On a dark back road.
Without a fucking sense of care, even though I care about way too much.
I wanted myself to not care about a thing.
But what was I supposed to do?
Penelope was home on my couch. Sound asleep.
Vera was apparently home, crying, because of me.
Now I was waiting to see if someone showed up because of Werthwood’s missing car.
Which, of course, was somehow always going to be our fault.
Them… the bad guys all the time.
I called Ash and told him what was up.
He was pissed at me for not telling him sooner.
He needed to convince Uly to climb off of Mara so they could both meet me.
But I wanted to do this thing alone.
Which was really fucking stupid to think or do.
But, hey, bring it on, right? What the hell did I have to lose? A little bit of nothing and everything all mixed together.
I finished my cigarette and heard a whistle.
I saw a figure cutting through the darkness.
“How are we doing tonight?” a voice called out.
“I have a pretty girl sleeping on my couch,” I said. “And another I could pick up and take into my bed. They’re both kind of crazy though. So I’m not sure who’s winning or losing.”
“I know who’s losing,” the voice said. “You are, Hil. You and Them. But this shit is old now. It wasn’t as fun as I thought. And I kind of got my own ass into a little heat over it.”
He stepped forward and turned, showing me nothing.
He was in a black hoodie with black jeans.
The hood pulled up.
I folded my arms. “I really don’t care what you have to say about this shit. We already have it mostly figured out. Werthwood is off our ass. We’ve beaten the hell out of anyone who talked about us taking the car. And, come on, man, you know who we are. We’re Them. We have everything under control. You’re wasting your own time.”
“But it was a fun fucking ride,” he said with a laugh.
He slowly turned around, head down.
And in dramatic fashion, he lifted his head and pushed the hoodie hood down.
And he smiled at me.
“What’s up, Hil?” he asked.
I slowly nodded.
“Fucking Kip.”
* * *
“For the record, I’m here alone,” he said.
“So am I.”
“Your boyfriends will be coming soon.”
“And yours?”
“Oh, they’re pissed at me,” he said. “The Rulz are pissed at me.”
“Wow. So you came all the way here to steal Werthwood’s car. And then… what… you’re returning it?”
“Nah,” Kip said. “I have it parked somewhere. Someday it’ll be found. But you said it… you’re not taking the blame, right?”
“Never took it for a second.”
“But it was annoying.”
“Kind of like you.”
“Exactly my point,” Kip said. “We’re always there, Hil. I know our last little dust up… East vs. West… that wasn’t all that exciting, was it?”
“I had no problem busting your face open,” I said.
“I feel the same about you,” he said. “I mean, we’ve got time to kill…”
“Oh, man, Kip, you have no idea how much I’m ready to fucking kick your ass,” I said. “But you’re not worth the time.”
Kip pointed at me. “I knew it. You’re mush now. Heard you got yourself a pretty girl. And you’re playing all these shows. Look at you.”
“And look at you. Fucking scumming around, stealing a car for fun…”
“Ruby was out of town with her grandmother,” he said. “I got bored. We were talking about shit. Your names came up. We heard some stuff was going on up here. Wasn’t sure if we should pay a visit or not. And they talk too much, Hil. You know? Pres with Ti… and Barr with Mel… and I’m just hanging in the middle. Like you. You know?”
“No, I don’t know,” I said.
“Anyway, that’s the story. I took the car. For fun. Was hoping you assholes would get arrested. Harassed a little bit more.”
“What did you do to the car, Kip?”
“Nothing.”
“Fuck you. What did you do to it?”
“Oh, you mean carving the word THEM into the side of the door?”
“Nice,” I said. “So it will fall back on us.”
“Oops.”
We ended up in silence.
Them against the Rulz. East vs. West.
I made a fist with my right hand and stepped toward him.
“Thank fucking god for this shit,” Kip said.
We both swung at the same time at each other.
Our fists hit each other’s faces at the same time too.
* * *
I took a drag of my cigarette and my jaw felt like it was going to fall off my face.
I exhaled the smoke, licked my lip, and tasted blood.
Ash and Uly finally showed up.
“Did you fuckers walk?” I asked with a laugh.
“What the fuck happened here?” Uly asked.
I pointed to the black hoodie on the ground. “I got his hoodie at least. He went away limping. Everything’s cool.”
“Cool?” Ash asked. “What does that mean?”
“It was Kip,” I said.
“What?” Uly yelled. “The Rulz did this?”
“Not the Rulz. Just Kip. He was fucking bored. Wanted to see if we’d get arrested and shit. Fuck him.”
“That’s it?” Ash asked. “Fuck him?”
“I’ve got shit on my mind,” I said. “I’m not in the mood for this right now.”
“Did you hit your head, man?” Uly asked. “You don’t want to fight? You don’t want to go down there and go after the Rulz?”
“Just fucking tell him,” Ash said.
“Tell me what?” Uly asked.
“I saw Penelope,” I said.
