by Renee Porter
I was stupid. I know. It had been five years since I even thought about Taylor in that way. It was possible for me to continue that streak, wasn’t it?
“Okay. I’ll see you tonight.” Kristie shouldered her laptop bag and I wrinkled my nose from my perch on the couch.
“Another full Saturday at work?”
Kristie sighed as she waved her hand in dismissal. “It’s the last stretch before the holidays. I just have to get through this little bit. How are you feeling by the way?”
“Sick.” It was the truth, however, not in the way that Kristie assumed.
“I’ll bring you home some chicken soup.” She waved goodbye as I sighed and melted a little further into the couch. I stared at the clock and then to the hidden piece of paper in my hand. It hadn’t been a business card after all. Just a small rectangular piece of paper with a number scrawled on it. Did Taylor know she was going to give this to me? Or did she happen to just have her number randomly written on many small pieces of paper in her pocket? Just to give out to people who she might see?
It didn’t sound right in my head either.
“To call or not to call, that is the question,” I murmured to myself. Taylor had said she was free all day which meant that I could technically call at any time and set something up. I didn’t have to call right now. I didn’t have to push the numbers into my phone. I didn’t have to hold my breath until I heard her say…
“Hello?”
Well, I guess I was doing it anyway.
“Hey, Taylor. It’s Jen.” I heard rustling over the other line and disappointingly I thought that maybe Taylor wasn’t so free as she said. “Um, is it a bad time?”
“Hey, Jenny. No. Not at all.” Again the rustling sounded and I waited for her to respond. “Just had to get out of wardrobe real quick. How are you?”
“I thought you were free today?” I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. Dana would be horrified at me right now. Of course, Taylor chuckled and I eased up a little bit.
“I am. Well, I should actually fix that statement. I will be, as soon as I’m done here.”
I nodded over the line and took a deep breath. “So, do you want to meet somewhere? When you are free?”
Taylor hummed over the line. “Sure, but do you mind if it’s not anywhere in public? Some ‘raz has been following me and I don’t want to cut our time short.”
“Raz?” I furrowed my brow.
“Sorry, paparazzi. I’ve caught him hiding out twice today already.”
I looked at the clock noting that it was barely passed eight. “How long have you been up?”
Again, Taylor chuckled and said ‘no rest for the weary’.
“Well, um” I tried to think of somewhere that wasn’t too public but couldn’t come up with anything.
“I’m actually around your area, if you don’t mind me coming over? I can bring coffee.”
I swallowed hard against my throat. I looked around and my place seemed clean enough for company, but for some reason, Taylor and me alone in my apartment didn’t feel right.
“Okay. Wait, how do you know where I live?” A laugh sounded over the line.
“I don’t know exactly, but my parents said you homed up near Pasadena. I’m at the Rose Bowl right now…”
Taylor trailed off waiting for me to respond. With a deep breath, I said ‘okay’ and gave her my address. It wasn’t more than two seconds later I was flying around my place, tidying up unnecessarily and trying to find an outfit to wear. I told myself it was because I wanted Taylor to see that I had grown into an actual, living, breathing adult. Any other reason was too farfetched for me to even think about.
One leg in and one leg out of the umpteenth skirt that I had tried on and the doorbell rang. I cursed under my breath as I hastily threw the skirt into my closet and grabbed my favorite pair of jeans. With one quick check of my hair and makeup in the mirror, I took a deep breath in and finally opened the door.
I should have worn the skirt.
Taylor smiled, holding out a warm cup of coffee. She tilted her head, adorned with the same beanie from last night and chuckled. That sound seemed to get me out of my stupor as I grabbed the coffee with a small ‘thanks’ and let her inside.
Taylor glided in as if she had skates on. It wasn’t fair her being so damn graceful. It’s as if she permeated femininity at every step. If I had even tried to attempt to be as graceful I’d fall flat on my face.
