See Me

by Higgins, Wendy

  “Oh.” Based on that heavy explanation, I decided to take it easy. I would choose one gift for tomorrow night and hope he would accept it. Bringing the whole bin of gifts would probably freak him out. Like I was handing over the pink slip to my soul or something.

  “Okay, well, where should we go?” I asked.

  He thought about it. “There’s a place I go to be alone.” Again he spoke to me in the bashful tone that reminded me he wasn’t accustomed to sharing anything about himself. It made me feel all mushy in a special way. I tried to concentrate on his directions. “If ye follow the edge of the east forest ye’ll come to a hill with a single tree—” He scratched his chin. “I suppose ‘tis better if we walk there together so’s ye don’t get lost.”

  “We could meet at the edge of the forest,” I suggested.

  “Aye. That’ll do. After supper when night falls and most everyone’s off to bunk. The moon should be light enough.”

  “Sounds perfect. It’s a date.”

  “A date,” he repeated. He emphasized the “t” sound and I giggled, which made him smile and shift self-consciously. I touched his hand on the ground beside me and his finger lifted to catch my pinky. He held it for a moment and gave me a warm look. My knees felt shaky when we both stood and began walking downstream toward the others.

  Cassidy was on Rock’s back as he swam. The others were throwing each other around and playing rough. I had no idea where they got their energy. When one of the little guys came up out of the water he had dripping cloth in his hand, which he threw ashore. The others laughed and followed suit.

  “Is that…?” I began.

  McKale nodded. “The britches are comin’ off.”

  That was my cue to leave. “All right, Cass. Let’s go. It’s getting dark.” And the Clour are getting naked.

  She gave the whine like a little kid, trudging out of the water toward us.

  “Bye everyone,” I said, waving. “It was nice to meet you guys.”

  A pair of wet pants splatted at my feet and they all roared with amusement.

  “Can we get a hug?” Blackie shouted, starting to stand.

  I held a palm out to block the sight of him and keep him at bay. “Maybe next time. Y’all just stay where you are. We’ll see you later.” I smiled and waved good-bye as the boys blew kisses and other nonsense.

  “Til the morrow, Cassie-lassie,” Rock said from the water. He threw his soaked pants at Cass, but she dodged them with a squeal and waved sweetly.

  “Til then!” She spun and took my hand, whispering under her breath, “Oh my gosh, the Clour are so cute. We need to, like, bring all our friends here!”

  I grinned at the thought, and we followed McKale into the darkened path of trees, happy.

  THERE WAS NOTHING QUITE like sitting in a little tub with a single, thin stream of water to use for a shower. It took about a million years to wash my hair.

  “Are you coming to dinner?” Cassidy called through the cloth drape.

  “I don’t think so,” I hollered. “I’m going on a date with McKale tonight and I have to get ready. Will you tell Mom and Dad for me?”

  “Ooh-la-la, a date. Wowee. Are you going to eat anything? Besides McKale’s luscious little Leprechaun lips?”

  I laughed through a nervous shiver. “I don’t think I’ll have time to eat.” Plus, I was sort of running on adrenaline.

  “All right. Well, I want every detail when you get in tonight. And don’t use up all the water.”

  “Yeah, yeah.”

  I pushed the little valve to shut off the stream and squeezed out my hair. Then I maneuvered myself to the edge of the tub so I could shave using the water that was already in there. Man, that was some nasty looking water. How’d I get so dirty? It was mostly my feet. I was once again thankful not to be the person in charge of waste management.

  It felt good to be clean and to dry off with a towel from my suitcase. There wasn’t much I could do to my hair other than brush it and scrunch it with some light gel. I didn’t bother with make-up, except a swipe of color high across my cheekbones and some sparkly lip-gloss. I put on my khaki skirt and a purple tank top with pink lace around the edges. I felt like being feminine tonight.

  After slipping on my flip-flops I opened the door to peek out. The sun began to set in soft colors, and people were already filtering away from the eating area. Closing the door, I pulled out McKale’s bin from the corner of the room and opened it, taking out the black and white soccer ball.

