Dirty Halo

by Evie East

But that means…

  When I don’t say a word, Linus hurries on. “And I believe you have already met my stepson, Carter.” He gestures to my left. “He’s your stepbrother, now, I suppose.”

  My stepbrother.

  I try to nod, but I can’t. I’m paralyzed. Carter seems equally so, though I don’t dare look his direction.

  “The guards informed me you were both in Vasgaard when the extraction protocols went into effect.” Linus nods his approval. “I hope you had the chance to bond a bit, during your trip here.”

  Oh, we bonded all right.

  My head turns slowly to the left, dread saturating my every molecule. My eyes tangle with Carter’s as soon as I glance up. He’s guarded as ever — a locked box of emotion. The only clue he’s feeling anything at all is the rhythmic ticking of tension in his locked jaw, the tight clench of his hands into fists at his sides. Horror washes through me in a potent wave as I remember the feeling of those hands on my skin, not so very long ago.

  A dark backseat.

  A silent spark of desire.

  The ache between my thighs.

  The hardness beneath his seam.

  My near undoing.

  My new sibling.

  Nausea coursing through me, it takes all my composure to keep from vomiting on the carpet at my feet. I break eye contact with him, unable to meet his stare for another second. I’ve never been claustrophobic, but I suddenly feel as though the whole world might cave in around me.

  I have to get out of here.

  I have to run.

  Back to my life.

  Back to reality.

  Octavia and Linus have begun sniping at one another, but none of their words hold any real weight.

  “What would you suggest instead, Octavia?” Linus sighs. “I am too old to father children, and you’re too old to carry them.”

  “There are other ways!” Her voice is insistent. “A surrogate, or—”

  “No. If Henry doesn’t recover, the line of succession is clear. Emilia is the heir apparent.”

  I shake my head, rejecting those words, but he’s not even looking at me as he plots out my entire future — regardless of whether or not I want any part of his grand plans.

  “The people will be looking to the crown for strength, right now. We cannot afford to appear crippled by the loss of my brother. We need to give them something to hold onto. A new ruler to throw their support behind.” He nods to himself, eyes far-seeing. “They will rally behind her. The Lancaster line will be restored in the eyes of the world.”

  “Linus, I understand that, but she’s—” Octavia breaks off in distress. “This girl is…”

  I arch one brow, waiting.

  Octavia’s nose lifts haughtily. “She is in no way equipped to represent Germania on a grand-scale.”

  “Nevertheless, she must,” Linus counters. “And, someday, when I die, whether you like it or not, my dear… she will inherit. She will rule.”

  “Like hell I will,” I interject, finally finding my voice.

  Every head in the room turns in my direction. For a minute, no one says a word.

  “Excuse me?” the king growls.

  “I have no interest in…” I gesture vaguely at my surroundings. “Any of this. I don’t want your name or your birthright. I have no interest in becoming a… a…” I can’t bring myself to utter the word princess aloud. It’s far too absurd. “A Lancaster,” I finish lamely.

  “Your interest is irrelevant,” Linus thunders, rage clouding his expression. “This is your destiny. Your responsibility.”

  “You have the audacity to speak to me about responsibility?” I choke out. “That’s rich, considering you felt approximately zero responsibility for me until about three hours ago when, as far as I can tell, your precious monarchy suddenly found itself short a few viable heirs to the throne.”

  “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Linus looks like he’s about to blow a gasket. “Clearly, your upbringing has been sorely lacking in discipline, manners, and credible information. Don’t worry — we will strive to compensate for every gap in your education your mother did not see fit to fill.”

  I go stock still.

  Did he just say what I think he said?

  Leaning forward, I make sure to articulate clearly, so he can’t possibly dismiss my next words as an idle threat. “I don’t care who you are or what titles you go by. If you ever insult my mother or her parenting again, make no mistake — you will live to regret it.”

  All three guards step forward, hands on their holsters. Carter edges closer to me, worry in his eyes. For good reason. To insult the king is bad enough… but to openly threaten him?

  That’s courting treason.

