Volition_Noah & Tessa's Story

by Tina Maurine

  I felt like crying—and why? I just kept coming back to the same argument.

  I’ve only known him for two, TWO days. I mean, really, that’s all that counts. I got over our past long ago, and there is no future. Man, I’m such a dumbass. Why do I even care so much?

  It’s because you’re alone in Iceland. You don’t have Wes or Ari to talk to, and Sammie is on Cloud Nine and totally inaccessible. And Jeezus, Tessa… it’s ‘cause… well, FUCK, he’s the ONE! Who are you kidding… you’ve never gotten over him or THAT night, even after all this time.

  I felt a little guilty after everything I’d said. He was being so mature, unlike most guys who would’ve taken this opportunity to be rude. I squared my shoulders and bit my lip as I looked up, noticing his eyes were dark—haunted.

  “You know, you are so sexy when you do that thing with your lip.”

  “See? That. That, right there is why being just friends with you is hard. If you acted like just my bud all the time instead of throwing in comments like that…” I trailed off because I knew I sounded like a hypocrite.

  “Fuck, Tessa! I’ve said I’m sorry to you more in the past twenty-four hours than I have in some of my past relationships. I don’t get it. I’ve seen you with Ari and Sage and a bunch of other guys. If they had said that to you, you would’ve giggled and flirted back. So, what’s the fucking deal?”

  I ruminated in silence about what he’d just said. “You know, you’re right, Noah. I would’ve been that way, but this thing you and I have…” My voice trailed off. “For some reason, with you it’s harder.” I shrugged, now really punishing my lower lip.

  “Noah?” The tremor in my voice reminded me of a little girl who had just been scorned by her father.

  He looked at me with those intense indigo eyes of his, his hands crammed into his down-vest pockets as he sat slouched nearly to the edge of the food-court chair. He was the picture definition of conflict, like he had given up for good, awash in palpable dejection.

  “Noah?”

  “Yeah, what?”

  Brrr. Noah’s demeanor had turned icy cold. What exactly had I done? Damn it, I did want to be his friend—not just his friend—but I’d settle for that because he was genuinely an incredible guy. And really? Was I giving him this hard a time for wanting to be with the girl of his dreams and their daughter? For doing the right thing… Fuck, I was so dumb.

  I pushed back from the table, picked up our bags and stood beside him. He didn’t even look up at me. He just sat there sulking or in complete and total disgust, I couldn’t tell. Although, if I were a betting gal, I’d bet on the latter. I reached out my hand to him. It hung there in the air, denied. I squatted down beside his chair and placed my hands on his thigh. Finally, he looked at me.

  “You know why I am being such a bitch?”

  Noah cocked his head to the side a little, waiting to hear what I had to say.

  “You want to know the truth? It REALLY sucks that…” I just met you again, "…that we get along. Not just get along okay, but like, really, really well. And, shit… it just sucks that because you are the guy you are; a really good guy, you want to be with your daughter. It’s not fair.” I hovered on the verge of crying, and I could tell my rawness touched him.

  “Come on,” he commanded in a soft, sure voice. We stood up and he wrapped his arm around my petite waist, pretty much guiding me out of the mall to the bus. We walked in total silence. I stood before the door, quietly weeping as he retrieved the key from the tire. We were in luck; nobody else had made it back yet.

  We entered the bus, and Noah took the bags from me, tossing them aside. His hands went to remove my jacket, pausing on my shoulders briefly as though he were asking permission. He felt me give it, and he set to work peeling his Henley off and stripping me of my new violet tee.

  He locked the bus door and looked back at me, his eyes dark with raging desire. He approached me with the driven desire of Adam ready to devour the forbidden fruit. He wrapped his right arm around the small of my back and ran his left hand up my abdomen, between my breasts to my clavicle. His palm slowly slid up my neck to my jaw line, his thumb tipping my head back ever so slightly.

  “Tessa, life isn’t fair, but we met for a reason. We have the connection we do for a reason. I don’t believe in happenstance or coincidences.” He gently stroked my jaw as he held me on my toes, our bodies pressed tightly together. “God, you’re exquisite.”