  A little one-on-one match with him sounded fun. I smiled, pacing the room with the ball on my hip. This was boring. I couldn’t wait any longer. I wanted to get there first anyway.

  I walked a large arc around the clearing so nobody would see me, passing through the field of grass the Clour had come through. It was also the home of the Fae portal, which gave me the creeps, even though it was invisible. Jogging the rest of the way, I made quick time to the east edge of the forest without anyone noticing me. I walked into the woods, sitting against a tree far enough so I could see out, but nobody would see me in the darkness.

  My legs stung like they were on fire. First from the marks that Cassidy had given me during the game, and second from the slap of sharp blades of grass as I’d run though the field. I blew on the front of my calves, feeling tingly. The tingle increased, moving to my chest, and I became still. Someone was using magic. I scanned the field and all around me, but didn’t see anything. Maybe one of the Clourichaun were playing around in the near vicinity, changing size or something. I shook off the chill.

  Ten or fifteen minutes passed before I saw a tall figure stride into the grasses. I sucked in my bottom lip and sat up straight to watch him. He hadn’t noticed me in the trees. When he got to the middle of the field, another low-grade fizzle of magic touched me. McKale stopped and I knew he’d felt it, too.

  The next few seconds was like something from a horror flick—one made personally for me. A stronger burn blew across my skin. Ten feet away from McKale a tiny shimmer of black cracked the air and Khalistah, AKA Freaky Fae Girl, climbed out like a mystical flower blooming from the air. My entire body stilled with fear. McKale peered over his shoulder, back toward the village, looking for me or any witnesses, I realized. But when she glided toward him, platinum hair dragging the grass behind her, gown flowing like a storybook cover, his concern seemed to drift away and he was lost to everything but her.

  She was breathtaking, yes, and I loathed her to the core of my being. The FFG linked her frail arm through the crook of his strong one, causing him to seize up and breathe heavier. She smiled and motioned toward the forest. The two of them walked into the trees, not fifteen feet away from me. I was too horrified to move. They spoke openly, and I could hear them from where I sat.

  “I was hoping you would pass through tonight, McKale of the Chaun. Are you heading to your tree on the hill? Shall I escort you there?”

  “Eh, no. Just… an evening stroll but I should head back soon. ‘Tis been a long day. We can speak here for a moment if it suits you.”

  “The view here suits me fine.” Her silky voice turned my stomach. When she reached up and ran her tiny hand along the side of his face, I heard him inhale. She tilted her head to the side and gazed up at him. He leaned into her hand with a slight moan from his chest.

  I clamped my teeth together, feeling way more than pissed. I was livid on several accounts. First, the fact that she had to sneak over to “slum” it with the guy her people had chosen for me. Second, the fact that he was so affected by her charms. And third, the cruelty of chance that I’d have to sit here and watch it.

  She removed her hand from his face and he shuddered before standing tall again, blinking as if waking from a dream. He shot a glance toward the field then back at the Fae girl.

  “Khalistah,” McKale said in a soft voice. “We… we cannot do this. Ye must realize as I do that this cannot work. It has never been our fate. Especially now.”

  “Why ever not? Because of your b
etrothed?” Her last word snaked out like a whip. “You’ve never before seemed bothered by our differences. Have you grown to care for her so quickly?”

  “She is kind.” He turned his face away from her when he said it, but she took his far cheek and slowly turned it back to face herself, jolting him. He seemed to melt closer to her.

  “Do not forget the one who has been kind to you all your life.”

  She ran her thumb across his lips and it took all my will-power not to stand and yell—to force her hands off him. My mother’s words about the wrath of a Fae rang through me.

  “Aye, ye have been good to me,” McKale whispered, and his hands slipped around her waist. “But my… my clan…” His hands began to roam up and down her sides and he closed the gap between them. The corner of FFG’s lips turned up. McKale’s face lowered to her cheek and he brushed his lips across her jaw. He moaned, forgetting what he’d been saying. She continued the conversation while his lips played across her magical skin.

