The Secret Virgin

by Kate Gilead

  “Tiny,” I say. “This is my dog, Tiny.”

  “Hey, Tiny,” he laughs, “that’s the perfect name for you, isn’t it? Hey? Who’s a good boy? Hey? Is it you? You a good boy?” he says, thumping my dog heartily on the side. Tiny lifts his head and smiles, huffing, tail wagging, loving the attention.

  Mrs. Bennett bends down and greets all the dogs as well, picking up Princess for a cuddle and making baby-talk to the two big dogs.

  “Well,” Brenda says. “Welcome home!”

  “Thank you, sweetheart,” her dad says, taking off his coat and handing it to Beverly, who hangs it in the closet.

  “I should get going,” I say. I pat my leg and Tiny comes over.

  “No, no, listen. Since you’re here, why don’t you let us get settled in a bit, and then we can have a visit…no need to rush off,” says Doug.

  “Yeah, no need to rush off,” echoes Beverly. “Unless you had other plans…?”

  “Nope, no other plans,” Brenda says, looking at me. “Rob? You mind hanging out with the ‘rents for a bit?”

  “Not at all.

  Eventually, everyone ends up around the kitchen table. Doug offers me a beer which I gratefully accept. Brenda leans against the counter while Beverly bustles around the kitchen, tut-tutting contentedly about how nothing in the house is quite how she left it.

  “So, Robert. Did Brenda tell you we knew your parents?”

  “She did, yes. You all went to high-school together?”

  “Yep, I was in the same class as your dad. We had some good times. I was very sorry to hear of his passing, by the way.”

  “Thank-you.”

  He nods. “Did you know that we hung out with your mom a couple times after your dad passed?”

  “No, I didn’t. She never mentioned it.” I glance at Brenda, who shrugs.

  “No? Well, it was a long time ago, as you know. Actually, Rose and Beverly have a good friend in common. Sherry Waters. You know her?”

  “Sherry? Yes, Sherry’s like a fixture of my childhood,” I say, smiling.

  “Mine too,” Brenda chimes in.

  “Hah!” Beverly laughs. “When Brenda told us about you, we thought maybe you and Nick played together in our old house a few times when you were small. I mean, really small, like two or three. Sherry brought you and your brother over a couple times when she was babysitting you. He’s Mark, right?”

  “Right. Yes, Sherry babysat us.” I smile. “Small world…small town!”

  “It sure is,” Doug says, but he’s looking at Diesel. He winks at Brenda, then, he gets up, goes to the fridge and takes out a package of kielbasa.

  Cutting some of it into small pieces, he puts them in a bowl and calls each dog over. Tiny looks at me first. I nod my permission and Doug gives each dog a treat in turn, before bringing the bowl to the table and sitting back down. All three dogs watch with interest. He orders Princess and Tiny to go lie down, which they do, at a respectful distance.

  Now, he calls Diesel over and gets the dog to lie down at his feet, which Diesel does willingly. From time to time as we talk, Doug gives the dog affection and attention, as well as slipping him a piece of meat.

  I smile to myself, thinking that Doug will have that dog thoroughly bribed by the time the night is through. I glance at Brenda, who curls the corners of her mouth but says nothing.

  The chat turns to small town life, and who we know in common, which turns out to be, a lot of people. We joke about how everyone knows everyone else’s business, a cliché of life in small towns.

  The talk moves to the history of Merlington and how it became a suburb of the bigger city, and all the changes that have taken place over the last thirty years or so.

  As we talk, Doug opens fresh beers for the two of us, while Beverly and Brenda move between the table and the counter, chiming in with the conversation while keeping the snacks flowing. The Bennetts are down-to-earth, friendly and supportive people, and the evening is passing pleasantly.

  They’re making me feel welcome and at home. I’m relaxed and warming up to them. The whole time I was in D.C., this is what I missed about home.

  Brenda catches my eye and beams at me every now and then.