  The intensity in his eyes penetrated straight through me, reaching that little spot in my brain called logic, and drugging it. I was under his spell; inured, completely hardened and broken, and I realized I wanted Noah to want me more than Vi. That’s what I really wanted; which, truth be told, probably became truer once he’d chosen her over me. He’d made that choice for both of us when he’d told me about her contacting him. He knew I couldn’t stand in his way; he’d constructed the roadblocks directly in front of us.

  So much for ‘our’ future.

  I managed barely a whisper, “I just want you to want me.”

  “Oh God, Tess I do want you!” He looked shocked that I was second-guessing his desire for me. “I want you more than you even know. I have wanted you since I…” He caught himself, clearing his throat uncomfortably. “Tessa, ever since I saw you at the commissary. Shit… ever since day one, when I saw you on patrol… I’ve wanted you since we danced two nights ago, and I let you leave a virtuous woman. Shit, Tess, you really have no idea?” His husky voice broke. “If there wasn’t Vi and Suri… Damn, there’s so much chemistry between us it unnerves me, and THAT doesn’t happen. Not to me.”

  At his disclosure, Noah’s lips careened into mine fully and with fervor. An honest, straightforward need I hadn’t felt in a long, long time welled up in me. His hand cupped the back of my head and guided the choreography of our kiss. The kiss was warm, full and ever so slightly wet. He pulled my tongue into his mouth, rough and wanton, his hand pulling me to him, grabbing my hip and ass. I definitely felt his desire for me. I felt… wanted, like the first time he’d taken me. The first time I’d been taken. This is what I need. His need for me made me feel brazen, shameless. My hands went down to release him from the confines of his jeans.

  A knock sounded at the door. As quickly as the fire between us ignited, the interruption smothered it.

  “Open the damn door. It’s cold out here!”

  Noah threw me my shirt and waited while I pulled it on. He adjusted himself and was still pulling his shirt on when he flipped the lock to reveal Sammie and Dirk, and behind them Kari and Dax. Sammie held up the line while she surmised what had been going on. The bags were tossed aside, my hair mussed, our coats thrown over the furniture and Noah was straightening himself. It wouldn’t have taken much to figure it out.

  “Well, well, well,” Sammie said as she pushed past me. “Saw you in the food court, but it looks like everybody’s made up!” She jabbed me with her elbow as she brushed past me and snickered. “Hooka.”

  I know it was all in good jest, but I grabbed a pillow off the couch and threw it at her head just for good measure. It clocked her squarely. She turned her head, smiled and winked as she pulled Dirk into the bunk room. Again.

  Kari and Dax went up to their room with their impressive quantity of bags, leaving just Noah and me again.

  Awkward!

  Noah dominated the small space we occupied; his energy demanded attention as he walked over to me. “Tessa. Tessa, look at me.” He placed his hands on my hips. “I just want you to know that you mean something to me. You already mean a lot, actually, and it’s intimidating, frustrating, and very, very sexy. I thought Vi was the only one for me, but now? Well, now I just don’t know. But I can tell you this, I do want you, and if they hadn’t turned up, I would’ve shown you just how badly.”

  “Hell, yeah! You want to ride her around the track like a purebred taking its victory lap!” Dirk laughed as he stepped down from the hallway into the kitchen.

  “Crap,” Noah muttered.
He turned and slugged Dirk in the shoulder.

  “No offense, Tessa!” Dirk muttered, rubbing his injury.

  “None taken,” I shook my head.

  The two of them traded insults all while pulling beers from the fridge and opening a round for all of us.

  “Hey, Tess?” Kari had followed Dirk into the galley. “Dax and I were thinking about hitting a market up for food and supplies, and then heading out of town for an Aurora Borealis bonfire and picnic. Are ya game? ‘Cause I just asked Sam, and she and Dickhead are.” Kari winked at me, knowing full well the response she’d get from me.

  I threw her the thumbs up sign.

  “Hey! I heard that. Who are you calling dickhead, Scary Kari?” Dirk demanded, laughing.

  “Oh, Burn!” Sammie arrived on the scene. “Kari, you gonna let Dickhead call you scary?” Rolling with laughter, she jumped up on Dirk, trying to bring him to the floor. Yup, Sammie’s not a girly girl by any stretch of the imagination.