“I love it.” She said turning to me. My eyes widened and she laughed. Tucking a stray lock of blonde hair behind her ear she motioned to the apartment. “Your place. It’s cute.”
I scoffed. “It will do for now, I guess.” I skirted passed Taylor and sat at the kitchen table. I know I was being awkward but for the life of me I didn’t know how not to be awkward in front of this woman.
“So…” Taylor sat across from the table, her fingers playing with her own cup of coffee. I took a sip of my own, not knowing how to form any sort of conversation and then furrowed my brows. She still remembered how I took my coffee? “Two creams, one sugar, right? I figured people don’t change that much after five years…” She looked almost nervous and for a moment I believed that maybe this was just as awkward for her as it was for me.
“No.” I said shaking my head. Taylor’s shoulders slumped a bit and I chuckled. “I mean, no it hasn’t changed. This is perfect. Thank you.” I took another sip as Taylor’s spine straightened up a bit.
“I’m glad I ran into you last night.”
I smiled at Taylor’s pleasantry. “Yeah, me too. I didn’t know you’d be there. But was surprised when I saw you.”
“A good surprise or a bad surprise?” Taylor smiled around the mouth of her coffee lid, her eyes never breaking from mine. It was nice to know that Taylor’s teasing nature hadn’t left her back in Portland.
“That has yet to be seen,” I teased back. Taylor laughed as she placed her cup down.
“So, what have you been up to? You’ve finished school, right?”
“Yes. Thank goodness for that.” I sighed in relief. “I graduated last semester and I start at JPL the first of the year.”
“Wow. So, you did it? You got everything you wanted?”
I ran my hand through my hair, tangling my fingers in my braid. “Some things are still in the works, but it’s a good start.” I sipped my coffee again, before I could say anything more. “And you? How are you liking it at the top?”
Taylor stood as she walked the short length of my apartment to the balcony slider. She peered out across the street and looked back at me. “It’s good. I like it a lot.” The words didn’t come off as excited as I thought she would be. Hadn’t this been everything that she wanted?
“Well, you didn’t sell out. That’s a good thing.”
Taylor laughed as she took off her beanie. Fixing her hair and twirling the fabric in her hands. She eyed me from across the room, her smile wide. “I miss this.”
“This?” I stared out across my small apartment. “Did you ever have this?” I winced at my words, wanting to back track. “I mean, you know that’s not what I mean.”
Taylor bit her bottom lip as she came back to the kitchen area and sat down again. “You’d be surprised. I actually lived in a crappy apartment for a year after I moved out of my grandmother’s house.”
“No way. I don’t think your parents would have allowed you to do that.”
Taylor’s eyebrows raised and I bit my tongue again. Why didn’t I have a filter when it came to her?
“Actually, I went through a period where I didn’t ask for my parent’s help.”
“Wow. That’s awesome, Taylor. Good for you.” Taylor’s face flushed and I smiled. “And how long did it last?”
“Oh, you know,” she waved a dismissive hand. “When I started eating ramen every night, I went crawling back with my tail between my legs.”
I laughed, almost snorting coffee out of my nose. “It’s okay to ask for help. Once I discove
red that, my life got a lot easier.”
Taylor stayed silent for a moment regarding me. “How are your parents? And Beth?”
“They’re great. Mom is still catering and dad finally retired. Beth is still a handful but she’s as happy as ever.”
“Does she still want to be a super hero when she grows up?”
I laughed loudly and shook my head. “She’s in a band, currently.” I winked at Taylor and she chuckled along with me.
“And you? How are you? Other than work and school.”
“Is there anything else?” Taylor hummed in agreement and sat silently. “I’ve been good. My life is turning out exactly the way I planned.” Taylor opened her mouth to say something but shook her head against the thought. “What?”
She looked as though she didn’t want to say it but I nudged her one more time. “It’s just, I envy that.”
“You envy, me?”
Taylor nodded in agreement and met my eyes. “You always had a plan and it’s worked out for you.”
