by Mason, Jolie
He made a small noise and pulled her closer. The hammock swung and swayed as he wrapped himself more tightly to her. “Here, on Sor, I matter. These people, your people are more my family than my family ever was. I won’t abandon any of you.”
She couldn’t read his expression, but what she saw, she suspected, was that fear he spoke of. The only question was: Was it fear for her or fear of her?
*****#*****
He could tell her now, he thought. This was the moment. She’d told him about her life, but his secrets were so much more ugly. “I won’t abandon any of you”, she’d said. He looked away. Don’t be so sure, he thought.
His voice broke on the first words, but grew stronger as he went. “I was a slave in the Markets of Altakesh. For two years. All I knew was touch. Cruel touch. Unwanted.” She inhaled deeply. He heard her, felt her against his chest. “As long as I satisfied the customers, they didn’t beat the others. The less valuable slaves, the cooks and the housekeepers, those were their hostages. If I refused. If any of the courtesans refused, they beat them. The first one they beat to death in front of me, so I’d remember the lesson. He was old, useless as anything other than an example. I never needed another.”
“You were a child?”
He laughed harshly. “I stopped being a child long before that. It became a job eventually, something I did.”
Dawning realization filled her lovely sky blue eyes. “That’s what you meant earlier. Us, we weren’t a job.” Her voice cracked. “Why did you have sex with me, Ra’dan? Because it’s something you do? Or did you really want me?”
Horror, he saw clearly in her face. He knew it. This would always be the reaction. “I wanted to make you feel better, I suppose. You seemed lost earlier. I wanted to make that stop.”
She disentangled from him as much as she could. He tried so hard not to read it as rejection, but it was hard not to interpret the look of dismay she wore now.“What did it feel like?”
He looked desolate. “Different.” He swallowed. “More”, he whispered.
“More how?”, she said relentlessly. “I need to know.”
“It’s hard to give it words, Nina.”
Her hand swept down his face hooking behind his neck. “I know, but it’s important.”
“Like something I could lose.” There was the fear again, creeping horrifically around his soul. She could destroy him as easily as be destroyed, he realized. He would cost her her place in society, even her life, but she could cost him everything as well. Because, he thought he felt the beginning of the bond, and that meant she would soon be more than just a lover.
Her expression smoothed, making her features shine in the dimming light. She moved closer and smiled. Lying on his chest, he knew she could hear his heart racing with anxiety. She cuddled closer, enveloping him in warmth, skin and scents.
“Well,” she whispered. “You have me. Whether you want me or not.”
That was the problem. He lay there afraid because he might want her more than he wanted to breathe, and a slave couldn’t have a princess. Not on any world he knew of.
*****#*****
They’d risen before the sun to try and hike to the back pasture where the shuttle would come to carry them to the Bell. Nina watched beneath hooded eyes as Ra’dan said goodbye to his very stubborn Marmy. She had to smile at the older woman. As sick as Nina knew her to be and as old as she believed her to be because Marmy would never tell, the older woman still ran circles around her grandson.
They stood in the early dew; Ra arguing and Marm winning. Ra’dan, finally, relented and picked his Marmy up in a big hug before setting her down again. Nina watched his face grow sadder with every step away from the old cottage and his grandmother. When he reached where she stood beneath a towering tree just past a back gate, he seemed as if he would reach for her hand. Nina waited. He didn’t.
He merely looked over his shoulder with one last sad wave, and, brushing lightly against her shoulder, he turned toward the long, green pasture. They’d talked to the Bell and expected a shuttle to land way on the back edges of the Sevarus lands around noon. Landing undetected would be a trick, but Ra assured her he had the best pilot on seven worlds.
They walked along in silence for several minutes before Nina blurted, “She knows what she’s doing, Ra’dan. Marmy will survive this.”