  Octavia presses a hand to her heart, aghast at my impropriety. “You dare speak to your king in such a manner, girl?”

  “Oh, I dare,” I hiss, already moving toward the door. “Now, if we’re done here… I think I’ll get back to my life.”

  “You would turn your back on your crown?” Linus yells after me. “On your country?”

  “As far as I’m concerned, you can take your royal legacy and shove it up your ass.” With that, I dart out the archway, down the hallway, and through the front doors, into the night.

  * * *

  Forty minutes later, I’m still pissed off, but anger has taken a backseat to a more pressing sensation: cold. Shivering, I rub my bare arms with fingers that have long since gone numb. My knees bounce, a futile attempt to generate some much-needed body heat. It’s no use — I’m damn near hypothermic, every inch of exposed flesh covered in goosebumps.

  The stone bench I found in the side garden seemed like an ideal spot when I first stumbled upon it, steam still leaking from my ears after the scene inside. But now, after nearly an hour, my bones are aching, my lips have chapped, and each freezing gulp of air burns its way down my throat like fire. To top matters off, it begins to rain — a stinging, spitting drizzle that pelts my face and quickly soaks me to the bone.

  “Perfect,” I mutter to myself, watching my breath puff in a small cloud.

  It’s unseasonably chilly for October, even this high up in the mountains. I realize I’ll have to go back inside eventually — it’s that or freeze to death out here, seeing as my attempt to hijack a vehicle was unsuccessful. When I stormed out of the manor, I was greeted by the uncompromising stares of the same four bulky guards who grabbed me earlier — members of the elite King’s Guard, I realize now, tasked with protecting the Lancasters.

  Which, apparently, now means me.

  Emilia Victoria Lancaster.

  The Crown Princess of Germania, by blood and by right.

  I wince.

  Much as I’d like to pretend this is all one big cosmic joke, I know better. Linus — I can’t bring myself to call him anything else, even in my head — is deadly serious. He intends for me to be named publicly as the heir apparent. Acknowledged in front of the entire world as his child.

  How’s that for irony?

  I mean… it’s every bastard’s dream. Isn’t it? To be claimed. Legitimized. To have the parent who never wanted you sweep suddenly back into your life and tell you it was all a terrible mistake. That they’re sorry. That things will be different, from this point onward.

  Hell, it was my dream, once upon a time.

  But not anymore.

  Because I know now that dreams come with strings attached. As Mom used to say: when something seems too good to be true… that’s usually because it is.

  A shiver rattles my teeth. God, it’s freezing. The lure of warmth and shelter inside the manor is growing harder to resist, the longer I’m perched out here on this sodden bench. I wipe rain out of my eyes and glance longingly at the Lockwood Estate.

  Two of my guards stand in the shadow of the great house, silhouetted by the light pouring out the first story windows. Keeping watch on me, despite the steadily-increasing downpour. They haven’t tried to force me inside yet, but I know it’s on
ly a matter of time. They’re bound by oath to protect me — even from my own pigheaded decisions.

  “I have to say,” a wry voice comments from the shadows, scaring me half to death. “This isn’t the best plan I’ve ever seen.”

  Whipping my head around, I suck in a sharp breath when I see Carter standing there in the rain, his white dress shirt plastered against his muscular chest like a second skin. Sweet Christ. It should be criminal for someone to look that hot while sopping wet. Especially when that someone is your new stepbrother.

  “Wh-what?”

  “This.” He shrugs. “You, dying of exposure to avoid becoming the princess. It’ll work, sure, but I think there must be an easier way.”

  I try to laugh, but it comes out sounding suspiciously like a sob instead. “Right, well, let me know if you think of one, because I’ve been out here racking my brain and so far I’m coming up empty.”

  “I don’t know about you, but I brainstorm a hell of a lot more effectively when I’m warm. Dry. Preferably with a glass of bourbon in my hand.” He hesitates a beat, then takes a step forward and extends his hand. “Come on.”

  I don’t move except to tilt my head questioningly. “I thought you were supposed to be an asshole.”

