Freeing

by E. K. Blair

  “The weather is supposed to turn bad this weekend, so your mom is insisting that the Christmas lights go up tomorrow.”

  “Great, I’m back for all of five minutes, and you’re telling me I have to freeze my ass off all day tomorrow?” Mark says as he laughs.

  “Blame that woman over there,” he says as he points to his wife, who is taking a plate of food out of the microwave. “I have to freeze my ass off too.”

  “Oh, please. You men are pathetic.” She sets down a plate of lasagna and salad in front of me as she adds, “There are three of you; there is no way it will take you all day.”

  She hands me a fork, and I thank her when Mark looks at her and says, “Then I demand steaks for dinner.”

  I laugh and shake my head when Ben slaps his shoulder in approval, and clarifies, “Ribeyes.”

  “Fine. No more complaining,” she tells the two of them and hands Mark his plate.

  The both of us eat as Ben starts talking and asking Mark and I about school. My father and I haven’t spoken since I told him I was gay, and I can only imagine how skittish he would be around me, now that he knows. Although I’m feeling comfortable hanging out here with Mark and his parents, the idea of Mark touching me in front of them makes me anxious. It’s almost like I’m a college buddy of his spending the holiday with his family, not his boyfriend. I guess I’m waiting for the look. The freak-out. The ‘oh my God, he’s gay’ reaction.

  We finish eating and clean up our mess before saying good night to Mark’s parents. Grabbing our bags, we head upstairs to Mark’s room.

  “Come on,” he says. “I’ll introduce you to my sisters. Fair warning, they have no filter.”

  We walk down the hall, and when Mark opens the door, the first thing I hear is a high-pitched, “God, Mark! Knock much?”

  I can’t help the burst of laughter that comes out of me as I step into the room. The two girls are lying on the bed, huddled over a laptop, looking at us.

  “Whatever. Jase, this is Emily and Erin.”

  I knew that Mark’s sisters were twins, but they seriously look just alike. Both with long, straight brown hair and the same bright, green eyes that Mark has.

  They clamber out of bed and not only give Mark hugs, but me as well. Mark has told me that he’s really close with his sisters, but seeing them now, I can’t help the twinge of jealousy that creeps in, only wishing it was my own sister I was hugging. He’s lucky to have them.

  “When did you get here?” he asks them.

  “After finals last week. The dorms emptied out, so we went ahead and came home a couple days early.”

  “So . . . Jase . . .” Erin says as she shoots me a flirty wink.

  When I cock my head at her, slightly amused, her eyes begin to pan down the length of me in a dramatic fashion. I laugh at her blatant nature as Mark says with annoyance to Erin, “You’re seriously messed up.”

  “This is almost too much,” I chuckle out when Emily breaks out into a fit of laughter as well.

  “Yeah, I agree. We’ll see you two in the morning,” Mark tells them, and when we walk out, the two of them burst out laughing. I can’t help but do the same as Mark looks at me with an apologetic look on his face.

  We head back to his room, unpack, and get ready for bed. It’s a bit odd to be sleeping in the same room as him in his parents’ home, but I try to shake off my insecure feelings for the sake of Mark. Sliding into bed, it feels so good to finally be lying down. It’s been a long day, and I huddle down under the blankets, wrapping myself around Mark.

  I close my eyes, and I’m about to fall asleep when we hear squealing from the next room where his sisters are. Mark sits up and looks down at me for a second before shifting to his knees and placing his ear on the wall.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I ask.

  “Shhh.” He stays there, eavesdropping for a moment, when he whispers, “I can’t make out what they’re saying.”

  “Oh my God, you are just as crazy as they are.”

  We hear another squeal, and Mark jumps out of bed.

  “What are you doing?”

  As he slips on a pair of pajama pants, he says, “I’m gonna see what they’re up to.”