  Around ten o’clock, Beverly plops herself down at the table with a sigh, saying ““So…Robert. We hear that you eloped with your first wife.” She pats my hand. “Yeah, of course we know. Your parents were upset, naturally. We heard all about it from Sherry at the time.”

  I shrug. Yep. Small town. But I don’t care. It’s part of my history, my past, part of who I am.

  “Now, I’m sure you had your reasons,” she goes on, “which are nobody’s business. But I can’t help being a little worried, because, you know, Brenda’s our only daughter…our baby. We wouldn’t want to…”

  “Mom!” Brenda groans. “We just met! I’m not gonna…”

  “Naw, it’s okay, sweetie,” I say, “it’s time to tell you that story anyway. It’s not my proudest moment, but, it is what it is.”

  “See, Bren?” Beverly says. “He doesn’t mind!” She pushes her glasses up and smiles.

  “The short story is, I was young, foolish, and thought I was in love. I met my ex, Valeriss, the summer after I finished high school. She was staying with our neighbor for the summer. When it was time for her to leave, we couldn’t bear to part. We wanted to get married, but our parents wouldn’t support that. I’m sure you can imagine.”

  “Oh my, yes that’s too young,” Beverly says. “We did the same thing and we should know. We didn’t elope, mind, but, we…um…had to get married.” She actually blushes!

  “I was crazy about you, I would’ve married you anyway.” Doug says, taking her hand and kissing it. “Go on, Robert.”

  “Besides our age, my parents didn’t like Valeriss. She’s…well, odd. But, we were eighteen and all full of hormones and ideals, like you were probably too. So, we went to Vegas.”

  “Vegas, huh? Did you go to that Little Chapel?” Beverly asks. “The place where all the celebrities get married?”

  “The Little White Wedding Chapel, yes.”

  “And…?” Doug asks.

  I’m answering him but looking at Brenda. “Then, Valeriss’ father cut off her bank card and stranded us out there. We had to agree to have the marriage annulled or else. Valeriss picked the ‘or else’ and we lived on the street for a few weeks.”

  I pause, and take a drink of my beer.

  “Didn’t you look for work?” Doug asks.

  “Oh yes. I washed dishes and Valeriss tried busking. She has a pretty good singing voice. That got old pretty fast. However, Valeriss wouldn’t agree to come home without me. So her father offered to put us both up and pay for her to go to college. She got him to agree to pay for my education, too. My own plan for school was vague and half-assed, so I jumped at it.”

  “Her father has money, I take it,” Beverly says.

  “Yes. He’s a D.C. lobbyist. Well, he was…he recently passed away.” Brenda and I look at each other. “But, the marriage only lasted about a year. I couldn’t cope with Valeriss, or her father’s constant interference. After we divorced, we stayed friends. She somehow got him to let me stay there and continue paying for my education, until I graduated. Which I did, four years later. I got my degree and I’m a programmer now. I owe Valeriss a lot for that.”

  “You lived with her after you divorced her?” Brenda asks.

  “Yes, in her father’s house. In one of the spare bedrooms.”

  “Wasn’t that awkward?”

  “Not really. The relationship became more of a kind of brother-sister thing. ”

  Doug raises a hand. “I get you, son. What I’m wondering is more about the money. Didn’t her father expect you to pay it back?”

  “Nope. It was nothing to him. But I did pay it back, every penny. It took five years. As soon as I got my degree, I got a job, moved out, and started paying him back.”

  Doug nods with satisfaction but says nothing.

&nbs
p; “There’s something else you should know. I want you to hear it from me and not someone in town.”

  Doug and Beverly wait quietly. I sit up straight and say, “Valeriss is in my house at the moment. Which, in case you were wondering, is the reason Brenda and I are here, and not there.”

  “Oh?” Beverly and Doug look at each other, and then at Brenda, and then back at me. “I was kind of wondering,” Beverly says.

  “I can explain… but I want everyone, Brenda especially, to believe and understand that there’s nothing sexual between my ex and me anymore, and hasn’t been for years. I’m a one-woman man, period. I couldn’t deal with two women at once on my best day, believe me!”

