by Karli Perrin
"You couldn't kick my..." I dart out of the room when he stands up. Even though I joke about him being precious, he works out like a beast and I wouldn’t want to push him too far. Which is what I’m probably about to do. I stick my head around the door. "Um, there's one more thing you should know. I've invited them to come for drinks with us tonight."
Please Lord, let her be hot.
I scan the club, hoping my dick will seek her out and lead me to her.
And after about ten minutes, it does. The world’s greatest wingman. I’m walking over to the bar to find Mason when I stop dead in my tracks. I don’t believe in fate or any of that bullshit but when her bright green eyes lock with mine, I know that I’ve found her. It’s as though an invisible thread is pulling me to her. “You’re here to see me,” I announce as her hungry eyes look me up and down. Talk. Let me hear that husky little voice of yours. Prove that I’m right.
“Are you sure about that?” she asks.
Thank the fucking lord. “I’m sure.” I hold my hand out. “Buzz.”
“Excuse me?”
“My name.”
“Your name is Buzz?” I nod. “That’s unusual.”
“There’s a story behind it.”
“Which is?”
I let my arm fall to my side. “You haven’t even told me your name yet.”
“Lori.” She glances at the pretty blonde standing next to her. “And this is Sophia.”
“Nice to meet you both.”
“Are you here alone?”
“No. I’m with my friend.”
She looks around the room. “Your invisible friend?”
I chuckle. “Nah, I haven’t seen him since I was about seven. My real friend is over at the bar.”
“Wait,” she says, tilting her head to one side. “Have we met before? Your voice sounds familiar.”
Uh oh. She’s supposed to believe that it was Mason who called her, not me. I peruse every inch of her perfect body. Her killer curves will be the death of me. “Trust me, if we had met before, you’d damn well remember it.”
She doesn’t look convinced. Any other day, I would love to be all alone with two beautiful women but I’m relieved when I spot Mason over Lori’s shoulder. They both turn around when I motion for him to join us. “Are you just going to stand there?” I shout to him when he doesn’t move. He’s looking at Sophia, all gooey-eyed. Could he be any more obvious? Loser.
"Ladies, this is my friend, Mason," I tell them when he finally remembers how his legs work. "Mason, meet my new friends, Lori and Sophia."
"I'm Lori and this is Sophia," Lori clarifies.
"Hello," Mason replies, concentrating only on Sophia.
"The ladies were keeping me company seeing as though you ditched me," I tell him.
Lori laughs. "You're a big boy, I'm sure you can be left alone for ten minutes."
"You're right," I reply. "I am a big boy. Very big."
"Yeah, what are you, about six foot four?" she asks.
I wink. "I wasn't talking about my height, sweetheart."
"I know, I was joking. Just like you were joking about being big, sweetheart."
I raise an eyebrow, excited by her willingness to play along. "How do you know I was joking if you've never seen it? Maybe you should take a look so you can set the record straight."
She shrugs. "I would but I've left my microscope at home."
I try to keep a straight face as Mason and Sophia walk away from us. “Well maybe we should go and get it right now. I’ll help you find it.”
“Find what? The microscope or your penis? Does it usually take two people?”
I can’t hide my grin any longer. “Where did you come from?” She’s like a different fucking species.
“I’m not telling you where I live, creep.”
I shrug. “I guess I’ll see for myself later.”
“You’re not coming home with me.”
“Not yet.”
“Not ever. Are you always like this?”
“Sexy and charming? Yes.” I sigh. “It’s exhausting.”
“You’re exhausting.”
“You ain’t seen nothing yet, sweetheart.”
“And I intend on keeping it that way.”
It’s cute how naïve she is. It won’t last very long. “I could make you fall in love with me tonight if I really wanted to,” I say, sitting down on the sofa next to us.
“Oh, you could, could you?”
“Yep but lucky for you, I like the chase.”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m so lucky.” I sit back and wait. Any second now she’s going to take the bait. Any seco… “So how would you make me fall in love with you then?”
Bingo. “I’m not sure you could handle it.”
“Stop flattering yourself and just tell me. Your lines don’t work on me.”
“Fine. Are you sure you want to do this? Once you fall for me, there’s no going back.”
She sits down opposite me. “I’m sure.”
“If you could invite anyone in the world to dinner who would it be?”
She frowns. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Just answer the question.”
“Channing Tatum.”
“Are you being serious? You could invite anyone but you’re going to choose Channing Tatum?”
“Yep. He’s divorced now. Is this your little party trick? Because if you can get me a dinner date with Channing, I would probably fall for you. Although Channing would have first dibs.”
I chuckle. “First dibs?” She nods. “And if he’s not interested in what you’re offering, then you’re all mine?”
“Sure.”
That’s good to know. If all else fails, I know an agent who could probably put me in touch with him. “Would you like to be famous?”
“No, I would hate that. I like having my own privacy. What about you?”
“I’m kind of a big deal already.”
“Okay, Mr Big Shot.”
