Si Klegg, Book 1
Page 12
CHAPTER X. SI AND THE DOCTORS
HE JOINS THE PALE PROCESSION AT SICK-CALL.
SI KLEGG was a good specimen of a healthy, robust Hoosier lad--for hecould scarcely be called' a man yet. Since he lay in his cradle and wasdosed with paregoric and catnip tea like other babies, he had never seena sick day, except when he had the mumps on "both sides" at once. He haddone all he could to starve the doctors.
When the 200th Ind. took the field it had the usual outfit of men whowrote their names sandwiched between a military title in front and"M. D." behind, a big hospital tent, and an apothecary shop on wheels,loaded to the guards with quinine, blue-mass, castor oil, epsom salts,and all other devices to assuage the sufferings of humanity.
The boys all started out in good shape, and there had been hardly timefor them to get sick much yet. So up to this stage of the regiment'shistory the doctors had found little to do but issue arnica and salvefor lame legs and blistered feet, and strut around in their shinyuniforms.
But there came a day when they had all they could attend to. On goinginto camp one afternoon, the regiment, well in advance, struck a bigfield of green corn and an orchard of half-ripe apples. Of course, theboys sailed in, and natural consequences followed.
"Now this is something like!" said Si, as he squatted on the groundalong with Shorty and half a dozen messmates. They surrounded acamp-kettle full of steaming ears and half a bushel or so of applesheaped on a poncho.
"Wish we had some o' mother's butter to grease this corn with," observedSi, as he flung a cob into the fire and seized a fresh ear.
All agreed that Si's head was level on the butter question, but underall the circumstances of the case they were glad enough to have the comwithout butter.
The ears went off with amazing rapidity. Every man seemed to be afraidhe wouldn't get his share. When the kettle was empty the boys turnedthemselves loose on the apples, utterly reckless of results. So, theywere filled full, and were thankful.
When Si got up he burst off half the buttons on his clothes. He lookedas if he was carrying a bass-drum in front of him. After he began toshrink he had to tie up his clothes with a string until he had a chanceto repair damages. But during the next 24 hours he had something else tothink of.
In fact, it wasn't long till Si began to wish he had eaten an ear ofcorn and an apple or two less. He didn't feel very well. He turned inearly, thinking he would go to sleep and be all right in the morning.
Along in the night he uttered a yell that came near stampeding thecompany. An enormous colic was raging around in his interior, and Sifairly howled with pain. He thought he was going: to die right away.
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"Shorty," said he, between the gripes, to his comrade, "I'm afeared I'mgoin' to peter out. After I'm gone you write to--to--Annie and tell herI died for my country like a man. I'd ruther been shot than die with thecolic, but I 'spose 'twont make much difference after it's all over!"9 "I'll do it," replied Shorty. "We'll plant you in good shape; and Si,we'll gather up the corn-cobs and build a monument over you!"
But Si wasn't cut off in the bloom of youth by that colic. His eruptivecondition frightened Shorty, however, and though he was in nearly as badshape himself, he went up and routed out one of the doctors, who growleda good deal about being disturbed.
The debris of the supper scattered about the camp told him what was thematter, and he had no need to make a critical diagnosis of Si's case.He gave him a dose of something or other that made the pain let up alittle, and Si managed to rub along through the night.
Fortunately for Si, and for more than half the members of the regiment,the army did not move next day, and the doctors had a good opportunityto get in their work.
At the usual hour in the morning the bugle blew the "sick-call." Aregiment of tanned and grizzled veterans from Ohio lay next to the 200thInd., and as Si lay there he heard them take up the music:
"Git yer qui-nine! Git yer qui-nine! Tumble up you sick and lame and blind; Git a-long right smart, you'll be left be-hind."
"Fall in fer yer ipecac!" shouted the Orderly of Co. Q. Si joined theprocession and went wabbling up to the "doctor's" shop. He was betterthan he had been during the night, but still looked a good dealdiscouraged.
It was a regular matinee that day. The Surgeon and his assistants wereall on hand, as the various squads, colicky and cadaverous, came to afocus in front of the tent.
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The doctors worked off the patients at a rapid rate, generallyprescribing the same medicine for all, no matter what ailed them. Thiswas the way the army doctors always did, but it happened in this casethat they were not far wrong, as the ailments, arising from a commoncause, were much the same.
Si waited till his turn came, and received his rations from the HospitalSteward. Of course, he was excused from duty for the day, and as hespeedily recovered his normal condition he really had a good time.
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A few days after this the whole regiment was ordered on fatigue duty torepair an old corduroy road. Si didn't want to go, and "played off." Hetold the Orderly he wasn't able to work, but the Orderly said he wouldhave to shoulder an ax or a shovel, unless he was excused by the doctor.He went up at sick-call and made a wry face, with his hands clasped overhis body in the latitude of his waistband.
The doctor gave him a lot of blue-mass pills, which Si threw into thefire as soon as he got back to his quarters. Then he played seven-up allday with Shorty, who had learned before Si did how to get a day off whenhe wanted it.
Si thought it was a great scheme, but he tried it once too often. Thedoctor "caught on," and said, the next time Si went up, that castor oilwas what he needed to fetch him around. So he poured out a large doseand made Si take it right then and there.
The next time fatigue duty was ordered Si thought he felt well enough togo along with the boys.