by Danda K.
Cameron is still in the kitchen, her back to me as she wipes the counter by the sink. Fuuuuuuck.
“Baby, let’s talk about all of this.”
She stops what she’s doing and turns around to face me. “She’s horrible, Jaxon. I don’t understand how something so adorable could have come out of someone like her.”
I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her, knowing I need it more than she does. She hugs me back tightly as we stand there in silence. The moment we separate, my nerves return, setting off sparks inside my head.
I pace back and forth, pulling at my hair. “I don’t understand how any of this happened.”
Cameron has a bite to her tone when she says, “Well, she was your girlfriend.” And I’m more than sure the chip on her shoulder stems from Gelissa’s comments about her.
“I know that, Cameron, trust me. I remember all my stupid decisions with girls and the trouble they’ve caused me.”
She scoffs, then nods her head as if everything’s clearer to her now. “I see.” Turning around, she resumes her cleaning.
“I didn’t mean you, Cameron, and you know it.”
She turns back towards me again. ”Do I now?” She slaps the side of her head. “Oh, that’s right. I forget you know everything about what I think, want and need.”
She faces the sink again, rinsing the rag off in the water.
“What’s all this about, Nyx? What’s with the hostility?” She doesn’t answer, and I take that as an invitation to dig my grave deeper.
“I don’t even know why you let her come in. Why not tell her to get lost? I mean, I’d never let a toxic ex of yours into our home.” I’m irrational, and I know it. But I’m hurting right now, and I’m scared; so I’m lashing out, knowing it’s not her fault.
She throws the wet rag down on the counter with a splat, turns towards me, and if looks could kill, I’d already be cremated.
“I tried! You think I didn’t try?! All she did was insult me and tell me she wouldn’t leave the yard until she spoke to you! Regardless of the cold and the fucking baby in her arms!” Her hands meet her hips. “I told her you weren’t home, and she should come back when you were, but she refused. She told me you’ve been talking on the phone. Talking, Jaxon?”
She slaps a hand against her chest. ”Am I here blaming you?!” She steps towards me, her hands at her side again. “I’m not, am I? She told me that baby was yours the first chance she got. After ten minutes of her tantrum, Emersyn began shivering. All I could think was, ‘What if this is Jaxon’s baby? Am I gonna let his little girl freeze?’ Do you think I’d let any baby freeze outside in the cold regardless if their despicable parent could control it?!”
Sounding sadder now, likely because she’s been on the receiving end of a despicable parent, she adds, “Of course not. So I let them both in. Not that it helped at all because it’s colder in this fucking house than it is outside!” She’s out of breath from her rant, angry, and I’m sure exhausted after her encounter with the devil in red.
“That’s when I texted you that you needed to come home right away, but you never answered. So I just waited, unsure of what the hell to do.”
Checking my phone, I see the text she sent me earlier for the first time. Shit.
Goosebumps spread across my arms and neck as the chill in the house finally catches up to me, and I realize she’s right; it’s fucking cold in here.
“First of all, we did not talk. She’s been calling me nonstop, and I’ve been avoiding her. A couple times, she called from a random number, and I accidentally picked up.” Thinking back to the temperature situation, I ask, “Why didn’t you turn the heat on?” I’m genuinely curious, but her eyes look like they’re about to explode.
“Really? I did put the heat on! It’s broke!” I turn to go check the thermostat, as she follows behind, stomping her feet. Pointing to the little square box on the wall, she shouts, “See! It’s on!”
I look closer at the thermostat, understanding the problem instantly. “That’s the AC setting, baby. You turned on the cold air.”
Cameron throws her arms up before dropping them at her sides, turning to walk away. She shouts over her shoulder, “Well, I guess this is all my fault then, isn’t it?!” She marches into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
Sitting down at the kitchen table, I rest my head in my hands.
I need a minute to collect my thoughts. It wasn’t fair for me to blame Cam for anything. This is on me. I just can’t wrap my head around the fact I may be someone’s father—a father to a beautiful little girl.
