by M Dauphin
Her laugh is like a blanket, warming even the coldest parts of my heart that turned off years ago. I want to be wrapped in it, in her, every single fucking day.
“You did, actually. Last week on the stairs. The black eye, split lip, there were more marks but most of them have faded my now. Plus, the tattoos kind of hide the bruising.” She says as if it’s the most normal thing in the world to walk around proudly with bruises. It isn’t normal, can’t she see that? There’s nothing normal about wanting to get beaten down.
The day she was talking about was the day that I met her on the stairs as I was leaving for Philly with Tatum. I remember her hood being up, her being short with me. I remember seeing the bruises and thinking that someone roughed her up, but really it was all because of her job. Her job?!
“That’s fucked up, Red. Ever heard of counseling.” I spit out, anger now coursing through me because she lets this happen to her, just like my mom let it happen to her when I was a kid.
“Excuse me? What the hell does that mean?” She stands, her body tensing at my suggestion that she was crazy. Well, she had to be if she was letting people wail on her, right?
“I mean...that’s not a normal job for a girl like you.”
“A girl like me? Please, tell me Eddie...what type of girl am I?” She crosses her arms and cocks her head at me.
Fuck, I want to tell her she was the type of girl I want to fuck the rest of my life, but even thinking it made me mad at myself. I want to tell her she’s the type of girl that belongs at home, taking care of my kids, but that thought made me even madder. Every time I thought about what type of girl she was, I came up with some dumb ass answer. I don’t know her, I fucked her once, and now I am stuck on her. What the hell is wrong with me?
“Nothing, nevermind.” Rubbing my hands over my face, this is not how tonight was supposed to go.
“Great. If that’s all, I have company,” she hisses and opens the door, slamming it behind her.
Fuck!
I grab my phone, dialing up Tatum.
“Savage,” he moans into the receiver.
“The fuck goin’ on over there?” I laugh.
“Ah...uh. No. Nothing.” Someone said something as the speaker gets muffled, then he comes back. “What?” he snaps.
“Need work dude. Something heavy,” I beg. Maybe if I could get out of town for a bit I’d be able to get her out of my mind.
“Right. Got it, check your e-mail. He snaps then hangs up, in a hurry to get back to whatever it was he was up to when I called.
I pull up the screen immediately and see my travel plans. Vegas, nice. Who cares why I was going there or what I’d be doing. I’m getting out, getting away from the one thing that could make me break all of my rules, and I am leaving in three hours.
Time to get myself back.
Chapter 21
Gwynn
I walk back into my apartment, wishing that Jase would be gone so I can go back to my Netflix marathon. Unfortunately, he is sitting on my couch looking more pissed than before.
“Hey,” I say as I walk to the kitchen to grab a beer. I don’t want to have a fight with him, but I can’t exactly tell him he needs to leave either. Even if he is pissed at me for an unknown reason, and I was pissed at him for being a douche, I still enjoy having him here as company.
He makes some sort of snorting noise from the couch and I look over. He is shaking his head, wringing his hands together and mumbling something I can’t quite understand. I take his mild meltdown in my living room as a time to reflect on our friendship. Jase was there for me when no one else was. He helped bring me out of the depression that was setting in after my dad died. He took my job that I had lined up at the grade school so that I wouldn’t get a bad rep in case I ever wanted to go back to teaching. He was always there for me, even when he did have girlfriends. I never shared much with Jase about my sexual encounters, and I haven’t had a steady boyfriend since college so he’s never really known what goes on in that part of my world. It’s unfair now that I think about it, that he shares everything with me but I don’t do the same, but I always felt weird telling him about that stuff. Even now with Eddie, there’s no way I would tell Jase about the maddening sex we had yesterday, or the fact that I’ve never met anyone that has captured my mind like Eddie does. I guess a part of me has always thought Jase had a crush on me so I didn’t want to hurt him with details he didn’t need to worry about.