  When Dax arrived, it must’ve looked like all hell had broken loose. I tapped the mouth of Noah’s beer with the bottom of mine, trying to get his to overflow, but he side-stepped me, and I ended up in the chair with him on top of me, tickling me relentlessly.

  “Hey y’all, pony up. We’re outta here.” Dax sure had a way with words. “Heya’ Suga’, help me outside?”

  He gave Kari what I considered a lewd look and an indiscreet roll of his hips; incredibly obvious with his invitation. Don’t get me wrong, I liked Dax well enough, but he definitely handled himself differently than Noah did, or even Dirk for that matter.

  To make an even stronger case against him, if that’s what I want to do, didn’t someone say he works with bonds and securities? So, he’s involved in the high-end business world of investments and banking? I’m saying I would’ve NEVER, EVER thought he’d be involved in all of that. He reminded me of a silver-haired, surfer-style Matthew McConaughey. He was every kind of oxymoron you could imagine, all rolled into one.

  18

  “Damn it! We forgot to buy the BBQ sauce.” Sammie pouted as she pulled the lamb ribs from the full-sized oven. They smelled amazing, but I wasn’t fond of lamb back in the States, and the idea of eating Icelandic sheep ribs didn’t appeal to me in the slightest. I had promised Noah I would at least try them when we all ran into the city supermarket and picked out dinner—lamb ribs, corn on the cob, a large French baguette, and a shit-ton of beer, but now I wasn’t so sure I could keep that promise. The thought of them quite frankly, made my stomach turn.

  “Here, babe. It was behind the case of beer,” Dirk said wrapping his arms around her waist and giving her a little squeeze before adding a swift smack on her ass. It was fun to see them getting along so well.

  “Are the ribs done? I need to get the garlic bread in.” I had prepped the baguette with no help from the guys. Noah and Dax had pretty much stayed outside since we’d pulled off and found a deserted spot on some side road in BFE. They had cleared an area for the bonfire, stacked and built the pit, put out chairs and gotten the fire going.

  Dax had insisted on stopping a second time at a hardware store, where he picked up three double-sized inflatable camp mattresses and six down-filled sleeping bags with accompanying fleece camp blankets. They had already inflated them in preparation for the northern lights show we all planned to enjoy later.

  Make no mistake, it’s NOT like it was already summer. We were smack dab in the middle of the sub-arctic spring, which only lasted April and May. This meant we were lucky if it would warm up tomorrow to forty-five degrees Fahrenheit, after hovering right around freezing tonight.

  Any way you slice the cake, it was gonna be fun in spite of the cold temperatures. Besides, I do have Noah to keep me warm tonight. A smile spread across my face, thinking back to our kiss and his confession that he felt the same chemistry between us that I did.

  “That look you’re wearing suits you,” Noah commented, having caught a glimpse of the smile I couldn’t seem to hide, thanks to him, and had been wearing off and on for most of the evening.

  “Thanks. Yours looks good on you too.” We weren’t like the other couples, all grab-assy and cuddly, but we were finding our groove. It was starting to feel like there was potential for friends-with-benefits; that way, I didn’t have to lose him completely to Vi, and still got him as a friend, one who also satisfied my carnal desires. BINGO! It was kind of like I got my cake and could eat some of Vi’s too. The wicked side of me really liked this aspect of the Noah and me that we were becoming.

  Dax busted in the door with as much enthusiasm as he always did. I was beginning to wonder if he ever did anything small. Don’t they have a saying about everything being bigger in Texas? Kari had confirmed, with a mischievous wink, when I’d asked her earlier, that at least that particular saying IS true.

  “Bonfire’s roaring and ready,” he announced.

  “Good, cuz the ribs are done,” Sammy stated.

  “I checked, and she’s right,” Dirk seconded, earning himself a female kick to his ankle.

  I had already pulled the bread out and sliced it into chunks. “We were just waiting on the cobs to cook,” I announced. Glancing at the timer, I saw we had just under three minutes left. I glanced at my watch—holy crap, it read 2135, and I was starving. I hadn’t eaten at the food court, nor had I really snacked. I had, however, consumed five or six beers on an empty stomach. Let’s say I seriously wanted to chow down.

