A Hero Needed Tonight

by Jaime Savage

  SCENE: FAST FOOD RESTAURANT

  Luke and Ava are in queue at a submarine sandwich fast food restaurant. The restaurant is completely self service. Ava looks on in disgust as the man in front of her in the queue takes a spoonful of fried grasshoppers and places it into his sandwich. They pay for their subs via a robot cashier service and leave the restaurant, treading carefully around a robot vacuum that is working near the door.

  SCENE: BOTANCIAL GARDENS

  Luke and Ava eat lunch in a large grass amphitheatre alongside other picnic goers scattered across the mighty venue. Fronting the amphitheatre is an impressive sound stage where a German scientist is giving an excitable research pitch to the masses. Despite wearing a white lab coat the man looks more like a rock star than a scientist. His hair is big, frizzy and waist length and he sports long earrings from both ears. It really is a sign of the times; the science community have embraced celebrity like status in order to channel private funding from donations to put towards their research. Standing beside the scientist on the stage, looking a little out of place, is what appears to be an adolescent boy.

  SCIENTIST

  'The fountain of youth. A legend that has been retold for many centuries. The stuff of imagination and dreams. The desperate longing for former beauty; the return to better times! What if I was to say it was possible? What if I was to say that I am only one year away from constructing that highly desired and sought after fountain of youth and building it in a town centre near you'!

  The crowd gasps in delight.

  SCIENTIST

  'If I held a gun to your heads and asked you the age of this man standing beside me what would be your guess'?

  He starts pointing out people in the audience.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER 1

  'Fifteen'.

  The scientist takes out a realistic looking gun and fires. There is a scream from the audience and then delight as they realize that the gun has fired a prize into the crowd.

  SCIENTIST

  'You're dead'.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER 2

  'Twelve'.

  The scientist fires again

  SCIENTIST

  'You're dead'.

  AUDIENCE MEMBER 3

  'Twenty'.

  He fires again.

  SCIENTIST

  'A mass genocide may take place here today if I do not intervene. The man beside me is aged forty one'.

  There is a huge gasp from the audience.

  SCIENTIST

  'This man, Paul Wackerman, holds the secret to eternal youth. He has a growth hormone deficiency which I have been able to harness. In exactly one year's time I will allow you to take a sip from the fountain. I will allow you to be forever young'!

  The audience cheers emphatically but Luke and Ava are unmoved.

  LUKE (sarcastically)

  'What a time to be alive. One can only imagine what the posterity has to look forward to'.

  AVA

  'Is there any truth in what he is saying'?

  LUKE

  'It's a mixed bag with scientist these days. Some of them are running glorified Ponzi schemes with donations. Some of them I assume are doing good'.

  AVA

  'I suppose it comes with the territory. The dangers of allowing scientists to grace celebrity magazine covers alongside actors and socialites'.

  SCENE: WATERFRONT

  Ava and Luke skateboard along the Ocean City waterfront promenade. Ava is wearing surfer clothes. Her hair glistens under the Arabian sun, falling in beach blonde waves. She is barely recognizable from the woman Luke met a few days ago. The promenade is well populated with people out running. Almost all the runners are barefoot, embracing the latest science fad of the day which the multinational sportswear corporations were doing everything possible to discredit. Lining the walls of the promenade is a row of art deco styled promotion posters for an upcoming World's Fair set to be staged in the city next year. We get a sense the city's stocks are on the rise.

  The couple skate parallel to each other without a care in the word until a startling reminder of the times reveals itself further down the waterfront. The remnants of one of the worst oil spills of the Twenty First Century can be seen in all of its horror. Thick layers of the ghastly oil have coated the coastline black. A number of volunteers rake and shovel black globs while others collect oily debris in plastic bags. Ava and Luke jump off their skateboards and without even saying a word head towards the shoreline to help out.

  SCENE: WATERFRONT - LATER

  Luke holds a bird still with both his hands while Ava goes to work cleaning its oil soaked feathers with a toothbrush. Every so often she bathes the poor thing in a bucket of water to rinse off the vile oil.

  AVA

  'We have to be realistic. The prognosis is never good for wildlife after an oil spill but one has to try at least'.

  LUKE (struggling to hold the bird down)

  'I think he's got a little fight left in him'.

  AVA

  'The worst thing about all this is that the entire eco system is likely to be turned on its head. The devastation this spill has caused is unfathomable'.

  A volunteer comes to collect the bird for further treatment and release. Ava helps Luke position the bird in the cage. Once the bird is secure Ava surveys it again looking on into his downhearted eyes. She fights back tears as Luke comforts her.

  AVA

  'I wish him well. I really do hope he can make it'.

  LUKE

  'You've done a great thing'.

  AVA

  'It's just not fair'.

