Collision

by Evie Harper

  “Piper.” I look up to Slater quickly when I hear my name. “Everything okay?”

  I want to nod and smile, but this weight of bleakness is just too strong. I want Slater. I’ve known that since the moment he stuck up for me and now understanding why he rejected me in the first place, I want him even more. I want to show him what I do, how I do it, and possibly even bring him in to help me. I’ve seen four street kids here this week go to the shed with Slater and his brothers then come out and have dinner with us. Does Slater even know he’s half-running a foster home? Just without the commitment of saying he’s actually responsible for those kids. Just one more reason why I’ve fallen even harder for this man who refuses to acknowledge that he’s falling for me, too. I need to know if he wants me as much as I want him. I need to know if I hang on, he will be able to accept me in the end, for the long haul.

  “No, everything is not okay, Slater. I feel horrible, lost.” I sit back in my seat and look up to him as I speak. “This week has been amazing, with you and your family. My chest feels heavy as if I’m about to lose it all. Am I? If you win this race today, am I going home and then we pretend this week never happened, pretend what we have doesn’t exist? I don’t want to do that.” I end on a whisper, staring into Slater’s eyes while hoping he sees how much he means to me.

  “I never made any promises, Piper. I acknowledge we have a strong attraction, but—”

  “A strong attraction,” I interrupt, repeating Slater’s words. “And what about the times we’ve laughed at each other’s jokes, the times we’ve found we like the same songs, the times we cooked together silently, co-existing and happy just to be in each other’s company? The times we talked about our days or what we ate for lunch? That’s not just attraction, Slater; that’s friendship. Then when you add in attraction, you get a healthy, loyal, sexual relationship, one which can be built into so much more. We just have to reach out and take it.”

  Slater just stares at me, surprise written across his face.

  With my figurative heart on my sleeve while the literal one is jackhammering in my chest, I say, “Did you think I-I’d walk away from you so easily? Without a fight?”

  Slater’s handsome face wears a frown, and I see him struggling to figure out what to say. The first dagger to my heart is when I see it isn’t easy for him to say, ‘yes, I want you, too’.

  Slater stands and throws his plate filled with half-eaten toast to the sink, the porcelain flying all over the kitchen. I jump from my seat, utterly shocked at his actions.

  Slater spins around to me and speaks. “This what you want, Piper? A man who makes you stutter, makes you nervous and scared? Go on, speak!” he yells. “I bet you stutter again.” He ends on a growl.

  Tears prick my eyes.

  “Argh!” Slater roars into the kitchen. “This week has been the fucking best, but you’re forgetting why you’re here, Piper. A man is trying to kill you to get to me. That is my life: fights, drugs, death threats and killing those who get in my way. That’s my fucking life. You think you won’t get scared again, nervous, or worse, actually hurt? I know you will, and I can’t fucking stand that you stutter because of it. It fucks with my head, and it fucks with my heart!” Slater shouts while punching his chest hard once.

  “Why do you do that?” I scream back. “You make everything about my stutter when really you’re the one hiding behind it. Y-you’re just scared to want something y-you hated for so long.” I take a big breath in and slow my racing heart. “I see now you hate to see me hurt or worried, but that’s life and I can’t hide from it. I’m going to have those feelings with or without you, Slater. I’m going to stutter for the rest of my life whether you are beside me or not. But I would rather you be there with me than to not have you at all. You were willing to bring me into your life after you found out I stuttered and before you knew what my career choice was.” I step toward Slater, taking another big breath as I ask, “The real question here is can you be with me as a CPS officer, not if you can handle my stutter. Can you, Slater? Can you be with me knowing I work for the same system which hurt you so badly?”

  “No,” he responds instantly.

  “You can fuck a CPS officer, but you can’t love one,” I snap at him.

  “I can use one, yes,” he sneers back at me.

  My heart cracks and shatters once again in his presence. Used. Why do I torture myself this way? Haven’t you had enough yet, Piper? Yes, yes, I have.