I walk over to the couch, watching him calm himself down before he speaks. I know this Jase. This is the angry Jase, the one that beat up Mike Hawthorn our sophomore year of college because he made a move on me when I was drunk. This is the Jase that called my mom to come to stay with me after my dad died because I had threatened to kill myself just so I could be with him again. This was determined Jase. Only thing is, though, is I don’t know what he’s so determined about this time.
“What’s wrong, Jase?” I ask quietly, sitting on the couch next to him. He takes a breath in, holding it for a second before letting it out.
“Everything, Gwynnie. Everything is wrong.” He shakes his head and sits back on the couch, rubbing his hands over his face as he lays his head on the back of the couch.
“I don’t understand. I thought you were just upset about your breakup. She was a bitch, Jase. I’m sorry that you didn’t see it, but you are better off without her.” I tried to be as honest as I could when it came to his relationships, I didn’t want to see him go through what he went through a few years back.
“Don’t you think I fucking know that? This has nothing to do with that whore.” He groaned and turned to look at me.
“I love you, Gwynnie.” His hands find mine on my lap and holds them there as he gazes into my eyes.
Jase is a very attractive guy, and if I hadn’t friend-zoned him so long ago he may have had a shot with me. Now, though, I’m too scared to do anything with him, but the feeling that he wants more from me is really fricking strong tonight.
“I know crazy...I love you too,” I say smiling.
“No, Gwynn. Listen to me. I- FUCK.” He stands and starts pacing the floor. “I fucking love you. Not some cutesy ‘be my best friend’ love either. LOVE love. I love you like a man loves a woman he wants to be with forever, but you don’t FUCKING see it. All these years together and you have been so blind to me, ignore me anytime another man comes along, and you have been pushing me away ever since this Eddie character came in the picture.” He groans and keeps pacing, his hands are on top of his head now as he walks my apartment like a beast on the prowl.
“Uh...well. I had no clue, Jase.” Lies.
“Fuck that, you knew. How could you not know? I’d drop anything to be with you, but you just....you don’t get it!”
He’s right, I don’t get it. I don’t want to be with him, I don’t want to fuck him, I don’t want any of that. I want a friendship with him and that’s it.
“Jase, I’m sorry. I can’t-. ...We can’t...stop pacing and look at me!” He doesn’t stop, he just keeps pacing, walking. I sigh and stand up, stepping in his way so he has to stop pacing.
“Move, Gwynn.” He tries to step around me but I move in his way. “I said MOVE!” He shoves me aside but I see it coming and brace myself. I don’t budge, there’s no use in him fighting me.
“Stop fucking pacing my apartment like a caged animal and look at me Jase,” I hiss at him.
He finally looks up at me. It’s sad, but I expected to see hurt, sadness, and pain in his eyes. All I see are two bloodshot eyes full of anger and resentment.
“What, Gwynn. Or should I say ‘Red’. What do you need to say?” The nickname sounds so hot, so wonderful coming out of Eddie’s mouth. It sounds just plain stupid when Jase says it, though, and it pisses me off that he just used it.
“Jase...this. This can’t happen. I do love you, but I love you like a brother. God that sounds awful, but it’s true. I can’t love you like that. I’m sorry...I truly am.” I say, not letting the tears th
at are fighting to break free roll down my face. I’ve never had to break up with someone before, but this feels like a breakup to me, and it really fucking hurts.
“So that’s it then? I don’t even get a chance? You gonna run across the hall to your fuckbuddy when I leave?” His voice is different when he speaks, cold almost.
“You know that’s not the case, Jase. I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want you to leave. I want you in my life still, but the jealousy has to stop!”
“It’ll never stop, Gwynnie. No one is good enough for you.” He leans in and kisses me, surprising me, and in a quick movement I pull back and slap him. His head jerks from the force of my slap. He brings his hand up to his cheek, not turning back to look at me. I can tell where my hand hit him, God I hit him hard. My hand is still stinging from that.
