Strong Loving

by Niobia Bryant

  Neema nodded in agreement.

  Zaria wrapped her arms around herself and hugged as tight as she could.

  “Oh no. You don’t have to comfort yourself,” Lisha said rising to come over to her and remove Zaria’s arms just to replace them with her own.

  She settled her head on the older woman’s shoulder, thankful for the loving hug and the sweet scent of her perfume that was so familiar. Soon she felt the presence of all the women, her daughters and nieces included, surround her as well.

  She wondered if they knew they were helping to keep her upright.

  ∞

  As his father, brothers, brother-in-law, and step sons-in-law all took their positions on the porch of his house, Kaleb jogged down the stairs and walked around to the rear of the MULE he drove from the farm yesterday. On the back was a cooler and he withdrew a bottle of beer from the ice and water still inside it. He held the bottle up in offer to anyone else.

  All declined.

  He removed the cap and took a deep satisfying swallow as he made his way around the utility vehicle and back up the steps to take the empty seat on the bench next to his father. The look on Kael Strong’s face was severe. He glanced at the faces of the other men and none of them looked any more pleasant.

  “This is for the best,” Kaleb said, bending at the waist to set the bottle down by his booted feet before he rested his elbows atop his knees.

  “What the hell happened?” Kade asked.

  He was the eldest, the tallest, and the most demanding of all Kaleb’s brother—and the one he respected the most.

  Kaleb paused. Both he and Zaria knew the questions would come. It’s why they decided to make a family announcement in the first place. To handle it all together.

  But these were his brothers. His father. And men who two women in his life had chosen to wed. He loved each one. Their bond was good. Solid. He didn’t want to lie.

  Not anymore.

  He barely felt like himself anymore.

  How could he fight his wife’s desire to leave when he no longer felt like he correctly fit into the picture anymore? Not the way that he was. The pressure was major.

  “It’s not cheating or nothing like that,” he began, casting his eyes out to the front lawn of his property. It felt as if he could see the very heat radiate and blur the image. “I don’t have anything going on with the journalist lady. It’s nothing like that. There’s no other woman for me—there was no other woman for me—but Zaria.”

  “Was?” Kahron asked, removing his ever-present aviator shades from the front pocket of his linen shirt to slide onto his face.

  “She’s done and in time I will have to move on. Eventually,” he said with reluctance, feeling his heart pound a bit harder at the thought of his wife doing the same with another man.

  “With the journalist?” Kahron followed up.

  Kaleb shook his head. “I don’t know what the fixation is on Greyson Locke. She has nothing to do with this,” he stressed, reaching for his beer. “I sent her home early last night because the ladies let me know it was bothering Zaria. Hell, it had them all stirred up talking ‘bout we don’t know the effect we have on women.”

  Kaeden, the brother that was closest to him in age and friendship, sat up a bit straighter as he pushed up the glasses he rarely wore. “That explains Jade jumping on me last night about nectars not being nectars and paying attention,” he said.

  “The cashier was flirting, and you missed it,” Kaleb explained.

  “Because I wasn’t trying to catch it,” Kaeden said, raising both hands and shrugging.

  “Focus, gentleman,” Kael inserted.

  Kaleb nodded. “Greyson is not an issue,” he continued. “Although it was nice to have someone other than y’all and my workers to talk farming with. I’ll admit that. She would jump right in and work the farm right alongside us and that was nice.”

  The men all shared looks.

  Kaleb held out his hand as if to stop them. “No. I didn’t want it from her. It made me realize I want it from Zaria. I want the Zaria that worked the store and asked questions and gave a damn about what was going on with the farm. And that Zaria disappeared,” he said, admitting the truth to himself. “I want my wife in every part of my life and farming is a big chunk of me.”

  “Did you tell Zaria that, son? Did you explain that?” Kael asked.

  He shook his head. “No. I didn’t recognize the loss I was feeling until Greyson started shadowing me on the farm,” he said. “I just felt like I couldn’t talk to Zaria about farm stuff.”

