Choose to Love [Blackhawk Brothers 2] (BookStrand Publishing Romance)

by Lavada Dee

  A few minutes later, he walked into the lodge. By that time he had convinced himself that he wasn’t there just to get Baylee’s contact information. He had to eat. To convince himself further, he dug out his cell and called his parents. They were only too happy to join him for dinner and said they’d be there in about twenty minutes. Good. That would give him enough time to look at the bookings. Baylee had stayed at the lodge so they would have the information he wanted.

  Grant quickly jotted her contact information from the search he had made to the booking system and asked if Devon was around. The desk clerk nodded and said she would call his pager. This was good. Grant loved being with family, and tonight, after having Brad around, even more so. The flip side was that recently when he left them, he felt he was missing out on something. His parents were happy and still in love. Cooper and Galynn with baby Caleb made life look like a fairy tale. He wondered if Devon shared the feeling of being odd man out, or if it was just him.

  The restlessness and feeling like he was at loose ends was a big reason he’d decided to start building a house. He wanted a place that he could make into a home, and the condo just wasn’t cutting it.

  Dinner, as usual, took on a festive air when the Blackhawk family got together. Grant felt better than he had all week. Taking the last bite of his steak, he pushed his empty plate back and moved his coffee cup closer. Looking over at his brother, he complimented him on the chef.

  Devon nodded and winked at his mother. “We’ve got mom to thank for Jeffrey. She’s the one that talked him into leaving Seattle.”

  “Well it’s certainly making Blackhawk Lodge the place to be.”

  The Blackhawk family had originally settled the area and named the town. They still held a prominent position in the community. Devon owned 75 percent of the lodge and ran it. Cooper had the same arrangement with the Blackhawk construction company. The family owned the remaining 25 percent of both companies. In addition, Collin, the patriarch of the family, spent his time acquiring additional properties.

  They were a family that played together and worked together. Conversation flowed around the table, and the main topic was Grant’s new house.

  “Are you going to hire a professional decorator?” Lydia, Grant’s mother asked.

  “I’ll probably have to unless you want to volunteer.”

  Lydia smiled and put her hand over her sons. “You know I’ll help. I can coordinate with a professional or help you make decorating decisions.”

  Looking over at Devon, she said, “What about you? Are you going to start building a home soon?”

  Devon laughed. “Now why in the world would I want to move out of the lodge? I have half of the third floor, which has more floor space than most houses. Plus, I live in luxury. Maid services, gourmet meals”—he winked at Grant—“professional décor.”

  Lydia punched him playfully on the arm. “Oh, you guys. You both need to get busy and give me more grandbabies.”

  She took a breath and quickly added, “And Devon, my dear, that is why you need to build a home. A baby can hardly be expected to live in a hotel.”

  “Lodge, Mom,” Devon broke in. “It’s a lodge.”

  Grant forced his mouth shut. How in the devil had the conversation come back around to making babies. For crying out loud, just when he’d finally pushed thoughts of Baylee out of his mind.

  He cleared his throat and started to get out of the booth when he heard Cooper’s voice. Seeing his brother approaching, Grant closed his eyes in mock despair. This he did not need. Not tonight.

  With a gleam of mischief, Cooper walked up to the table and looked under it. Raising his eyes, he looked directly at Grant.

  The others watched the exchange with mixed looks of what next while Grant tried to ignore their wide eyes boring into him from around the table.

  “Knock it off, Coop,” Grant growled out.

  “Knock what off?” Lydia reached out to take the baby in Cooper’s arms.

  Cooper was on a roll. “Where did you stash her?”

  “Like you think I shoved her under the table when I heard you come in?” Grant scowled at his brother and mouthed, You are so going to pay for this.

  Cooper backed up a step and held up his hands in surrender. The laugh that boomed out denied he was surrendering to anything. “So, couldn’t hang onto the pretty lady, huh?”

  The exchange got through to Lydia, even as she smiled and cooed at her little grandson. “What lady? Who are you talking about, Coop?”

