Loving a Little Heart

by Breanna Hayse

  "Come downstairs and have some breakfast. I'll make Olaf pancakes," Hayden bribed.

  She lifted her head from Jake's chest and sniffed. "With whipped cream, and blueberries for the eyes?"

  "Yep, and candy corn for his nose. We can watch a movie while we eat them, too."

  "Can we watch Frozen?" she asked, wiping her face on Jake's t-shirt.

  "We will even sing along with you," he promised.

  "I don't want a Baby Day," she said grumpily, not seeing the two men wink at each other.

  "Okay, no Baby Day. If you are in the mood after the movie, we can go to the park and feed the ducks."

  "And then go for ice-cream?"

  "If you want to."

  "I'm going to bring along that Zentangle book and colored pencils. I've been eyeballing that thing ever since Terry picked it up at the art show," Hayden said.

  "What are you talking about?" Jake asked.

  "It's an adult coloring book filled with mandalas. He also got her a full set of Faber-Castell pencils. She can feed the ducks while I zone out."

  "I might want to color, too," Baylor said.

  "Whatever you want that makes you happy, baby. It's not a Baby Day, so neither of us are going to tell you what to do."

  ***

  Baylor walked between her two daddies, swinging their hands as they strolled around the man-made fishing lake. They had watched the movie, gone for ice-cream, colored for a while, and then rented some tube floats and hand paddled in the lake until Baylor announced a craving for chocolate. Getting her swollen, pregnant body out of the tube had ended up with all three of them falling into the water and laughing so hard that they'd all started snorting.

  "Are you having a good day, babygirl?" Hayden asked.

  "It's perfect. Thank you." She squeezed his hand. "And don't think for one minute that I don't know that this is a Baby Day."

  "Complaints?"

  "No, Daddy," she said, bumping lightly into Jake. "I guess I didn't realize that I could feel this way without it being forced."

  "We kind of steered it, though. Remember that ageplay is about the frame of mind, not the titles that are used," Jake said.

  "It is also about making our Little feel loved, wanted and nurtured," Hayden added.

  "I like being your Little. What are we going to do when the babies are born? Do we hide all this?"

  "They will know our family for what we are. As for our dynamic, we will be more discreet as they get older, but we aren't going to let it go."

  "Can we still have special days like today?"

  "As many as you want. When our girls get older, they will just see you as playing along with them," Hayden explained.

  "By the time they feel they are too old to hang around with the old folk, they will have their own friends and we will have our time together apart from them."

  "I don't ever want them to feel like we don't want them around, though," Baylor said with concern.

  "We will never do that to any of our girls," Jake promised. "Now, did you say something about getting a frozen, chocolate-covered banana?"

  "Not me."

  "I guess that was my idea. Let's go!"

  Chapter Eight

  Baylor's nightmare came to pass two weeks later. The entire family had gathered for a barbeque, and to cool off in the pool, when the doorbell rang.

  "Are you boys expecting anyone?" Bob asked, rising to answer it.

  "Nope. It might be one of the neighbors drooling over the scent of roasted cow. Let him in," Jake said heartily before cannonballing into the pool.

  "Hey!" Baylor shouted, splashing him when he popped back up through the surface. "You got my face wet!"

  "Oh yeah? Well, let's see about getting your whole head—"

  He stopped mid-sentence as Baylor's face paled, and slowly turned his head to see what she was looking at. An older version of Baylor, complete with the cornflower blue eyes and jet black hair that housed a few stray grays, stood next to Bob. She was dressed in black jeans, a white shirt, and a black jacket.

  "You look just like her," Jake whispered, wrapping his arm around Baylor's shoulder.

  "Don't remind me. What are you doing here, Mother? I thought I made it clear that your presence was not welcome."

  "Actually, I'm taking the hit for this one, honeybun," Bob said and winced. "I had suggested she come, although I wasn't expecting it to be so soon. I had hoped to have some time to talk with you, but—"

  "Baylor, please listen to me. I want to make things right with you," the woman said, her lower lip quivering nervously.