  Everyone bustled around, getting their jackets on and bundling up. The guys had already put some beers outside to get cold.

  It didn’t take long before we all sat around the fire, scarfing down some gigantic portions. Thankfully, I was drunk enough that all I wanted to do was sober up, or I doubt I would’ve had more than just a tiny bite of those ribs. They were, after all, baby sheep ribs. Yuck and fucking serious yuck, but the food helped, and I felt like a new woman by the time my plate was empty. I even had an appetite for more beer!

  The conversation through dinner and after remained jovial and light. Everyone had a great time teasing one another good humoredly. Nobody took themselves too seriously. The weather also cooperated, and we only felt the occasional breeze, which, between the alcohol I’d consumed, and the fire burning so hot, felt amazing.

  Noah leaned over from behind me. “Hey. I cannot get our kiss out of my mind,” he quietly confessed in my ear. His hot breath burned my neck. I wasn’t sure if it was the memory of that kiss, the anticipation for the next, or the feel of his lips so close to my neck, but my nipples instantly drew taut, and I got goosebumps all over my arms. I shivered ever so slightly.

  “You’re cold?”

  “Nope. Actually warm. It’s just a side effect of what you do to me.” I turned my head, poised so that our lips lingered a hair-breadth from each other. Our bodies weren’t touching, but he still had a way of lighting me on fire just by being so close to me.

  “Yeah? Well, want to feel what side affects you have on me?” Noah ever so slightly shifted his gaze down to his pants and by turning, I could see, even in the dim firelight, that the front of his jeans had drawn tight.

  “You’re awful,” I blurted with a laugh.

  I was going to say more, but Kari started in. “Alright, let’s get this party started! Let’s play a round of Bullshit.”

  “Aw, come on, Suga’,” Dax said, nuzzling her neck. “We could go snuggle instead.” He was doing his best to dissuade Kari from partying. He hadn’t realized he didn’t stand a chance.

  “Alright.” Noah’s voice startled me. “How do you play?”

  I turned back to look at him, and he flashed me one of his million dollar smiles as Kari began…

  “Well, everyone has to have a full beer. Someone starts with a sentence about their past. The next person tries to add a true sentence about their past that creates a storyline. If it’s too outlandish, someone can call ‘bullshit’. If you tried to sneak a lie in—you drink; otherwise they have to.”

  Noah raised
an eyebrow, “Alright. Who goes first?”

  “I can start. I just figured we go around the circle… me, Dax, Sammie, Dirk, you and Tessa?”

  He shrugged noncommittally and turned toward me, lifting his cold beer in a silent toast. I provocatively winked and took a long draw from my own drink. I hated these games, but really, what the fuck else was there to do?

  Kari began. “When I was a kid, I played ball with the neighborhood boys.”

  Dax started laughing, “Yeah, I bet you did!” She glared at him before he took his turn.

  “I played football in the Bayou Swamp Division.” I looked at Dax and found it believable enough.

  Sammie added, “I loved to play in the dirt; I hated acting all girly and shit.”

  This time, Dirk chimed in… “Fuck, Sammie, you don’t say?” He drunkenly elbowed her—as if to say Hubba Hubba. We all laughed.

  “I loved to play dirty with all the neighborhood girls.”

  “Ewwww, Dirk!” Sammie looked appalled, “You sound like a pervert!”

  “What? I did!”

  This really got us rolling, we couldn’t stop laughing. He was drunk, so we let it slide.

  I looked at Noah. He seemed to be lost somewhere in his head before he volunteered his line in a monotone, deadpan voice; “I played a lot with Lisa until she…,” he paused. Everyone but me figured he was trying to come up with a lie. I wasn’t convinced. He cleared his throat and took a swig from his beer. “I played a lot with Lisa until she went missing.”

  Wait, what? Lisa? WHO the fuck is Lisa?

  I’d been studying Noah, but couldn’t tell by his face if he’d fed us a line. Everyone else, except Dirk, who was focused at that moment on studying the label on his beer, chorused ‘Bullshit’!

  Noah’s eyes met mine and held them for an intense second before he looked away, held up his beer in a toast and took a long, cleansing pull from it.