  I hear the back door open, but neither Slater nor I look away from each other to see who it is.

  “Slate, Pace wants to show you the new turbocharger in Chevy.”

  “Not now, Mack,” Slater orders.

  “Oh, don’t worry about me. I was just heading upstairs to start packing,” I state angrily, leaving my now-cold coffee on the table and quickly walking up the stairs to my shared bedroom with Della.

  I enter the room I haven’t slept in once, but my things have exploded all over the place as it appears Della has taken a real liking to my clothes and has worn something of mine every day this week.

  I begin picking up my stuff and throwing things haphazardly in my suitcase, angry tears escaping. The fact that I can’t stop them makes me even more furious with myself. After a few minutes, I hear Slater’s voice and move to the window. I peer down and view Slater and Pacer with their heads under Chevy’s hood.

  The bedroom door creaks and I turn around to see Della standing there, smiling at me. I quickly wipe my tears away as she walks over to me. We both stand by the window, watching the boys work on Chevy.

  “You know, we used to have another sister,” Della says to me out of nowhere.

  I look to her, surprised, but don’t speak as I’m not sure what to say.

  “She died when we were young. She was killed, and Slater’s never forgiven himself for not being able to protect her. But mostly, he blames CPS for putting us in the group home and never coming back. He views them, you, all CPS workers as the same woman who abandoned us. Mia and Slate had a special bond. They were close, and not like the rest of us who are true brothers and sisters. I think Mia and Slater would have fallen in love if they had been given the chance. I was too young to understand it all, but I hear my brothers talking about her and when Slater drinks too much, he speaks of her as if she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.”

  My heart grows heavy. A girl, someone Slater cared so much for, was taken from him. I can’t even imagine how much that must have hurt him.

  “I loved her,” Della continues, staring out the window. “I remember she would read to me, always the same story over and over again because we only ever had one book. She would hug me tightly through the night when I was scared. Hum beautiful songs to me. I remember the moment Slate said she was dead. I felt like someone had ripped my heart in half.”

  Watching Della talk about her sister is too much for me. A sob falls from my lips and I hold my hand over my mouth, trying to calm myself. This isn’t my story and I want to be here for Della, not fall apart.

  Della looks over to me and gives me a sad smile. “Your eyes and smile remind me of Mia. Her sweet face is one which never dims, no matter how many years pass by. I think that’s why even though you work for CPS, Slate has fallen for you. Don’t get me wrong, you look nothing like Mia. She had huge dimples on both sides of her face, and her nose was slightly pointy while you have a perfect button one,” Della says with a smile, tapping my nose. “But you are the closest I’ve seen anyone look like her. Then again I’ve lived in Louisville almost all my life, so I really haven’t seen much of the world and the people in it.” Della shrugs, walks over to her bed and begins to help me pick up my clothes.

  “Thanks for lending me your clothes; I’ve never had a close friend to do that with. Not many of my friends are game enough to get close to me, come to my home for a sleepover, or pick me up to go see a movie.” Della laughs off her words, but I can hear the sadness in her tone. She looks at me intently. “Not many perks to
being in the Street Kings if you’re a girl.”

  “I’m sure one day you’ll be able to move out and have those things,” I say, trying to be positive.

  “No, it’s too dangerous. Poison Boys or another gang would just use me as a bargaining chip against my brothers, and they are more important to me than those normal moments most people get in life. Plus, I don’t think I would like it. I’ve never been without my brothers. My earliest memory is of Mack and Kel showing me how to make my bed.” Dell gives me a smile as I watch her remembering that particular moment.

  “We aren’t normal, and we won’t just go our own separate ways like most families. This is us, forever. When you’ve watched most of your family almost die from starvation or no warmth and shelter, you tend to want to be a part of their lives for as long as possible.”

  I nod in understanding and say, “I think you have a beautiful family, Della. I wish I had a family like yours, brothers to protect and look out for me.”