Uly’s face dropped. “What?”
“I don’t know the whole situation right now, man, but she was at Vera’s house. She’s friends with Vera’s sister. Actually she watches her kid. The baby. Greta. And she… uh… she’s on my couch right now. And I gotta get out of here.”
“Holy fuck,” Ash said. “She stayed? You let her stay?”
“You knew about this?” Uly asked.
He grabbed for Ash and Ash threw him back.
They went for each other again.
Ready to throw some serious punches.
“The baby is mine,” I called out.
Both stopped mid-punch and looked at me.
“What?” Ash asked.
“How?” Uly asked.
“What do you mean how?” I asked. “You know what she did to us.”
“She faked it,” Uly said.
“She left pregnant, Uly.”
“She said…” Uly let Ash go and backed up.
“She said, what?” I asked.
“Wait,” Ash said. “You’re the father of her kid?”
“I’m trying to wrap my head around a lot right now, bro,” I said.
“I don’t believe that for a second,” Ash said. “She’s a fucking liar, Hil. There’s always an extra story with her.”
“Fuck!” I yelled. “Shut up. I saw the pictures. I saw the kid. The baby. I looked at her. I don’t know. I feel like they all set me up. Okay? And I bought into it again. The way Vera acted… and I just started falling… and now this shit.”
“What are you going to do?” Uly asked. “I’m not fucking dealing with her ever again. I swear on my life. I’ll bail on BFH. Fuck this. I’m gone. I’ll go down and hang with Mara. Figure something out with her. I’ll fucking leave the state with her. Fuck that. I’m not letting that girl near me. Penelope did shit that just…”
“Yeah, it’s all about you, Uly,” I said. “You selfish prick.”
“Fuck you, man. You
know what I’m saying.”
“And just like that, she has you two fighting,” Ash said. “How the fuck did she end up on your couch?”
“Now you’re attacking me too?” I asked. “This is perfect. Fuck you both.”
I climbed on my motorcycle.
“You need to handle this,” Uly said. “Don’t fall for her shit. Not after who was involved in it. You know what she said to us when she left.”
I started the motorcycle.
Ash stared at me.
I dropped my cigarette to Kip’s hoodie and I drove off.
Kip and I had it out for a good five minutes or so. Taking punches and giving them. Something we both needed for very different reasons. And that was the end of it. I didn’t have time to care about a fucking car.
Or anyone else but…
It pained me to think it.
I had to care about Penelope again.
* * *
I didn’t sleep for a second.
I spent the night sitting in a chair, looking at Penelope as she slept. And looking at my phone at Vera’s name. Something had to make sense. Something, somewhere…
By morning I was in the kitchen ready to chug as much coffee as I could handle.
I heard the sound of Penelope waking up.
She walked to the kitchen and I looked down at the only coffee mug on the counter.
“Morning, Hil,” she said.
“Morning,” I said.
I reached up and opened the glass cabinet to get a coffee mug for her.
This wasn’t what anyone thought it was. Or would be.
I poured her a coffee and turned around.
She gasped. “Holy shit. Your face.”
“Calling me ugly now?” I asked.
Penelope smiled. “You’re never ugly, Hil. But what happened…”
“You crashed hard.”
“I’m sorry. Everything was just so pent up in me. It felt good to say it. To get it all off my chest, you know? It was a relief. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I’m…”
You checked in with Veronica. You knew what you were doing.
“I had to take care of stuff last night,” I said.
“Meaning?”
“It’s my business.”
“So you leave in the middle of the night to fight someone?”
“Better than what I really wanted to do.”
“So you held back for me?”
Penelope came toward me.
I stuck my hand out with her coffee mug.
She took the mug and put it on the counter.
She closed in on me and slid her hands to my face.
“Hil,” she whispered with her morning breath. “Don’t do this…” She moved to her toes and pressed her body against mine. “Don’t fight this. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks or says. You know that, right? And it doesn’t matter about the past either. We’re better now.”
I put my hands to her waist.
She groaned and tried to kiss me.
I slipped away from her and walked out of the kitchen.
I went to the front door and opened it.
My head and eyes felt ready to pop like little pieces of gummy candy with gooey centers.
“You’re leaving?” Penelope asked as she tried to catch up to me.
“I have to… do something…”
“You want to do something? Help me with Greta today.”
I looked over my shoulder. “What?”
“Veronica has a meeting,” she said. “So she’s taking her to a daycare place. I hate the idea of that. But it’s just kind of for one day. I don’t know. She’s been there before. For activities. You can pick her up. I’ll leave your name there. Just bring her…”
“To Vera’s house?” I asked.
Penelope’s eyebrows lifted. “Really? You’re going to play that game with me, Hil? See, this is why I didn’t want to tell you. How about everyone grows up a little?”
“Penelope… it’s not that simple…”
“Then do what you need to do,” she said. “Am I at least allowed to take a shower here? You know what? No. Forget I said that. I’ll leave first.”