  Baylor narrowed her eyes as her mother squatted at the edge of the pool. "I messed up so much. Both of your brothers are in jail, your sisters are all in AA, and I ended up in the hospital after the last bastard I was with beat the crap out of me. You're right. It is time I grew up. I swear, I don't want anything except your forgiveness. Please."

  "How could you bring her into my house?" Baylor glared at Bob. "I trusted you to protect me. Aren't you guys going to say anything?"

  "I need to support my wife," Jake said softly. "I can't have her being hurt by anyone."

  "I will also support my wife," Hayden added, crossing his arms over his chest.

  "Please, Baylor, just give me five minutes. That's all I'm asking for. I beg you."

  "You had twenty-four years that you wasted! Not once have you ever shown me that you cared about anything except yourself, your drugs and your fucking sex life!" Baylor spat.

  "Baylor, watch the—"

  "Fuck that, Jake! I have always watched my mouth with her. She would take away my camera if I didn't. The one thing that gave me joy, she used as a weapon to hurt me. Well, not anymore. She will insinuate herself into our lives and leave poison everywhere. It's what she does."

  "I'm so sorry, baby," the woman cried.

  "Be sorry somewhere else. Get out of my house."

  "Come on. It's time to go," Bob said gently, pulling the crying woman up by the arm. With a single glance back at her daughter, she left with her escort.

  "Don't look at me as though I am the enemy," Baylor shouted at the four silent men. "You don't know how I feel."

  "No, we don't. We are trying to, though, and we will all stand behind you." Terry sat down on the pool's edge, next to the subdued Matt.

  "You need to be standing in front of me! I can't believe Bob did this," Baylor said.

  "I don't think he really understood the severity of the situation. I know my dad. He's a peacemaker and, if there is a chance at resolving a conflict, he's on it," Jake said softly.

  "He needs to mind his own business, and not assume that everyone is as willing to reconcile as he might be. How would you have felt if he'd brought your ex-wife here?" She blinked at her husbands through red eyes.

  "He would not have disrespected you—or our marriage—like that."

  "He disrespected me by bringing that witch into my home, so how is that different? Would you have been so nonchalant about it if the roles were reversed?"

  "I would have been livid," Jake admitted. Hayden nodded in agreement, joining the other three on the concrete. "Matt? You're being very quiet. Thoughts?"

  "I don't know if sharing them right now is either wise or healthy," Matt said.

  "Who are you afraid of? Us or her?"

  "Neither. It's him." He gestured to Terry. "We had a similar situation a while back that we haven't told you about."

  "For a reason, Matthew," Terry said firmly. "And I would prefer that it remained that way."

  "I'm sorry, T, but this is for our family." He waited until Terry nodded before continuing. "Remember that week we kept you as a Little, and how Terry was not himself? It was because his ex came back," Matt said softly. "He was all apologies and promises, and wanted to make things right so that he could go forward and be happy. Well, you know T-bear and his feelings about betrayal."

  "That's enough. Please," Terry said, looking down.

  "I love you, T, but if we can't trust ou
r family with our pain, then who can we trust?" Matt said.

  "Uncle Terry?" Baylor asked, swimming to the edge and looking up at the big man. "What happened?"

  "What was expected. I told the cheating bastard to take a hike and enjoy hell when he got there. I told him to learn to live without my forgiveness, and never to cross my path again."

  "That's understandable, given what the fucker did to you, bro," Hayden said. "You were crushed when he betrayed you. We were there to pick up those pieces, remember?"

  "I remember everything, which is why I did not want to put myself in that position again," Terry muttered.

  "So what did he say?" Baylor asked.

  "He did what he always does. He burst into tears, and told me that I had to forgive him to free myself. I've heard that song and dance from him a million times, and it always ended up with him needing money and then hurting me again. This time, I threw him out without another word."

  "What aren't you telling us?" Jake asked.

  "He was unstable. More than we knew. He took a trip down to San Diego, where he had been stationed, and jumped off the Coronado Bridge." Terry's voice was almost a whisper.