“Sorry..just..you shouldn’t have done that Jase.” I say quietly. Sure, I feel bad for slapping him, but he shouldn’t have kissed me. There is no excuse for that.
“Right then. I see where I stand, Gwynn. This...” he motions between the two of us. “This was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.”
Defeated and angry he walks towards the door. Before leaving he turns to me.
“Watch your back out there Gwynn. There are some unstable people in this world.”
“Why does that sound like a threat, Jase?” I ask nervously, knowing just how unstable Jase use to be before he met me.
“Not a threat, doll. Just the truth. It’s a cruel world out there,” he replies, opening the door to leave.
Without turning around, he walks out of my apartment, and out of my life.
Chapter 22
Eddie
I hear her door slam while I’m waiting for Tatum to pick me up. Whatever it is we are doing in Vegas, he has been very secretive about it, just telling me I shouldn’t need that much of my work stuff to bring along. I can’t help but wonder if this is a surprise wedding, and he and Molly are finally going to jump in head first. The two of them are so fucking hot for each other it’s borderline annoying. I’m happy for him, but seriously.
I hear footsteps start on the stairs and decide I feel like playing a little game before leaving. Opening my door, making certain that he hears me, I walk across the small, dim hallway between our rooms and knock on her door.
“Red?” I call anxiously. The green monster of jealousy is praying that the douchebag on the stairs hears everything. I haven’t heard the door shut yet so I know he’s still here.
She comes to the door, eyes wet with tears, trying to wipe the remaining ones from her face. She sniffles the cutest fucking sniffle I’ve ever heard, and everything in me wants to pound the living daylights out of her “best friend”. When she looks at me, her eyes are still glistening. Even puffy red eyes, swollen from crying, she is the most goddamned beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
“Hey.” I forget about my plan to be as loud as possible, and quietly take her in my arms. “What’s wrong, baby?” Why did I call her that? Instinct, that’s what it is. Instinct, telling me to pull her to me, to soothe her, to make her happy. All because every second I have to watch her fall apart is another second that my heart breaks for her.
“Nothing..it’s stupid.” She sniffles into my shirt and tucks her head into my chest. “Just...stupid.”
I hold onto her, her head still tucked under my chin, and gently walk her back into her apartment and close the door. I’m pretty sure her friend is still on the stairs, and I suddenly don’t want an audience.
“Red, talk to me. I have to go soon, but I’m not leaving if you aren’t okay.” I’m not either. Tatum can find someone else to do his work, if work is even what this trip is for. Fuck, if it isn’t work I’m not sure of anyone else he would want to be there for him on his big day. Shit, she needs to open up soon.
For the longest time she doesn’t talk and I’m starting to get worried that I would have to leave before I find out what was wrong with her. Eventually she calms herself, still holding on to me as we stand just inside her apartment. She pulls her head back, wipes her tears away, and glances up at me.
“Jase loves me,” she whispered. I closed my eyes, taking a nice long breath to cool the sudden jolt of anger and jealousy that was raging through me. I didn’t want a girlfriend, I didn’t want anything long term or lovey-dovey shit. I didn’t.
But now I do.
“Okay,” I responded, trying to sound unaffected by the world shattering words that just came out of her mouth.
“He..uh. Kissed me.” She looks ashamed, sad, and little bit angry too. God I love watching her face, dissecting her emotions. If only I wasn’t fuming from what she just told me, I’d be able to enjoy watching her much more now.
“Okay.” One word answers are all I can do right now.
“I hit him.” She smiles after she says it, and I want to jump for fucking joy. She fucking hit him, that’s my girl! I can’t help but smile and laugh some of the tension off. The thought of her hitting him keeps playing in my mind, and it’s the best fucking thing ever. She hit him! She doesn’t want him, which means there’s a good chance wants me still! The realization hits me that I’m about to break one of my biggest rules with her, but I can’t find enough fucks to give at this point. This girl, this amazing girl, has completely thawed my heart and stolen it all for herself.
