing fast, I could feel he was hard again and he had perfect access because my skirt had drifted up to my hips. I have yet another, pair of panties that need to be burned, which reminded me to find a mall with a Victoria's Secret in it ASAP to purchase more panties. His eyes were roaming the whole of my face. I must look a mess; he looked beautiful. I've missed this look on him, his cheeks were flushed, his lips; swollen. His pupils were dilated, absolute beauty staring at me.

  "Tell me your mine" he whispered, so soft it seemed he just mouthed it. "Say it Elle, tell me your mine." I was like in a dream, one of those dreams when I was pregnant, I could hear a voice that sounded like me but yet my mouth didn't move. "I'm yours" I heard my voice say. "Tell me you belong to me" "I belong to you" He kissed me softer this time as he rolled his hips under me, "You with me?" I heard it and tears came to my eyes. I was gone; completely and he knew it; I knew it. Through tears and a voice that didn't want to cooperate with me, I finally got out what he was waiting seventeen years to hear again "Anchored to ya, babe." He touched his forehead to mine and then his lips came to mine and we kissed as though we were giving each other life… again.

  Chapter Fifteen

  February 1993

  Winter had seemed to diminish early this year. It was cold but not as cold as it had been in February years ago. I was a big as a barn and really the only times I left the house was for my doctor's appointments and when I was going stir-crazy and needed some time out among living people. Bear had come home after being away for three weeks. He begged and pleaded for my forgiveness, I did it and he came back, he wasn't back for long; a week then he was gone again for another two. I was used to it now. This was how it was going to be and I really didn't care anymore. If he was here, he was here if not no big deal.

  The babies were good. Back in December I had a small scare; I thought I was in labor but they were small contractions called Braxton Hicks, the doctor said it was my uterus practicing for the big day. So she monitored the babies for a bit then let me leave the hospital. The babies weren't moving around very much anymore because, bless their hearts, they just didn't have any room. I had a doctor's appointment today and Mona was taking me since it was slick out daddy and her didn't want me behind the wheel. I didn't have a problem with that, so I sat in the back seat and propped my feet up.

  "Have you thought of anymore names, Ellie?" I did, that was about all I could think about anymore because everything led back to TJ even my dreams.

  "For a girl, I'm thinkin Tatum. For a boy, Dylan
."

  "I like those names Sweetheart, they sound like good strong names."

  "I think so." I said as I sat and rub the top of my belly."

  "I think you're a strong woman, Elleny" Mona said out of nowhere. I looked into the rearview mirror and I could see her eyes looking at me. "Don't you ever let him break you, you understand me? You can give him your blood and your sweat but don't you ever give him your tears. You are stronger than him" Her eyes were going from the mirror to the road, from the road to the mirror. I looked at her and through tears, I shook my head. I knew what she was saying and it killed me that her and daddy had to see what he was doing. I didn't care about him leaving or having another woman, I didn't give a shit; he didn't hold my heart. What I cared about was that they had to clean up his mess when he was done beating me; that was something you just didn't want anyone to see.

  Reaching the doctor's I stepped out of the car and out of nowhere I felt fluid run down my leg.

  "Well shit Mona, I just pee'd."

  "You what?" she laughed as though I was joking.

  "I just pee'd down my legs."

  "Honey, that's not pee. I think your water broke."

  "Oh shit, it's not time, Mona. My babies; they aint done cookin." I was panicking so my southern accent was really coming through.

  She told me to stay where I was, she was going to run up to the doctor's office to find out what we should do. She was gone about eight minutes and came running back out taking in oxygen as though she ran a marathon.

  "Jesus, Mona you ok?"

  "Girl, I am not a runner, I'm a lover and a shopper" southern belles don't run. Yeah, I was told that too. You see where that got me. "What did she say?" I had to bring Mona back to reality because she had a plaque on a bench with her name on it, right smack-dab in the middle of lala-land.

  "Oh yeah, I'm taking you to the hospital; she's right behind us." I got back in the car. "Make sure when we get there, you call daddy and have him bring all the stuff" I told Mona. I wasn't really planning on having these babies today but they had other plans. I did though have a bag packed, and the two car seats were by the front door so that we could grab and run if need be. Now we know, next time Mona does not do the running thing.