“Oh, I like how that sounds coming out of your mouth.” My dick twitches. “Call me Mr Big Shot again. Actually, try Mr Huge Shot.”
She raises an eyebrow. “No, pervert.”
“Before you call someone, do you rehearse what you’re going to say?”
“I thought you were making me fall in love with you...”
“I am. Just roll with it.”
She shrugs. “I hate making phone calls. I avoid them at all costs. My preferred method of communication goes like this - Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, text messages, e-mail, carrier pigeon, message in a bottle, phone call.”
I laugh. “I love your voice. I’d call you every night if I could.”
“Please don’t do that.”
“Why do you hate it so much?”
“I don’t know. I think it’s because people expect a response right away. I can’t stop and think about what I’m going to say or think of an excuse. I prefer to type a message then edit it five hundred times first. We’re far too advanced for telephone calls now. They should be banned.”
“Oh yeah, they’re a danger to humanity. You’ll be saying we’re too advanced for face-to-face conversations next.”
She weighs it up. “Well…I do try to avoid people as much as I can.”
“That’s a lie or you wouldn’t be here.”
“I’m only here because I can’t get a signal which means nobody can call me.”
I grin. “What makes a perfect day for you?”
“Staying in bed all day…”
“Deal,” I interrupt. “Let’s do it. How about tomorrow?”
“How about no?”
“No doesn’t work for me.”
She rolls her eyes. “As I was saying before you rudely interrupted me…staying in bed all day reading.”
I groan. “Reading.”
“Yes, reading. It’s where you open a book and read the words until you reach the last page. You might have heard of it.”
“No. You’ll have to show me tomorrow.”
“You’re persistent, aren’t you? Is that how you’re going to make me fall in love with you? Nag me until I give in just to shut you up?”
“No but that’s a good plan B. So what else? Reading and…”
“Nothing. I’d only move to get food and to pee. I’m a fast reader so I could probably fit three or four books in.” She sighs happily.
“Well if I was there, I could bring food to you so you would only need to get up to pee.”
“Or I could just order take-out and Sophia could bring it to my bed.”
“There’s no need to bother Sophia.”
She raises an eyebrow. “There’s no need to bother me but you’re still doing it anyway.”
“When did you last sing?”
“You mean in the shower or…”
I rest my chin on my hands. “Yes. Tell me about the last time you sang in the shower. Paint me a beautiful picture.” I close my eyes but open them when she throws a pillow at my head. What kind of club has pillows? “Hey! You brought showering up, not me.”
“I sing a lot. I sing when I’m cooking or cleaning or yeah, in the shower.”
“Serenade me.”
“Um, no. That’s not going to happen. I’d need a few drinks before I sing to you.”
I pretend to stand up. “I’ll go and get the drinks. Seriously though, I know this awesome little karaoke bar.”
“And are you going to serenade me?”
“Of course. I’ll serenade you whenever you want, sweetheart.”
“Go on then. Do it right now.”
I stand up and begin to lift my t-shirt up while singing, “It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes…”
“I told you to sing, not strip. Please put your clothes back on.” She clasps her hands together and looks up at the ceiling.
I chuckle. “Are you praying?”
“No. Why would I be praying?” She turns to face me but closes her eyes. “Seriously. Put your t-shirt back on.” She can’t help herself and sneakily opens one eye. “Lord, help me.”
I wink at a group of giggling women walking by. “Don’t you like what you see? Okay, now you’re definitely praying.”
She blushes. “Fine. I’m praying that you put your damn shirt back on.”
I reluctantly cover up. “What did you think of my singing?”
“Singing? I don’t remember any singing.”
I sigh. “There’s more to me than just great abs, you know.” I look down at my crotch. “I also have a great di...”
“Next question,” she shouts.
I sit back down. “If you lived until you were ninety and could choose to keep the mind or body of a thirty year old, which one would you choose?”
“Mind, without a doubt. All those wonderful memories. What about you? I suppose you’d want to keep your perfect abs and…other things.”
“My dick will always be perfect, even when I’m ninety.”
She leans in and whispers. “You may not be able to get it up when you’re that old.”
“As long as you’re around, I’ll always be able to get it up.”
“This is the weirdest conversation I’ve ever had.”
“How do you think you’re going to die?”
“Anddd it just got even weirder. What’s the deal with all these questions? I feel like I’m speed dating or something.”
I raise my eyebrow. “Oh, we’re on a date? Then you should know that I never go past third base on first dates. I hope that’s not a problem.”
“We both know that this isn’t a date so why would that ever be a problem?”
“It’s a problem because once you have a little taste of me, you’ll want the whole damn thing. You’ll be begging for more and I’ll have to say no. I have morals, you know.”
She sighs. “To answer your question, at the rate this interrogation is going, I’ll probably die in this club. I won’t be able to survive on alcohol and potato chips for longer than a few days.”
“Why not? That’s what I survived on in college. You’ll be fine.”
“How do you think you’re going to die?”
“During sex, probably.”
She rolls her eyes. “When you’re ninety?”