He sighed. “No, she won’t, but, among my people, we meet death on our own terms. I must respect her wishes.” She let her hand steal around his and squeezed. Ra'dan squeezed hers back before nodding forward. Nina let go of his hand so they could continue up the hill, but she wanted to hold on like a child because she really didn't want to go home.
“So, how far is the clearing?” Nina needed something to think about other than the fact that she was going home.
Ra’dan nodded ahead of them as they topped a rise looking down on the tree line of the jungle. It curved toward the west graceful and vivid. “We can follow the forest and hide in the trees if anyone comes.”
It was a sound plan.
“What if this doesn’t work, Ra?”
“We’ll get you to the shuttle.” He spoke surely looking up at the sky.
“I meant, going to my sister.”
His back tensed under her hand. She realized she’d been tracing soothing circles on his flesh. It would be hard to hide what she felt if she didn’t pay attention. He captured her hand and pulled it away in his grip. “You cannot do that. This is the kind of thing that will get us killed, T’ista.”
She blinked. He was right. Of course, he was right, but Nina felt a little rejected anyway. She'd grown up in Imperial City, among people who basked in the results of slavery. Her carelessness in that setting could cost him his life. Nina would have to force herself back into that place she'd cultivated as a child, her glass facade. Inside, she wanted to weep at the thought of going back into that emotionally dead space she'd occupied. She'd escaped all that.
How many years had she lived amongst the multitudes of Imperial City and never felt another human touch? There had been times she thought she’d go mad with it, but she’d learned. She’d learned to be invisible, to be glass. People simply looked through glass. She became glass now as she stepped around him silently and walked toward the jungle. Though a thousand memories and emotions raged around inside her, screaming to shatter her, she remained impassive, cold as she walked carefully watching for the slithery types of wildlife and listening for the booted feet of slavers.
A good analyst would call it disassociation, she imagined. Some of her more traumatizing childhood memories had occurred when she did something that would draw the wrong kind of attention from her authoritarian father. Nina needed distance from that place, and she was going back. Could she really take Ra'dan into that viper's nest? Could she really stand to go alone?
*****#*****
They had two hours to walk, and for Ra’dan to observe that something was definitely wrong with Nina. The clearing stretched out surrounded on three sides by the jungle canopy. He’d been unable to put his finger on just what wasn’t right, but he felt it.
Her body language had changed. He looked to where she sat delicately on a tree stump unmoving, still. She almost looked like a statue. It was so unlike her usual demeanor that it made him wonder if she was ill or mad or sad, and he asked. She murmured nothing was wrong before resuming that same otherworldly position as if he hadn’t spoken at all.
The beep of his comm drew his thoughts away from the foreboding feeling he had when he looked at her. “Carry Bell to Captain.”
“Go ahead Carry Bell.”
“Shuttle is on approach. See ya in space.”
“Thank you, Bell. Captain out.”
He shielded his eyes from the bright sunlight. There, he thought he saw the silver glint of ship’s metal in the harsh glare, and the faint whistle of high velocity travel in atmosphere became detectable. He watched the small shuttle do a loop to scan the perimeter and then hover a landing. Nina moved slow
ly toward his side as he moved toward the drop point. He helped her in to the wide open door, as the comm beeped in his ear despite the noise of the engines.
“Captain, we gotta burn. Patrols headed our way.” Luca’s voice was barely audible in his ear, but he heard enough. He jumped in and slammed the door, as Luca pulled up hard. He fell into the hard hull of the shuttle with a thump losing his breath, and Nina fell with him. Their bodies landing like stones. He caught her in his arms. “Are you well?” he asked.
She nodded, but, under the expressionless, schooled face, he saw sadness, hopelessness. “What is it?”
She shook her head. So, he’d been in love with her for hours not days, and already he got the silent treatment. They were alone, still leaning into the wall of the shuttle uncomfortably. He cupped her head and fisted her hair in his hand. He dragged her eyes up to his own, let her see the intensity of feelings burning him alive even now with his back on fire and his pilot running from patrols. Silently, he commanded her to look at him.