  “So, you never told her the truth?”

  Kaleb stiffened at the sound of Kaeden’s question. He turned to give him a scowl. This brother knew the whole truth. There was no way to avoid him knowing.

  Tell her, Kaleb. Tell her the truth.

  Kaeden returned the glare through the lens of his spectacles.

  “Told her what?” Kael asked with that manner his sons all recognized from childhood.

  It meant: Answer me.

  It was the same demeanor they now demanded from their own children. Respect.

  “It’s nothing,” Kaleb said, taking another sip of beer as his truth hit him and made him feel like a tidal wave was rising high above his head, pulling him below the depths to a place where he could not break free.

  Capsizing. Sinking. Drowning.

  The feeling of helplessness used to come and go with bright spots and levity to lift that dark cloud, but with each passing day it was his new normal. A constant.

  He took another drink before pinching the bridge of his nose and releasing a heavy breath. “Shit,” he swore as dread rose in him with a quickness.

  A hand settled on his shoulder and he looked up at Kaeden standing beside him, his face filled with concern. “Hey, don’t carry this alone anymore,” he said. “It can destroy you.”

  “Kaleb.”

  He looked at his father when he spoke his name.

  Kael’s eyes searched his before they filled with concern at whatever he saw.

  If it was anything close to the turbulent storm brewing inside him—what he fought so hard to hide—than his father had every right to be worried.

  Kaeden threw up his hand. “Hell with it. The farm is—”

  Kael held up his hand stopping Kaeden’s words as he kept his eyes locked on Kaleb. “Let him tell me,” he said. “Tell me, son. Talk to me.”

  “I got it, Pops. I’m going to fix it and I don’t want help,” Kaleb said with passion. His eyes were intense. “I’m a man. I’m a grown man. KS Dairy Farms is mine and it's all on me whether it sinks or soars. It’s on me.”

  Kael nodded as he reached to press his hand to his son’s shoulder. “Is it sinking, son?” he asked.

  This was the moment Kaleb dreaded for the last year. He hadn’t wanted anyone to know. His family was all about succeeding. And he had failed. For that he was ashamed.

  Deeply so.

  “Is it sinking, son?” Kael asked again as if needing him to say it aloud and acknowledge it.

  “Yes.” Kaleb looked away from his father because he didn’t want to see his disappointment in him. “The farm is failing.”

  Kael grabbed his chin and turned his head back to look at him.

  Kaleb kept his father’s eye and refused to buckle beneath the pressure of losing his life’s work.

  Kael’s eyes became steely as if willing more fight into his son.

  His father was a farmer. He raised his sons to be that as well. Kaleb knew he understood the gravity of doing everything right and still not being able to succeed.

  “How bad is it?” Kade asked from behind him.

  “Bad,” Kaeden offered with gravity.

  “Shit,” Kahron swore.

  “I took a loan out to modernize the milking equipment but the contract with the chocolate company fell through when they closed,” he admitted.

  “That deal happened two years ago,” Kahron spouted in disbelief. “Have you been strugglin
g all that time?”

  “The last year has been the worse. The market is horrible. Hell, just last week I started to apply for a night job at a factory in the Industrial Area that’s hiring,” he admitted, feeling some relief to admit it all.

  “Kaleb, why didn’t you say something?” Kade asked, his face incredulous.

  Movement in his peripheral vision caused Kaleb to look to the door to find his wife standing there with a stunned expression on her beautiful face.

  “Now if only you had told me the truth, Kaleb,” she said, her voice hurt.

  Tell her, Kaleb. Tell her the truth.

  He broke his gaze with her and reached for his beer.

  Kael jumped to his feet and grabbed the bottle from his hand to fling over the railing and to the ground. “That ain’t gonna fix the problem, son,” he roared. “It damn sure didn’t help your marriage.”

  “Kael,” Lisha called to him, easing past Zaria to stand by his side.

  Kaleb dropped his head into his hands, feeling the weight of his financial ruin and his family’s concern.