  As tired as I am, I am getting a major kick out of seeing this new side of Mark. He quietly walks across the room and slowly opens the door, trying hard to not make any noise. He looks back at me, and nods his head for me to follow. Sighing, I get out of bed and follow him to his sisters’ door. With his hand on the handle, he quickly opens the door, barging in. One of the girls is sitting at the desk, on the computer and the other one is standing on top of the bed.

  “What’s going on in here?” Mark asks, and Erin jumps off the bed, runs over to us, and drags us in, shutting the door quietly behind us.

  “Jesus, you’re loud. You’re gonna wake up Mom and Dad,” she snaps at him before glancing at me, or rather, my bare chest. “God, you’re hot.”

  “What?” I say at the same time Marks asks, “What the hell’s the matter with you?”

  “Geez, nothing!”

  “Em, dish it. What has the two of you acting so secretive?” Mark asks as I walk over and sit on the edge of the bed.

  “You have to promise to not say anything to Mom and Dad.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “Okay, so there’s this guy, Travis, that is totally hot and all. I mean, seriously. This guy is like—”

  “Get to the point,” Mark interrupts.

  “Anyway. Erin is like madly in love with this guy—”

  “No, I’m not!”

  “Okay, I’m out,” Mark tells them as he starts heading for the door.

  “Fine. Jase will help us,” Emily says.

  “I don’t even know what’s going on here,” I say in complete confusion.

  When Erin finally stops molesting my chest with her eyes, she looks up at me and pleads, “You have to take us to this party tomorrow night.”

  “What?” Mark asks.

  “Umm, excuse me. I’m talking to Jase.”

  “Why do you need us to take you to a party? Just go,” he tells her.

  Getting up from the computer, Emily walks over and sits down on the bed with Erin and me. “Because, there is no way that Mom will let us go to a party the night before Thanksgiving. But if we say that the four of us are going out together, you know, like a brother-sister type thing, then I know they won’t question it.”

  Laughing at their scheming, I say, “I’m in.”

  Erin wraps her arms around me when Mark glares at me with a look of complete betrayal, and I laugh at him. “It sounds completely harmless,” I tell him.

  “I already love you,” Emily tells me as I hear Mark let out a deep breath. “Oh, come on, Mark. Even Jase is cool with it.”

  “How old is this guy?” he asks.

  “I don’t know. He’s in his third year,” Erin says when she finally lets go of me. “What does it matter?”

  “Because you’re nineteen and my sister. It matters.”

  Suddenly thinking about Candace, I stand up, taking Mark’s side, and tell them, “We’ll go, but we’re staying with you.”

  “Yeah, I agree,” Mark says, probably understanding my change of tone.

  “Are you serious?” Emily questions, clearly not liking that her older brother is, in a sense, chaperoning them.

  “Em, who cares?” Erin says. “Maybe Travis will get jealous when he sees me with Jase.”

  Tilting my head at her in disbelief, she defends, “What? I get that you’re gay and all, but who knew my brother would snag a hottie? So yeah, I plan on using you.”

  With mild laughter, I say, “This is slightly uncomfortable.”

  “No shit,” Mark says as he turns to walk out, and I follow.

  When we get back into bed, I replay the last ten minutes and begin to laugh.

  “What’s so funny?” Mark asks.

  “You weren’t kidding around about them.”

  “No, man. They’re
crazy as hell. All the women in this family are.”

  I’m glad that they are because it takes my mind off of the nerves of being here. I like Mark’s family, and his sisters make it all that much better, because even though they are completely different than Jace, they kinda remind me of her.

  Mark runs his hand behind my neck and asks, “What are you thinking about?”

  I tug him close to me, when I say, “I’m glad I came.”

  “Me too.”

  We lay there for a moment, silent, before I say, “Your dad seems really great.” I just wish my own could be as understanding as his.

  “It’s not easy on him, you know?”

  “What do you mean?”

  He shifts slightly before continuing. “He had a really difficult time with it at first. It’s just been hard on him. He’s a work in progress.”

  I nod my head, not really knowing how to respond. I’d like to think maybe my father could come around as well, but I think that’s a far cry from my reality.

