Choice of the Gallant_Paradox Equation I

by Sharon L Reddy

"Hello, Dutch. Nice night."

  "It would be if you'd stop rattling my teeth!"

  "I can't help it. You know I can't."

  "This is obviously your brother, Clete."

  "Yes. Clete, this is Dida. You're making her teeth rattle too."

  "Oh, sorry. I really wish I knew how to stop it. It... just happens."

  "Don't worry about it. Oh, my. You're huge. Everywhere."

  "Uh, Dutch, they're kids."

  "No, Clete, they're not. Believe me. They're just small adults. I've gotten a very long lecture about it. And a rather effective demonstra-- CLETE!"

  "Dutch, she's making me warm. Very warm."

  "Hi. I'm Lethe. That's just Dida. She makes everybody warm, but not as warm as you do. You are the most magnificent male I have ever seen. Go away Teli. This one's the same."

  "Not fair!"

  "Dutch, I'm going to have real problems in this place. How long did... Lane say we're... staying?"

  "About two more days."

  Clete groaned and Dutch laughed.

  They had a too-good time for the two days, but they learned a great deal too. Dutch 'won' his battle with himself to accept what he knew was the truth of the culture, but Clete knew he was still working on it a bit when Lane was saying farewell to Sabbi.

  "I suppose I didn't really get over it til I found out Dida was a mother, Dutch. It helped when I met Carva."

  "Nothing like having a seventy-year-old patriarch treat them as adults to make it easier to accept them as such. Clete, we've got to ask Lane some things."

  "Like what, Dutch?"

  "Tiva didn't seem to have any doubts about you and I fathering children on her world. The gestation period is about right and the physiology is similar."

  "Well, two hearts is a start. Helen got help. Decided before I married her. Just made up her mind and got medical assistance."

  "Like my mom. 'I want a baby. You're going to be the father.' Clete, I want to know. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I've never even thought about it before. And they're so young."

  "Do you know how old Dida was?"

  "Not old enough."

  "You're wrong. They're a small people. You got a lecture because she thought you needed it. She made me promise not to tell you til we left."

  "Tell me what?"

  "Dutch, Dida has three children. The oldest is four. She's twenty-three. Not one of those kids was under eighteen. They mature fairly slowly. Puberty hits between seventeen and eighteen. Tiva's in her thirties."

  Dutch started to laugh. She'd told him children didn't respond. He hadn't asked her at what age they stopped being children. She'd told him her world was different and he'd forced himself to accept it, but he hadn't really understood it. He'd still thought of them as being the same. No wonder she'd been surprised at his shock. He hadn't explained he came from a place where puberty began at twelve or thirteen, in many people. Some even younger. He realized communication was more than just being able to speak and understand the language.

  "Hi. That was really hard to do. I don't suppose saying... I can't even say the word. I couldn't even say farewell. I ended up with, 'See you soon.' It'll never get easier, but I will see her again fairly soon. Now ask me."

  "Lane, will any of those women on Tenepeth bear our children?"

  "I don't know."

  "TERRIFIC!"

  "Easy, Dutch. I don't. They don't really know either. Paternity isn't really important to them. Every child is loved and needed. If a male and female pairbond, they take her children and seven or eight more and set up a household. Your friend Teli was pairbonded. He just saw you as a very attractive, non-threatening, diversion. He wasn't interested in the women. He has a heterosexual mate. They'll probably find another male to bond with eventually, since he seems to be so inclined."

  "But he was on the beach with us."

  "So was she. I doubt you were exactly aware of what was going on around you. Why do you think Sabbi and I were left alone?"

  "Because you were pairbonded."

  "Exactly. You and Clete weren't. Teli is nearly as old as we are. Pairbonding doesn't usually take place until the mid twenties. Sometimes never."

  "That explains what Dida said about you, Dutch."

  "What did she say?"

  "You stirred her too much. She stayed away from you because you would not be ready when she was. You might never be. I was safer. I had been mated."

  "Tenepethans bond for life, Dutch. If one of them dies, they never bond again. That's why Carva didn't have a mate. Once in a while a bond forms one way. It's a sad thing. One loving the other and knowing that one does not love in return. Only responsive to one person and that person wanting more. It's less common than a three-way bond. Dida was falling in love with you, so she turned to Clete to stop the process. I hope it worked."

