Illicit

by Jordan Silver

  He reached me in a few strides and just stood looking down at me for the longest time without saying a word.

  “Behave.”

  He turned and walked away again; behave? That’s it? He leaves for days and then returns only to wipe some lipstick from my lips and tell me to behave? I wish someone would tell me what the heck was going on.

  In the meantime I was fighting my traitorous body and its needs. It was all I could do not to touch myself right there in the hallway of the local high school.

  Just what in the hell has happened to me in this place anyway? My body as once again on fire, and the need was strong enough to make me whimper softly in my throat as I fixed myself.

  His annoying sister came around the corner just then, took one look at my lipstick-smeared mouth and shook her head.

  “You are so screwed.”

  Well crap, I couldn’t even begin to imagine what the pixie meant by that.

  ***

  I didn’t see him again for the rest of the day, and the school was abuzz with this morning’s theatrics.

  I spent more time hiding out in the bathroom to avoid knowing looks and leers from some of the guys, than I did in class. At lunch I hid out on a bench outside and ate my sandwich alone.

  Was he mad at me now? He’d looked so formidable, and why did that make my heart race and other parts of me tingle?

  I never thought myself to be one of those girls into the dominant type. It was like mom had said. I was more the bookworm, nerdy kind of guy type.

  With him, I didn’t feel like I had a choice. It was as though whatever will be, had already been decided. Had I not met him in my dreams, I’m sure I would still feel this longing for him.

  Then again, I got the feeling that what I wanted wouldn’t have mattered, that in this equation, it was all about Mr. Azarov’s needs.

  He was calling the shots so far, though I wasn’t sure just how long I could put up with things the way they are.

  There was just something so...overpowering about the way he did things. Unlike anyone else I’d ever met. It was almost addicting in a way, each encounter left me wanting more.

  I could still feel the pressure of his hands as he’d pushed me and held me against the wall.

  I ran my finger gently across my lips where his hand had been. This is nuts, something has to give soon, or I’m gonna lose what little mind I have left. And these feelings he’d awakened in me weren’t helping either.

  The marks he’d left on my body the night before ached and throbbed, but not in a real painful way. More like a prelude of something to come.

  He now consumed my every thought. Whatever, whoever he is, he had now firmly entrenched himself into my psyche. I felt at one with him, which is strange, because I don’t even know him.

  After lunch I drifted through the rest of my classes, my mind barely hanging onto anything that was being said.

  I spent more time gazing out of the window than actually paying attention. There was something I was missing, and it had to do with this place. Did it also involve him? How could it not?

  Something pulled at me as I recalled the counselor’s words that first day. I’d forgotten all about that and the fact that I had wanted to ask dad about it.

  Just thinking about it now made me feel odd, kind of jumpy and cold. Outside the window I could see that dark cloud again and for some reason I felt as thought it was watching me.

  Really cracking up here Jazz, clouds don’t have eyes. I felt a chill go down my spine though as I looked back at this one and the feeling of being watched intensified.

  I didn’t see him for the rest of the day, but I felt him there with me. It wasn’t the same, not by a long shot and I was determined that that too will have to change, soon.

  Chapter 9

  For two days he followed me home from school; there were no words exchanged between us; just looks, and the usual brush of something soft against my neck, when I even so much as whispered his name.

  The nights were torture, my dreams seemed to be taking on a life of their own, and I found myself growing closer and closer to him in my dreams as the nights wore on.

  It was there that he owned me completely, there where he weaved his spell in the dark recesses of my dreams.

  He hadn’t said a word about the beach outing outside of that first dream, and I didn’t bring it up, suffice it to say I knew it was not to be repeated.

  All of this, and yet we’d yet to have a conversation. It’s by far the weirdest experience of my life, and I’ve done plenty weird.

  Last night’s dream though, had been the worst, or the best depending on how you look at it. He’d come to me, touched me as if I would break, but still he wouldn’t kiss me, even though I yearned for it.

  He touched me deeper than all the other times before, his hands roaming all over my body as he took me places I’d never dreamed of.

  He sucked and bit me in the way that I knew would leave those little passion marks, only this time instead of my neck, they were all over my breasts and my tummy.

  One was dangerously close to my secret places. And that one caused my body to release its essence, which was embarrassing because I’m sure he saw it pouring out of me.

  “Please Thorn...” I tried once more to bring his mouth to mine after my body had cooled down a little, but he pulled away again.

  “When I kiss you for the first time Milaya moya, I want you fully awake to enjoy.”

  “But how can you be here, how can you be so real in my dream? This is a dream isn’t it?

  “Soon you’ll understand, for now just sleep, I’m here.” He licked the flesh of my neck and pulled me tighter into his hard chest.

  Then he did that thing he does to my neck that makes me lose consciousness once.

  ***

  In the morning, I awoke feeling, well rested, refreshed and...confused? I could still smell him.

  It was as if his scent had permeated my skin somehow. The smell made me light headed and tingly, especially between my thighs and my nipples.