“Hasn’t it worked out for you, too?” I asked in consternation.
“I guess in a way.” Taylor smiled sadly. In the same instance I was opening my mouth to ask in what ways it hadn’t worked out for her, the lock on the door turned. I looked up in semi fright as Kristie walked in.
“Honey, I’m home!” Kristie chuckled at herself but when she didn’t see me laughing and noticed the woman sitting at the table with me her smile turned into a frown.
“Hey, I thought you were at work all day.” I don’t know why my heart was beating out of my chest. It’s not like Kristie was my girlfriend.
“We rapped early. Who is this?” Kristie gave me a wink behind Taylor’s back and as she turned to meet Kristie the woman’s jaw dropped.
“Hi, I’m Taylor.”
“Hi, I’m Kristie.” Kristie took Taylor’s offered hand limply, looking back and forth from the blonde to me. “And how do you two know each other?” Kristie’s voice took on a defensive tone and I interjected before Taylor could say anything.
“We know each other from Portland.” I tried to sound nonchalant, begging Kristie to be ‘cool’ with my eyes.
“I don’t seem to remember you telling me you were friends with Taylor Fucking Montgomery-Fields. Pardon my French.” I don’t think she got the memo.
“We weren’t really friends.”
Kristie looked at me as if I was the dumbest person on the planet. Taylor looked at me as if I had grown two heads.
“You know what I mean.” I waved my hand, dismissing Taylor’s hurt look. I swallowed against the sandpaper in my throat.
“Do tell, please.” Kristie pulled up a chair and sat down. Taking a sip from my coffee, Taylor hesitantly sat down as well.
“Taylor didn’t even talk to me until senior year.” Kristie looked at Taylor for confirmation and she nodded in agreement.
“But in my defense, she was unapproachable.”
“We hung out with the same people,” I said defensively.
“You were extremely popular, Jen. Everyone knew you.”
“Everyone knew you, too. You have two famous moms.”
Kristie bobbed her head back and forth, her mouth quirking in a sly smile while taking another sip of my coffee.
“Anyway, Taylor auditioned for my acapella group and we…started talking.”
“You mean you started insulting me.” Taylor pointed at me with her coffee mug and Kristie actually spit coffee out of her mouth.
“It wasn’t like that,” I tried to defend myself, while looking at Kristie who was ungracefully wiping her mouth and table with her sleeve.
“Oh, I believe Taylor on that one.” She turned to the blonde who had a smug look on her face. “When I met her the only thing that would come out of her mouth were insults.”
“I did not!”
“And then I told her I was straight and she calmed down a bit.” I groaned and shook my head. “She has no game when it comes to a pretty lady.” Kristie winked at me teasingly and I looked toward the door, counting the number of steps in my head that would get me to leave this conversation.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I clenched my teeth and Kristie seemed to finally get the hidden queue.
“Anyway…” Kristie looked around the apartment. “That was when I was straight. Now I’m gay. And in a gay relationship with this one.” Kristie hugged my shoulders, tightly. “Very, very gay.” She kissed my cheek and tried to look at me lovingly. I looked at her as though I wanted to slap her.
Taylor cleared her throat and we both stared at her. “That’s good. Um, how long? Have you two been…” Taylor motioned between us.
“Four Years.”
“Four months.”
Kristie and I said at the same time. I closed my eyes at the stupidity of it all. “For months. You know…months and months that finally turned into years. It’s been four years.” Kristie nodded once at me and I just stared at her.
“Wow. That’s a long time.”
“Too, long.” I muttered under my breath. Kristie laughed forcefully and I tried to steer away from any talk about my relationship’.
“What about you?”
“Yes. Let’s talk about that...” Kristie took the lid off my coffee mug and downed the whole thing in one sip. She fidgeted when she was nervous.
“Me? No…no one in particular.”
“Just in the dating scene? I get that.” Kristie said coolly. I looked as if she had grown two heads.