I’ve imagined the moment I’d watch my first child be brought into the world before, and this is not at all how I pictured it. I don’t even know where Cameron stands on having kids. How can I expect her to step up for a kid that’s not even hers?
Pinning my thoughts on the future with Cameron, I Google some paternity clinics in the area. I need to know if Emersyn’s mine. There’s no point in arguing over this or stressing out over something that might not even be an issue. I open the phone app and dial the number to a local office, taking the first step in finding out what my future holds.
What our future holds.
Thirty-five
Cameron
I can’t believe he has the nerve to put any blame on me. How is this my fault? Other than putting the wrong setting on the thermostat, I didn’t cause any of this. I didn’t screw the twisted red bitch in the shower at his friend’s house and knock her up!
I can’t help the pang of jealousy that hits me now that I can put a face to the name of the ex he shared so many parts of himself with, including a kid.
Jaxon can get every paternity test done in every damn facility possible, and it wouldn’t be necessary.
That baby girl is his.
When her mom changed her diaper on the couch, and I saw her beautiful blonde curls and ocean blue eyes, it was as if I was looking right at Jaxon. I don’t need science to tell me his beautiful genes make that baby girl as perfect as she is.
I’m filled with nothing but fear for where I’ll stand. If Emersyn is his, then she deserves to be his number one priority. I won’t get in the way of that with my basket full of issues.
I love Jaxon too much to add any more stress to his plate.
I know he didn’t mean it when he put the blame on me. It hurts, but I’m sure he’s feeling blindsided. It’s gotta be hard knowing there’s a chance your child’s been without you for almost two years. Especially for someone like Jaxon, who has an uncontrollable need to help people. And was abandoned as a baby.
I’m five more chapters into my book when the door creaks open, and Jaxon steps inside as if he’s walking on thin ice.
He stops by the foot of the bed with his hands in his pockets. “I just got off the phone with a facility that can see Emersyn and me tomorrow.” He looks down, rocking back and forth on his feet.
I stare at my book, pretending to read it. “That’s great, Jaxon. I hope you get some answers quickly.”
“I paid extra, so I can get the results faster. Should be under 48 hours until I know.”
I take off my glasses and look up at him. I close the book and place it on my lap. “But you do know Jaxon, right? You have to see it.”
He tries to play it off. “I couldn’t really see much under all the layers. We’ll see what the results say.” I don’t push him. I just nod my head and return my glasses to my face so I can continue to pretend to read.
“Baby...” he calls out, pleading, “I’m really sorry for even thinking of blaming you for any of this. I’m an asshole. This isn’t your fault, and I would’ve done the exact same if there was a cold baby outside the door.” He walks over to me and kneels down on the floor to place his hands on one of my crisscrossed knees. “I was overwhelmed and lashed out. It was a dick move.”
I place the book down and scoot over to the edge of the bed, allowing him to rest between my dangling legs. He hugs my waist and lays his head on my t
highs.
“I’m scared, Nyx.” I play with his hair to comfort him as he squeezes me like he’s holding on for his life. Maybe he is. “I’m not ready to be a dad. What if I fuck it all up?”
“It’s not possible, Jaxon. You’re the most caring and nurturing person I know. There’s nobody in the world who’d make a better father than you. In fact, the best thing that could happen to that little girl is to have you as her dad.”
I place both my hands on his face and lift his head. “You love your friends unconditionally. You love me unconditionally. Trust me, this little girl hit the jackpot if she’s yours.” Lifting his chin up further, I add, “You were willing to share your home with a complete stranger, remember? Can you imagine the lengths you’d go for a little girl you helped make?”
I have no doubts about Jaxon’s ability to be a father, but so many about my ability to be a mother.
Jaxon lifts himself up to meet my face and kisses me on the mouth. I wrap my arms around him to bring him closer. The kiss deepens as he lowers his body to lay on top of me.