  A soft and familiar hand stroked his neck. He looked up as Zaria came around to squat down in front of him and caress the side of his face.

  “All of this can wait a day. Let’s leave them alone,” Lisha suggested. “Uhm, Kadina and Lei, go get all the kids and we’ll all go back to our house.”

  Kaleb allowed himself to get lost in his wife’s eyes as the men all offered his back or shoulder a conciliatory pat before they left the porch and climbed into their vehicles with their wives and children.

  Kaleb and Zaria separated long enough to kiss and hug Kasi, Kalel, and Kaliya before they ran with the sweet abandon of children to climb into the Mercedes Benz Sprinter with Kael and Lisha.

  When all were gone and it was quiet, they looked to each other.

  “So now we really talk?” she asked.

  He nodded and waved his hand towards the still open front door in an invitation for her to enter first. She did and he followed, resolved to reclaim who he was at his core by being honest with his wife once again.

  ∞

  Zaria sat across from Kaleb in the living room. She on one end of the sofa and he on the other. Even at that moment, she took note of how they both accepted the distance between them. His eyes—those eyes—landed on her and she locked them with her own. She saw him for the beautiful man he was but wished he hadn’t stopped revealing more of his inner self to her. She foolishly thought they shared everything.

  That hurt.

  She shifted her eyes away and they landed across the distance onto the new kitchen. She shook her head, remembering the huge fight they had about its cost. “Is that why you were so angry about the budget for the kitchen?” she asked.

  At his silence, she turned her head to look at him again.

  “If I’m being honest—”

  “Please,” she insisted.

  He worked his head as if to free a crick from his neck. She now knew that move was his way to free himself of his annoyance of her. Seeing him on the video surveillance that day had revealed that.

  “Redoing the kitchen at all was an issue for me,” he admitted. “To me, the savings—money we needed—was just gone. There was nothing wrong with the kitchen we had.”

  “But I didn’t know about the money,” she said.

  “And I wanted to do that for you because you wanted it,” he admitted. “I want you to be happy.”

  “But then you resented me for it,” she said, splaying her hands. “What have I done to make you believe that my happiness lies in material things and not in you. Simply having you. Loving you. My kids. Our life. Where did I go wrong that I didn’t convey that we could live in an apartment with a damn used car and as long as that raggedy car was getting me home to you and my kids than I was good.”

  Kaleb looked down to the floor.

  She could tell he was holding something back. “We’re talking, Kaleb. Talk to me.”

  “You like nice things,” he said.

  “Yes, I do, but I don’t require them. It is not a stipulation for me to be with you,” she assured him. “Is that how I made you feel?”

  He paused as if carefully selecting his words.

  “Do you know how it felt to not give you a huge gift or surprise for your birthday? That shit tore me up. Its why I was drinking. I felt like the dinner and the flowers weren’t enough,” he said fiercely.

  “My birthday?” she asked. “I have no complaints except the drinking and even that didn’t stop us from making love in the car. I loved my birthday night because we spent it together. Just you and me. That’s all I needed, Kaleb.”

  His eyes searched hers. “It's my job to provide for my family,” he insisted.

  Zaria moved over on the sofa closer to him. “And you are a provider. Even with all the money troubles, nothing went lacking. Not one damn thing. But we’re a team and you had to tag me in on this.”

  “I felt like a fucking failure,” he admitted, rising to his feet to pace. “This is a six-figure or better profiting farm but over the last year, I was steadily in the red. The candy contract fell through. The loan payments were high. The weather. So much stuff. No matter what I did, no matter what gains I made, I just couldn’t fix it. It was just one step forward and three back. It was like running a race backward. That’s never happened before. I usually can figure it out. Do research. Plan. Plot. Devise. Fix. And I just couldn’t this last year.”

  He released a growl of frustration as he stopped pacing.

  She remained quiet, knowing at that moment he had to do what he hadn’t done over the last year. Talk. Reveal. Expose.