  “Well, if Slater pulls his finger out of his ass, one day we may be family,” Della says. “Once you’re in, you’re in for life with us.”

  “That’s not going to happen, but there’s nothing stopping us from being friends and me picking you up to go see a movie,” I reply sadly, but still with a smile.

  Slater

  I head up to Dell’s room to say goodbye to Piper. After Speed Wars, I’ve planned to have Mack drive her home before I get back. It’ll be easier this way, saying goodbye and that being it.

  I reach Dell’s room and just as I’m about to walk in, I pause when I hear them speaking. I walk closer to the doorway but stop before I can be seen, just listening.

  “I think you have a beautiful family, Della. I wish I had a family like yours, brothers to protect and look out for me.”

  “Well, if Slater pulls his finger out of his ass, one day we may be a family,” Della says. “Once you’re in, you’re in for life with us.”

  “That’s not going to happen, but there’s nothing stopping us from being friends and me picking you up to go see a movie,” Piper replies, a hint of sadness in her voice.

  I sigh and lean my forehead against the wall. It’s not enough she’s entombed herself in my chest; she has to do the same with my family.

  “I’d love that, Piper,” Della exclaims, and I can hear the smile in her voice.

  “Okay, now I need to pack. The almighty Slater wants me out of his life, and I’m not the kind of girl who sticks around where she’s not wanted.”

  I hear the girls moving around the room and know now’s the time I need to tell Piper that Mack will be taking her home as soon as he gets back.

  Just walk in there and do it.

  I take one step toward the bedroom and stop. I can’t do it. I don’t want to. But how can I make this work? I can’t be okay with her career, the people she works with or for. I’ve come to know Piper, and I know she will never give up her career. And I don’t want her to, because how could I live with myself if I took one of the good CPS officers away from the kids who need her? I’d be no better than the woman who left us and never returned.

  Piper believes in what she does because of her own fucked-up past, and I can’t be with her because of mine. We’re at a crossroads, and I don’t see an exit or a hidden shortcut.

  What would Mia think of Piper? I shake my head in confusion, wishing this was simple. Why can’t I just take what I want? I close my eyes and remember a time when, even though my life was dark, it was filled with light.

  “Slate, are you okay?” I turn and see Mia’s head poking through the bathroom door. Her gentle face and concerned eyes stare at me while I sit on the sink and clean a deep cut on my chin.

  “Yeah, Mia, I’m okay. Nothing I haven’t had before.”

  Mia enters the bathroom and walks over to me. Her long, dark hair flows over her shoulders. She gets close and I jump off the counter and yell, “Boo!” Mia screams, grabs her chest and then starts laughing. God, I love those dimples. Seeing Mia’s smile is all it takes to hold off the hopelessness feelings I have for my life. When I feel as if the dark is never-ending, all Mia has to do is smile and it’s as if a window has been opened and all the light which has been blocked out for so long bursts in all at once. I take her hand and entwine our fingers as warmth spreads up my arm and to the rest of my body. Mia gifts me with another smile, but this one’s different. It turns her cheeks pink and her eyes drop to the ground. One day, I’m going to kiss my Mia.

  I grab at my chest where my heart should be and whisper brokenly, “Mia.”

  “Slate.” I spin around fast to find Mack standing there with a frown. He heard me. “You have to let her go,” he says gently.

  “I have let her go. I mean I thought I had, until,” I shoot my arm out and point to Della’s room, “she came into my fucking life,” I angrily whisper and shake my head, wishing I didn’t have so many conflicted feelings.

  “Maybe the reason she’s reminding you so much of Mia is because you feel the same way about Piper that you did for Mia,” Mack quietly offers. “Everyone has a job, Slate, and you may not like Piper’s, but at least she’s one of the good ones. You gotta move out of the past to see what you have standing right in front of you. Unless you enjoy the torture, and if you do, then keep doing what you’re doing.” Mack strikes his blow and then walks back down the stairs.