  “We can make this work, McKale of the Chaun.”

  “Aye,” he murmured.

  “We will find a way to ensure your clan’s survival. Do not give yourself to the human yet. She could never dream of understanding you as I do. She—”

  Another zap of magic buzzed through the air. Khalistah broke from McKale and looked toward the portal. It appeared as empty air to me.

  “The Gatekeeper sends warning. I must return. Until then, please accept this token.”

  She pulled something shiny from her bodice—a golden talisman on a chain. McKale stared at her offering, dazed, making no move to take it.

  “My love?” she said, her words stabbing my gut.

  “Wait, I…” He blinked rapidly. “It is too much.”

  Don’t take it! I silently begged.

  She grasped his wrist and dropped the gift into his hand, curling his fingers around it. He closed his eyes.

  “To remember me when we are not together.”

  He nodded once, almost imperceptibly, and then she ghosted into the field, disappearing into nothingness.

  McKale leaned back against a tree, appearing dazed for a minute, and then he walked to the edge of the woods and peered again at the village. Looking for me? When he didn’t see anything, he opened his hand and stared down at the gift he’d accepted. He sat hard on the ground, leaning his head back on a tree and shutting his eyes. I couldn’t move, and it hurt to watch as he let his head roll forward. He propped his elbows on his knees and scrubbed his hands up and down his face, letting out a sound of frustration.

  I wanted to go to him. But when I got there I wasn’t sure if I’d want to comfort him or kick him in the head. I couldn’t get the tender images from my mind.

  I didn’t want to hang out in the dark forest all night. Who knew how long he’d sit there waiting for me. I wasn’t in the mood anymore after witnessing that sultry-eyed encounter. All I wanted now was to be alone. I stood up, tall and straight, holding the ball against my stomach with both hands draped over it. Then I walked out of the trees into the field.

  “Robyn?” McKale called out, sounding unsure and confused. “Bloody ‘ell.” I heard him shuffle to his feet, and I walked even faster.

  “Robyn wait!”

  I did not want to look back. But I did.

  He was standing stiff, appearing stricken as he realized I must’ve seen the whole thing. He started to make his way to me, but I shook my head.

  “Don’t.” My voice was thick. “Please, McKale. I can’t talk right now.”

  He stopped abruptly, as if I’d kicked him in the stomach. Facing forward again, I jogged the rest of the way back to my room.

  THANKFULLY CASSIDY WAS NOT in the room when I came storming in. I didn’t want to talk. I was afraid I might cry, and that, above all, irritated the hell out of me. It was hard to see the positive in this situation. Even if he did like me, they had a history and she obviously had her mind set on him. All she had to do was touch him and he forgot me and everything else.

  This dangerous little game was not a fair match. More like David and Goliath, only in this case Goliath was a small girl with big magic that could definitely kick my butt. Did I have anything in my faintly-magical human arsenal to use as a pebble and slingshot against her?

  The only thing that came to mind was the fact that I could give him babies and she couldn’t, but I would never use that. I wanted him to want me, as a person, not just my Leprechaun-growing hotel.

  I lit the gas lamp. Then I tore open the lid to McKale’s bin and shoved the soccer ball inside, slamming the lid shut again. Do not forget the one who has been kind to you all your life. Well, I’d dedicated my whole life to him too, and I hadn’t even known him! I kicked the bin of proof. I was the person her people had hand-picked to bind with him. Why was she interfering?

  I changed into pajamas and threw my clothes as hard as I could around the room. It was immature, but it felt good.

  By the time I climbed into bed and settled down, I was ready to talk to Cassidy, but she still hadn’t come back. I waited for her, running through the scene over and over in my mind. The way McKale touched her with tender familiarity and succumbed so easily to her will. Her words—telling him to stay away from me.

  Geez, where was Cassidy?

  I shut off the lamp. Darkness fit the mood. I must have waited for my sister a very long time because I fell asleep. I was startled awake by a shuffle and thump, followed by a loud whisper of, “Shitballs!” I sat up and fumbled for the gas lamp, finding and lighting it.