She did, and he watched the miraculous change fall over her face, like she turned from stone to flesh in a second. She melted into the curve of his body. He raised his left finger to his lips warning her to be quiet, and then he fell upon her mouth one last time before the ship, before they had to restrain themselves. His tongue took hers in a war he intended to win. He clutched her harder than he should. She was human, and he was much stronger than she was. The only sound was their harsh breathing and the bang of their hearts. He pulled away to study her flushed face.
She looked at him helplessly, unable to speak for the new person on the comm. Seemed like since she met him, Ra'dan thought, she'd done quite a bit of crying. He helped her off the shuttle’s floor and helped her strap into the seat across from him, even as Luca tossed them around some more using evasive maneuvers. It wasn’t easy, but he eventually got them strapped for the ride out of atmo.
“Looks like we lost them, Captain. And I removed the shuttles rear number panel and our comm ID as a precaution. They can’t know who we are.”
“They will, Luca. Soon. Head back to the ship and set a course for the capitol planet. We have to see an Empress.”
Uncertainty in her voice, the young pilot, said “Aye”, but her customary joke fell a little flat. The imitation of military protocol seemed too appropriate to the circumstances to be a silly joke, somehow. Gods knew how, but the Bell had a royal passenger and a diplomatic mission to fulfill. It didn’t seem quite possible.
*****#*****
4
Nina wandered the short corridor looking for the galley. This looks like a hospital ship, she thought, observing white clinical walls striped at the top with medical blue and orange decal. The furnishings and decor she’d passed so far looked sterile as well.
The crew, however, did not look like doctors. They wore uniforms with only small variance from each other in black and crimson. Some wore jackets. Some wore sleeveless vests. Most of them looked a little like pirates. There was an independent spirit, and informality among the ship’s crew that she found endearing and liberating. Just being on the Bell made her feel lighter, freer. The Bell felt so safe and adventurous at the same time that even her fear of going home muted.
She turned a final corner into a larger space that opened into a circular room filled with blue and orange tables in groupings broken only by the occasional potted plant. She scanned the room looking for any information on how she would obtain dinner. That was when she saw him.
Ra’dan laughed as a beautifully angelic looking blonde leaned over his table. She was tall and leggy, almost built to attract men. When the girl looked up and caught her eye, she saw it was the young pilot from the shuttle. The blonde waved her over. Nina had no choice but go toward the captain and his gorgeous crew member who worked with him day and night on this ship for years. How was he not sleeping with her? The woman looked like a goddess.
A tiny voice whispered in her head. How do you know he isn’t? Nina shook the thought away. If he had, she’d find out. If he hadn’t, she’d be shocked. The last thing she intended to be was a jealous child.
The blond girl smiled an enthusiastic welcome. “Should we use a title for you while you are aboard the Carry Bell?”
Nina shook her head shyly. “No”, she whispered at first. “No, I have no title officially. The throne has but one heir.” She finished that statement almost sounding normal. Nina patted herself on the back for a job adequately done. Gods, she was nuts. One look at a man and years of comportment training flew out the window.
She reached for the pilot’s hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t get introduced earlier. Dr. Nina Quell.”
The woman took her hand politely, smiling broadly. “Luca Brine. I’m the Bell’s pilot. Pleased to have you aboard, Doctor. The captain has been telling me of your work on the planet. There is much to be said for someone who does such great humanitarian service when they can live in comfort and ease instead. I’m officially a huge fan.”
Nina blushed a little, and felt her earlier reservations disappear. There was nothing false or petty about the woman. She was sincere in every way, and Nina liked her already.
“It’s not really that big a deal. I just love the people, the culture. It’s home to me as no place has ever been.”
Luca shook her hand again before letting go. “Gods, but Ari is gonna go nuts for you. Ra, we have got to take her to meet Ari. I’m on watch in a bit. It’s great to have you here, Dr. Quell.”
“Nina, please.”