  Focusing on Piper and Dell again, I listen as they talk and laugh. I decide to come back after the race and talk to Piper. First things first, I need to get through this race alive and win. Then maybe, just maybe, Piper and I might have a chance at a future.

  Chapter Nine

  What if?

  Slater

  It takes forty-five minutes to get to Mason Valley, where there’s an old airstrip on Elk Creek Road. It’s where we race through the year, where we’ve won most of our cars. It’s three hundred and fifty dollars to enter, but that’s a small price to pay when you make inside deals for pink slips. But that’s not what I’m here for today. I’m here to wipe Rex from my life once and for all.

  We come up on the airstrip and the first thing we see is a long, tall, silver wire fence which can be seen for miles. Trailers, tents and trucks are parked all the way along the fence line. This is a weekend event and most people stay from Friday to Sunday, drinking and watching all the events. I’d love for my brothers and me to be able to do that¸ but we can’t; with Rex and his crew always at Speed Wars, we have to be on our guard. Same with other gangs who come to race and love to start shit because they live for that crap. Usually, they’re fucked-up on drugs and looking to start trouble. But they always aim for my brothers and me thinking they can take us, overpower us. But they haven’t been through what we have, haven’t walked our path in life, so they will never understand how far we go to protect each other and the life we have built for ourselves. Power and respect are the reasons we do what we do. Both were denied and stolen from us as children, and now we’ll hang on to it with a death grip if challenged.

  I drive into the strip and find a place to park in the middle of a long line of racecars. Mack and I step out of Chevy and see Pace and Kel two cars over, getting out of Pacer’s green Dodge. The loud chatter I heard when I climb out of the car has turned to hushed whispers and anxious stares.

  We’re here only for the four-hundred meter race. We’ve won every other race this year and have only four more to win or come in the top three positions—which is the top three fastest times of the day—to get to the death race, the two million dollar race so many people have died trying to win.

  Death race only comes up once every ten years, and this has been our first chance to be eligible for it. The Street Kings are in the lead, and we’re the team everyone knows they need to kill on the track to have a chance to win. And since we are in the lead, we only have to drag race once a month against the team with almost as many points as us. We need to win at least the next two races to stay in the lead for death race. It will give us a head-start in the
deadly race, one we need for a chance against nine other racers desperate to knock us out of their way.

  And, of course, the team with almost as many points as us is Poison Boys. Rex and I are desperate to win the money, because that much money brings a lot of power to our game, power we both crave.

  Mack and I wait for Pace and Kel to reach us before we all start walking toward the registration office as a united gang.

  We stop short of the office when Rex and his crew come into view, striding purposefully toward us. I sense my brothers tense and prepare for battle so I keep my eyes firmly placed on Rex as he approaches, muttering, “Calm, brothers. Today, the battle is going to happen on the track.”

  I watch as Rex moves closer, his eyes cold.

  I know Rex; he’ll have a smart-ass remark just right on the tip of his tongue, so I decide to beat him to it.

  “I have a bargain for you, Rex,” I state.

  Rex grins and says, “Go on.”

  “You win, you get me. I will come with you and you can take your revenge. I won’t fight you, and neither will my brothers,” I assure him.

  Rex looks disbelieving to my brothers. “Bullshit,” he spits.

  “I give you my word, and so do my brothers,” I state, and at the same time my brothers say in unison, “We do.”

  This is the biggest risk we’ve ever taken with one of us, but I believe the outcome will be worth the chance we’re taking.

  “But if I win, you let go of this vendetta against me and the Street Kings for your father’s death. And we’ll pull out of the death race, give you a clear shot at taking the title and the money. Either way, you win somehow.”

  When Rex mentioned a bargain at Shawnee Park, I was confused, but it didn’t take long for me to work out that his aim would be for us to pull out of the death race. There have been rumors that he needs the money, and he will do whatever it takes to win. I’m hoping the rumors are true and it’s enough for him to accept this deal.