  “I am.”

  “Could’ve fooled me. In my general experience, assholes don’t brave the elements to help some — what was it you called me, earlier?” My lips twist. “Oh, I remember. Some delusional, purple-haired pixie you barely know.”

  “Fine.” He snatches back his hand. “Forget it. Freeze to death, for all I care.”

  Grumbling to himself, he exits down one of the garden paths and disappears between two rose bushes in the space of a few strides. Before I have time to talk myself out of it, I’m on my feet, racing after him.

  “Wait!” I call breathlessly, nearly slipping on the slick stone path as I careen around a prickly shrub. “Wait, Carter I was just messing with— oomph!”

  I careen into his chest hard enough to knock the wind from my lungs. He grunts in pain, rocking backward to absorb the impact. His hands automatically close on my biceps, steadying me against him. My hands find his sides, clinging for purchase in the damp fabric of his shirt.

  “Christ!” he curses.

  “I’m sorry!” I gasp. “Really, I didn’t mean to—”

  “For such a tiny person, you cause a remarkable amount of fallout.”

  The apologetic words poised on my tongue never make it out. Instead, a burst of uncontrollable laughter bubbles up from my stomach and explodes out my mouth. Carter blinks down at me, his dark brows pulling together with concern. For some reason, that only makes me laugh harder.

  Deep down, I know nothing about this day is even remotely amusing. But right now, I feel delirious enough not to give a damn that I look like a crazy person, cackling in the rain.

  In my stepbrother’s arms.

  The ridiculous thought inspires a fresh fit of giggles. I try to stop, but I can’t. Tears of mirth — or are they real tears, after all? — mix with the rain on my face. Carter’s fingers flex against the flesh of my arms, but I barely feel it. I’m floating outside my body, lighter than air, lighter than wind, lighter than the weight of crushing responsibility on my shoulders. So light, I’d float away if he were to let me go — up, up, up to the stars where there are no words like birthright or destiny or succession to push me down.

  “Hey! Hey.” He gives me a light shake. “Emilia.”

  It’s the first time he’s ever used my name and it moves through me like a bolt of electricity. My laugher evaporates as suddenly as it appeared, leaving behind a hollow ache that would scare me, if I could feel anything at all.

  “Emilia?”

  “I’m okay,” I whisper in a voice I hardly recognize as my own. “I’ll be okay.”

  “God, your skin is like ice.” He rubs my arms. “We need to get you inside.”

  “I don’t want to go back in there, yet.”

  “Too fucking bad!”

  “Please,” I whisper. “Don’t make me go back in there. Please, Carter…”

  He sucks in a sharp breath. His eyes blaze in the darkness, thoughts I’m afraid to decipher swimming in their depths. And I know it’s wrong… but right now, I’m feeling weak enough that it doesn’t seem to matter. Winding my arms around his back, I lean into him and soak in his heat.

  His strength.

  He tenses, but I only hold him tighter — clinging like he’s my life-ring in rough waters, like he’s the only thing keeping my head above the waves of exhaustion crashing through my system.

  After a moment, I feel his chin come down to rest on the top of my head. After another, his arms slide cautiously around my back. He holds me like he’s out of practice — as though the simple act of an embrace is so far removed from his normal realm, he’s not sure how to proceed. I’d actually feel sorry for him, if I had a single ounce of emotion leftover to spare for anyone else.

  Absurd as it seems, for a long time we stand there in the pouring rain, arms wrapped around each other. It’s not sexual. It’s one human reaching out in need of comfort, another grabbing hold and offering it.

  Or maybe that’s just what I tell myself.

  I try not to think about the scent of his skin… the sound of his breaths over the patter of the rain… the contour of his chest muscles beneath my cheek… the fact that, if I turned my face up to his, our mouths would be only a few scant inches apart…

  Let go.

  Step back.

  Move away.

  I ignore my own advice far too easily. Sucking in a sharp breath, I tilt my head backward to look up at him. His eyes meet mine instantly — blue, blue, blue, and full of questions I can’t answer. From this close, I can make out the thin rings of navy around the edge of each iris.