  "Oh, dear God…" Hayden gasped. "T, you know that was not your doing?"

  "I know that. He may have chosen to take that route even if I had forgiven him. The point is that it took me a long time to free myself by forgiving him."

  "We also don't believe that forgiveness necessarily means reconciliation," Matt added. "Sometimes it's too dangerous to stay around people who are toxic to us."

  "So, you are saying that I need to forgive her to free myself?" Baylor said flatly.

  "The bitterness that comes with holding hatred has a price, little sister. Who knows what somebody else did to your mom to make her behave this way. The fact is that she came to you, acknowledged that she screwed up, and asked for forgiveness. You did nothing wrong in separating yourself from an abusive relationship."

  "There is nothing she has that I desire in my life. That is why I never returned to her."

  "I'm not suggesting you reunite with her. To be truthful, I would not trust her to be around this family—or our children—given the suspicious nature of her presence. What I am saying is that maybe if she hears the words of forgiveness coming from you, she might actually take real responsibility and start to repair the damage she's caused to you, your brothers and sisters, and herself."

  "I do not want her in my life. Why can't you understand that?" Baylor said, growing angry.

  Matt slid into the pool with her and took her hands. "I do understand, and I don't want her in our life either, not until she has proven herself to you. What I do want is for our babies to be brought into a family that is free of hatred, prejudice and fear. My parents were not planning to hurt me with their rejection when I was born, but their homophobia eventually destroyed us. I don't want that for our kids."

  Baylor's hand trembled in Matt's warm, calloused paws. "My feelings towards her have to do with how she chose to treat me. She was abusive, selfish, and neglectful. Those were her choices, including her addictions. If she did not want to care for children, she should have kept her legs closed."

  Matt moved his hands to cradle her face and make her look at him. He kissed her forehead and continued softly. "I know, and you are correct. Remember, forgiving someone just frees us of their power over us. You don't have to be with them."

  "I had all but forgotten that she existed until she stalked me."

  "Matt, I'm with Bay here. I don't want anyone in her life that has hurt her this badly," Jake said. Hayden nodded in agreement. "I certainly would never trust her with our children."

  "Nor would we," Matt said gently. His beard tickled Baylor's nose as he placed his warm lips once again to her forehead. "Think about it. That is all I ask. I don't want you to make any decision that you will regret, or that goes against your heart, okay? I'm not just your 'big brother', I'm also one of your best friends. I want you to be happy."

  She nodded, closed her eyes to accept another kiss, and then slowly wrapped her arms around his neck to hold him.

  "Baylor? I'm so sorry, honey." She heard Bob speak above them. "So very sorry. I acted out of line, and I apologize to all of you."

  "That's okay, Dad. We all know your intent and no one is angry." Jake pulled himself out of the water. "Where did she go?"

  "She's staying at the Ramada in town. Her plane leaves the day after tomorrow but she is going to try to change her flight. Sweetheart, please forgive me. I never meant to hurt you. I had no idea that this was such a delicate issue, otherwise I would not have even answered her call," Bob said.

  "She called you? How did she get your number?" Baylor asked.

  "I didn't ask. I assume she looked it up online."

  "She probably got it from that jerk at the ceremony. We all signed a guest list," Hayden commented.

  "I know that you would never hurt any of your kids intentionally, Bob," Baylor said quietly, holding her hands over her tummy and staring down at it. She thought quietly for a moment. "If I let her have those five minutes, would all of you be okay with that?"

  "We will support anything you decide to do, babygirl. Tell us what you want."

  ***

  "Say your piece, Mother. You have five minutes," Baylor said, her voice tight with emotion. She had been feeling false contractions all day, and her blood pressure had skyrocketed from the anxiety. "Just one word of warning: if you give any excuse, or try to justify your behavior, this discussion is closed and will never be reopened."