  "Lane, don't you ever get me into something like that again! There's a woman I may have injured and children who may be mine. And I won't ever know. Don't let it happen again!"

  "Dutch, it had to be. You had to grow up sometime. You're a heartbreaker. Women have fallen in love with you before. You never even noticed. Just kissed them goodby and went on your merry way. Now maybe you'll think about it before you turn on the charm and fill some poor girl with dreams she learns, the hard way, won't come true. Humans don't usually bond for life. If a heart breaks, it mends and loves again. Usually. And you're too different biologically to father children unless a woman seeks help. You don't catch or carry diseases. Tenepeth was for you. Clete was something that helped them, but you were the reason we were there. I could have taken Sabbi to other places that were good examples. I won't do it again. I won't have to. You'll accept responsibility for your actions. Oh, sometimes women will fall in love with you and you'll hurt them. It happens to Dad. But you'll never just blithely ignore their feelings again."

  "I do, don't I? Assume they're into having a good time just like I am and never look deeper."

  "Dutch, most of them are. You just have to notice when it gets beyond that point. Ask Clete why Riss just suddenly disappeared. He knows. Even in the midst of his falling in love, he felt her pain when she said, 'Well, Dutch, it's been fun,' and walked off. I saw it too."

  "And I didn't. Damn. I feel like a complete heel."

  "You aren't or you wouldn't feel like one. You'll always love women, and they'll always love you. Don't stop charming them and loving them. Just be aware if you're hurting them and be gentle."

  "Thanks, Lane. I learned a lot of lessons on Tenepeth. I want to go back there someday. But not until Dida's bonded."

  "Did you have to do that? Oh!"

  "Do what? What did I do?"

  "Decide to go back. Lord, what a mess. Well, it's not that bad. The answer is you think so. Some of the kids are pretty big, but you don't ask Clete to check. In their culture, it's just not important and it's a very healthy one for kids."

  "Yes, Lane, I got that part of the lesson too."

  "I was sure you had. Let's go fishing. I'm in the mood for Rocky Mountain trout and the smell of pines."

  "Good idea. Let's go. Clete, get your hip boots on. Fresh fish tonight."

  The last evening of the fishing trip, Clete suddenly looked up from cleaning up after dinner.

  "Dutch, you're tense. What's wrong?"

  "I don't know. I feel watched. Icy breath on the back of my neck. A feeling of... being plotted against. Evil intent. Directed at us, Clete. Lane, do you see anything? Any changes?"

  "No. Fishing trip is over. We're headed for the future to explore. We find interesting people and places. We head back and I take Sabbi to the winter formal. Nothing new. Including this conversation. It... isn't there."

  "Let's finish cleaning our cooking area and get going. This forest just doesn't feel as friendly as it did."

  "Done. I'll load the fishing gear. You put the fire out. Lane, lay in the coordinates. I'm ready to get out of here too. Dutch? Dutch?"

  "Like laughter. Cold and mocking."


  "Lane, get the fire. I'm going to get him in."

  "Got it. Out. Place looks good. Damn. Here, give me the gear. Clete?"

  "Yeah. I've got him. Push. He's not moving."

  "What? Oh. We're ready. Good. Let's get out of here. Why are you two pushing me?"

  "Because you stopped moving. Inside fast. Lane and I want away. Whatever you're picking up, we don't like it either. Door closed. Better?"

  "Yeah. Still feel... wary. Lane, get us on our way."

  "Coordinates in. We're gone."

  They sat and talked for awhile and Dutch relaxed. The fire and the feel of home lulled them. They went to bed settled and comfortable.

  Clete jerked awake with Lane's raging loss burning through him. Suddenly, Dutch was enraged, then shocked cold. He ran for Dutch' s room and pulled Lane off him and held him as he screamed.

  "WHAT DID YOU DO?! SHE'S GONE!! YOU CHANGED IT!! SHE'S GONE!!"

  "CLETE, I ALMOST KILLED HIM! HE WAS AT MY THROAT! I ALMOST KILLED HIM!"

  "SHUT UP!! Damn!"

  Clete slugged Lane. He couldn't hold him. He was incoherent and wild. He dropped him and grabbed Dutch. He was collapsing in near hysteria.