  Luke in comforting Ava sees within eyeshot an oil soaked crab lying on the shore.

  LUKE

  'I could not agree more'.

  Once Ava has regained her composure the couple get back to work. Luke begins the seemingly endless task of raking the disgusting clumps of oil. As he starts to go about his work he is taken aback when suddenly the cleanest man on the beach approaches him. The man is dressed in a pristine Kandora and stands before them holding a folded piece of paper.

  KANDORA MAN

  'Are you together'?

  LUKE

  'Yes we are'.

  KANDORA MAN

  'It appears that you have missed something in your clean up'.

  The man passes the folded piece of paper to Luke and moves on towards the other volunteers.

  AVA

  'What is it'?

  Luke unfolds the note and reads it.

  LUKE

  'We've been fined for showing too much skin'.

  AVA

  'What'!

  She tries to snatch it but misses. Luke grins.

  LUKE

  'No I'm kidding. In all seriousness, you're not going to believe this'.

  AVA

  'I'll believe anything after the last few days'.

  LUKE (reading from note)

  'You have been invited to the Emir's palace tonight at seven o'clock. We request the honour of your presence at the Emir's fundraiser for the Gulf oil spill. A special guest will be in attendance. Please dress formally and conservatively'.

  AVA (in shock)

  'We're in the band. We're not the fifth'.

  Luke starts laughing.

  LUKE

  'What the fuck? You guys have the weirdest sayings'.

  AVA

  'It means we're not unlucky'.

  LUKE

  'The band? The fifth'?

  Luke is struggling to stop laughing.

  LUKE

  'I'm sorry I can't help it'.

  AVA

  'It's an idiom. You don't know about the genesis of the most famous band in history'?

  Chapter 15

  SCENE: OUTSIDE PALACE

  Ava and Luke step out of a taxi onto a red carpet. The carpet leads from the spacious driveway through a pristine front fa?ade to the entrance of the Emir's majestic palace. They are dressed in their best. Luke- who is clearly not as accustomed to this as Ava- is playing around
with his bowtie leaving us with the impression that it's the first time he has ever worn one. Ava looks stunning in a long sleeved black dress. Her hair has been done up in a braided updo. After the initial shock of being at such a hallowed place, Luke regains his poise and pulls off a debonair look as he leads Ava down the carpet.

 

  SCENE: FUNDRAISER

  Performing for the attendees is the famous singer, Susan De Vrij. Susan exhibits a melancholy figure dressed in a long length cardigan and an oversized black sunhat. In recent times, she had been embroiled in a number of controversies, so much so that she had voluntarily departed America for self imposed exile overseas. Luke and Ava pensively watch her performance.

  SUSAN DE VRIJ

  'Unto the revelation, Unto the war is won.

  Come to Southern Rhodesia?come and have fun.

  Untoward neighbours.

  The smoke that thunders says some.

  Come to Southern Rhodesia.

  Jacaranda bloom under the sun.

  Flame lily, big five and savannah.

  Soapstone birds?find one.

  Goodbye Rhodesia.

  Haunted were some.

  United as a nation now?

  Lawlessness?will we ever be one'?

  LUKE

  'I assume this is the special guest'?

  AVA

  'Who is she'?

  LUKE

  'She was really big a couple of years back but she's been erratic ever since. Let's just say her lyrics are open to interpretation'.

  Luke guides Ava through the dignitaries, royalties, and prominent people of the day towards the hors d'oeuvres.

  LUKE

  'That man we just passed took Aston Villa to European glory. And that man with the beard over there is a dictator. They call him the Persian spider. The American government tolerates him remaining in his web believing he keeps all the pests away'.

  AVA

  'What if he bites'?

  LUKE

  'Then we better hope he doesn't have poison in his arsenal'.

  Ava shrugs.

  LUKE

  'Oh?see that little man in the corner over there. He is a billionaire. He created Liberty 1.0.

  AVA

  'And what would that be'?

  LUKE

  'Only the highest selling sex robot in history of course'.

  AVA (Guffawing)

  'A sex'-

  She stops immediately. To her great surprise the Emir's son is ushering his father towards them through the crowds.

  EMIR

  'As-salamu alaykum'.

  He shakes Luke's hand.

  LUKE

  'Wa Alaykum As-salam'.

  Much to Ava's surprise the Emir shakes her hand too.

  AVA

  'Wa Alaykum As-salam'.

  EMIR

  'It is always a privilege to have Americans grace my shores. It always feels like old friends catching up'.

  LUKE

  'It is a privilege to meet you too. We can't thank you enough for the invitation to your beautiful palace'.

  EMIR

  'You're very welcome. Now can we can please put our pleasantries to the side for a minute. I have a question I must ask you. I apologise if it comes off a little forthcoming'.

  Luke looks at Ava.

  LUKE

  'Certainly'.