Jaxon’s kissing me like I’m the oxygen he needs to breathe.
I wrap my legs around him as his hands travel all over my body. He needs me. Kissing my neck on each side, his hand travels under my shirt and tightly grips my waist.
“I’m so fucking sorry for all of this.” I feel his breath on my ear. “I love you so much, baby.” I reach behind him, feeling the toned muscles of his ass, and pull him closer. He hardens between my legs, and I’m already wet for him.
I release a breath. “It’s okay, Jaxon. I forgive you.”
He bites at the curve of my neck, gently pulling the skin through his teeth, forcing my eyes to roll back from the sensation.
“I need you, Nyx.” He peppers kisses along my jaw, making me feel high, so all I can muster is a hmm in response.
“Can I have you?” He nibbles on my earlobe.
“Always,” I moan, already lost in him. If Jaxon needs me this way to get his mind off things, then he can have me however he wants.
He lifts me up and takes off my shirt. I follow, doing the same to him. We’re tangled in desperate kisses and limbs, removing our clothes, longing to be closer to each other. Jaxon cradles me in his arms and walks us out towards his bedroom, our mouths colliding.
Once in the bedroom, he throws me down onto his bed and climbs on top of me. Pushing my bra down, he kisses my breasts as they spill out through the top. He lowers himself more, leaving a trail of wet kisses along my stomach, and I feel it dip as he gets closer to that ticklish area by my waist.
The feel of his lips caressing my skin makes me squirm, needy for him. I raise my hips so he can pull down my panties, but he rips them instead, my eyes widening in surprise. Aroused by his sudden aggressive behavior, I watch the newly possessive Jaxon explore my body.
Feeling his warm breath by my entrance, I hold my breath awaiting contact.
After one long stroke, he blows air on my throbbing center, and I arch my back in response. After a desperate moan escapes my lips, Jaxon dives in, feasting on me relentlessly until I’ve finally come down from my first orgasm.
Craving the taste of him, I lift myself up and reach for his length, but he stops me, “No, baby.” He palms my center and squeezes. “I need to be inside here.”
Jaxon hooks his hands in his boxers and swiftly pulls them down. Resting between my legs again, he lines himself up with my entrance and pushes inside me hard and fast. With long and firm thrusts, he kisses my mouth and brings his hand between us to massage my sensitive bud.
“Ahhh,” I moan into his mouth, and he moves his fingers faster as he pushes inside me.
Frenzied, I roll on top of him and adjust myself over his shaft. I slowly lower myself onto him and watch as he fills me completely. Jaxon grips my ass tightly and guides me up and down on top of him. I place my hands on his torso, rolling my hips in purposeful circles.
Jaxon lets go of my ass and holds the back of my neck with one hand as he groans out, “That’s it, baby. Take what’s yours.” I pick up my pace, getting lost in the moment and on the brink of another orgasm.
Jaxon lifts his hips to match my movements, and there’s nothing but the sound of moans and slapping skin between us. He squeezes my ass again, tighter this time, and stares at the area between us where our bodies meet.
His blue eyes look back at me just as a second wave of pleasure reverberates inside me, toes curling from the impact. My body jerks, riding out that orgasm, as Jaxon watches me intently.
Before I can catch my breath, he flips me over and slams in and out, fast and sloppy. He pulses inside me before lifting my legs under my knees and bringing them in front of my face. He thrusts hard one more time before he finally freezes, spilling inside of me.
After his body relaxes, he falls on top of me, kissing my forehead like he always does after finishing. Jaxon’s body drips in sweat, and the scent of desperate sex is in the air.
Rolling off me, he settles next to me and pulls me to him. I turn on my side, resting my leg on his as I feel his wild heartbeat with my hand.
The feel of Jaxon’s pounding heart becomes steadier as we come down, and I decide I need a shower. He doesn’t acknowledge my disconnect as he stares at the ceiling, distracted.