  I was almost afraid to wash because I didn’t want it to go away. In the end I gave in and took a shower and washed my hair, but was pleasantly surprised to find that his scent was still there.

  “You look flushed Jazz you sure you feeling okay? You’re not coming down with something are you?”

  Dad looked at me with a worried frown as I sat at the breakfast table. I ducked my head quickly so he couldn’t read anything on my face.

  I’m sure it was all written there for the world to see. Not to mention the fact that I had a new little gift from last night hidden beneath my ear.

  It wasn’t as easy to find that one, but some compulsion had led me to run my fingers over the spot and I knew it was there, because of the way my body reacted when the tip of my finger grazed it.

  “I’m fine dad, I think I made my shower a little too hot this morning that’s all.”

  He seemed happy enough with that answer and changed the subject to school and how I was fitting in.

  I tried to relax as I sat there, but the whole time I kept expecting him to say ‘what’s that smell’? He never said a word about it though, and I was soon out the door, sweaty palms, racing heart and all.

  I caught a few glimpses of him that day, but there was no contact. It left me feeling empty and sad. Why was he toying with me?

  How could he leave me in such a state of confusion and go about his business as if he hadn’t disrupted my very existence?

  Even his sister seemed to be keeping her distance, and I even missed her weird little interludes. Somehow they made me feel closer to him.

  I was getting just a little ticked off by end of day Wednesday. I’m not usually the most assertive being on the planet, but somehow I felt like I needed to take a stand.

  He was toying with me somehow and I didn’t like it one bit. I refuse to be a pushover any longer. With that thought set firmly in my mind I decided I was going to put him and everything to do with him out of
my mind.

  I had a quiet evening home alone while dad worked the overnight shift. I was too mad to pay much attention to the moaning of the house or the wind in the trees outside.

  Every time I was tempted to go look out the window to see if he was there, I’d occupy myself with something else.

  I might be a novice when it comes to matters of the heart, but I knew that this constant turmoil couldn’t be good for me.

  If he were truly interested he would’ve said something by now wouldn’t he? And what did I have to go on so far anyway?

  A cryptic phone-call, a few run-ins in the hallway at school and him following me home to make sure I was safe? What did all of that really tell me anyway?

  I still had no answers when I headed up to bed that night. I was almost tempted to stay awake so that he wouldn’t follow me into my dreams, but that was easier said than done.

  The lure was too great; if I could only feel his touch, his nearness in my dreams, then I was willing to settle for that, for one last night at least.

  He was there almost as soon as I had fallen asleep. Tonight things were a little different though. He laid down beside me, drawing me into his arms, holding me close so I could feel the beat of his heart.

  “My little Jazzy.” Something opened inside me then, but just as I reached for it, it closed.

  “Kiss me Thorn.” I don’t know where I got the nerve to say that, but it’s almost as if I had a point to prove.

  When he avoided my mouth and instead kissed just the corners of my lips, I tried to stifle the disappointment that rose up inside me.

  I couldn’t quite hold back the tears though, or maybe he was just so in tuned with me somehow that he sensed them in the dark.

  “No Lyubov moya, don’t.” He kissed my tears away, licking them with his tongue, before drawing me in closer and covering my head with his hand as he held it against his chest. “It’s going to be okay baby, just give me some time.”

  I didn’t answer him, just enjoyed what I knew would be the last time I’d ever be held this closely in his arms. I couldn’t go on like this; my heart couldn’t take it.

  ***

  Thursday morning I awoke with a new purpose. I wasn't going to spend one more moment thinking about him.

  I wasn't going to look for him in the halls, or keep my ears pricked for the merest mention of his name, or his whereabouts, like a lovesick little puppy; no more.

  Whatever strange thing was going on here I was no longer willing to play, that one could drop off the edge of a cliff for all I care.

  And I wasn’t going to moon over him anymore either. “And stay out of my dreams from now on.” I said that last out loud for good measure.

  It felt great to reassert myself, if only in my own head. Mr. Azarov has taken up way too much of my time in the sparse two weeks since I’ve been here.

  He hasn’t said anything to me about an us, just hard looks and once yesterday in the cafeteria he’d pointed a finger at me and motioned to another table when Mark had leaned in a little too close, to whisper something in my ear.

  It hadn’t even occurred to me to disobey him. I’d just taken my tray with my salad and an apple, and slithered to the designated table with my head down.

  What the others thought of my strange behavior I didn't know; hopefully they’d put it down to the awkwardness of my being new here.

  I've been back to my uniform of jeans and T-shirts with Chucks since Anna’s experiment hadn’t gone over so well.

  I guess that was the right course of action, since I haven't received any more glares thus far, but then again I might change that as well.

  After all, I was putting the erstwhile Mr. Azarov behind me and moving on; so what I wore, or did not wear should be of no concern to him.

  I wasn’t brave enough to risk it in the end when I got dressed this morning though, and played it safe, one thing at a time.

  By first period I was feeling the effects of being caught in one of Havenhurst’ incessant drizzles one time too many.