“Nina. Look me up later.”
Then, the girl was gone, and she stood awkwardly near the table with Ra’dan. “Hmm, Is there a protocol for dinnertime, or do we just sit anywhere?”
He looked at his still full plate. He’d just gotten here apparently. “Guests sit at the captain’s table.” His gaze lifted, challenging her.
“Oh, and the food is over there?” She pointed to a window where food was being served. There were a line of FDUs on the same wall that weren’t being used. She thought about grabbing something from the food dispensing unit, but it never tasted like more than chicken. The hot food smelled nice from here and tempted her enough to even brave the Carry Bell's crowd. He nodded. Nina smiled at him and waved nervously before walking toward the food. She could swear she felt his eyes on her back. She breathed in deeply, then turned around in line to look his way casually.
He’d taken a bite of his dinner and chewed slowly, however he did indeed have his eyes on her. His skin had changed color since she walked into the room. Was that his version of blushing?, she thought. His color had been deep and rich, but it was changing very slowly. Becoming brighter, more vivid with high emotion. He must hate that, living among humans who were so prone to hiding their feelings and he couldn't hide his. He could always conceal the cause, but when his blood was up, everyone would know it.
She waited in line patiently and barely noticed the food on the plate as she made her way back to the table, a tray in one hand and drink in the other. Her awareness was on the man at the table. Nina felt a tension knotting low in her belly and avoided his gaze to try and gather herself.
He still hadn’t eaten much, she noticed. She sat there just trying to continue to breathe, and wondering what this was between them that made her feel so much so quickly. It wasn't like her to be this flustered or this passionate this quickly.
The simple truth seemed to be that she couldn’t resist him. She knew when he breathed in and out, when he moved even a little in his chair. She couldn’t tune him out on any level.
“Nina”, he whispered leaning closer with his hands folded. “I don’t think we can eat together among the crew.”
She looked up sharply. It was noticeable now. The skin on his hand had brightened considerably. She cleared her throat which felt like it suddenly wanted to close. “I see what you mean.”
“I will stop by your quarters to check on how you’ve settled in later”, he said in his normal voice.
“That�
��s very considerate, Captain. Thank you”, she said softly. She glanced around and thought, perhaps the calm performance was for the benefit of the crew. They’d drawn a little attention among the crew who, possibly, knew him best. Well enough to know what his coloring could indicate at this moment.
He walked away leaving his dinner on the table. If it hadn’t been so important to hide their relationship, Nina could almost laugh about it. She found the change in him... attractive, exciting. It made her feel beautiful. She smiled softly at her thoughts. He hadn’t blushed furiously while the lovely Luca Brine, arguably one of the most beautiful women she’d ever seen, stood over him. It had been her body to prompt that change. Imperfect as she might be, she made him crazy. They had to stop it, but she couldn't help but smile at the knowledge.
Once they reached the palace in Imperial City, it could become a definite risk. Beyond what the Imperial court would think and say, Nina really didn’t know what to expect from her sister anymore, since she hadn't contacted her in almost a year. Most humans seriously disapproved of inter-species relationships. Would her sister be any different?
She ate, but she hardly tasted a thing as worry settled over her. Going back to Orion might be the craziest thing she had ever done, even crazier than running away in the first place.
*****#*****
Nina stretched her legs and arms out luxuriously as she lay on the smallish bunk in the guest quarters. There were two. She’d been informed she was the only guest on board so the room was all hers. That was a small mercy, since it was the only guest quarters with a private restroom the size of an escape pod.
Without her clinic, it turned out Nina didn’t have much to do or think about other than her trip to see her sister or her relationship with a certain ship’s captain. It was making her jumpy. Was her life so devoid of anything but work that she couldn’t even remember when she last had free time?
The comm beeped startling her in the otherwise silent room. She rose slowly from the bunk and tapped the comm on her console. The captain’s hello greeted her. “Nina, I’ll be down in a moment. If you still want me to come.”