I grab a towel from the closet and go about my business. Stepping into the bathroom, I spot Magnet in the sink staring at me.
Feeling judged, I say defensively, “Don’t look at me like that, serpent. Cats go into heat, too.” He turns around and readjusts himself in the sink. I may be slightly crazy to accuse an animal of judging my sex life.
Turning the knob on the shower, I wait for the water to warm. Once inside, I thoroughly wash my body, then turn towards the water and look up, allowing it to run down my neck. I feel the cold air from outside the shower as Jaxon opens the door and walks in.
He steps behind me, kissing my shoulder, giving a gentle rub to my behind.
“I didn’t keep my promise, baby.” He runs his thumb over an area on my cheek that I didn’t realize was sore. “I’ve marked you.”
As he buries his face in my neck, the spraying water soaks his hair and runs down his head, landing on the floor by my feet. I turn and wrap my arms around his shoulders.
“I like your marks, though.”
After a peck on his lips, I turn back to indulge in the warm water on my face. His hands meet my hips, but it stays quiet between us until Jaxon says softly, “I can’t lose you, Nyx.”
He lets go of me and drops his arms to his side. “I won’t make it without you.”
Absorbing what he said, I take a deep, purposeful breath, determined not to make promises I can’t keep.
I turn around to face him. “I don’t know what the future has in store for me, Jaxon. For us. But I can promise I’d never leave you willingly unless I knew for certain it would be in your best interest. Being with me still comes with so many potential roadblocks. Ones that, because I love you way too much, I won’t have you take on for me. Especially when you may have your own obstacles to overcome soon.”
He intertwines my hands with his, looking down at them as he speaks. “No obstacles will ever change the fact that I need you, Nyx.” His eyes find mine. “And, as long as the ties that bind us together are stronger than the ones that could tear us apart, we can overcome anything.” He lifts both our hands and presses them against his chest, his forehead against mine. “Don’t give up on me, baby.”
I kiss him on his cheek right before I step out of the shower. “I’d never give up on you, Charming.”
And I mean it. It’s not him I’d doubt, ever. It’s me.
I’ll stay with Jaxon as long as I know it still benefits him in some way. He’d never be the one to leave if things got too difficult; it’s not in his nature.
Jaxon would go down fighting until his very last breath. So I know it’d have to be me thinking logically for both of us.
I just hope it never comes to that.
Jaxon
Even though I borrowed Sayeed’s truck to pick up Gelissa and the baby for the appointment, I was very close to being late because I couldn’t find my wallet. Thankfully, Cam found it under the couch. It must’ve fallen out of my sweatpants last night when we watched The Omen after I got back from the store.
I asked Cameron to come with me to the clinic, but she wants to avoid Gelissa like the plague.
I park the truck not too far from the office, and we walk the short block to head inside. Going through the door, I check the time on my phone. We’ve made it by three minutes.
I’m not speaking to Gelissa at all as we wait. She keeps Emersyn occupied by giving her some cookies as I stare blankly at the TV, the generic medical programming playing on repeat.
Emersyn giggles, causing me to look over at her. I take a closer look, and while I do see the resemblance between us, I refuse to interact with her until I have proof she’s mine.
Who knows how fast I’ll grow attached to her?
When I look at her, I already feel like I could adore this little girl. The way she giggles, or how she reaches for her mom’s hair, twisting it gently in her hands as she rests her head on her chest.
She’s so innocent in all this. I know if I let my guard down before I know the truth, I’ll feel some type of disappointment if I don’t get to keep her, regardless of if I’m ready to be a dad or not. And I’m not.
But there’s something about knowing she may be mine that makes me feel not just fear but also excitement.
So I’ll just sit here and keep my distance until we’re called into the room.
“Jaxon Carter and Emersyn Ryan?” a blonde female nurse in white scrubs calls out.
We all stand up and head into the back of the office, where she does a quick cheek swab on me first, then Emersyn, and explains they’ll call me within forty-eight hours with the results.