  Interrupting my thoughts, he adds, “I don’t want you to think my family’s perfect. Things weren’t always like they are now, but they’ve known for a few years. It wasn’t just me coming to terms with it; they had to as well.”

  “I don’t see that happening for me, for my parents, I mean,” I tell him. I can hope, but what’s hope? My hopes are rarely ever fulfilled.

  Mark pulls me in closer, his body warm against mine. “Maybe it’s just another piece I can fill for you.”

  I smile and remember our conversation from the other week. Not wanting to deny his words, I simply whisper in response, “Yeah, maybe,” before I cover his lips with mine.

  Although the both of us are exhausted from the day of traveling, we spend a good amount of time quietly kissing before falling asleep.

  There’s a knock on the door as I’m slipping on one of my old UW hooded sweatshirts. I open the door to Erin standing there, still in her pajamas. Walking into the room, she jumps onto the bed and asks, “Where’s Mark?”

  “Taking a shower.”

  “Is he gonna talk to Mom about tonight?”

  “He didn’t say,” I answer as I sit next to her.

  “Say what?” I turn to see Mark as he’s walking out of the bathroom.

  “Are you going to talk to Mom about tonight?”

  “Yeah, I’ll talk to her,” he says as he grabs his clothes and heads back into the bathroom.

  I turn to look at Erin, and she has a huge smile on her face.

  “Who’s going to this party anyway?” I ask.

  “People from Kent State that live around here.”

  “That’s where you go?”

  “Yeah. Em and I are freshmen,” she tells me. “So, you’re an Architect major with Mark?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You’ve known him this whole time?” she asks as she leans against the headboard, getting comfortable.

  “Sort of. We never really spoke until this summer.”

  “Well, for what it’s worth, he seems really happy,” she says with a grin right before Mark comes back out. “Why are you guys dressed so early?” she asks as she looks between the two of us.

  “It’s not that early, but Mom wants the lights up today, so we’re gonna be stuck on the roof for the next several hours.”

  Hopping off the bed, she prances out of the room, calling, “Have fun with that!”

  Mark closes the door and locks it before walking toward me and hovering his body over mine, pushing me back onto the bed.

  “What are you doing?” I barely get out when Mark starts kissing me.

  Mumbling over the skin on my neck as he moves his lips down, he says, “Not being able to touch you is going to drive me crazy today.”

  His words unintentionally make me feel guilty. He knows I’m not comfortable with anything physical in front of his family, and I hate that I’m still holding back with him. I don’t want to. I don’t want to pretend to be something we’re not. And we are not distant.

  When he drags his lips back to mine, he pushes back off of me and smiles. “I need coffee.”

  Sitting up, I hold his face and pull him down to me once more, kissing him slowly, allowing myself to taste him. He moans as I lean back and stare up at him.

  “I love you,” I say with all seriousness.

  Running his fingers through my hair, he confirms, “Not even close to how much I do.”

  And I don’t need to hear anymore as I smile up at him.

  I follow as he walks to the door and unlocks it. Heading down the stairs, I take his hand, and when he looks at me, surprised, I just give him a slight grin. No more pretending. No more wavering.

  We walk into the kitchen where his mom and dad are sitting at the table and drinking coffee. They look up at us, and for a moment my stomach knots when his mother looks down at our hands. She stands and walks over to us, smiling, and says, “Good morning. You boys want anything to eat?”

  Returning the smile, knots vanishing, I say, “Just coffee.”

  Mark and I fix our coffee and join his parents at the table.

  “Mom, would it be a problem if we went out with Em and Erin tonight for a bit?” Mark asks.

  “What are you guys gonna do?”

  “Not sure, but we thought it would be fun for the four of us to hang out.”

  “Yeah, sure. Just try to not be out too late,” she tells him as she picks up her coffee to take a sip.

  Mark looks over at me and shakes his head, not excited about having to follow his sisters around tonight.

  “You boys ready to get out there and get this over with?” his dad says.