“So, are you going to say anything else than ‘okay’ tonight? Because as much as I love the company, I had a Walking Dead marathon I was in the middle of.” She jokes, but I can tell she’s waiting for a response.
“Come with me, Red,” I say as calmly as I can, even though I am so nervous I think it came out a shout. I don’t know why I did it. Spontaneity had never been my strong suit, but it don’t feel right leaving without her, even if the whole reason for me leaving originally was to get away from her. Amazing how fast things can change.
She looks at me with her scrunched up eyebrows.
“Where are you going?” She asks like she was actually considering it.
She can’t say yes, she has work and shit to take care of and I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. She will have to find someone to water the flowers she has growing in her windowsill, she’ll have to find someone to cover her shifts at the bar. It isn’t something that she can just drop, she has responsibilities here.
That’s the good thing with having this apartment, though. My mail slides through a slot in my door so I don’t have to have anyone collect it while I’m gone. No pets, no plants, ac set to automatic. This place can, and has, set empty for weeks without any negative side effects.
“Vegas.”
The words I just spoke to her haven’t registered yet, I don’t think, because she’s staring at me like I have two dicks or something. Fuck, why am I so nervous? As blank faced as she’s been staring at me, she opens her mouth to speak then stops. Considering something, she tries again, this time words come out.
“You know, what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas.” She looks at me like I am the crazy one between the two of us.
“What?” I let out a nervous laugh.
“Herpes happens in Vegas.” She says, as straight faced as she could. The shock that she went there makes me bust out in laughter, and I see her trying to keep her poker face while I am completely losing it in front of her.
“That’s your fucking answer, Red?! Are you serious?!” Why this is so funny to me I have no clue, but when she cracks and her grin slips through everything in me calms and appreciates the beauty in the small things. Her grin, the way her hair does whatever the hell lit wants to and she doesn’t care. Hell even the way she picks at the bottom of her shirt when she’s thinking is fucking amazing. Everything about this girl is screaming at me to run, but I can’t now if I tried. Rules have been broken and I don’t care anymore.
“No. I just had to tell you, in case you decided to bring any home with you.” She smiles again and I am insanely nervous that meant she was going to say no to my offer.
“Right, so...an answer? The car will be here soon to get me...or us?” Why am I so nervous? I should have never even invited her, but I couldn’t stand the thought of being without her. Shit, something is terribly wrong with this but I can’t stop it if I wanted to. Which I don’t.
She looks at me for a moment, biting her lip and playing with the hem of her shirt more. Without speaking, she walks over to where her phone is plugged in and types out a few texts.
“Just let me grab a bag.” She smiles at me and runs to her room, throwing things in a bag, as I stand alone in the front of her apartment, completely stunned. Completely excited. And insanely scared for what this meant.
I grab my phone from my pocket, texting Tatum that I would have a partner for the trip. I never thought that having someone come along with me could be an issue, even though most of the stuff we do can, and has, put us in pretty dangerous situations.
ME: Dude, bringing someone. Cool for this job?
SAVAGE: No biggie. Car’s waiting btw.
A man of very little words, but that’s all I need to know. Whatever we would be doing in Vegas isn’t going to be dangerous, awesome. I wait incredibly impatiently as she throws some clothes in a bag and gets ready to leave. I hope she doesn’t get in trouble with the bar, but from the vibe I got the other night she pretty much runs ship there.
After what seems like hours of waiting, even though it was only about ten minutes, we are out her door and into my apartment to grab my things before heading down to the car. He sent a fucking limo, typical Savage style, overspending on every little detail.
I chuckle to myself as Red’s eyes grow wide and she turns to smile at me.
“Thank you,” she whispers before kissing me and ducking into the limo. Her shorts rode up her legs as she climbed in, giving me a much better view of more of her ink. Images swirled around her firm thighs, colors twisted together and snuck under the black fabric of her shorts, making me want to explore every single inch of her. Already having to adjust myself before I even get in the limo, I pull my thoughts from the only place they want to be. Christ this is going to be a long flight.