  “Thanks a lot, bro. Now you’ve done it.” Grant scowled over at his brother.

  Turning to his mother, he gave her his best, most reassuring smile. “Nothing, Mom, Coop is just trying to get to me.”

  “Well it looks like he’s accomplishing it.” Putting on her mother’s hat, she turned to Galynn. “Did you two eat yet?”

  Cooper winked at his mother, taking any sting out that his words might invoke. “Yes, Galynn had dinner ready when I got home. Not that you waited for us or anything. If I hadn’t happened to call Devon, we wouldn’t have known you were all here.”

  “My fault,” Grant said. “It has been one of those weeks, and after leaving the clinic I didn’t want to spend the evening alone, so I called the folks and Devon. I would have called you, but I figured you might want to spend family time with Galynn and Caleb at the end of the week.” After making nice for the family, he turned and mumbled to Cooper. “Gee, bro, I wonder why I didn’t invite you.”

  Again holding up his hands, Cooper laughed. “I was just teasing. I know that I don’t need an invite to join you.” Then with a wink, he added, “Unless, of course, you’re planning a surprise birthday party for me.”

  Glad for a change of subject, Grant let it go. He couldn’t stay miffed. After all, this kind of teasing was legend with the brothers, and next time it could be his turn to take a crack at Cooper. “You nut. You’re too old for a surprise birthday party.”

  Cooper put on his poor me look. “Yeah, sad thing isn’t it, and I’m the baby of the family. That really makes you over the hill, big brother.”

  He took a breath and Grant held his, hoping against hope that Cooper wouldn’t bring Baylee back up. Not taking any chances, and not able to leave so soon after Cooper and Galynn got there, he turned the topic back to his house.

  “I thought I’d clean up out in the meadow this weekend. It’s still wet enough to burn some of that brush.”

  Grant had caught his father’s look a couple of times during dinner and would bet he knew something was bothering him. When he spoke up, Grant wasn’t surprised. “I’ll give you a hand. What time you planning to get started tomorrow?”

  When baby Caleb started fussing, Grant held out his arms to take him. Like magic, the baby settled down and extended chubby fingers to play with Grant’s mouth. A few minutes later, he fell asleep.

  Galynn shook her head. “How do you do that?”

  Grant laughed. “I think he associates me with comfort since I came over and gave him something to ease that earache.”

  “I think it’s more than that, and I also think that you’d make a wonderful dad. Any child of yours would be one lucky kid.”

  Grant blinked. “Yeah, well in order for that to happen there has to be a wife, and that is so not going to happen.”

  Lydia broke in. “Don’t mind him, Galynn. His friend is going through a divorce and has made Grant a sounding board.”

  Galynn mumbled, “Sorry.”

  “No problem. I wasn’t exactly excited about the idea of marriage anyway.”

  With hugs, they broke up, and even though he was still alone, Grant felt a whole lot better. Silently thanking his lucky stars for his family, he headed for home.

  When thoughts of Baylee again intruded, he remembered what she had said about not being close to her mother. He wondered if she had brothers or sisters. He knew there was no father in her life. Again, he felt thankful for his family.

  As he drove through the dark, quiet night, a n
iggling awareness teased at him. He turned up the radio in an attempt to block his thoughts, but still they intruded. What would he do to have a family if he was all alone in the world? Would he consider going the single parent route? And, if he were a woman, would he want to use a sperm bank if he could trade an unknown donor for a known one?

  Chapter 6

  Another full day out at the property. The work kept Grant busy, and with all the physical exercise and fresh air, he shouldn’t be having any trouble sleeping. So tell that to a mind that refused to shut down thoughts of Baylee. Or to a body that seemed to be in constant semiarousal.

  At least Brad seemed to be finally coming to terms with Gracie leaving him, and it was giving Grant a little reprieve from the every night sessions with him. He sighed. Brad might have reduced his reliance on him, but it wasn’t happening fast enough. There were still too many nights Brad turned up drunk on his doorstep.