  We take a few minutes and drink our coffee before heading out into the snow.

  Several hours later, Mark has gone to the store to pick up some things for dinner tonight, and Ben and I are sitting on the roof, drinking a couple of beers Andrea tossed up to us. The snow keeps falling, but after three hours, I’m completely numb.

  “So, Jase, Mark tells me that the two of you have some classes together.”

  “Yeah. We share the same studio this year and one of our lectures.”

  He takes a swig of his beer and then asks, “How has this year been treating you?”

  “It’s been a little challenging,” I say quietly, knowing it’s been probably one of the most difficult years of my life.

  “Why’s that?” he asks as he looks over at me, curious to know.

  Talking to Mark’s father like this is far from what I’m used to with my own father. He’s a quiet guy and was never too involved in my life. With Ben, however, it doesn’t feel forced.

  “There’s just been a lot going on, and I fell behind in some of my classes,” I tell him and then take another sip of my beer.

  “You able to catch up?”

  “Yeah. Luckily, Mark worked ahead and was able to help me with a few things. I just had to refocus for a moment.”

  Staring straight ahead, looking out over the street, he says, “Mark seems really happy.”

  I look at him when he says this, and he turns to me. Feeling a little nervous about where this could go, I don’t respond.

  “He said you don’t really talk to your parents.”

  “No,” I breathe out, disappointed that it even has to be this way with them.

  “That’s too bad,” he says as he grips my shoulder. “You seem like a stand-up guy.”

  I shift my attention down to see Mark pulling into the driveway, I respond to Ben’s statement, as I watch Mark getting out of the car. “I really appreciate that.”

  When Mark walks into the house, Ben claps his hand on my shoulder, saying, “Let’s finish this up, son. I’m starving and ready to get out of this snow.”

  He stands and tosses his bottle down onto the snow-covered front yard. Hearing him call me son was all I needed. Whether it’s just a figure of speech he uses freely, or it was meant with more intent, it felt accepting. No shame. No embarrassment. No fear. No opposition. He gets it.
>
  “You coming?” he says, and I nod before tossing my bottle down as well.

  After watching a movie huddled under blankets with Mark and his sisters, I helped Andrea out in the kitchen, getting dinner together. I took care of the steaks and the scalloped potatoes while she made a salad and also worked on a couple of piecrusts for Thanksgiving. I feel as if I have been coming over to this house for years. Comfortable.

  Finishing dinner, Mark and I decide to go lie down before we head out for the night. The quietness is short-lived when his sisters barge in and are ready to go.

  As we walk through the living room, Andrea says, “Seriously, don’t stay out all night,” as the four of us leave.

  “Trust me, we won’t,” Mark tells her. He and I are completely worn out from getting all the lights on the house earlier today.

  Sliding into the front seat with Mark, his sisters pile into the back, both buried in their cell phones.

  “How long are you guys wanting to stay?” Mark asks as he drives down the slick road.

  “Long enough for Erin to suck on Travis’ face,” Emily laughs out.

  “I don’t need to hear that crap,” Mark says in clear disgust.

  “Oh, whatever,” Erin says.

  The three of them continue to bicker until we finally pull up to the large, two-story house with a wrap-around drive. Cars flood the street, and when Mark parks, he turns around and says, “Two hours.”

  Rolling their eyes at him, Emily tells him, “You’re such a pussy,” as both girls laugh.

  When they get out of the car, he looks at me while I try not to laugh. “I’m not a pussy,” he tells me as if he needs to convince me of this fact.

  Now I’m laughing at him when I hear my phone chime. I pull it out of my pocket and tell Mark, “It’s Candace.”

  How’s your trip so far?

  “What’s it say?” Mark asks, and I read it to him before typing out my response.

  Good. Mark’s family is oddly great.

  LOL! What’s that like? : )

  Take it you’re not having a good time.

  It actually hasn’t been too bad. Went shopping with mom, all the while bragging about how great her friend’s children are doing. As if I’m slumming it at UW.