  "Easy. Easy. You were under attack and you weren't awake. Dutch, you weren't even fighting him."

  "I couldn't. I almost killed him in the first instant. I was afraid to. I was afraid I'd kill him. He couldn't have known what he was doing or I'd be dead. What happened, Clete? What did he mean?"

  "Come on. Let's get to neutral ground. I'm going to drop him in the pool. If he doesn't wake up, we'll have to pull him out. I'm going to hang onto him until he's coherent. I want you to help."

  "I can't. Clete, I nearly killed him."

  "YOU SAID THAT BEFORE!! NOW MOVE!!"

  Clete shook him. It was a very dangerous thing to do. Dutch was nearly as wild as Lane had been. He sighed in relief when the crazed look went out of his eyes and he nodded.

  "Good. 'She' can only be Sabbi. Let's find out what happened."

  "He thought I'd made a change, Clete. Made a decision that took her from him. He's still going to think that when he wakes up."

  "Did you?"

  "No. Nothing. I've been searching my mind for something I might have done subconsciously. There's nothing there. Except... "

  "Except what?"

  "The memory of mocking laughter."

  "Dutch, we've been attacked. Personally. And very badly injured. A healing trance won't cure this. Get in the pool. I'll drop him in and be right behind you."

  "I don't... All right. Do it."

  Dutch grabbed Lane and shoved him against the wall. The shock of the cold water brought him to. Clete jumped in and they held him as he started to fight.

  "Lane! He didn't do it! Dutch didn't do it! Dutch didn't change things! Easy. Easy. Now tell us. Tell us, Lane. Dutch didn't make a change. You said there was one. Tell us."

  "I... I woke up with my head spinning with change. Real deep change. I couldn't do anything but lay there and wait for it to clear. When it did, she was gone. My life with Sabbi was gone. No home. No love. Gone. I guess I went a little crazy."

  "No, you went a lot crazy. Do you remember trying to kill Dutch?"

  "I... No. Yes. I guess. I wanted him to change it back. To make him... bring her back."

  "Lane, I didn't make any changes. None. Not even subconsciously. You've been attacked. We've been attacked. What I felt in the forest. It has to be."

  "We've been hurt. Bad. Not just you. All of us. And it was set up well. Your long future memory came back just in time for your meeting with her. Just in time for you to see a future and have it ripped away. You nearly killed Dutch. He nearly killed you. The attack came close to completely destroying us. It nearly defeated us with one stroke. We were totally defenseless against it. We love her too. If she's gone from your life, she's gone from ours, Dutch's, mine and my son's. If one of you had killed the other, could that one have lived with it? Could I? It knocked us down, but we can get up."

  "You're right. Oh, Clete. Your son. I only saw my pain, my emptiness. I'm sorry. Dutch--"

  "You don't even need to say it. Let's get out of here. I'm shivering and I'm not even sure I'm cold."

  "Reaction. I'll get towels. Sorry about the punch, Lane. I couldn't think of anything else to do."

  "It's probably the only thing you could do. A week in a healing trance should make my jaw feel normal again."

  "Weak humor, but better. Here. Hand up. Towel. Dutch."

  "Thanks, Clete. I'm weak in the knees. They feel like jelly."

  "Let's go to the kitchen. I'm ordering cocoa with something in it for us all. I'm wobbly too. Adrenaline reaction. Things went crazy in a hurry. Come on, Lane."

  Clete and Dutch each put an arm around Lane and guided him to the kitchen. Clete got them both down at the table and fixed them a hot drink. Both were shivering. He put a bit of liqueur in the cocoa and sat down with them.

  "Drink. Let's talk. Something out there is out to get us. It made a change. I don't know if we can unmake it, but we can try."

  "No, Clete. I don't think we can. It changed something and I think we're stuck with it."

  "Why not, Lane? Why can't we change it?"

  "Because Sabbi's going to marry someone else. Elope. She's very sorry, but I was so romantic she thought she was in love with me. As soon as she met him, she realized she was wrong. Maybe that's true. Maybe she was always supposed to marry him and the real attack came when I fell in love with her. He's a nice guy. He'll make her a wonderful husband. A builder. Widower with two kids. Wants to build her dream for her. We'll see them again. Won't be long for us, but about twenty years for them. He'll build it. Clete, they offer to give your son a home."