She ran to the door.
I shut my eyes and put my hand out to stop her.
My hand rested against her stomach.
She put her hand to mine.
I opened my eyes and she was staring up at me.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t want to get hurt.”
“How are you going to get hurt?”
“You were perfect. And I screwed it all up. You don’t want or need Vera. Trust me. I don’t want to talk behind her back. But if I need to tell you the truth…”
“I have to go to BFH,” I said. “I’ll get Greta. I, uh, I have the SUV parked around back. I just need to…”
“I’ll put her car seat in there for you. You can figure it out, right?” Before I could answer, Penelope jumped to her toes and kissed my jaw. “Perfect.” Then she walked back to the kitchen and grabbed her coffee.
I had to leave the house.
I shut the door.
A second time I was leaving Penelope in my house.
Alone.
I just couldn’t be there.
I didn’t want to go to BFH either.
There wasn’t anywhere I wanted to go.
All the while Vera’s name and memory flirted in the back of my mind.
Chapter 19
The halls buzzed with rumors.
Everyone was quiet near me but I could hear it when I walked away.
I spotted Tara and put my hands together and nodded to her.
The closest thing to an apology she’d ever get from me.
She gave me the middle finger.
I deserved it.
It didn’t bother me.
Ash and Uly were waiting for me at my locker.
Belle was close by, looking a mix of sad and mad.
“You told her?” I asked Ash.
“No,” Ash said. “She’s just looking that way because of everything with Werthwood and Kip. What a stupid pussy move to make.”
“For no reason,” Uly said.
“I really don’t give a fuck,” I said.
“Everyone around here does,” Ash said.
“What do you want me to do about it?” I asked. “Huh? Want me to break into Werthwood’s office and make an announcement?”
“That would be badass,” Uly said.
I looked at him. “So we’re suddenly cool now?”
“Not even close,” Uly said. “For the sake of Them, we’re cool. Keep shit straight in these halls. And what I mean by that is simple… we found out it was Kip and we took care of it. If East vs. West wants to get wild again, then let’s get wild again. I don’t care.”
I looked at Ash. “What do you have to say, bro?”
“You’re not going to like it one bit,” he said. “But I’m not an idiot here.”
“Meaning what?”
“You think everyone is fucking with you,” Ash said. “You probably deserve some of it. You’re an asshole, Hil, but I’m going to find out what’s really going on.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” I asked.
“This isn’t just about you, bro. This is about family now. My father. Your mother.”
I slammed my hands into Ash’s chest and he hit the locker behind him hard.
“Hil!” Belle screamed.
“Stay out of it,” I yelled to her.
Ash punched me in the jaw.
I wasn’t looking, so it not only caught me off guard, it sent me stumbling back.
Uly stepped between Ash and I.
This wasn’t the place to start a real fight like this.
Everything was crumbling even more.
“I don’t care what you think,” Ash said. “I’ll find the truth.”
“And you want him to,” I said to Uly. “Because you’re still hurt over her. No matter what you say.”
Uly looked at m
e. “And she’s walking on your heart again. Good luck, Hil. That’s all I can fucking say.”
I looked at Belle.
She had a hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes.
It felt like we were at a funeral or someone just told us someone we knew died.
It was damn somber.
I walked in the opposite direction to get away.
And I left BFH as fast as I had shown up.
I went across the parking lot to get on my motorcycle.
I had nothing left to do but waste time, as my thoughts caused havoc on my mind.
As I left the BFH lot, I spotted Werthwood’s car.
Returned to the parking spot it should have been in if he had driven it to BFH.
I slowed enough to look at the driver’s side door.
The word THEM was scratched into the door. Along with the word NOT in front of it.
NOT THEM.
I shook my head and took off.
I had no idea what the fuck I was doing at that point.
Was I with Vera? Was I supposed to be with Penelope? Was I part of Them? And what the fuck did that even mean anymore? Or… was I just Greta’s father?
The road ahead of me was perfectly flat and straight.
The opposite of the road in my life.
* * *
I was listed as an emergency contact to pick up Greta.
Not as her father.
Just a contact.
I had gone back home to get my SUV.
I stupidly stood there for a few minutes and practiced buckling and unbuckling the straps. Just so I could pretend like I knew what I was doing.
Penelope had texted a few times just to check in and say hey. She got my number from Veronica. She said for good reason.
I guess it was for good reason.
It all felt… weird.
Not a good weird or a bad weird.
I knew what Ash was going to do. What he felt he had to do. I was pissed at him for it but only because I was pissed at myself. There was more to the story than I was told. And that was from everyone.
But in the middle of it all was Greta.
When she saw me, she wasn’t sure what to do.
Not that I could blame her.
Her teacher (or whatever the woman was to her) was named Miss Carol.
She took Greta’s hand.
I crouched down.
“She’s not used to me picking her up,” I said.
HIL: a bay falls high novel Page 17