  If trying to support Brad was wearing him down, how did Baylee stand it? Every day she listened to good relationships gone bad and people complaining and being hateful to someone they had once professed to love, honor, and cherish. At least Brad had started talking about things other than his relationship with Gracie. Being a divorce lawyer had to take a toll on Baylee.

  Mumbling to himself, he walked into the bedroom he used as a den and turned on the computer. Why couldn’t he get her out of his mind? Sure, she was beautiful. Sure she was intelligent, but loving? It wasn’t the first word that popped into his mind when he thought of her. Maybe hot, now that word fit her.

  It seemed surreal the way the memory of her clung to him. It was almost like she’d become part of him and laid claim to the primitive side of his nature he all but ignored. Again he thought of how Tyrell had embraced that part of himself while he had suppressed it until he was hardly aware of its existence.

  When Grant had explained how he felt around Baylee, his father had offered a theory. “Legend has it that shift changers have only one true mate and that they instinctively know that person when they encounter them.”

  He went on to say, “Maybe that which lies deep inside you is making itself known so you don’t or can’t let her go.”

  Grant stared at his e-mail screen. He didn’t buy into his dad’s theory. Over the years he’d pushed what Tyrell did to the back of his mind so that it felt like a nightmare, not real in the light of day. Still, something made him lay awake at night. Something made his heart beat with excitement and his mind embrace images of her.

  He clicked on the new message icon and took out the e-mail address he’d gotten from the lodge’s guest register. What would it hurt to send a message? He needed to apologize for not contacting her after he had said he would. It wasn’t as if he would ever agree to father a baby.

  Unless?

  Hell, he wasn’t going to think beyond a simple apology. Slowly, his fingers typed out the beginning. Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you. I meant to but...

  Grant ran his hand through his hair. Starting the message out with an excuse, and a lame one at that, might be easy, but it was not where he wanted to go.

  He sat back in his chair. Hell, where did he want to go? E-mailing her was stupid. He didn’t need this. He started to log out of the e-mail but stopped as an image of Baylee formed in his mind. Again, a deep sense of loneliness enveloped him. With a sigh, he moved his hands over the keyboard and started over.

  Hi, I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you. The simple fact is you scared me. I don’t mean your proposition, though you have to admit that would get any guy’s attention. I’m not sure what happened when I walked you back to your car, and I can’t stop thinking about where we might have taken it if the logger hadn’t shown up. Guess this is more than you want to hear.

  Later, Grant

  He hit send, and on cue the phone rang. His heart picked up a pace but slowed right back down when he saw Brad’s name on the caller ID.

  “Hey, bud. I’m down at the Barn, and it’s hopping. Why don’t you come on down and have a brew with me.”

  “Not tonight. I just got in from the property, and I’m tired and dirty. By the time I get cleaned up, all I will be ready for is bed.”

  Brad’s voice rose against the background music. “You have to eat, and you know Deb makes the best hamburgers this side of Texas. Come on, you used to be good for at least one beer. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were the married one.” He laughed, but it came out like more of a snort. “Not that I’m married anymore.”

  Grant didn’t want to go back out. A can of chili sounded better than going out for a hamburger. He sighed. He hated to let Brad down, but he really wanted an early night. Finally, he relented enough to say, “I don’t want to go out, Brad, but I have some cold beer in the fridge. Why don’t you grab a couple burgers to go and bring them over here?”

  Silence filled the line, and Grant could hear Brad talking to someone. Oh no. If he thought he could bring a couple of women with him, he had another think coming. “Hey Brad...?”

  Brad broke in. “Okay, and I’ll bring some company with me. Just what the doctor ordered.” He laughed at his pun.

  “No, Brad! No company!” He banged down the dead line. Anger flooded through him. “Guess it’s time to get things straight with Brad,” he mumbled.