“You’ll be there to see how old I am.”
She puts on an old lady voice. “He always said he was going to die during sex. Thank god he gave me one last mind-blowing orgasm.”
I chuckle. “Hell yeah, I did. Can I have that written on my tombstone?”
“Yeah if you don’t care about your great grandchildren reading it.”
“Our great grandchildren will appreciate the fact that I kept you satisfied.”
“Next question.”
“Name three things you think we have in common.”
“I’ve got nothing.”
“Oh, come on!”
“I guess we both breathe the same air.”
“Well, opposites attract,” I tell her. “Remember that.”
“Next.”
“What are you most grateful for?”
She looks over at Sophia who is laughing at something Mason just said. “Sophia. She’s my family now.”
I nod. “I know the feeling. Mason is like a brother to me.” My heart sinks when I remember that he’s my only brother these days. “He has helped me through some really shitty times.”
Her eyes soften. “Like what?”
I shrug. “I don’t want to kill the mood.”
“You won’t. I want to know more about you.”
“My brother died a few years ago.”
“I’m so sorry,” she says.
“My mom and dad broke up when I was young, so my older brother was like a father to me. I took it really hard. Mason stepped up. I joke that he’s like a dad to me but I really look up to him. He steers me in the right direction.” I wink, trying to lighten the mood. “He steered me here tonight. He steered me to you.”
“I’m glad he did.”
We stare at each other for what feels like minutes. “Are you in love with me yet?”
She swallows hard. “Not yet.”
“I guess I better keep going then. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?”
“Hmmmm.” She takes a moment to think about it. “I wish that I was taught how to be confident and realize my self-worth. It took me a really long time to love myself.”
“But you’re beautiful. I can’t believe you’ve struggled with confidence issues.”
“I guess we all have our own issues. Well, I’m sure you don’t but…”
“No, I do.”
“Really? What are they?”
I run a hand across my jaw. “Are we really doing this? Are we going deep?”
“Isn’t that what you enjoy?” I raise an eyebrow and she raises one right back. “Going deep?”
“I guess you’ll find out.” She looks away when the intensity gets too much. “People have always tried to change me,” I tell her. “It makes me feel like I’m not good enough. Like I can’t be the real me.”
“Is that why you’re always joking around?”
“I guess I sometimes use humor as a shield. If I project this larger than life version of myself then it won’t hurt as much when people don’t want me.”
Her eyes turn sad. “Who wouldn’t want you?”
“A lot of people.”
“A lot of stupid people.”
“Keep going,” I joke.
“I’m not going to massage your ego anymore.”
“Will you massage something else instead?”
She throws the other pillow at me. “Now what am I supposed to throw at you?”
“Yourself?”
“You don’t have to put up a shield around me, you know. You don’t have to joke about everything.”
“I wasn’t joking. I’d love it if you threw yourself at me.” I smile. “But seriously, I’m not putting up a shield around you. I’m being myself. Anyway, enoug
h about me. Tell me more about you. Tell me about your life.”
“Oh, um, I’ve had a pretty boring life. There’s not much to tell. I was born and raised here in San Francisco. Brought up by my mom. We travelled around quite a lot. I was always the nerdy one at school. I’ve always loved to read.”
“Boyfriends?”
She looks down at her feet and shrugs. “Two serious ones.”
“What happened?”
“They weren’t right for me. We wanted different things.”
“They had you, what more could they want?”
“Sweet talker.”
“No, I’m being serious. What did they want that you didn’t?”
“Well my last boyfriend wanted to fuck other women so there’s that...”
“Fuck him. Not literally. Don’t do that. He doesn’t deserve you.”
“You can say that again.”
“He doesn’t deserve you.”
She smiles. “Are you going to tell me what all this is about?”
“Soon. Is there something that you’ve dreamed about doing for a long time?”
“Opening my own bookshop. There would be giant beanbags and cake and it would be amazing.”
“So why haven’t you done it?”
“Because I can’t afford it. I spend all of my money on books.”
I laugh. “What’s your greatest accomplishment?”
“Besides meeting you?”
“Obviously.”
“Making my own money. Not needing to rely on anybody else.”
“It feels good, doesn’t it?”
“So good.”
I wiggle my eyebrows up and down. “You know what else feels good?”
She looks around for more pillows. “Are there more questions or are you done?”
“What is your most treasured memory?”
“My first book signing. I was so excited. The coffee didn’t help. I made a complete idiot of myself in front of Colleen Hoover. She’s my unicorn author.”
“Your what?”
“Unicorn. My favorite of all time, basically.”
“And what about your most terrible memory?”
“Isn’t that obvious? Making an idiot of myself in front of Colleen freaking Hoover. I was talking way too fast and ended up spitting my chewing gum out.” I burst out laughing. “No, don’t laugh! It landed on her hand!”
“I would probably die of embarrassment.”
“Right? And then the second time I met her, I almost killed her. I gave her some sweets and about five minutes later, she started choking on one of them.”