  “Ha! You and me both, buddy,” Doug says.

  “Tell them why she’s here,” Brenda urges.

  I explain the situation and try to convey to them how fragile and child-like Valeriss can be. How difficult it is for her to cope with normal everyday life, never mind the loss of her father.

  Brenda pipes up with her impressions and confirms that Valeriss showed up without my permission. The upshot is, everyone agrees that it wouldn’t be right for me to abandon Valeriss during her bereavement.

  “But I don’t see why she can’t get access to her money,” Doug says. “Or why the lawyer hasn’t called her. I doubt he could block access to someone’s bank account without a court order. She’d have to be declared incompetent or something, wouldn’t she?”

  “I really don’t know,” I say. “I’ve been too busy to look into it much. And I haven’t wanted to press her. I did Google it a bit but all I could find was something about joint accounts. They can be frozen if someone dies, but all that is required to release them is a copy of the death certificate. The account is then turned over to the surviving joint owner.”

  “That sounds like it’s pretty standard,” Doug says.

  “So it seems. I did try to talk to her about it but she seems to think that because her bank and credit cards show her name only, that the accounts are in her name only.”

  Doug says. “All of mine and my wife’s accounts are joint but the cards are in our individual names only. Also standard.”

  “Right,” I say, “and she just doesn’t understand that. She’s not exactly a competent adult, I suppose you could say. Her father took care of everything. I doubt she’s ever seen a real bill, much less paid one.”

  “Geez,” Beverly says. “Must be nice!”

  “Yeah but she’s gonna have to learn fast now. And she will, since her helplessness is learned. She means well, though. She’s a decent person. She’s just clueless.”

  “She does seem like a decent person,” Brenda says. “It is a weird situation but, Valeriss doesn’t seem evil or whatever. Just, very child-like.”

  “Is she…you know…all there in the head?” Beverly taps her own temple with a long fingernail.

  “As far as I know. She’s been in therapy but never received any kind of diagnosis that I’m aware of.”

  “Is she just slow or something maybe? Low IQ? Mentally challenged?” Doug asks.

  “No. She finished high school and went to college. She’s well spoken, she’s well-read…no. She’s not low IQ or anything like that. She’s just a spoiled and passive person who hasn’t been made to grow up.”

  “Wow,” Beverly says. “Okay then. So…what are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to try to help her figure out her finances and contact her mother’s family. But whatever happens, after that, she has to leave. I need to move on with my life, and so does she.”

  “That’s a shame about her father,” Beverly says. “And it is good of you to take her in…even though it doesn’t seem like you had much choice.”

  “I don’t right now, I suppose. But she’s had time to grieve in peace now. Monday, after work, I’m going to sit down with her and make sure things start moving forward.”

  “If you want,” Doug says, “I can call my lawyer on Monday and see what he has to say about this money thing. He won’t charge me to ask a couple questions. I’m sure your ex can’t be shut out of her accounts forever.”

  “That’s going to be my next step, actually. Let me see what I can do first. I appreciate the offer.”

  “No problem, son. Glad to help.” He stands up and pats me on the back. “Well, I dunno about you kids, but I want to go stretch out on the couch and watch the news. C’mon, Deez,” he says, as he gets up from the table. Diesel follows Doug into the family room without a backward glance.

  I look at Brenda and smile. She smiles back and wrinkles her nose in happiness.

  “I’ll join you in a minute, honey,” Beverly calls after to Doug. “It’s nice to meet you, Rob. Well, meet you again, ha! Even though you don’t remember the first time. I’m sure we’ll be seeing you,” she adds, smiling. “I’m pooped! I’m gonna get my jammies on. See you two later.” And off she goes.

  “I think that means it’s okay if you want to stay the night,” Brenda says. “I’ll ask to make sure but you can probably sleep in my brother’s old room, or the spare room.” She puts her arms around my waist and cuddles me. “And probably, sneak into my room later.”