The air grew stale and quiet as the second hand of the clock ticked by. We all sat still, waiting for one person to talk in order to break the uneasy tension of the room.
“Well, I should let you guys have your Saturday back.”
I nodded at Taylor, thankful that she had offered some sort of way to break the silence. “Thanks for coming over. It was good seeing you again.”
Taylor smiled as she stood, along with me and Kristie. Kristie slid her arm around my mid back pinching my side in the process. I gave her a daring look and Taylor placed the beanie back on her head.
“It was good seeing you too, Jen. And it was nice meeting you, Kristie.” Kristie nodded as Taylor stood in the open doorway. “I guess I’ll see you around?” I nodded my head as well as Taylor leaned in close. She hugged me quickly and before I knew it, I was closing the door and removing Kristie’s hand from around my back.
“Really? Your girlfriend?”
“Really? Taylor Fields?” Kristie responded in kind and I shook my head.
“Not what it seems.”
“Neither is our relationship.” I sighed at Kristie as I started to heat the kettle. I felt her behind me, and I closed my eyes, not wanting to answer her questions at this moment. Instead of her saying anything, she turned off the gas burner and opened the cabinet. She removed the bottle of vodka we stashed for bad days and celebrations, along with two shot glasses.
“It’s eleven in the morning.” Kristie shrugged as she poured two shots.
“I have a feeling you need this.” With a clank of our glasses, I downed the shot in one gulp. Kristie raised an eyebrow as I nodded, placing the shot glass down next to the bottle.
“One more.”
Chapter 20
Three days passed without a word from Kristie about Taylor and without a word from Taylor herself. I don’t know why I thought that Taylor would want to meet up again, especially after the awkward reunion that occurred a few days prior.
If I had been her, I would have stayed far, far away.
“Jen?” Beth leaned against me as I smiled down at her. My mother had wanted to do some Christmas shopping, so it was a full out money fest at the La Canada town center.
“Yes, sweetie?” I kissed my sister’s head and she wiped it away with a dramatic flair. I chuckled as I continued to pay attention to my sister.
“Christmas is tomorrow” I laughed at my sister and shook my head.
“I know you know how far away it is, Beth.” B
eth smiled that smile that made my heart feel like I was home.
“We open presents tomorrow?”
“Oh, I get it now.” I tickled my sister as she giggled away from me. “You just want to open your gifts, huh?” She nodded at me and sighed a ‘yes’. “Well, you just have to wait one more week. Do you know how many days that is?” Beth started to count on her fingers and stopped at seven. “Yep. That’s right. And seven isn’t a very big number, is it?
“You’re twenty. That’s a big number.”
“I’m twenty-three.” Beth looked at me wide eyed.
“I’m older than you.”
“Yes, you are.”
“So you have to do what I say?” I laughed again at my sister and shook my head.
“You’re still not getting to open your presents. Even if you are my big sister.” Again, I poked Beth in the side and she ran off toward my mother. I was sure that she would be asking her the same thing.
My phone pinged with an incoming text. I fished it out of my coat pocket and looked at the screen. Kristie was going to let me know when she got home to find out the plans for tonight. But it wasn’t Kristie’s name that illuminated the screen.
“Is that Kristie? Is she off already?” My mom came up behind me with a sour puss looking Beth. I guess she couldn’t get to my mom either.
“No, it’s not.” I turned the phone toward my mom so she could read the name.
“I didn’t know you were talking to Taylor again.” My mom gave me a side glance and I shrugged my shoulders.
“We saw each other at the tree lighting ceremony. And then she came over the next day.” My fingers hovered over Taylor’s text and I decided against reading it right then. Instead, I darkened my phone and put it back in my pocket.
“Well, that’s nice.” I knew my mother had more to say but was holding back.
“It was. Kristie came home early from work so she got to meet her.”
“And how did that go?”
I walked with my mother and Beth out of the store and onto the semi busy street. People mulled around, and bells could be heard a ways down.