  When the headlights bounced off the front door of the condo, Grant stood waiting. Walking up to Brad’s car, he blocked the door with his body and motioned for Brad to roll down the window. He glared at his friend for a few minutes. When he had Brad’s attention, he quietly said, “You’re out of line here, and you know it. You also look like you’re borderline drunk. One more and you’ll be off the road for the night.”

  “I’m okay. I told Deb at the Barn I was the designated driver, so she kept me legal.”

  “Well, you won’t be if I let you in for more.” Grant let his voice trail off.

  Brad was no fool and with a nod, said, “Okay. See you tomorrow?” Grant heard him trying to explain the change of plans to the two women.

  “Serves you right, bud,” he mumbled under his breath.

  He really needed to have that talk with Brad and better sooner than later. He slapped the side of the car and said, “Oh yeah, tomorrow. You can count on it.”

  Grant watched Brad’s car back out and leave the complex. One good thing, this time he felt relief instead of being lonely. How did people do to one another and themselves what Brad and Gracie had done? Thoughts of happier times when he’d been a frequent guest in their home, and when their girls were born, came to mind as he made his way back inside. What were the statistics on a happily ever after? How many marriages ended in divorce? Were there relationships that mutually ended, or were they all like Brad and Gracie’s, where one person wanted out and the other person didn’t?

  At the door, he stopped and looked up at the night sky. A full moon, a lover’s moon. He bit down, clenching his jaw as he felt a call to run free. He looked toward the mountains and felt their pull. The muscles in his legs tightened at the thought of running in the high meadows and of feeling the mountain winds against his body.

  Fighting against giving into these new desires, he pushed the door open and stepped inside. The familiar warmth of the condo immediately dispelled the insanity of the night.

  * * * *

  Baylee leaned back in her chair and took a deep breath. She loved Sunday mornings when the office was quiet and she could catch up on paperwork without interruption. Her eyes felt gritty, and she blinked a couple of times to ease the stress of looking at her computer screen nonstop for the past three hours.

  Getting up, she walked over to the French doors that led out to a small patio. When she’d remodeled the old Victorian into offices, she had tried to keep the rooms open to the outside, and two of them had patios.

  She smiled when a robin swept down and grabbed something on the ground. Springtime in San Francisco, it didn’t get any better. Or did it? Her thoughts strayed back to a meadow in Montana. Was
Grant a workaholic like her, or did he use his Sunday mornings for more leisurely things?

  Unlike her, he probably didn’t wake up alone on Sunday mornings. She took a deep breath and fought to wipe the image out of her mind.

  Her stomach rumbled, interrupting her musings. One good thing about living in the same house she worked in was that food was just upstairs. It was handy when she ended up working evenings and weekends.

  She grabbed a bowl of salad out of the fridge and added croutons and tuna. Now that she was away from her desk she hated the idea of going back and finishing the case prep she’d been working on. Darn, what was wrong with her? For years, all she’d thought about was her work. Now thoughts of a baby, Grant Blackhawk, and Montana kept intruding. Loneliness washed over her. Her work had always been enough until she’d started thinking about a baby. Once she let herself dream about a family, things started changing. The loneliness was the worst. Why work, why build up a practice, and why think about a home instead of place to live? Why plan anything without someone to share it with?

  She took a bite of salad, wishing she’d brought a book to the table. Glancing up at the wall clock, she realized it was already midafternoon. The day had gotten away from her. She’d intended to go down to the presidio and walk around this morning. Now it was late afternoon. No matter, she still had time, and the weather was unseasonably warm.

  She finished her salad and rinsed the dish. Grabbing her jacket, she hurried out to the car. She needed to get out and away from the house and office. It didn’t take long to get out to the park, but the feeling of loneliness only intensified as she watched couples and families enjoying the day. Not for the first time, Baylee berated herself for not giving more thought to how she should have approached Grant.

  At the time, it had seemed the next logical choice in becoming pregnant. It had been almost a year since she’d decided she wanted more of life than her work and that she preferred to be a single parent rather than take the risk of divorce and custody battles.