  “Thank you,” I whisper, wishing my voice wasn’t trembling.

  He doesn’t respond — doesn’t react at all except to lift one hand and slowly push a plastered lock of hair out of my eyes. The rain continues to fall in a steady torrent, spattering both our faces. I stare at the droplets clinging to his lashes, watch how he winks them away like tears, and ignore the part of me that longs to taste them as they race down his cheeks.

  “Carter, I… I…”

  A low sound rattles in the back of his throat as he leans in, closing a tiny fraction of the space between us. For a single instant, I think he’s going to do something utterly reckless…

  Instead, he drops his arms and pulls away.

  “We should go,” he says flatly, shoving his hands into his pockets, looking anywhere but at me. “They’ll be looking for us.”

  “Right. Of course.” I clasp my pruned fingers tightly together as I turn my back to him, heading down the path that leads back to the house as fast as my legs can carry me.

  Ten minutes ago, I would’ve rather stayed out here all night than stepped foot in that manor again. Now, the Lockwood Estate looks pretty damn good, compared to the prospect of even one more minute spent bonding with my new brother.

  Chapter Six

  This house is haunted.

  If not by actual dead spirits, then by the ghostlike guards and service staff who move silently down its many halls, only the vaguest creak of floorboards giving away their presence. Maybe I’m being paranoid, but I can’t shake the sensation that there are eyes on me at any given moment.

  Watching.

  Waiting.

  As we stand in a semi-dark hallway upstairs, I shift anxiously from foot to foot while Carter roots through a linen closet in search of towels. My legs, still aching from our ascent up that endless grand staircase, drip steadily until a small puddle forms on the hardwood beneath my feet.

  “Here.”

  It’s the first world he’s spoken to me since our walk back from the gardens. It might as well be a scream in the eerily silent house. I shiver and glance around. There are too many rooms with locked doors, too many creeping shadows, too many strangers lurking just out
of sight.

  “Here,” Carter repeats impatiently, shaking the towel in his grip.

  I grab it and wrap the warm fabric around my waterlogged crop-top and skirt, which are clinging like a second skin. Carter retrieves a second towel for himself before kicking the linen closet closed. The bang of the door in its frame makes me jump about a foot in the air.

  “Relax,” he mutters, voice muffled by the towel as he pats his face dry. “By now, Octavia is riding the Ambien Express and, though Linus may be the king, the guy could sleep through a damned revolution. He wouldn’t wake up until they had him strapped down to the guillotine.”

  “That must’ve come in handy as a teenager, when you tried to sneak out of Hightower at night,” I murmur, wringing water out of my hair.

  His brows go up. “Never had to sneak. The Lancasters aren’t exactly proponents of hands-on parenting, as you’ll soon find out.”

  “Oh?” My numb fingers being to tingle as circulation returns. “You assume I’m staying.”

  “Aren’t you?”

  “Why would I?”

  He simply stares at me.

  “I can’t just snap my fingers and become… royal.” I wince at the word. “I don’t understand a damned thing about this life.”

  “Take it from someone who grew up living it — it’s mostly boring state dinners and the occasional ribbon cutting or charity event. Smile. Wave. Keep your mouth shut.” He shrugs. “Seems to me, they aren’t looking for you to be a leader. They need someone to prop up as evidence that the Lancaster line is alive and well, someone they can use to convince the public they’re unbroken by the loss of King Leopold and Queen Abigail.” His eyes narrow on mine. “Right now, you happen to be pretty much the only person left on the planet who can solve that particular problem. I don’t see them letting you walk away from that. Like it or not… you’re the vital pawn in this particular game of chess.”

  “You don’t think I know that?” I scoff angrily. “You don’t think I realize that the only reason I’m standing in this hallway talking to you right now is because they literally have no other options at their disposal?” My voice jumps an octave. “Don’t look now, they’ve dragged the illegitimate love child out of the shadows! Really scraping the bottom of the barrel, aren’t they!”