  Her mother looked at the ground. "I fucked up. My entire life was a huge mistake. I thought I could live free and easy, having babies and living on the system. My mother did it, and there was no reason why I couldn't either. Drugs just helped the days go faster and numb the pain. I used you to put money in my pocket because I'm a selfish, lazy excuse for a human being. And now I'm alone. Except for you, all my children followed in my footsteps and will spend the rest of their lives either behind bars, or on the streets. It scared me to see where my life went, so I put myself in rehab, got some training through the adult school, and am working as a shelf stocker and inventory assistant at an auto shop."

  "Why did you come here?" Jake asked, his eyes boring into her. The woman could not look at him in the eye. She had been very 'twitchy' since he'd presented to her dressed in his CHP motorcycle cop uniform.

  "My question, as well. How long have you been in this job, and why now?" Hayden added.

  "I've been working about three weeks. Her father-in-law called me—"

  "You said you saw me on TV." Baylor crossed her arms. "He didn't know that it was me who was coming to the awards banquet. The check was made out to B. Paterson. Why would he contact you?"

  "I guess he suspected it was you and called me."

  "He knew nothing about my marriage or my pregnancy until he saw me. The show was also a live broadcast. Did he call you after it was over?"

  "I, uh, I don't know."

  "You don't know?" Matt stood up and looked down at her, his face clouded with anger. "Let me offer some suggestions. I think you saw her get that money and then you contacted the bank he works for. I think you spoke to him, and when he found out that you were the woman who did everything possible to make this girl miserable, he gave you whatever information he could—out of spite. I think that you came here with a song and dance because after three whole weeks of actually having a job, you would rather sit back on your ass and live off someone else's income."

  With her mouth hanging open, Baylor watched silently as the usually quiet, peaceful, and controlled Matt showed a side that she hadn't known existed.

  "People like you stalk award winners. You like to watch for people who come into money, and then find a reason to invade their lives. In this case, the award happened to go to your daughter, which gave you the perfect excuse to track her down. What is the truth, Ms. Parish? All of my assumptions, or just one? Answer me!" Matt barked.

 
; "I just want a new beginning!" the woman yelled. "What the fuck is wrong with wanting to start all over? This little slut had all of you to nurse her way and give her this, and it's my turn!"

  "Let me get one thing clear with you, Mother," Baylor hissed, lifting her hand to stop the men. "Everything that brought me here is because of what I've done for myself! I tried it your way, the easy way, by marrying that piece of shit. But I did not want to be like you, and did everything possible to ensure that I wouldn't be. Everything I have now is what I have earned due to hard work and determination. Nothing has been handed to me!"

  "She also has this family because she is loyal, generous, and cares about other people. And if you ever call my wife a slut again, I'll…" Jake hissed, standing beside Baylor.

  Hayden was already at the door, "See your way out of our home and never show your face again. If you do, I promise that we will make every effort to ensure that you join your sons in jail."

  Terry spoke. His voice was calm, quiet, and cool. "I pity you. You had the perfect opportunity to make things right in your life, and had you bothered to see what you had lost instead of what you wanted to take, you could have found yourself with a daughter and grandchildren."

  "I encouraged Baylor to give you this last chance, hoping that it would free her of your venom. Instead, you managed to inject more into her. Bay, I'm so sorry. I should have trusted you when you said no. Forgive me," Matt said softly, embracing the young woman.

  "Just get her out of my sight, please," Baylor said, trying to hide the shaking in her voice. Matt caught her as she crumpled to the ground the moment the door closed behind her mother.

  "Get her on the couch," Terry commanded. "Grab her some juice. Talk to me, Bay."

  "My stomach hurts, like someone punched me," she wept, clutching her belly.

  "Fuck. Terry, she's bleeding," Matt said, pointing to the smear of dark blood on her thigh.

  "Let's get her to the hospital. Jake? Let the patrol know that we're going to be speeding."

  "What's going on? Terry?" Hayden clutched Baylor's hand as the big man lifted her easily.

  "I don't know, buddy. Just start praying," Terry said, holding her close to him. "Matt? You drive."