  My throat was inflamed and scratchy, and there seemed to be two people playing ping- pong in my head.

  In short, I felt awful, but the thought of getting back into my old clunker and going back to an empty house was about as appealing as asparagus for breakfast.

  By the end of the second period I was sure that death was only a stone's throw away and I was more than willing to welcome it.

  In between classes I decided to rest against a cool wall, out of the way of traffic. With my eyes closed and head thrown back, I let my body sag.

  I don’t think I’d ever felt this horrid before in my life. Maybe I should try to make it to the nurse’s station, but I didn’t have the strength, just the thought of moving made the ache worst.

  I’d started my downward slide when I felt cool hands against my neck. Opening my now feverish eyes I couldn’t withhold the weak smile that spread across my face at the sight of his beautiful one.

  He felt my forehead, with a worried look on his face all the while, before drawing me in close.

  His lips against my fevered brow felt like heaven, and shattered my resolve.

  And when he pulled me in tight against his hard chest I wanted to cry. No one had ever shown me such kindness with just a touch.

  My eyes flew open when he picked me up in his arms like a baby. “Thorn?’ For an answer I received another kiss, this one to my hair, as he walked around the corner and down the hallway, where there were a few stragglers rushing to the next class, and out the door.

  I didn’t even think to ask where we were heading I didn’t care. In his arms I felt safe and cared for.

  I was almost asleep with my head on his shoulder when I opened my eyes in the nurse's office.

  My beautiful man-boy didn’t ask any questions, just went right in and gave the nurse a nod before laying me down on the little cot they kept there.

  I'm not sure what he said to the matronly older woman, but she was soon at my side with juice and pills.

  I happily swallowed past the torture in my throat, while Thorn stood back against one wall, arms folded like a sentinel looking on as if to make sure she did everything just right.

  Her soft motherly hands in my hair, brushing it back from my forehead was almost too much.

  "You’ll be fine in no time Jasmine, just rest here for a little while; this delightful young man has assured me that he’s taking care of everything."

  That was news to me, but I didn’t let on to not knowing what she was talking about.

  I must've dozed off, because it was maybe half an hour later that I woke up to find Thorn sitting next to me, while the nurse bustled about outside the room.

  My throat, though a tad better, was still on fire and I'd upgraded to hell warmed over in the feelings stakes.

  As soon as he realized my eyes were open he placed his hand once more against my forehead. "Come."

  He picked me up and held me close to his chest, as once again we were in motion.

  He said thanks to the nurse who seemed about ready to genuflect, and I noticed two things at once; one, he had the most amazing voice I've ever heard.

  A slight accent that I couldn't quite place but if I had to take a guess I'd say Russian or Eastern European. And two, he had a strange affect on the female of the species, even the older ones apparently.

  He held me up between him and what I barely had time to notice was his car as he unlocked the door and sat me inside. "Where...?"

  "Ssh..." Another kiss to my brow and I was seat belted in, chair reclined and he was on his way to the other side.

  As sick as I was my heart was still doing its crazy dance, and my pulse was off the charts; how could it not be?

  This was the first time I'd been in the presence of my beautiful boy for more than a nanosecond outside of a dream.

  Maybe that was a good thing, because, if my heart acted this way from his mere presence alone, who knows what would happen if we actually had a conversation, the p
oor thing might jump right out and do a happy dance.

  As it was, I was happy enough to lie there and watch him from beneath slitted lids.

  He turned the key in the ignition, looked over his shoulder and then did something that was sure to send me into cardiac shock! He took my hand in his.

  Why I found that to be the sexiest thing I'd ever experienced who knows, but for my young inexperienced soul it was.

  I found it passing strange that only this morning I'd reserved to end whatever little...whatever this was, only to be thwarted by my own body's weakness.

  He didn't just hold my hand either, no, he held my hand, there's a difference. He wrapped his larger one around my seemingly very tiny one, sharing his warmth with me.

  But it was the way he held it, like he'd never let go; I think I just might cry after all.

  I felt safe and warm in his presence, and his scent did something strange to my senses. It was the same scent that now clung to me, but from the source it was much more potent and heady.

  I actually found myself sniffing him on the sly and damn if he didn’t turn those predatory orbs on me and smile. Like he knew exactly what I was up to.

  Lifting our joined hands he placed his lips across my knuckles and that’s all she wrote.

  My young system went into overload as my heart pounded, my pulse raced and something deep inside me opened like a blossoming petal.

  I wanted to ask him if he too was experiencing this attack on the senses, but thought better of it, why would he? He could probably have any female he desired, there’s no way he would be mooning over a little pale faced nobody like me.

  He squeezed my hand just as that painful thought clenched my heart and again I caught that slight shake of his head, just before I felt nothing but calm and peace.

  I dozed off again and only woke when I felt the shift in the engine that said we were coming to a stop.

  We pulled up to my house and I was surprised to see my dad's truck parked there, he wasn't due home for quite some time yet.