  Whoa. Cassidy was a hot mess. Her clothes appeared damp and wrinkled. A lumpy pony-bun sat askew on top of her head.

  “What are your clothes doing everywhere?” she asked. “I tripped over them.”

  “The Freaky Fae Girl came out of the portal and ruined my date.”

  “Shut up! What happened?” She came over and sank into the bed at my side while I told her everything.

  After she’d called the FFG every bad name in the book, and then some creative names she’d made up on the fly, I felt the tiniest measure better.

  “Why don’t you just give him the presents and show him the video so he’ll know how you really feel?”

  My insides seized up at the idea of making myself vulnerable in that way. She may as well have asked why I didn’t dance a naked jig for him on one of the tables. Sure, he might like it, but then again he might think I’m a desperate fool.

  When McKale explained his clan’s feelings on the importance of gifts, he had really nailed how I felt about the bin. Giving him those presents was going to be like giving him a piece of myself. I wouldn’t force my gifts on him like the FFG had done to him tonight. And I couldn’t handle it if we weren’t both honored in full by the giving and receiving of each heartfelt item.

  “I can’t,” I told her. “Not right now.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. He doesn’t deserve it after kissing the enemy.”

  “He can’t help it. She makes him lose his mind.”

  “Then why are you mad at him?”

  “I don’t know.” I was shaking. “I guess I just want him to be strong enough that she won’t affect him, but I know that’s not fair. I’ve never felt this… this…” I searched for the right word.

  “Vulnerable? Threatened?”

  “Yes…” But I was feeling so much more than those two words.

  “What else?” she asked. She scratched my back and I tried to relax.

  “I don’t know. I just, I’m starting to care about him, you know?”

  “Are you scared he’s gonna break your heart?”

  “Maybe. I mean, I don’t think he would on purpose, but if she keeps coming after him…”

  We hadn’t even kissed, and seeing him touch another girl tonight, regardless of the circumstances, burned me up inside with hurt and jealousy. On top of that I was scared for my family. I felt powerless.

  “Let’s just take it day by day, ‘kay?” Cass asked.

  I almo
st grinned at her wisdom, but my face was not up for it. Instead I whispered, “Okay.”

  I almost asked Cassidy what in the world she was doing out so late, but then decided I didn’t want to know. At least not tonight.

  She hugged me, smelling like fresh mud and other stream life.

  “You can have first dibs on the bathtub tomorrow, chickadee,” I told her.

  “You sayin’ I stink?”

  “To high Heaven.”

  She stood up and dropped her shorts on the floor with mine then climbed into her bed with the smelly shirt still on.

  “Oh well,” she said. “Night.”

  She sounded a little sad, but she was probably just tired and worried about me. I wished her goodnight and blew out the flame.

  That evening I dreamed the FFG was luring McKale into the portal. I was running through the high grass, trying to get to him, but my movements were slow. Too slow. He followed her in, and the portal hung open, gaping. The two of them stood in the black hole, like a set of jaws ready to devour. I could see him, falling to his knees at her service. I screamed his name over and over, but he would not look away from her. She, however, looked right at me. And smiled.

  The next week was awful and the weather didn’t help. It rained almost every day.

  Mornings were spent with Leilah and Rachelle doing chore duties. If it wasn’t raining too hard Cassidy joined us. I’d really gotten the hang of it all, and some of the older women now acknowledged me and spoke to me in the kitchens. One even made an apron my size.

  My favorite job was collecting eggs early in the morning. It was neat to stick my hand into the beds of straw in the hen house, wondering if my fingers would encounter a smooth shell.

  McKale and I hadn’t spoken. Not really. When my parents invited him to eat meals with us I greeted him and kept my face expressionless. I had to look at him, otherwise my parents would get suspicious, but the moment his eyes began to plead with mine, I looked away. I was torn between being wary of getting closer to him, and wishing he would seek me out and bare his soul. This inner turmoil made me grumpy.