  "No. We'll find another way. Tell them thanks for offering."

  "I will. Let's get this over with. I want it done. This round to the enemy. Score one zip."

  "Wrong, Lane. We're ahead on points. This just feels worse. It was a knockdown. Almost a knockout. It's the first round we've lost and it was a hit below the belt. We fight fair. We always will. It doesn't. Doesn't know how. Wouldn't want to. That's why it's the enemy."

  "You're right, Dutch. Definitely below the belt. At least we don't have to take turns in the swimming pool."

  Dutch and Clete laughed. Soon Lane joined in. It was weak and edged with hysteria, but it was laughter.

  "Now what? What did you mean you wanted to get it over with?"

  "I'm setting the coordinates to go back to see Sabbi, Dutch. Let her tell me goodby."

  "Lane, we could go back and get her right after we left her. Stop her from meeting him. Make a change."

  "No, Dutch, that would be using its methods. We don't do that. You don't do that. But thanks for offering. I'll survive. Like Clete, I'll have some wonderful memories. They aren't enough, but they're what I have. I'm going to set the coordinates. Clete, would you make us another drink and bring it to the living room? I don't feel much like sleeping."

  "Done. Go on, Dutch. Keep him company. He'll want to be alone later, but right now he needs us."

  Clete fixed more cocoa with the mint liqueur and carried it to the living room. They sat and watched the fire in silence until Lane went to dress. Clete decided he didn't want him going alone and Dutch agreed. They dressed and were waiting for him when he returned.

  "I want to go to the door alone, but I'd like you with me as far as the lift to her apartment. She's moving out. You'll meet him. He'll know who you are. Clete, he hurts for me, but he loves her. You'll feel it. Let's go."

  They walked with him as far as the building lobby and waited. A fellow carrying a chair came out of the lift Lane had taken up.

  "Hi, I'm Mike Renfield. Damn, this is awkward. Look, I... "

  "It's all right, Mike. We love her too. Take good care of her."

  "She's an impossible dream come true. I really do love her. You're Clete, right? I don't know how I could have gotten so lucky. She's right. I'd have known you guys anywher
e. Rose called you the three most beautiful men there are. Hair like that. She said the big strawberry blond was Clete. Lane was the one with hair like moonlight and Dutch's was of spun gold. Supposed to tell you Snow White will see you in her dreams, Dutch. I don't think she quite knows what Sabbi sees in a chubby fellow like me without enough hair to cover. Neither do I. I'm babbling. Sorry."

  "That's all right, Mike. We understand. Let me help you with that chair."

  "Nah, I'll get it. You wait for your brother. The chair doesn't need you."

  Dutch watched Mike struggle through the door with the chair, then turned back to the lift. They both knew Lane was coming down.

  "Lane was right, Clete, a nice guy."

  "And he does love her. Feels real... almost ashamed about hurting Lane."

  "Yes, and he'll be with her more than I would have been. Let's go."

  "You all right, Lane?"

  "No, Dutch, but I'll limp along. One more hurdle."

  "Lane, I'm sorry."

  "Yeah, Mike. I know. We'll stop by in about twenty years to look at how you make her dreams come true."

  "I'll do it, Lane. I really will. Oh, oh, here come the kids. Ice cream everywhere."

  "Here, take my handkerchief. We'll see you when you've built her dream. Good-by."

  "Good-by, Lane. I hope... Well, you know."

  "Yeah. I know."

  Lane shook his hand and they walked away from where he was laughing and wiping ice cream off the faces of two pretty little girls.

  "Take me to a bar. A loud, obnoxious, beer and whiskey bar. Several of them. Get me drunk and in a half dozen brawls. I promise I won't break anyone. No one will break me either. Unfortunately, that's already been done. I want a lady who's not one on each arm and one in my lap. I want to pass out sometime tomorrow and not dream. I want to wake up with such a bad hangover I can't think. Then I want to laugh at the thing that laughed at us. Dutch, I know where we're going. Adith. Pirates. Bad ones. Insane. The enemy is there. Got a strong hold on them."

  "Sounds like it needs to be changed. Let's do it."

  "I found a bar. A whole bunch of them. I can feel the wildness."

  "Lead on, Clete. The three Gallant boys are going to cut loose."

  "Done."