  EMIR

  'Why is it that Americans say 'mom' and everyone else in the English speaking world says 'mum'?

  Everyone starts laughing.

  EMIR'S SON

  'I must apologize for my father. He is infatuated with all things Americana. He cannot restrain himself from asking all manner of miscellaneous questions relating to American culture'.

  EMIR

  'It has always fascinated me that's all'.

  EMIR'S SON

  'You were also fascinated with cheerleading only half an hour ago. One can only hope we are not going to have a repeat of that conversation'.

  EMIR

  'I was merely wondering if it's something we could look to incorporate'.

  EMIR'S SON (smiling)

  'I'm sure our neighbours would fail to appreciate it. Perhaps in a few years Father'.

  Luke nods in agreement.

  LUKE

  'Cheerleading has been banned on many levels in the States and I believe factions of people are trying to implement further bans as we speak but to answer your first question I guess I can only put it down to America. It likely doesn't have to make sense; it's just American'.

  EMIR

  'Truly fascinating. I'm always learning something new about the land of the free. Only today I learnt that there are laws still in place from the early 1900s preventing people from collecting rainwater. Punishment for breaking the crime can include imprisonment'-

  EMIR'S SON (cutting in)

  'You can understand why we are not very popular with our neighbours. My father has taken a very unorthodox approach to saving his kingdom'.

 

  EMIR

  'There is no denying that I have my critics who slam me because they think that I have westernised the city. Granted, we do have alcohol, gambling and Americatown but I'm merely innovating with the changing times. The oil days are over and my stubborn neighbours just can't accept this reality. They say I'm a ''sell out'' and ''out of touch''; it truly is preposterous'.

  EMIR'S SON

  'Words will never hurt us but unfortunately we have no control over these wretched oil companies smarting in the white dwarf stages of their lifespan'.

  LUKE

  'We are very sorry to hear about the oil leak'.

  EMIR

  'It is something I predicted many years ago. It is a mutual assured destruction of sorts. These oil companies are sabotaging their competitors and blighting what is left of their rival's goodwill in a desperate last ditch attempt to flog their own dead horse'.

  AVA

  'You believe the sinking was pre-emptive'?

  EMIR

  'I bet every inch of my city that it was. These kamikaze attacks may drive the profits up of the oil companies not causing the damage but it is only a short term gain. They may remain in stage one of denial but reality will hit home soon enough'.

  One of the Emir's people whispers into his ear and he excuses himself.

  EMIR

  'You will have to excuse me. It has obviously been a great pleasure to meet you both. I trust you will enjoy the rest of the evening'.

  And with that the Emir is lost in the crowd.

  AVA

  'Despite the differences in their views on America that man-for better or for worse-is the splitting image of Tony Perkins'.

  SCENE: FUNDRAISER - LATER

  The Emir is giving a speech from the podium at the front of the capacity crowd in his prized ballroom.

  EMIR

  'Now before I introduce our special guest tonight I have some words I would like to add about him?or her. Now I must stipulate that this guest has urged me to keep this information anonymous. However, I feel in light of some of the press they have received in recent times that it is prudent to highlight not only their generosity but also the unequivocal love for animals that they hold. While this individual may remain an enigma to many people of this world, to me, at the very least, they have always been a very dear friend and someone I have admired greatly. Their modesty, kindness and passion for wildlife are qualities so often overlooked by the media. Their donation tonight of two million dollars (gasp from crowd) will go a long way to assisting the cleanup of the Gulf Oil Spill. So without further ado I would like to introduce the man who made all of this possible tonight, the gold medal winning coach, provocative, and most importantly a good friend of mine, Atay Kaplan, better known as 'The Turk'.

  A rapturous standing ovation sounds as one of the most polarising men on the planet walks into the hall. He stands six foot six tall and is dressed in his trademark sorcerer's attire. He looks like a character from a work of fantasy. As he slow
ly makes his way to the stage he signs autographs for his adoring fans.

  AVA

  'We're at a banquet with the Turk; I've seen it all now'.

  LUKE

  'I don't know whether to be excited or dismayed'.

  The Turk is only yards away from them now. He takes a photograph with a couple beside them and then proceeds to hold out his hand to Luke. Luke in a state of shock slowly accepts.

  THE TURK (whispering to Luke)

  'I want you to do me a favour. I want you to get better soon'.

  He moves on and shakes Ava's hand. Once he is out of sight, Luke stares at Ava in disbelieve. Ava is not staring back though. She is looking down at her hand where she holds a note and another item.

  AVA

  'He passed me this when he shook my hand'.

  Luke is bewildered.

  LUKE

  'What the hell'?

  AVA (reading the note)

  'Thank you for your conservation work. I trust you both enjoy this surprise. You two deserve it. Go to floor twenty eight and open the door. It's all yours'.