  Her touch, and looking into her gleaming eyes and is all my dick needs to wake up. But, her parents are here and I don’t feel right about it…yet.

  “I should go home.” I kiss the bridge of her nose, then her lips. “If anything, you should come home with me. Valeriss won’t care, not that it matters if she did.”

  “I was thinking the same, actually,” she says. “But I want to hang out with my parents tonight. Why don’t I come over tomorrow and we can try cooking something for dinner? Then, we’ll see if it’s a good night for me to stay over.” She puts her head against my chest and sighs. “I’m not sure I want to have loud, hot sex with your ex-wife sleeping in the next room, but I might be convinced to have quiet, hot sex.”

  “We don’t have to have sex at all. We can just cuddle and sleep.” I say, kissing her. “I just want you with me.”

  And that’s the truth, but, when I head home, my balls feel ache-y and blue just the same.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Brenda

  After Rob leaves, I get my own jammies on, then I join my parents in the family room. They’re sitting as close to each other on the couch as they possibly can, mugs of steaming cocoa within reach on the coffee table. The sight makes my heart squeeze. I didn’t even realize how much I missed them!

  “There’s my baby girl,” Dad says, and pats the couch cushions on one side of him. Diesel, who’s laying at this feet, looks up at me with shining eyes, laying his ears back and smacking the floor with his tail. Princess is already in Dad’s lap.

  I curl up against my Dad on one side. Mom, on his other side, lays her head on his shoulder. He heaves a contented sigh and we all sit quietly, watching the sports newscast.

  Soaking up my parents’ solid, familiar and comforting presence is wonderful.

  But I’m not completely content.

  I’m still bothered by the situation with Valeriss. And as I think about it, I realize a few things.

  Even though I’m not afraid there’s anything between her and Rob anymore, there’s still a tiny bit of that green-eyed monster lurking within. But I think that’s probably normal and doesn’t mean I’m being overly needy, possessive or insecure.

  No. This is about multiple, more complex things.

  The death of her father is making me think about things I’ve never considered before. Like, how it must feel to be alone in the world. It sucks for her that she no longer has the comfort of her father to sustain her. I keep thinking about how lost and panicked she sounded when she said that her father was all she had. Geez!

  And I think about when she first arrived, and Rob mentioned her mother’s side of the family to her.

  Her response had been “It’s not like I can go live with them.”

  What she really meant was that her mother’s family is never going to be the same �
�family’ for her, as her now-deceased father was. Nothing can replace her father, who represents all she knows of her original, birth family. It was only a family of two, but it was all the family she knew.

  And now, it’s gone, forever. Words can’t describe how sad and final that really is.

  In addition, the stark, inescapable fact that money can’t buy love, or family, is becoming apparent to me in a more real and concrete way than ever before. I mean, I know you need money, of course. Money is important…hell, we need money like we need oxygen, when you think about it! No doubt about that.

  But.

  But you can have all the money in the world and still be terribly alone. When I imagine myself in Valeriss’ place, it’s like I can feel a cold, bleak wind blowing through my soul.

  I can’t help but feel glad that I’m not in her shoes.

  And then there’s Rob, who obviously feels stuck, obligated, by his compassion for her. They’ve had a long association and a history together. So, I can see why he feels as he does, and I see that he can’t morally do anything different than he’s doing.

  But I also see how much easier it would be if she were just a bitch, or, say, a cartoon villain that we could hate and be done with it.

  But she isn’t, she’s nothing like that at all.

  Sigh. Nothing is simple, is it? Nothing is black and white.

  On top of all that, my attraction to Rob keeps climbing, and it’s largely because he’s so moral and trustworthy. He’s doing the right thing, despite his clear wishes for things to be otherwise.

  It’s totally sexy. I’m so drawn to him, so attracted and…humbled?

  Yes, humbled. I’m feeling humbled by his self-restraint. He’s got himself under control, he’s keeping things steady.

  It’s…hot.

  All that, and of course his looks, his teasing, the way he walks, talks…how he feels and smells…all of these things are so smoking hot to me. Irresistible.