  “No one knew but Kaeden,” Kaleb said, looking up to the ceiling. “He’s the accountant. The money man. Of course, he knew. He knew before me. And he told me to tell you months ago.”

  Zaria fought the urge to go to him.

  Kaleb turned to her. “Tell her. Tell Zaria the truth. That’s what Kaeden said, and it kept playing in my head. And every time I would hear his voice in my head, I felt...I felt,” he paused as if searching for the right words. “I felt horrible. I felt like a liar. I felt other than me. I couldn’t let you know that I failed you. Failed my kids. I couldn’t admit to that shit. I swore with time I could fix it. Even the article was a chance to speak to how critical the life of dairy farming across the country is right now but also to just get some free press for KS. Straight up. Shit.”

  That made her smile a bit but she covered it with her hand.

  “There is nothing Greyson Locke can do for me but write that article and put it in that damn magazine,” he said, striding over to bend down in front of her. “I’m a man, Zaria. And everything this year has made me feel like less than that. It didn’t put me in the right headspace to make love to my wife.”

  “I thought I was too old for you,” she finally spoke, admitting to her own self-doubt.

  “Too old? Look at you. Are you serious? I almost knocked a few dudes out last night for checking you out in the white dress,” he said, getting on his knees between her open legs as he reached for her hips with his hands and pulled her forward on the couch. “There are women half your age that can’t touch you.”

  Zaria settled her hands on his shoulders, enjoying the feel of the muscles beneath her touch. “I missed you. I missed us,” she admitted.

  Kaleb hugged her body close as he pressed his face against her neck and suckled a spot there with a deep moan.

  She shivered. “Kaleb,” she moaned in a weak protest even as she arched her back and let her head fall back.

  There was so much more to unpack. To correct. To discuss.

  But at that moment as the all too familiar kinetic energy between them rose it was hard to think and focus on anything but the passion.

  “Kaleb,” she whispered.

  “I need you,” he moaned against her neck, taking one of her hands to slide down between them to feel his hardness.

  She gasped and let her fingers str
oke him before she rushed to undo his pants and free his inches until his heat was warming her hand in her tight grip. “Damn,” she swore.

  So hard.

  Kaleb brought his hand up the front of her body to lightly grip her neck and press his splayed fingers against her chin and cheek before pushing her until she was leaning back against the sofa. He dragged his hand down her body, pausing to stroke her hard nipples pressing against her lace bra and thin shirt, before lowering his head to bury his face against the seat of her jeans.

  Her hips arched up off the sofa. “Take them off,” she begged in a hot whisper, hating the barrier it provided from his mouth being on her.

  He did.

  Button. Zipper. Undone. He worked her pants over her hips and buttocks with the material locked in his grip as he stood and pulled them down her legs before flinging it over his head. He fell back down to his knees, grabbed her tiny little silk panties and tore them from her with one rough jerk.

  She cried out at his strength. His intensity. His passion.

  He looked at her clean-shaven, plump mound with a wolfish lick of his lips. “It's pretty,” he told her, looking up at her for just a second.

  Zaria gave him a smile of thanks at his appreciation.

  Kaleb dipped his head again and suckled the top of her plump vee into his mouth. He lightly growled. “Always fresh,” he moaned, his words breezing against her skin. “Always.

  She laughed softly as she stroked the silver hairs of his hair. When he grabbed her knees and pushed them back until they were on each side of her body, she gasped as he opened her core.

  “Always,” he repeated, before pursing his lips and blowing a cool stream of air against her quivering clit.

  “Oh, my Lord,” she cried out spreading her arms wide and gripping the pillows into her fists as she circled her hips.

  The first feel of his tongue licking her from the tiny space just below her opening and up to flicker against her core, her plump lips, and then her swollen clit was wicked.

  “Kaleb,” she sighed, closing her eyes and letting her head fall back over the top edge of the sofa as he sucked her deeply. Endlessly she called his name between licks of her parched lips as she felt a heat flood deep with her core and across her body.